CAN A BITCH GET SOME SLEEP?

Last night I was trying to sleep, when I was awoken by THE SOUND OF WELDING in my garage. I looked at the clock and it was ONE IN THE MORNING.
I freaked out. I opened the front door and screamed at Tony.
“What the HELL are you doing? Do you know what time it is?”
Who the hell welds shit at ONE IN THE MORNING?
Pig hunters, I guess.
He tells me he was just “finishing something up” and I tell him,
“YOU’RE A FREAK.”
I was just about to slam the front door, when my 4-ft Selena murderer look alike neighbor comes running up my walk way. She was having a panic attack.
She started begging Tony to call the police because her sons and husband were fighting. She could barely talk, I thought she was going to faint. She said she couldn’t take it anymore and she wanted the police to take them away.
5 minutes later, the cops show up and she goes crazy, screaming and yelling, she opens her front door and her 2 little dogs TAKE OFF down the street. It was hilarious, they were like “We’re getting the HELL out of this house”.
It was the most insane night ever. Needless to say, I didn’t get any sleep last night and it looks like I won’t be getting any sleep this morning because THERE ARE FUCKING GARDENERS MOWING HER LAWN. It’s not even 8am, ON A SATURDAY.
What the hell, man, just… what the HELL?
(ps. would anyone believe me if I said that I decided to climb into bed inspite of the noise from the gardeners and when I tried to lay down, I couldn’t, because there was a GIGANTIC RIFLE laying on my bed??????? Probably not, huh?)

16 thoughts on “CAN A BITCH GET SOME SLEEP?”

  1. myllissa

    If it makes you feel any better, my apartment complex is re-roofing all the buildings in the complex this week. Right now? they are doing the one across from mine. 9am-9pm. For cryin’ out loud!!!!!

  2. melly

    Last night, I decided that I was going to stay up all night. I made it to 1am. Today, I was going to sleep until 2pm. I’m up already.
    RESPONSIBILITY SUCKS.

  4. sarcastic journalist

    can i ask if the cameras from COPS were there? Girl…you have an interesting neighborhood. And since I know what city you live in…well, I have heard of it and thought it was all hoighty-toighty fancy people.
    Um, guess I was wrong?? We used to live out in the country and our neighbors used to fire their guns around midnight. And they also lived in a blue schoolbus.

  6. Jen

    So, did she call the police? And why was there a gigantic rifle on your bed? did the dogs come back?
    Hey, you can’t leave us hanging like this.

  7. vanessa

    hilarious, yet frustrating…i know! i love the sound byte of the lawnmower!
    i had a neighbor that decided to put up siding on their house at 7:30 in the morning. I am not at all a morning person, so i put on flip flops and went running up there, in my t-shirt and started flipping out on them! they went in and came back out around noon!

  8. vanessa

    hilarious, yet frustrating…i know! i love the sound byte of the lawnmower!
    i had a neighbor that decided to put up siding on their house at 7:30 in the morning. I am not at all a morning person, so i put on flip flops and went running up there, in my t-shirt and started flipping out on them! they went in and came back out around noon!

  9. kim

    wow – that sounds like a scene from…hmmm? yeah i don’t know, but it makes my life look even more uneventful and boring..

  10. divaquest

    I am new to your blog and I just love it!!!! And by the way, when my husband goes hunting and leaves me at home, I sleep with the shotgun on the pillow next to me – he hunts with a 7 Mag.

  13. Mandy

    Wow sounds like an…interesting…night! Hopefully you’ll have better luck tonight, I don’t know about you but I get cranky when I don’t get enough sleep…

  16. Sunidesus

    I was going to ask if the COPS people were there, but someone else beat me to it. You’ve got quite the neighborhood there!
    And what the heck was he welding at 1 in the morning?

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