My body.
I’ve never liked it. In fact, for the majority of my life, I’ve hated it.
I’ve been ashamed of it when it was thin, when it was obese and when it was everything in between. I’ve spoke to therapists and psychiatrists about my body hate. I’ve cried about it more times than I could ever count. I’ve hid from people that I love because of the shame I feel about my body.
I’ve starved myself.
I’ve stuffed myself.
I’ve done things I could never tell a soul to this body because I’ve hated it.
If you’ve read this blog long enough, you know what a struggle my body image has been for me. You know that I’ve missed out on so much of my life because of how disgusted I’ve felt with this body.
But then I read a post that changed everything.
I decided I had to find a way to make peace with my body. So that I could be an example to my children. I never wanted to hear my daughter say she’d “rather be dead than be fat.”
It wasn’t easy to do. I was riddled with health problems and stuck with a doctor who wouldn’t listen. I weighed 237 pounds. Not easy to love a body that unhealthy.
But I did. I loved it enough to fight for it.
I am now 55 pounds lighter, but make no mistake about it– I’m still fat.
182 pounds on a 5′ 4″ frame.
My breasts are saggier than ever. My stomach is too.
I have more stretch marks and we won’t even talk about my belly button.
But I’ve decided to to try love it anyway.
I love it by taking care of it. By taking the proper medications to make sure it functions as it should. By working out every day. By pushing it to do things I never thought it was capable of. By letting my husband enjoy it again,without reservations or hangups. By wearing cute clothes again. By treating myself to pedicures and facials.
By just enjoying every minute of my life.
This is my body. This is the only one I will ever have and the only life I will ever live.
While I was in NYC for BlogHer, I was given an amazing gift– a free Boudoir photo session. The photographer is a long time blog reader, internet friend, who wanted to do something nice for me after how hard I’ve worked to lose 55 pounds. (awesome!) What a perfect way to prove my new found Body Love! I said “absolutely, YES!” despite my fears and insecurities.
Oh, the fears and insecurities!
I haven’t worn anything sexy for at least 10 years– how would I put on something sexy and POSE FOR PICTURES? I didn’t know if I could go through with it, but godblessit, I was going to try!
This was a Really Big Deal.
This meant more to me than taking sexy pictures. This was so much more to me than that.
The shoot was fun and not as difficult or scary as I imagined it to be. Laura made me feel totally comfortable. I definitely had a ton of hangups. I worried about all of the body parts I was ashamed of (basically, every! single! one!) I was afraid my stretched out belly button would show, or my lumpy thighs. I laughed a lot, though and when it was over, I was so proud of myself for doing it.
But then, it was time to view the photos.
A very good friend had done a shoot before mine, so she came and my other friend came along with me so we could view our photos together.
As we watched, I felt a little embarrassed, but over all, I was comfortable with what I saw. Yes, my thighs were huge, but duh, I’m a big girl.
Then, it was time to view my friend’s photos.
And they were beautiful. And sexy.
I instantly felt regret about the photos I had taken. I suddenly became aware of how much time I’d spent covering my body up in my shots. Every insecurity that I’ve ever had about my body overcame my entire being.
Later, when I was alone. I cried in the cab on the way to a dinner party. I cried when a friend asked me how the shoot went. I sobbed in the bathroom.
Every awful thought that I’ve had about my body came rushing back. Not because of my friend’s pictures, not because she made me feel bad. I was proud of her for overcoming her fears — I know it was just as hard for her to do as it was for me. Simply because I was feeling so vulnerable in that moment.
For days, I secretly regretted doing that photo shoot. I hated the thoughts and emotions it brought up. I hated that I was once again reminded of how thoroughly flawed my body is.
I’m happy to say that I no longer feel that way.
When I got the first photo in my inbox, I was nervous. Nervous that I’d start crying all over again. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I felt… proud. Proud of myself for once again stepping outside of my comfort zone. Proud of myself for taking the huge step of buying myself something pretty and, dare I say it, sexy to wear. Proud of myself for working so hard every single day for the past year and a half to lose 55 pounds. Proud of myself for all of it.
Yes, my body is flawed. It’s no longer beautiful (in the way that I define beautiful.) I’m still overweight.
I had a choice to make. Pick myself apart, dwell on the negative, compare myself to others.
Or, just embrace it. My body, this experience, who I am.
And love it anyway.
Today, for the first time, maybe ever, I chose to love.
If you’ve ever felt the way that I have, I hope that you can learn to do the same. I hope you chose to embrace and love who you are, whatever your shape/size.
This is the part where I take a deep breath and show you what was so graciously given to me. Big thighs, saggy breasts and all.
Thank you, Laura, for this amazing gift. I am so grateful. [little voice] and so is my husband.[/little voice} And thank you Lena for being brave enough to do this with me. I love you.
Full set is here.
Holy crap, you look AMAZING. WOW. I so wish I had the guts to try something like this myself, but I doubt it’ll ever happen!
I love them!!! And I love you. So much, Y.
You’re amazing, gorgeous and so full of life. You’re beautiful – inside and out!
You look freaking awesome 🙂
You should be proud on all counts 🙂
You are so incredibly beautiful. All of that hard work just makes you more beautiful. I have the stretched out bellybutton, and the saggy belly, and I know it is hard. However, healthier, happier, is beautiful, no matter what your size is, it shows.
These photos are amazing, and you are GORGEOUS!
I had scoliosis as a teenager. Many girls get it but most of them outgrow it. I didn’t.
I had to have major surgery and a steel bar stuck in my back to hold up my crooked soul. Even after the surgery, with one scar running the length of my back and one huge one on the back of my left hip, I was still left with an uneven back.
Wearing clothes was always an issue. Bathing suits were a nightmare. But because the scars and lumps were in back I never thought about it much until I went into those dressing rooms in dept stores. Even Naomi Campbell looks bad in those mirrors.
Nobody ever noticed my back. Even in bikinis no one said a word. No one asked me what the scars were for. And of course because I couldn’t leave well enough alone, I POINTED THEM OUT TO PEOPLE.
And then they noticed.
Then they stared.
I have had 2 more surgeries and 2 more horrifyingly long and ugly scars. But I’ve stopped pointing them out.
I think we are our own worst critics and that is a shame. Your pictures are gorgeous and I hope they give you joy and take away some of your pain.
I too have lumpy thighs. And no husband.
See? I have to let STRANGE men see them!!
Y, those are beautiful!
Abso-fuckin’-lutely GORGEOUS!!! 🙂
Y, these are beautiful. i’d try to choose a favorite but i just really love all of the shots in the white outfit! i’m so proud of you… i hope that someday I can feel good enough to do something like this!
Holy shit.
You have almost convinced me to do this. YOU. Not Lena’s stunning pictures (though god knows, she nearly set my laptop on fire) but your beauty and your courage.
Because I may now, finally, have a body that can do stuff I never dreamed it could (Triathlons, I mean. AHEM.) but I still struggle with what it looks like. That you overcame your own history and your own fears and allowed yourself to be this free – well, that’s just one of the bravest things I’ve ever witnessed.
Love you! proud of you! 😀
Oh Yvonne, you look absolutely stunning! I see an incredibly confident and sexy woman in those photos.
I relate so much to your body issues. I have never felt comfortable in my skin, not when I was much thinner, and not now. I know my mom had a LOT to do with how obsessed I am with weight. And I’m grateful in many ways I don’t have a daughter to pass that on to. Fortunately I don’t let it keep me from very much, maybe a bit more sex and maybe going to the pool more often. But I’m glad you shared this, it is inspirational 🙂
I’ve been watching these pop up on Flickr and have loved each and every one of them. You look FABULOUS and you really rocked it.
Also? Every time I see a picture of you with the new hair, you totally remind me of Lauren Gottlieb from “So You Think You Can Dance” (http://lauren-gottlieb.com/?page_id=8) and I think she’s beautiful. Just sayin.
Oh,Y. They’re breathtakingly beautiful!
BTW, you look tres gorgeous!
you are stunningly beautiful, Yvonne, and I hope you know that!
I have just reached a milestone myself, though it is so much higher than yours – I have lost 51 pounds since the beginning of the year, most since i finally started working – I’m thrilled to be 325 now. I have a *long* way to go.
Whenever I get there, I will sag ever so much more than one would think possible, and my body – which has never been fabulous – will never be the same, and when I’m looking to possible go out and date again after being widowed 5 years ago… it’s terrifying. I understand every emotion that you went through – and maybe, someday, I’ll be brave enough to do something like this too.
You look stunning in every single picture. Your eyes are amazing, your rack – delicious, and I would kill for such a fabulously curvy form – including those yummy thighs! – like yours.
be proud, Y. You deserve to be. 🙂
Oh, Y!!! I was heartbroken to read that you cried and were regretful after the shoot. I am SO SO SO GLAD that you don’t feel that way anymore. You should rightfully be so proud of what you’ve accomplished. We should all strive to love our bodies whatever size we are. A lesson I sometimes don’t always follow – but I’m taking my size 18 ass to a photographer soon to try to help myself do the same thing.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!!!
xoxo
Laura
Yesterday I received the shots of my photo shoot for the naked charity calendar I am doing. Today I tried to write about it. I struggled with my post today because I couldn’t articulate my thoughts.
I’m riddled with shame that I’m over weight, I’m sad because I’m so self conscious, I’m angry that I still struggle with positive body image.
But then I come here and read about your strength and grace and bravery and I see your beauty radiate and you give me courage and hope that one day I can look in the mirror and feel at peace with what stares back.
You are amazing.
you look amazing!!!! I’m with cindy – i wish i had the guts to do something like that too. I’ve known you for what seems like forever and i can honestly say i’ve always thought you were beautiful… but these photos will hopefully help you realize how beautiful we all think you are! Amazing Amazing AMAZING!!!
Breathtaking, all your beauty. I adore you, Y.
FABULOUS! GORGEOUS! BRAVE!
Oh, if I only had the guts you have. Way to go, lady!
When I saw your first sneak peek I cried. A lot. I cried over how much I want to be 55lbs further down my own road (which has only recently begun). I cried for how much I wanted to look as beautiful and radiant as you do and what a long road I have to get there. I cried over what I’ve done to my body and hated myself for letting things get this bad. I let my husband hold my while I sobbed but felt too stupid to tell him why. I guess I know that hatred intimately. How funny that while you were crying over yourself, I was crying over not being as beautiful and stunning as you.
Thank you for being an inspiration to so many women over the years. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and hold you up as one of the single most inspirational people I “know”. I feel like seeing those photos has been a turning point for *me* on the road to loving myself enough to be better to myself and push me forward to creating a healthier me.
In another year I hope to post similar photos 🙂
Dude.
Dag.
RAWR.
PS: I’m 179 on a 5’4″ frame and for some reason, for the very first time in my whole life, I am totally at peace with my body.
Odd timing, since I am bigger than I have EVER been. 50 pounds bigger than I was 4 years ago. Heavier than the height of my second pregnancy. And still? I feel totally fine with it.
I love you because, not anyway. I love me, too, the same way. And you are stunning in those pictures, truly. STUNNING.
I thought you were awesome before and I think you’re awesome now. Beauty comes and goes, but awesome is forever.
So very beautiful!!! Thank you for having the courage to share your story (and the gorgeous photos!!!).
Oh… and your husband must be a very happy man! lol
I am crying right now. Because this is beautiful. YOU are beautiful. I know that often times that is so much easier to say to others than it is to hear being said about you. But it really is true.
(And fifty-five! pounds is amazing. Such an accomplishment. You should be 550% proud.)
long time reader, sometime commenter. I just have to say oh my lord, lady. you look awesome. rock that body, mama. you’ve got it, now flaunt it!
OH MY GOSH!! These are freaking beautiful! You rocked these!! You have awesome hair, your thighs and boobs look hot and holy eyelashes!
You are gorgeous. Gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. Thank you for sharing.
Wow, they are seriously awesome!! I’m proud of you for doing it and they turned out amazingly. You look amazing!
You look GORGEOUS. Absolutely gorgeous.
Fabu!!!!!
What an amazing mental journey. You have such a gift of sharing.
I won a free boudoir shoot, but I haven’t done it for all the reasons you give. I have that relationship with my body also. But your pictures are lovely. You are lovely and brave. Maybe, just maybe, I can do it too.
Y, I don’t know what you see, but I see one hot, sexy woman in those photos. Period.
You looking freaking amazing. Just sayin’
YOU. ARE. GORGEOUS.
Those photos are gorgeous, as are you. I completely get how hard it must have been for you to let go of your hangups and just go for it. I still don’t think I’m ready for that. Congratulations and, for the record, when I look at those photos, all I see is a beautiful, confident woman who fought hard and got her groove back!
My husband said you looked hot. And this is not an empty compliment. He’s a jock and his whole family is obsessed with staying thin and weighs the same thing he weighed when he graduated from high school-145. He thinks fat women are..not hot. He likes sexy, curvy women who rock it. He loved the pictures. He insisted on seeing them over & over again.
You are so beautiful….you must not see what you really have. You are amazing and I’m not just saying that… obviously everyone wants to make you feel loved…but I never comment and I have to. That’s how crazy good these photos are.
WOW-ZA!!! You look GORGEOUS in those pictures!!!!!!!!!!! You worked damn hard to loose those 55 pounds, SHOW IT OFF!! You are a beautiful person, inside & out. Don’t ever think otherwise.
I have a good friend that is a belly dancer. She has had various sizes at various stages of her life, but even at “bigger-than-usual” for a belly dancer, she STILL participated, in public with pride. One day she was talking about women’s bodies and she said “My belly is beautiful, too, even though it’s not the same as her belly or hers or hers.”
“My belly is beautiful, too.”
Those words really have stuck with me. I struggle to believe them. Surely *my* belly is not beautiful… or is it?
For me, I think these photos are absolute proof. My belly is beautiful. And so is yours. And hers. And hers and hers.
Thanks for that.
I don’t know if I will get through this. I can barely see the screen from my tears. I have not weighed myself in over a year but last time I did I was about the same as you and also 5’4. There is no way on earth that I could begin to look as beautiful as you do. No way no how. I don’t hate myself but I hate and loathe my body with every fiber of my being. When I was in high school and my twenties I was very thin and tried to gain weight. Well joke is on me. I don’t judge others at all but when I look in the mirror what I see is disgusting. And on top of it, I am THE most un-photogenic person on the planet.
Whew! Sorry about that! oh my. Well what I really want to say is that you look fabulous.
You rock. Those pics are seriously hot.
Okay.
I’m delurking to let you know how beautiful these are.
And I know about the body hate.
I KNOW.
I’m 5’7″ and almost 300 pounds. When I look at myself in the mirror I don’t see a fat girl, but when I see photos of myself I want to take to my bed and never leave the house again.
You are really, really lovely in these photos. Good for you, girl!
I think you look beautiful and sexy and stunning and REAL. More real than any starving, bony, emaciated lingerie model out there! You rocked that shoot and should be feeling pretty damn good about yourself!
Yvonne, you are truly one of the most beautiful women I “know”. Not only do you have such a stunning face (the eyes just slay me heh) and gloriously curvy (and heck yes, marked from 3 kids – that’s an ACCOMPLISHMENT) body, but you also have a genuinely wondrous, beautiful soul.
You look so beautiful in those photos! I’ll have you know that after seeing your results I’ve decided to do a shoot like this, too. I also want to celebrate the weight I’ve lost and try to think of myself as at least decent-looking.
But you’re just stunning – I’m so glad you did it! You may have been nervous and self-conscious, but your pride in your accomplishment shines through.
I just read Richard Simmons book – he was 50 (now 62ish!) when he wrote it. I so related to all he said (also about body image) — and always have to all you have shared. I have not liked my body/self – thin – fat or anywhere in-between. I am an older mama with two littles – and an older, and WANT to live for them. I have been stuffing my emotions and feeding my face — for all the wrong reasons. I hope to break free, as you have. I see gorgeous when I look at you, inside and out! Exactly as a person should be…not because of your body shape/type. But you just shine woman, like no one I have seen/read blogging! These pictures are gorgeous!! (I am personally dealing with the difference between guilt and shame…I was *shamed* often growing up, and that can be devastating! I hope to grow, change, love me — so I can help others to love themselves!!)
God Bless you, Y!
YOU LOOK FABULOUS. I just wish I had the cojones to do a boudoir photo shoot, nevermind post it on the web like you did! You are such an amazing woman!
Thanx Y for keeping it real… your a cutie patootie… just beautiful!
Beautiful! 🙂
Beautiful
I haven’t posted a comment on a blog in what feel like a million years, but I had to tell you how much I LOVE this post. I have struggled with body issues my whole life and know the self-hatred and emotional torture that comes with it. I am so happy for you. Not just for the weight loss, but for being brave enough to learn to love and accept the body you were given.
The photographs are beautiful and so are you.
Your boudoir shots are more beautiful and inspiring than any I have ever seen before. Allow me to repeat that — EVER.
You make me want to have one. And that’s saying a LOT. Because I probably have more body issues than any woman on the planet. Issues we won’t even go into on the internet for fear of breaking it.
Y,
you are beyond gorgeous. thank you for being you and being so incredibly brave. you are my hero and inspiration. thank you for showing me what true beauty and courage looks like.
I said it on Twitter and I will say it here, you are absolutely gorgeous! Your pictures are stunning and you are amazing.
You look amazing, absolutely amazing!
I know the grass is always greener, but I would much prefer your feminine curves to my stick straight 12 y/o boy body! 🙂
Y, you’re amazing, and so is your body. The more you love it, the more it will love you back. Your husband’s a lucky man.
You look amazing!!
They are all gorgeous! My favorite is the one second from the bottom.
Wow! You look absolutely gorgeous!!
You look beyond fabulous!
I know how to stop the voice. E-mail me if you want. 🙂 You look gorgeous.
I’ve always known you were freakin’ hot. Good to see that you remember that, too. I’m proud of you for sharing this!
You are beautiful!!! The photos are fabulous!
You have taken the word from my mouth. I sit here at 233 lbs. I have gained and lost the same 70lbs for I don’t know how long. I have finally recommitted to living my best life and loving where I am and working to get where I want to be (150lbs by my 40th birthday–12 months away). I admire your strength, honesty and the rawness in which you speak directly to your readers. Thank you. Maybe I’ll have to do a boudoir shoot for my 40th (scary)! Thank you
You look FABULOUS. Absolutely beautiful!
You look fantastic. I am really proud of you…really. There is nothing to be ashamed of or hate in those photos. You look awesome!
You look beautiful!
I don’t think you’re fat either. 😉
Look what you did. You look amazing. Good for you. And I BET your husband liked these. Yay for happy husbands. 😉
Crying. This hits home big time. I have a boudoir shoot coming up and I will carry your words with me. You look amazing!
Every one of those pictures are GORGEOUS!!!! Hooray to you for being so amazing and loving them too, because they are completely love worthy =) Someday I will have courage like yours to do the same, thanks for the inspiration!
Beautiful, love. xo
🙂
I think you must have posted pictures of someone else, because all I see are those of a beautiful woman. I cannot find this flawed person of whom you speak.
You are gorgeous!
I hate how we women (most of us, it would seem) can not see ourselves as others see us. I am 5’11” and weigh 160. I’m thin by most people’s standards. I know this – intellectually. Emotionally? And in my sick head? Still more work to be done. I see the jiggly upper thighs, the saggy belly & boobs, the cellulite on my ass – the list goes on. My husband (& probably just about everyone else) see a beautiful, healthy, thin woman with a nice body. Our heads lie to us. LIE LIE LIE
I wish you could see yourself how we see you: absolutely, astonishingly beautiful, sexy & stunning. You are, Yvonne. Truly. I love these photos & I love that you had the courage to have them done even more. Keep working on loving your body more & I promise to do the same.
xoxo
Delurking because I’m so inspired by you! I just love that you are so honest and open and REAL and willing to share. You are absolutely beautiful! I dare say your struggle with your body image has made you even more beautiful because you have humility and understanding and grace for others that allow you to love without judgement. (so it seems, I don’t really know you, but…. ya know…)And to me, that is the most beautiful, confident, awesomeness that you are! Thank you for being who you are! Rock it out!
My God you are gorgeous!!!! Those photos are beautiful, sexy and amazing. Enjoy your beautiful body!
I am at the very beginning of my journey. I have been gaining weight over the past several years and I am so sad inside. I hate myself right now. I still went to the beach, but hid under umbrellas. I’m trying to be better for me, for my family….but I am so sad.
Y, these are so beautiful! YOU are so beautiful! I love your writing and your bravery!
Your corseted photos are AMAZING. All of them are, for certain, but those …. just WOW.
You are truly a beautiful woman, Y.
I have a promotional photo shoot coming up late next month and have been struggling with the extra 30 pounds I’ve gained since my last promo shoot. I’ll be working with gifted photographers, but the insecurity is still very much there for me.
I’ll remember this post of yours when I step into the studio. I’ll remember your courage and your very wise words. Thank you for gifting those to all of us. Thank you for gifting those to me.
I’ll be needing them.
Wow! You are beautiful!!! Very, very sexy! I admire you for being so brave!
I was just talking to my therapist last night about the hatred I have for my body. I hope to learn to love my body as you have.
The pictures are gorgeous as are you!
Totally understand the way you feel. TOTALLY.
Funny how it is so much easier to see someone elses beauty rather than your own, and how hard it is to internalize all the comments telling you that you are beautiful.
Wow, just wow. You look amazing.
I keep trying to be ok with my body and when I am, I lose physical weight. As soon as I start caring about the physical weight I gain it all back. I think I may take a page out of your book and get my husband to take some pictures like yours. If they turn out anything like yours I will be very happy.
You look beautiful and sexy. Where did you get the lingerie? I live in a city that caters to petite women, so finding sexy lingerie for my frame is impossible.
Wow. Just….wow.
You are an inspiration.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. Those pictures are gorgeous. YOU are gorgeous in them. Be proud.
You are beautiful, inside and out. And I know every single emotion you have shared. Every single one.
Oh my gosh, these are gorgeous. You look so sexy and beautiful and just…amazing in each and every photo. Thank you for sharing your courage and beauty. We all have things that we hate about our body…I have a lot…but reading that you felt the same way about yourself and still had the courage to “put it all out there” is so inspiring. I think you look incredible.
WOW. I’m going to have to see if I can talk my wife into doing this sometime. So awesome. Also, your smile is completely pants-melting. Completely!
You look fantastic be proud of all the hard work you have done!
You inspired me to get on the treadmill today…a feat not undertaken since May. Your pictures are just awesome!
I hope when you are having a rough day that you come back to this post, read what you wrote, see those beautiful pictures and read the comments of all of us who think you are a truly beautiful person…inside and out.
These are gorgeous.
Holy….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your pictures are beautiful, you look fabulous! I am 5″ tall and weight 186 lbs so I know some of your pain. I too, did a boudoir shoot last year for my now husband and recommend that every woman do one! It did wonders for my self esteem and made a wonderful wedding gift to my hubby. By the way, your photographer was great!
@dutchblitz and I are going to have to invite you to #I’llChangeForHER11!!!
First time I’ve ever commented on your blog…you are GORGEOUS, those photos are AMAZING!
Amazing and beautiful post but even more amazing and beautiful photos. Thank you.
Go head girl!
Damn, girl. SMOKIN’. Any insecurities you may have felt on that day Do. Not. Show. in the photos at all!
AMAZING! GORGEOUS!!
Lady you are GORGEOUS. Seriously. I would kill for legs like yours, while mine may be slightly smaller, they are not nearly as shapely. Live it up sexy mama! I’ve been trying to get back into the healthier side of things after uh, almost a year of not, and while I’ve only gained 20ish pounds, I feel so much slower…and dude, you’re such an inspiration.
Rock it Y!
Thought I had commented, but must have got “lost”. Just wanted to say, “Look what you did. You look amazing. And I BET your husband is loving these.”
You look hot, confident, radiant, and vulnerable all at the same time. The perfect combo for a gorgeous photo shoot. You totally rocked it. Love it!
Sweetie, when you posted that one picture a few days ago, I was jealous, and wished I was young and hot like you. You need to ease up on yourself. You’re beautiful, I swear it.
Absolutely stunning!
I know body image issues far too well and I am so inspired by this post. You are stunning, inside and out, and have every reason to be proud!
I don’t comment much, though I’ve been lurking around here for years.
But Y, I just have to say that those pictures are amazing. You look incredible. So very beautiful and confident, and I’m so glad that you took Laura up on her offer.
Those pictures are SO phenomenal, in fact, that I want to go to NYC and get some done myself. Like, yesterday.
Thank you for being brave enough to share them with us!!
WOW, every single one of these pictures is gorgeous. You are so pretty-such sparkling eyes too-and sadly don’t see it. I love your blog, your honesty, your depth as a human being. I, too, have body image issues big time since I have gained weight over the last few years (yahoo for menopause…lol) and can’t seem to lose it. So many of the things you feel I feel as well. I don’t know if I would have the courage to do as you did. Congrats to you on your strength and on those amazing pictures which I imagine your hubby loves!
beautiful photos capturing a beautiful woman – the spirit you share with everyone in writing shines through in every one of those photos! Congratulations seems like a strange thing to say, but yet fitting – congratulations on being so brave to face your images head on.
Everyone has body issues, but you should be proud. Those are beautiful pictures. Your husband is going to be so happy!
These pictures are stunning. I thought that when I first saw the previews. I don’t know where I got to you from, but those previews were the first things I saw/read on your site, and what I saw was a sexy, confident woman.
Reading this now (and this is the second time today – I skimmed it earlier) I am crying. Again. I have felt the way you feel. I FEEL the way you have felt. I’m battling those demons and the voices in my head.
Thank you so much for sharing this. All of it.
You look like you feel beautiful and then are beautiful. But even more your writing about how you want to forgive your body and accept it is so moving and transformative. That forgiveness shows in your striking, photograph. As a Mom , self-love and acceptance -what a gift to give your child .
Cathy Jo Cress MSW
http://momlovesyoubest.wordpress.com/
I don’t comment very much here, but I’ve been reading for a few years now. I just had to tell you how incredibly gorgeous you are. I have extreme body issues as well, and I have ever since I can remember. It’s sad to reflect on when I was eight years old, and I thought I was fat. I don’t want that for my children. You are so inspiring, Y. And also, so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. 🙂
ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!! YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!! THANKS FOR SHARING!!!!!!
Your honest description of your feelings and your pictures are absolutely beautiful.
I so get this post. I wrote about my boudoir experience on BlogHer earlier this year. I had scheduled the session to make a gift book for my husband.
…
And it turned out to be the best gift I could have possibly ever given myself. I have encouraged other women to do the same as I felt it to be so empowering. Some are planning on it. I know they will love it.
That’s not to say that I don’t have moments of body hate. But they’re less frequent and I get out of the moment far more quickly now. It helps that I have people who kick my butt if I stick in the moment too long.
I am pleased for you. And proud of us all as women. THank you for sharing.
You are very brave… and beautiful! Good for you girl, you have guts.
Y, you are BEAUTIFUL!
When I look at those photos, I don’t see the parts that you don’t like. I see a stunningly gorgeous woman and I see an AMAZING and radiant smile.
You are so beautiful– you don’t even know!
-a
Those photos turned out just great. You are one good lookin’ woman.
You are truly beautiful in your photos – You are an amazing woman and I give you all the credit in the world for taking the opportunity to experience this. I am also one of those woman that see all the wrongs and NONE of the rights when looking in the mirror, so my applauds to you for sharing your experience
You look incredible in these pictures. But I’ve got to tell you — now that I’ve seen you in person I can say that you are gorgeous in the flesh as well. It’s not just a trick of photography, my dear. I’m happy you get to see yourself in as flattering a light as the rest of the world sees you.
I think that you look amazing, the camera loves you! My favorite one is the second to last photo, it feel totally natural.
Good for you!
The pictures are beautiful and so are you, inside and out.
Those are such beautiful photos Yvonne – stunning, sexy, gorgeous.
You said something in your post though that really struck me: “Yes, my body is flawed. It’s no longer beautiful (in the way that I define beautiful.)” Have you ever considered that perhaps the definition of beautiful you judge yourself with is different to the definition that you judge other people with? I know we’re all our own worst enemies but if we took those photos and stuck on the head of a woman you admire and love would you see the beauty or the thighs? Cuz I see beauty in those photographs – beauty, strength and LIFE! xoxo
Dude, you are so beautiful, in person and in pictures. So beautiful!
I was looking at these, and my husband said, “Who is that? She’s hot.”
And Y, he NEVER comments about that stuff. I agree with him.
Second from the bottom is the best. good on you for taking that leap.
I know exactly how you feel. And I think you look absolutely amazing. You are the amazing, luscious curves that feel great and then men long for. You are exactly how women were meant to look. I love it! Thank you for the inspiration.
[laptop bursting into flames]
Well done, indeed!
You look absolutely beautiful. Amazing job, congrats on the weight lost. It’s been such a struggle. You look gorgeous. xx
y, those are beautiful, and sexy, and i bet your husband loves them. i would NEVER have the guts to do it. never. good for you, girl!
Y, you look stunning in all the photos. The light in your smile and your eyes actually made me tear up. You are a beautiful soul, inside and out, and don’t you forget it. We all struggle with body image, and I would never be as brave as you to bare yourself like you do everyday on your blog. You are awesome!
I just wanted to tell you thanks. Thanks for posting your boudiour pictures. And for giving me the idea of the century! This time next week my husband is taking me to Mexico (where in Mexico? I have no idea – he’s surprising me) for our 20th wedding anniversary. I, like you, have always had body image issues. Even back in the day when i was thin and fine. That was about 100 pounds and 3 children ago. I’m pretty much over it now – (okay well not really) but I AM more confident.
Yes. I did. I scheduled my own boudiour photo session. Total surprise. He’ll die.
So thanks again, Yvonne! My husband will thank you, too – (in about 8 days).
And oh btw – I’ve been reading your blog for years. AT one point I lost you (?) but then you were found again and I’m grateful! I’m sure in a week or so my husband will be QUITE grateful!!
You rock, girl! TOTALLY rock.
And you IS fine, sister!