The handle just BROKE OFF OF MY VACUUM.
For no reason. I was vacuuming up the livingroom and SNAP. Off it went.
The 2004 me would have been all “MOTHER FUCKER!” Thrown that bitch across the livingroom while crying and going on and on about how “Now I’m going to have to bust into my ‘We’re Going On Vacation This Summer if it Effin Kills Me’ fund”.
But that was ’04 me. The 2005 me isn’t like that. The ’05 grabbed the keys, went into the garage, found a roll of duct tape, taped that fucker up and kept on vacuuming as though the handle never just unexplicibly for NO FREAKING REASON snapped off.
I love the new me (Thanks, Dr.Phil, you sexy beast, you)
(I also love the MOST of the people who read this blog. So, since it’s “national de-lurker day” or something like that, why don’t you say something if you read my sad, sad little blog and never comment? BUT WAIT! THERE’S A TWIST. How about leaving a TOTALLY RANDOM COMMENT, lurker or not. I’ll give you an example. “Boy, that Gary Coleman doesn’t look 8 anymore and it’s creeping me the hell out!”)
Or! You could totally buy me a new vacuum instead?!
I’m here.
I love the new you too.
I’m not buying you a vacuum cleaner tho.
I have read your blog everyday for a long time and I think you ROCK! I like the new skins. 🙂
Don’t vacuums suck?
You crack me up…and say the things I want to say sometimes…but, you’ve got a really funny twist to it! Love reading your blog 🙂
De-lurking is soooo 10 am. Get with the program!
Lurky, lurky!!
Guess who’s knocked up?
Delurking is delovely. If I buy you a new vacuum, will you vacuum my house too?
I’ve been a bad blogger, and not commented here for far too long. I loved you last year, and love you this year, too. And your family is f’ing fantastic, too.
Hola
Delurking to say..
Love reading you! You are so honest and real and I see a lot of myself in what you say. (I can remember a time that I would have thrown a fit if the handle to my vacuum just broke out of the blue like that)
Hi, I am Laura and I am a lurker. You crack me up.
I love your blog and I LOVE Dr. Phil…My friends call em Dr. Brianna Phil…lol…Keep on Blogging!
I’m SO a lurker…. But I have commented a few times. I read you every day and LOVE your and Melly’s blogs. Take care. And keep up the AWESOME blogging.
Happy New Year.
Duct tape is amazing stuff. My laptop is currently sporting it.
I lurk, but have commented from time to time.
I am so pleased that the 2005 Yvonne is so kick-ass.
Too bad Dr. Phil isn’t a doctor at all, just a guy who apparently gives advice good enough that he somehow earned that title somewhere along the way…
But if it works for you, who the fuck cares, right?
Sweetie I would buy you a new one if I could. Hey duct tape works wonders. I used it on our last vaccum for about a year. When finally, just this last Oct 04 we were able to buy a new one. hurray for me, its amazing how happy i was, or was it just sad… 🙂
I lurk, sometimes saying something.
whats with this de-lurking thingy, is that new?
W
I prefer “comment-less reader” : )
Whenever I read comments on any site that says anything like “You don’t know me, but I love your site!!” I get a case of the chills for a few reasons.
a.) excessive exclamation marks should not be used at someone you don’t know.
b.) I fear sounding cheesy and lame, even though i know i’m one of those people who “totally loves your site!!”
I think I’ve commented before but I’m mostly a lurker. Cause I don’t usually have anything to say really…like now….uh…Happy New Year!…yeah, that’s it. 🙂
I always comment (or almost always), but I thought I’d comment today too in the name of de-lurking.
occasional commenter, delurking JUST cuz you asked so nicely. *g* And you can have your choice of any one of my three, THREE broken vaccumes if you like….
*shining grin*
I’ve lurked off and on for a while. We have a lot in common, 2 older boys..and a miracle baby girl. And my brother and I broke a vac. handle when we were kids, then delicately balanced it back on before we shut it in the closet like nothing happened. We both got beat for that one…
There is nothing worse than having a much needed appliance break and you have to sepnd money you don’t have to replace it. It sucks. I feel your pain.
Damn…way to take charge, woman!
I’d have totally beaten the shit outta that vacuum cleaner. It would have had more than a snapped off handle when I was done with it!
Excellent post! Sounds like the “old” me, too. Of course I haven’t had the occasion to throw anything yet…but 2005 is young.
Lurker here..that same thing happened to my vacuum once in university. Decided to throw the Wal-mart piece of junk out though!
Happy New Year!
Hello there! I’m a lurker. I do have to say that I love your take on life. You frequently make me laugh out loud. I enjoy your blog daily. You have almost inspired me to start one of my own…
another lurker here… I’ve been reading your blog for a long time but never commented before. I love your wit and honesty. If I had to choose just one blog to read, yours would be the one.
I’m a lurker. There, I admitted it. Happy?
I read. I never comment. I’m too busy drooling over your daughter’s cutie p’tutie’ness. 🙂
Another lurker here.
I love your blog because, well, you’re brutally honest about life. And, you always have something funny to say!
I’m a lurker, sometimes commenter. You’re a good, funny, and insightful writer. And I’m addicted to your blog. Hmm, I don’t think that’s a good thing, but life is short. What the heck…
Y – Have you tried out the sign language book with Gabby? Do you think it works? Should I keep giving it as a gift?
See? You are a better woman than me. I would have just packed that bitch up and stuffed it in the closet and used the handle fiasco as an excuse not to vacuum that day. 😉
And Hi.
*waves*
chores suck ass
*nod*
“chores suck ass”
As do whores. So I’ve been told!!
I didn’t buy bagels today
You’re one of my daily reads, but don’t let that throw you into a panic or anything. I’m de-lurking today, and confessing to things I didn’t even do. For example, when Al Gore told me he had invented something he was calling the “internet,” I laughed and said, “It’ll never catch on, Al.” And I was so right. No, wait. That wasn’t ‘internet,’ it was ‘fishnet.’ Or maybe ‘intercourse.’ Whatever, you can’t tell me Al knew a THING about any of those words. Random enough for ya?
I’ve commented before, but a long time ago. I love your writings! You are an every day read for me.
Dude. That 80’s band Poison still rocks my butt.
-H
When I think about you I touch myself…WHoooooAAAhhhhhhh
Random comment:
Homeless people don’t need nipples.
Speaking of Gary Colemen, whatever happened to Webster? Does he look 8 still. Talk about creeping me out! And the voice!
Hi! Love reading your blog, woman.
I really like to vacuum. It’s my most favorite chore.
I wonder if Gary Coleman likes to vacuum.
::waving:: Hi there!
Yeah well screw the duct tape, I’d have been throwing it across the room like I was a contestant in a midget tossing contest.
But that’s just how I’ve been feeling lately.
Miss Nice is on vacation and Madam Total Bitch is ruling the roost.
My poor family….
I’m scared of midgets.
How ’bout them Cowboys!
(random enough for you?)
Occasional commenter, mostly Lurker! I love the site and must admit it is my first stop everyday after work.
I commend you for your restraint with the vacuum cleaner-broken handle incident. The last time I had a vacuum incident I ended up putting a screw driver right through that sucker! Maybe I should take a look at what this Dr. Phil has to say!
Happy New Year!
Y
I love the 2005 “new you”.
I read your blog daily, but I lurk! I’ll try to lurk-less!
Snorkel!
I’ve commented before, but I don’t comment enough. Love the blog, love the Yvonne 2005, love the angelbaby, and love the Pa Ingalls.
I’m a first time lurker. I’m lovin’ it! I will be back to visit SOON. Thanks for making me smile.
Pa Ingalls in the SHIT.
But so is Potsy Webber
DON’T CRY, PA! I meant you ARE the shit, not IN the shit.
I too am a lurker!! I have been reading for forever. You are so witty and funny. I am always laughing out loud. Gabby is too cute!
Do you accept paypal? He He. I’m willing to donate a few bucks.
I’m only doing what I do best: lurking.
Totally unrelated comment: Why is skim milk like ‘milk water’?
I’m stopping by to say hi since it’s de-lurker day… so hi and Happy New Year!
Hell no. Duct tape is not my thing. I love electrical tape. You know, once you go black, you never go back? That’s what I recently used to repair MY vacuum. Which I’m thinking I should replace with a Shop-Vac, which I can get for 20-thousand greenpoints and I have 41,000 saved up with my Foodtown card. Which means I can buy some mixing bowls WITH the Shop-Vac. This is such an exciting life I almost can’t stand it. Love you Y – been reading you for a long time without speaking up. Peep. Here I am.
We have duct tape on just about everything in our house.
Also, my dog just ripped the most NOXIOUS fart, ever.
Y,
I know you’re going to call me a name dropper, but I met Michael Landon, two years before he died, 1989, one night backstage of THE TONIGHT SHOW – he was one Carson’s favorite guests. I was such a dork. He walked up to me to be introduced and all I could say was, and in a loud voice full of love, “PA!”. I hugged him while admitting to my total gooberness at not being able to keep my cool in his presence. He was charming and kind. He laughed that Pa laugh and said he was used to it from women my age. He was tall and handsome – with a gorgeous head of hair.
I was crushed when he died – it all happened so fast.
That is my Michael Landon story.
what the hell is de-lurker day and why do I always miss these obscure holidays?
I like Wendy’s Frostys with french fries.
I confess … I am a lurker! Been readin ya for quite a while now …. woman you CRACK ME UP! I SO enjoy reading your blog! Ãœ
and hey, I’m the duct tape QUEEN! *nods* LOL
*hugz you* — for being YOU
my butt itches.
of course I lurk! I don’t have time for comments-I have twins, for heaven’s sake 😉
Today I made some banana bread because my heat was off. And it was cold. And banana bread, it’s warm.
“Pa Ingalls in the shit.” That’s why I keep comin’ back here! 😉
Glad I found you. YOu are so funny. ANd so cool.
Gary Coleman is my bitch.
“chores suck ass”
“As do whores. So I’ve been told!!”
Mrr? *blinkyboggles*
ooookay? I think you lost me Y! *goes looking for a latte….
There once was a raspberry, his name was Bert, Bert the Raspberry in fact. One day he had a fight with a Blueberry, it was all very messy.
Pencils are cool.
Love your blog! Thanks for the entertainment! I need all of it that I can get being a sahm. Love the new skins as well!
Kelly
A day late for de-lurker day, but that’s okay because I’ve commented before. I just wanted to let you know that gnomes think it’s completely normal to eat spinach before swimming.
With your infinite wisdom, how long do you think J-Lo’s marriage to Marc Anthony will last? Britney and Kevin? Jessica and Nick? Kermit and Miss Piggy?
I love your blog. It helps get me through the day. I never comment because my boss doesn’t really need to know what I am doing here behind this computer.
I hate the boogers that are way up your nose and completely impossible to pick.
I’m here. I’m a lurker. I admit it. I LURK ok? LURK LURK LURK LURK LURK. So there.
The old you sounds too much like the current me… So hey, maybe I can make a new me too! Sounds good… Im gonna get some confetti and throw a welcome party to the new me xD yay me
I ate a fish sammich with cheese and le TarTar sauce last night. It was de-lish. 🙂
Booger, booger, fart, fart, weiner.
I’ve commented once before, but mostly I lurk. Love your site though and your family is adorable.
A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating, she’s attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she’s more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a baseball bat jammed up his ass while he’s on fire. Further studies are expected.
Your Angel Baby is the tweetest wittle ting!
last night i had a dream that i was swimming with Ty Pennington in a pool and I took my shirt off because it was all wet and then I panicked because I had my nursing bra on and it’s totally not sexy.
Sometimes……V8 juice rocks!
Anything? OK…
Open the door, Richard
Open the door and let me in
Open the door, Richard
Richard, why dont you open that door?
Really, I think the best is movie theatre popcorn mixed with M&M’s.
I’ve been doing my Winsor Pilates for two weeks now… why don’t I look like Daisy Fuentes yet?! hmph.
Isn’t he?
Why do the bitchy ass instructors on THE FIRM workout have to yell at me in their sutha-fied twang? I need the Nies baby…
Daddy gets home late tonight!
my vaccum cleaner nearly TORE my little fucking toe off once…so I never use it….still sitting there in the kitchen with it’s oh so subtle blue hue…..taunting me…
When my vacuum broke, I threw it out and ripped up all the carpets because that was SO MUCH EASIER. Not.
I lost 2.2kg this week!!! Woohoo, go me!
Hmm Hi! I’m a LONG time lurker! I love your blog!
Oh and I love this new skin – Gabby angel! Adorable!
*Goes back to lurker’ville*
Yo… I lurk. You da bomb.
Duct tape rocks! I read daily, comment seldom. Forgive me, I’m a working single mom who volunteers for every frickin’ thing and is too busy to pee half the time. Love your blog and your honesty and wit and the pictures of your beautiful family. Many blessings, Heather
You know.. the more I think about it, the more I like that hockey strike!
Hi, I’m a lurker and a newbie one at that. I commented before and I’ll say it again–I adore your site. While that may sound creepy, I think you have a great voice. Plus you entertain me. Yay for new outlooks on life, too–congrats!
PS: sorry I didn’t post earlier, I just read this today. Gaah.
RUFF! Oh, wait. Wrong blog.
Number 100! Woohoo. Do I get a prize like they do on Dooce? Numbskulls.
How about a prize for 102?