The Dress (That Makes My Husband Horny. But This Isn’t About That.)

This weekend I had to do some shopping.
For clothes.
More specifically, for a dress.
Here’s the thing. I hate shopping for clothes. Mostly because of my size. But also the shape of my body.
Everything is large and sags and the roll of fat on the right size of my waist is much bigger than the one on my left and it annoys the ever living piss out of me.
When I am forced to buy new clothes, I really try to focus on the progress I’ve made. I focus on the fact that I can now buy size 16 jeans instead of size 22 jeans. I focus on the fact that I can buy Regular ol’ Large instead of X-large in shirts. I try NOT to focus on the extra 50 pounds still clinging to my body. I try not to focus on the lumps and rolls.
But dress shopping is different.
I can’t cover the (uneven) belly rolls. I can’t hide my Shelf Ass. I can’t hide the back of my leg, just above the knee area, that is so lumpy and unattractive.
That is why I don’t buy dresses. No matter how cute. No matter how much I want to wear them. I just don’t.
Except this weekend, I bought a dress.
A fitted dress. That shows my arms. And my (uneven) belly rolls. And my Shelf Ass. And the back of my leg, just above my knee area. It shows it all.
And then some.
And by “some” I mean “my boobs.”
I actually bought this dress
I almost didn’t buy it. But I posted it on twitter and everyone was like “you look great! Buy it!” And I chose to believe them because my friends are honest and I don’t think they’d want me going to a party looking like a Lumpy Asshole.
Speaking of assholes… my boobs. I will be wearing a cami, so, fear not! There will be no wardrobe malfunctions! (Unless, I drink too much wine. Then I’ll probably want to go to the bathroom and take the cami off because “I just want to be freeeee!” What I’m trying to say is DON’T LET ME DRINK TOO MUCH WINE, HOUSTON.)
I’m feeling insecure about wearing the dress. I can’t lie.
But here’s the thing (that I just decided.)
Life is too short to NOT wear pretty dresses.
So, I’m going to squeeze all 194 pounds of me into that dress, put on a pair of hot shoes (that I bought at Target. For less than $25) and enjoy the hell out of that party.
Oh, yes I am.

79 thoughts on “The Dress (That Makes My Husband Horny. But This Isn’t About That.)

  1. mr lady

    I think you look CLASSY and SOPHISTICATED. Elegant, indeed.
    (Friday night, a shot or two in, that will change to ‘I’d hit it’, but the husband doesn’t need to hear that)

  2. Nancy P

    You look awesome! Aaaand here come the tears. Your posts are so raw and honest and out there and I so look up to you. I just hope you never stop writing and being such an inspiration. You just don’t know.
    Go to Houston in your pretty dress and fancy shoes and have the time of your life!

  3. Della

    You really do.
    I’m about 40 (maybe 50) lbs above my goal weight, and I’ll tell you, I really feel you on this one. My loving and dear husband, when I asked for some new long sleeved tshirts for Christmas (meaning like the “adult large” unisex style ones), went to GAP and shopped the clearance rack and bought me four of the clingiest cotton girl-tees i’ve ever owned. they schlooop right next to my skin and reveal every bump and lump i have. I feel so ugly and exposed in them.
    But can it really be worse than wearing a large or extra large unisex tshirt?
    I’m glad you posted this, because regardless of the fact that you’re 50 lbs over your goal weight, you DO look attractive in this dress. I may be inspired, given the guts to expose myself too.
    (PS that was not a reference to your magnificent cleavage. just to clarify.)

  4. Jennifer

    It really does look wonderful. I am shaped very similarly to you, only I am still a little over 200 and I am short. So, yeah, not as well-shaped as you are. :) But I find I get the most compliments (from men and women) when I am in a dress that is fitted but not tight. I have to dress up a lot for my job, so I tend to wear wrap dresses and styles similar to this one you bought. When I wear dresses that are too long, it does nothing for me. Anyways, yay for looking great in a dress!

  5. Andrea

    You look fabulous! Good for you on so many levels–good for you for dress shopping despite hating it, for showing us how fab you look via photo, and for embracing yourself as you are, right now. You go girl!!

  6. Amy

    Yvonne – I can see why this dress makes Tony horny. You’re ALL woman, baby! You look sexy as hell in that dress. All I see is delicious, soft sexiness!
    I just re-read this comment and have to add: I’m not coming on to you, I swear. :-) It’s a great dress for a great girl.

  7. leti

    I am delurking to say:
    Damn girl! You look goooood!
    Thank you for sharing all of your struggles and victories. You really inspire me to let go of the “number” and be grateful for health, happiness, and progress no matter how little.
    *hugs*

  8. Laura

    You look hot! Isn’t it amazing how the FIT of an article of clothing makes such a difference? I don’t do a lot of shopping and have never really had too many “fit” issues, but every once in a while I am reminded about how important fit/the make of a garment is. And, as you saw, it isn’t always the more expensive items that have the best fit.

  9. Lurkergirl

    Y, that dress is smokin’!! You look really great and I’d forget the cami too–just get some doublesided dress tape to keep “the girls” covered.

  10. Lynn

    You. Look. Awesome.
    Just wanted to tell you that you are inspiration. I watched the Oprah thing. About the belly fat and diabetes. And I’m going to try to get my waist down, too! I’ve had 3 out of 4 pregnancies with gestational diabetes in which I used diet and excercise to stay healthy…BUT after the births I’m like BRING ON THE WAFFLES. So it is a struggle to eat well and reduce my risk of later developing full-on diabetes when I don’t HAVE to.
    But now, I’m following Dr. Oz’s recommendation of “NO white stuff…pasta, sugar, bread, etc. except for one day a week (for balance). I did it when I was pregnant, so why not now?
    Thank you for planting the seed. Now, go PARTY!

  11. Tammy

    WOW!!! I mean this in a totally non-creepy, please don’t block me, I swear I’m normal way: YOU HAVE AWESOME BOOBS!!!
    Now. If you don’t believe all of us that you look hot, and you really feel “lumpy”, I recommend Spanx. I have some knock-off spanx, I don’t remember the name, and they just smooth everything out under clothes. I don’t think you need it, but if it makes you feel better…

  12. MissyK

    Another lurker delurking :)
    That dress looks WONDERFUL on you. And oh to have your boobs! LOL!
    MissyK
    *looking down shirt tryin to figure out where hers are.*

  13. LauraC

    You go girl! I think you look fantastic and that dress shows how your hard work has paid off!
    I decided long ago that dresses were not designed for real women, women with curves. If I find a dress that looks good, I buy it even if I have nothing to wear it to.

  14. jennifer

    You look FABULOUS! Work it girl.
    Seriously, that dress looks so good on you. Own it. Be proud. Carry it.
    No lie. Promise.
    Jennifer

  15. Al

    I think you’ve inspired me to stuff all 1** of me into a dress too! If all else fails my boobs might distract from my waist!

  16. Ashley

    You look BEYOND FANTASTIC in that dress…and with the hair (LOVE and COVET the bangs), you are bringing sexy back at a whole new level. Party, dance, drink, and have fun knowing you will be one of the best dressd in the room. Enjoy the attention – you really do look amazing!

  17. Stacy

    You look fabulous. . delurking to say that, also, how amazed I am that your breasts don’t look like saggy cones like mine do after feeding my 2 kids. (ummm, me feeding my 2 kids, not you) hahaha
    Rock it girl, rock it.. you are an inspiration to us all.

  18. Elizabeth

    Dude. You look hot as hell in that dress, you should be very proud of all the work you have done. That’s not a fake compliment, I promise- you are rocking it.

  19. Val

    WOW. You look great! You really do! That is a fabulous dress – it’s freakin’ great! My 195 lb butt wouldn’t look nearly as curvy and good in the same dress. Go you!

  20. Jenny

    You really do look great! I just had to comment because since January 1 I’ve been eating better and working out. I’m 194 pounds now too (at 5′ 4″) and have about 50 more pounds to lose. You are such an inspiration to me!

  21. Jessie

    I think you look beautiful in the dress. I’m not overweight, but I have a flabby stomach so I know what you mean about things just not looking right in fitted clothing. I don’t notice any of that in this picture of you.

  22. lisa

    You look HOT Mama! Please don’t wear a cami just get some double stick tape instead! You can really see how much your body has responded to working out – your body has tightened up – wow! Have fun at the party! By the way, I am loving your bangs – did you do them yourself;)?
    xo, Lisa in North Hollywood

  23. Habbala

    You look AMAZING. AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING.
    Have you thought of SPANX? I am pretty sure that girls of all size wear them under dresses now, they even everything out beautifully. :)

  24. Cheryl

    Y, you look great in that dress! I’ll bet your husband loves that dress. If I were you, I would toy with the idea of no cami. I am well endowed also and I wish I would have the guts to go without the cami. My husband always says if you’ve got them, may as well show them off a little. But that has never been me and I kinda wish it were sometimes. I do not think your cleavage in the picture is too much at all! Are you wearing spanx under that dress, because you look goooood!

  25. Amy

    you inspire me to dress shop. Your description of why you hate clothes shopping is the same dialogue that runs inside my head when I think about shopping. But girl- you look amazing in that dress. Being a chubby girl myself I would soooo give it to you straight. I need to suck it up and buy a hot dress myself because you are so right, life is too short…

  26. crystal

    You look absolutely amazing!! Celebrate all your hard work and remember-all that wine will kick your a$$ the next day at the gym. Why yes, I may have very personal experience with this!! LOL!

  27. Mamapajama

    Y, you look totally HOT in that dress! If you want to feel more confident in it, try the Kymaro body shaper in nude. It sucks everything in and lifts the bazoombas up, helps your posture too. I love wearing mine under dresses and any form fitting top. Nobody knows I have it on and it makes me feel better about how I look in my clothes. Just a thought. Have fun in Houston!

  28. andifoo

    Your posts give me inspiration. That DRESS gives me inspiration! I have just lost 17lbs with what feels like 700 more to go, but I feel better than I have in a very long time. Keep on, keepin’ on, Sista. You look amazing.

  29. nutty mummy

    At the risk of coming across a little harsh…. my first reaction was to immediately read this out loud to my husband and then say – what the f is she talking about?!!?
    To which he replied – she does seem to have a slightly distorted view of herself.
    You look lovely! And you have a gorgeous hourglass figure and the dress is lovely. You have no need to feel insecure. At all.

  30. Michelle

    My oh my you look terrific!! The texture and pattern of the fabric and the cut of that dress do so much to camouflage your little imperfections so I don’t even see what you’re talking about. I hope that dress makes you feel as beautiful as you are my friend!!

  31. Rhonda

    One of many delurking to say you look fan-freaking-tastic.
    If nothing else the fact that people are delurking just to tell you that should help to convince you it’s true.

  32. gaylin

    woot woot
    nice boobage!
    that dress would also look awesome with great boots, go shopping!
    I haven’t worn a dress in 7 years? 8 years? If I could get that one I would! go have fun!

  33. Michelle

    Delurking to say you look amazing!!! I don’t think you need them, but if you really feel self-conscious then buy a pair of Spanx. You can get a knock off at Target for a lot less. They hide a bit of the rolls, but more specifically they hide the wiggles and the jiggles.
    I have the same thyroid issues as you so I’m in the know where the extra weight is concerned. 8-) Knock ‘em dead at the party!!!

  34. Norma

    Wait! You’re coming to Houston???? I live in Houston! What kind of exciting things will you be doing here?

  35. cate

    You’re down right HOT in that dress. I have 39 lbs to go to my goal weight and have been fighting it… But you’ve inspired me today to be healthy again tomorrow. Loooove you in that dress!

  36. WarsawMommy

    Wow! I love that dress – the colours, the pattern, everything.
    And your boobs? Honey, are those natural? ‘Cause I think a bunch of bobble-headed Hollywood celebrities and reality ‘stars’ paid a truckoad of cash to get ones JUST LIKE YOURS surgically attached to their bodies.
    You’ve got it, girl. Flaunt it!

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