Last year at this time, I was well into a year of doing boot camp. I was fit, I was strong, I was running, I was feeling and looking great.
Then I lost my job.
Then I injured my knee.
Then I had to quit boot camp because I could no longer afford it.
Then I injured my neck and my shoulder.
Then I got depressed and I ate a lot of things that are unhealthy because they gave me temporary (false) comfort.
Then I gained weight.
Then I was overwhelmed with shame and regret.
Then I finally made an appointment with my endocrinologist and cried in her office because I was back up to 197 pound and was ashamed, embarrassed and scared.
Then my endocrinologist contacted me last week and said all of my test results were normal and that she has no doubt that I will lose the weight and get fit again.
And then I decided to believe that she is right. That just because I’ve had a set back doesn’t mean that I am a failure.
Then I decided that shame will only hold me back from my goals and from living my best life.
Then I decided it’s time to let go of the shame and replace it with determination.
It’s time to set new goals and start living life again.
What’s done is done. What happens next is up to me.
We have a new member of the family.
He’s a Yorkie and his name is Choco.
It all happened so fast.
Long story short? We lost both of our dogs last year. Our daughter was heartbroken. She asked for a new dog often. I would tell her things like “Maybe for Christmas next year!”
Then one day my mother in law called me and said that her neighbor had an adorable little dog but her husband was allergic and she had to find it a new home. And she was all “he’s trained and he’s cute and he’s just the most precious little dog in all of the world.” I agreed to meet the dog and see if he would be a good fit for our family. We ended up bringing him home the very next day.
We hadn’t mentioned any of this to our daughter, so the day we brought him home we surprised her after school.
In my excitement, I totally left the dog out of the video. But don’t panic! I have pictures!
He is perfect for us and just what our family was missing. Happy my girl has another furry friend to love and make memories with.
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A few weeks ago a friend of mine asked me if I would take senior portraits of her daughter. I’ve never taken senior portraits before, but I was up for the challenge. Luckily, my friend’s daughter has a great personality and made things easy for me.
I started out extremely nervous, but ended up having a great time. It was a good learning experience. The best part was the text that I received after the shoot was over.
Nothing feels better than knowing something you did made someone happy.
On Monday night, Ethan and I had a very serious talk about school and grades. My son has always made good grades. All a’s and b’s so far in high school. But this last semester he struggled a bit with hard classes and he felt like I was being negative, not giving him credit for how well he has done overall in school. Voices were raised, feelings were hurt, tears were shed.
After the conversation was over, my daughter walked into the room and handed her brother a piece of paper.
What she wrote brought me to tears because it was so lovely and everything I hope my children will be to each other in life (Kind, sympathetic, understanding, encouraging, supportive.) It was extra special because those two argue like crazy. But I know at their core and in the depths of their hearts, there is nothing but love. At the moment I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than knowing that my children love and care for one another when it matters the most.
(I have Gabriella’s permission to post this. She wants others to see “how families can love each other.” She’s the best.)
I often wonder how my job loss has affected my daughter. She’s had to give up things that she loves (like gymnastics) because there just isn’t any money. I feel like a failure and wonder if she’s upset with me for having put our family in this position.
And then today I found this paper in her homework folder. My fears have been put to rest and I no longer have to wonder.
She believes she is rich because she has a family.
In 2009, my aunt Heidi passed away unexpectedly.
She was the age that I am as I type this. Forty two.
She had many health problems, but no one expected her to pass away the day that she did. It was a horribly sad day for everyone who loved her.
I loved her so very much and her death devastated me.
She was one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. I know that sounds cliche, but how many women do you know who got SHOT IN THE HEAD and survived? My aunt did.
I knew she loved me dearly. I also knew that if I screwed up in school or got out of line, she would kick my ass. And I LOVED her for it. She made me feel special, she made me feel loved, she made me feel valuable. And, OH how she made me laugh.
I miss her so much.
My aunt had one child. A beautiful daughter named Mallory. That little girl was everything to my aunt.
That little girl is now 27 years old. She has grown into a beautiful, intelligent young woman who has chosen to spend her life teaching children. I have no doubts my aunt would be incredibly proud of her baby girl. I know our entire family is.
On March 10th, my cousin got married. My mom, my sister and I flew out to Texas to be there for the wedding. I was honored to not only be invited to the wedding, but to be asked to photograph it.
Photographing a wedding is hard work. But I feel truly blessed to have been able to do this for my cousin.
(Here are just a few of my favorites.)
I swear it was just yesterday that she thought we were the coolest people in the world and wanted to do everything with us. Now, we are the annoying Elderly People who interrupt her homework time to force her to take embarrassing Selfies with us.
March 3, 1993 you made your entrance into our lives. I always tell people you were a perfect baby and it’s the truth in every way. You were calm, you were cuddly, you slept well, you didn’t fuss much and you made each day special and worth getting up for. 21 years later– the same is true.
You have grown into a responsible, selfless, kind, hilarious (if sometimes annoying and YOU KNOW WHY I say that.) young man. I genuinely enjoy the person you have become.
My wish for you today is that you do not waste your youth. You are living the best days of your life right now. Learn, grow, better yourself every opportunity you get, never let fear stop you from doing something, have fun with your friends, make memories, drink responsibly, respect women, and whatever you do, DO NOT make me a grandma for at least another 5 years.
It’s been a pleasure to raise you, my son.
I love you.
p.s. You can legally buy alcohol now.
p.p.s Stella Rosa Orange Mascato is my favorite.
p.p.p.s The BevMo on 19th st. is open now.