I’m Not Afraid of 40, But My Big Soft Muffins Are.

Yesterday, I woke up looking like this:
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Double Eye Infection.
It sucked. I cried.
Because yesterday was the day before I turned 39 and 2 days before I celebrate my last year in my 30′s with friends at a piano bar somewhere in Orange County. And who wants to look like that when they’re Drunk Dancing next to a piano while some dude plays a bad cover of Don’t Stop Believing?
No one. That’s who.
Today, my eyes are slightly less swollen, my throat isn’t as sore and I have not cried once.
Today isn’t for crying. Today is for reflecting.
Reflecting upon the 38th year of my life.
Turns out, Year 38 was the best year of my adult life.
Nothing extraordinary happened.
But it was extraordinary.
It was a year full of small victories, both physical and emotional, that helped shape a Better Me.
A happier, healthier, stronger, more content Me.
It was the year I stopped hating my body because I was too busy loving my life.
38 was so good to me in so many ways, for so many reasons.
I got to spend time in the city I love the most, New York City.
.Having fun in Central Park.
Twice. And the second time, I got to ride to Central Park in a pedicab driven by Mario.
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I reunited with friends from high school, 3 of them whose friendship saved me from feeling totally alone during the hardest years of my life. I went to my 20th high school reunion where I was stalked by an old class mate. I ran my first (treadmill) 5K. I bought and wore my first dress in many,many years.

I had lunch with Tony Hawk.

I hugged Erik Estrada.

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I reconnected with dear, old friends and made new ones that have brought so much laughter (and Stella Rosa) into my life.
I Owned My Sexy. Oh, yes I did.
I got a promotion. I cut bangs. I had Hot Soapy Naked fun in Vegas.
I got my medical problems under control. I lost more weight. I gained more confidence.
I watched my daughter blossom in kindergarten, make new friends, learn to read. I watched my son win a drum contest, crush his opponents on the basketball court and receive numerous academic and social awards. I watched my oldest take his senior portraits and began his last year in high school.
I fell in love with dancing and I danced so hard, more than I’ve ever danced in my entire life.
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Tomorrow night I plan on spending the evening dancing, surrounded by people whom I love. I started to panic a bit yesterday, because people started sending me the all too familiar “sorry, I won’t be able to make it after all” messages. But then I talked to Lena and she said “it doesn’t matter if it’s just me and you and your sister, we’re going to have so much fun.”
Oh, that Lena. She’s always right. Tomorrow is going to be so great.
But first, I have to get through today. The first day of my 39th year. I welcome it with open arms. And quite possibly, a drink in my hand.
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38 thoughts on “I’m Not Afraid of 40, But My Big Soft Muffins Are.

  1. WitWitWoo

    Hi! I came across your site via Twitter (how did we survive without Twitter?!)
    As a woman approaching 40 (in, erm, 20 days precisely) I just wanted to say I loved this post. Sometimes it’s hard to be positive about impending ‘old age’, especially when you feel so young inside – so it’s good to just reflect on what the year has brought, good and bad, and just ‘be.’
    So … many happy returns, from one young woman to another!

  2. Suzy Q

    Happy Birthday, Yvonne! You HAVE had a fantastic year, and I wish you many blessings.
    (Also, I wish you satisfying revenge on the person who stole your blog post.)

  3. Angella

    Happy birthday, beautiful!! I hope your celebration is fantastic, and that this coming year is even better than this past one. Love you, lady.

  4. Margie K

    Happy Birthday, Y!
    You don’t know me, but I love you and love your blog. :)
    I remember celebrating my 38th, proud that I’d gotten through some rough times. Yes, the “big” ones that end in zero seem to catch everyone’s attention, but sometimes it’s the other birthdays that are rife with accomplishments and events to celebrate.
    No matter what, birthdays are always worth celebrating. I hope you have a blast!
    Margie K

  5. Hol

    Happy Birthday Y! I hope your day and this next year are fabulous, just like you! I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts and seeing all of your beautiful photographs. You my dear are talented!
    P.S. I join you in the B-day club tomorrow. ;)

  6. Michelle

    Happy Birthday
    I don’t comment often, but I’m also turning 39 this year as well, and not really enjoying it.
    I love your blog and I think that you’re doing an amazing job with your health.
    All the best
    Michelle

  7. Denise

    Yay, Y! I’m so glad you had such a great year, and to see how much you appreciate that. I’ve enjoyed reading about it here on your blog. That last pic of you is great! My best friend went to a piano bar for her 36th bday this year and she loved it! I hope you do, too.
    Don’t get annoyed with me for pointing this out (it sounds nitpicky), but you’ve already completed your 39th year of life. When you turn 39, that means you’re done with 39 years and you’re starting your 40th year of life. Anyway, take that with a grain of salt, my point is I hope you have a great birthday and another great year!

  8. Amy

    Your poor eyes might look bad, but your muffins look mahhvelous ;^) Enjoy your night out, and happy birthday!!!

  9. Jessie S.

    I don’t post very often, but I wanted to wish you a very happy birthday! Have a great time tonight! I think you look absolutely beautiful (especially love the last picture).

  10. girlplease

    You look happy and awesome. You are an inspiration. I”m at where you were many moons ago. It’s not fun. I’ll get there but just not yet and it sucks.

  11. Lauren

    Happy birthday! I read you all the time but never post….but I couldn’t pass up a chance to wish you a happy birthday. I hope next year is even better for you than the last year!

  12. Megan

    Happy Birthday!
    I just wanted you to know how your attitude has helped me. In one of your posts, you wrote about how you had started running on the treadmill again and how you were determined to do it for your health and to not worry about what other people were thinking about you. I am 38 and that post made me realize that I was sick of not doing things because of what other people think. So signed up for a race and started trying to run (something I’ve always wanted to do). I finally am at the point where I can run a mile and I can tell that my heart is happy about it.
    I am healthier because of you.

  13. Roxanna

    Happy Birthday!! You are someone that I whose blog I absolutely adore, and I have a feeling that if we met in real life we’d have a blast together!
    Love 39!!

  14. Lea

    Happy Birthday! Have a great one! I turn 40 in March and it’s not bothering me. Not as bad as 30 did. 30 devastated me. It only gets better from here out girl!

  15. Wendy

    Happy Happy Birthday to you Yvonne!
    You are such an incredible mom, wonderful and warm and funny and sweet. Your children are so lucky to have you and each story you share of them clearly shows what caring and loving parents you and your husband are. Hooray for embracing yourself..hooray for moving forward and leaving your doubts and insecurities behind in the dust. You are a fabulous role-model to all of us out here and thank you so much for sharing your world with us! You really are beautiful Y!!

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