***
Gabby thinks it’s HILARIOUS when I dance. I’ll put her in her swing, turn on some music and lose my mind on the “dance floor”. She smiles, laughs and even squeals out of excitement. That only encourages me to go crazy, because I loves me some attention. The only thing keeping me from throwin’ down on the ground and doing the worm is the fear that my uterus still isn’t ready for that and I might begin to bleed to death.
I can’t figure out exactly what it is about my dancing that she finds so funny, but I’m thinking that there isn’t a human being that wouldn’t find E cup boobs bouncing up and down, barely missing slapping my face and knocking me out HILARIOUS. Or, it could be the way my ass jiggles when I “drop down and get my eagle on, girrrrl” Ok, I don’t get my eagle on front of my daughter, I just said that for the shock value.
As I’m writing this, it’s hitting me HARD that I think I may need TO GET OUT MORE. I mean, I’m starting to PERFORM FOR MY 2 MONTH OLD DAUGHTER and kind of taking it seriously, even if she IS laughing at me.
Yeah, I need some adult interaction, STAT.
Category Archives: Parenthood
And we use CHEAP SHAMPOO!
I still can’t believe I have a daughter.
And she’s beautiful.
And she loves to PULL MY HAIR.
You can’t see her hand there, but it has a hand full of my hair in it. That’s her new thing, pulling my hair, every chance she gets. It reminds me why I cut all of my beautiful long hair off after I had my first baby. I couldn’t take the constant pulling and ripping out of the hair.
But this post isn’t about the fact that my daughter is ripping my hair out of my scalp. This is about how beautiful she is and how lucky I feel to have her in my life.
If you want to make it into something it isn’t? You can make it about how shiny and beautiful our hair is.
DUH!
***
I heard Ethan’s bus coming down the street, so I thought I’d run out, hide behind the tree and scare him when he walked by. I waited, only to hear him yell “Mom, quit trying to hide! I can see you!”
I was confused. “How can he see me?” I thought, “I’m BEHIND THE TREE”
Then it hit me…
if she only knew
Everyone woke up very sad and worried this morning.
Everyone except Gabby. Because Gabby doesn’t have a clue that today is the day she will be stuck with THREE needles.
Today, Special Sauce gets her first round of vaccinations.
Tony almost cried before he left for work. He doesn’t want his little “la la” to feel pain. The boys don’t want to go with me to the appointment because they don’t want to hear her cry.
The saddest thing to all of us is that she’s so oblivious to it all. She’s smiling and talking and laughing. And she’ll probably be doing that as they stick the needles in her. And then she’ll scream and look at me like “MOM, HOW COULD YOU LET THAT EVIL WOMAN DO THAT TO ME? You are supposed to PROTECT ME FROM PAIN, NOT WILLINGLY OFFER ME UP FOR IT.”
And after it’s done? After she’s had the shots? I’ll worry and wait for some horrible reaction. I won’t be able to sleep tonight wondering if she’ll get a fever, or have a siezure.
Damn, I forgot how much I hate this part of the baby experience.
My poor, sweet Gabby.
a boob is a boob is a boob
Today I had my very first power struggle with my daughter.
And she’s only TWO MONTHS OLD.
She suddenly is repulsed by my right tit. She REFUSES to eat off of it. She screams and throws herself back and GAGS. I switched her to the otherside, just to see what she would do, and she got all happy and started sucking away.
But I wasn’t having that.
I took her off (Because she had already eaten off of that side and after an entire night of no eating, the tits tend to get REALLY FULL and REALLY BIG and REALLY PAINFUL, so I had to “empty” the right side) and I tried giving her the right tit again.
She started screaming and throwing her head back and GAGGING again.
I looked at her and said “Listen, oh little queen of the world, there is nothing wrong with this tit. You WILL EAT FROM IT! I refuse to have one tit the size of a pumpkin and the other one the size of an orange. THEY MUST REMAIN EVEN IN SIZE AND IN MILK PRODUCTION. NOW STOP GAGGING AND SUCK!”
And she was like “MAKE ME.”
And I so I did what any mother with an enlarged, aching tit at 5 in the morning would do.
I started to cry.
I am sure this is just the beginning of power struggles to come. Today it’s “I don’t want your right boobie!”, tomorrow it’ll be “I don’t feel like sleeping, and if I don’t sleep, YOU don’t sleep.” Ten years from now it’ll be “I HATE these stupid pants, so I’m not wearing them and you can’t make me.” And on and on and on and on.
If she didn’t have the cutest damn toothless smile in all of the world, I could probably get mad at her. Lucky her.
I have to fight the urge to SQUEEZE HER REALLY HARD
My daughter has SO much hair I can NOT resist the urge to brush it funny and make it all fluffy because it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. EVER.
And it’s even funnier when she’s cross eyed. AGAIN!
You’d think she’d hate me for doing it, but SHE LOVES IT.
Would she be smiling like that if she DIDN’T like it? I don’t think she would be.
Beat THIS.
Ethan had some exciting news for me this morning.
“Mom, I’ve decided I’m going to make you happy and be in the talent show this year!”
He’s right. That makes me very happy. I’ve tried every year to talk my boys into participating in the talent show. And every year, I get a big, fat “NO WAY, MOM!”
I was ALWAYS in talent shows because I was the biggest ham you’ll ever meet. Hard to believe, I KNOW! I thought my kids would take after me and continue the tradition of their mom and voluntarily make fools of themselves in the name of “entertainment.”
But no such luck.
Until now.
“So, what are you going to do in the talent show, sweetie?”
I figured he’d say dance, because, let me tell you, Ethan can DANCE. Ok, he dances like a male stripper gone bad, but it’s HILARIOUS.
“I’m going to beatbox“.
Being the supportive mother that I am, I responded with a big ol’ “That’s AWESOME, Ethan!”
“Wanna hear it?”
“BRING IT, Ethan!”
And BRING IT he did. (edited version, because the original version is about THIRTY SEVEN minutes, and I’m only exaggerating a little!)
Can you even begin to imagine the PRIDE I am going to feel while I’m sitting there and my son is “bringing IT” to the entire school? And hell yeah, I’m going to get up and “shake it fast” to show my support. Check this… I just might lose control and break out into The Worm halfway through.
Because I’ll be that proud.
I’m HOT without makeup… in my dreams
The look on my daughters face leads me to believe that she is SICK AND TIRED of me kissing on her every minute that she’s awake. She is like “listen, lady, at least BRUSH YOUR TEETH before you get all up in my grill like that!” And she would have a point. I really should be more considerate and hygienic.
Too bad for her, I will NOT EVER stop kissing her. But, I will try to make a point to brush my teeth first.
I love that I can lounge around WITH MY DAUGHTER, no make up on while wearing old tshirt full of tittymilk puke and feel THIS HAPPY and THIS COMPLETE and THIS FULL OF JOY.
Now, if someone knocked on my door right now, it’d be a different story. I’d go into full panic mode.
“I can’t answer the door! I stink! I don’t have make up on! My TEETH HAVE NOT BEEN BRUSHED! GO AWAY OR I WILL SLAY YOU WITH THE ODOR OF MY UNSHAVEN PITS!”
Who cares about stupid people who come over without calling first, though. All I care about are these beautiful children God blessed me with that I get to love all day long, even if I am in desperate need of a shower and a good cleaning of the teeth.
I want my baby back IN MY ROOM!
I’m kind of a wreck tonight. You see, I’ve kept Gabby in the bassinett all of this time because I want her right next to me at night. I realise she’s just too big to sleep in there anymore, so tonight, I thought I was strong enough to put her in her crib… turns out I’M NOT. I miss her so badly, I can’t sleep. I keep getting up to check on her, to make sure she’s ok. I hate that I can’t hear her breathing, I hate that I can’t sit up in bed and see her laying right there next to me. I’m scared I won’t hear her when she cries. Infact, I’m so afraid of not being able to hear her, I won’t turn the fan on, and I can’t sleep without the fan on. The ridiculous thing about this? Her room is right next to mine.
It’s only a matter of time before I take my pillow and go sleep on the floor next to her crib.
And it starts with a "B"
I really wish I knew what she was dreaming about when she smiles like that in her sleep, although, I think I have a pretty good idea…