Baby girl.

I feel the baby all of the time now. It’s hard to not sit all day long in silence just to feel her moving.
My daughter.
My precious little baby girl. Growing everyday.
The joy consumes me.
The love I feel for her overwhelms me.
The thought of the happiness that lies ahead makes me cry tears of joy.
The calmness this baby has brought into my life is a miracle to me. When I first saw the line turn purple, the instant I knew I was pregnant, I fell to the floor and cried, and they weren’t happy tears. They were tears of disappointment, of worry, of shock. I called my mom and said I couldn’t have a baby because I was crazy. She told me not to talk like that, she told me this was God’s way of proving to me that I wasn’t crazy, that I was worthy of love and capable of giving it.
She was right. I’ve realised that although I am not perfect, although I am flawed in so many ways, even still, I am a woman deserving of love.
I am worthy of the love another child will bring into my life.
Not because I am a good person. Not because I am perfect.
No, because those things I am not.
But because God loves me, because I try everyday to do what’s right. Because I’ve fought so hard to beat the demons that have tormented me and it’s time that I enjoy life. It’s time I have peace and love in my life again.
And this baby has opened my eyes to all that is good in my life. This baby has taught me that second chances are given, even to those who don’t deserve them. People like me.
I love this baby so much already because she’s taught me to forgive myself, to love myself and to truly be happy again.