This morning I picked up The Pregnancy Bible and started reading. I pretty much have the book memorized from my first two pregnancies, but I always seem to learn something new when reading it.
In today’s reading session, I was reminded of the hell that will be my life after giving birth to my baby.
*bloody, vaginal discharge
*abdominal cramps
*perinal discomfort, pain, numbness, especially if you had stitches. (pain worse with sneezing and coughing
*discomfort sitting and walking.
*difficulty urinating for a day or two, difficulty and discomfort with bowel movements for the first few days.
*general soreness
*bloodshot eyes, black and blue marks around eyes, cheeks, elsewhere from vigorous pushing.
*sweating, possibly profuse, after the first couple days
*breast discomfort and engorgement.
*sore or cracked nipples if you are breastfeeding.
And that’s putting it mildly. If I remember correctly, my tits were BLEEDING. Reading this brought it all back, fresh in my mind. The pain, the dicomfort, the not being able to sleep, the baby sucking on my tits every 2/3 hours and me crying because it hurts and I JUST WANT TO SLEEP.
I know that it’s a small price to pay for the miracle of the little life I’ll have to love, but still. Just thinking about that, it freaks me the fuck out. And it makes me hate men. Hate them because they don’t have their bodies torn to pieces, they don’t bleed for days after the baby is born, they don’t have milk squirting out of their tits, they don’t have black eyes from pushing, they don’t have to shit out the 8 pound baby. They get to stand there and hold the baby all proud, cocks fully intact and unaffected, “This is my baby, isn’t she beautiful?” While the woman gets to rub witch hazel pads on her ass to stop the itching from the hemorrhoids.
I know it’s not their fault, but I can still hate them for it.

Well. My baby would not cooperate. It wouldn’t stop moving, twisting, kicking, and all the other things 17 week babies do. Not for a second. It took two ultrasound technicians and 1 hour to get the pictures they needed. The first one told me she wasn’t going to be able to determine the sex because the baby had it’s legs closed. However, while she was showing me, she got a glimpse between the legs and said “Oh, that looks like a little….” But I can’t be sure.
So, the second guy comes in to try to get pictures of the heart. He had me get up and jump up and down to try to make the baby switch positions so he could get the pictures he needed. He finally was able to get all the important pictures and the first tech asked him if he could try to see the sex of the baby. He had me lay on my right side. That didn’t work. He had me lay on my left side. That didn’t work. He had me lay flat on my back again. Finally, he could see, but not as clearly as he would have liked.
He said “If I had to make a guess, I would say it’s a 90% likelihood it’s a….

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Today is the Big Day. I’m nervous, excited, scared. Nervous about drinking 32 oz of water and not being able to go pee. Excited to find out the sex of my baby. Scared that they’ll find something wrong with my baby.
I will be going alone since Tony couldn’t get the day off. I cried when he left this morning and he was trying not to. We wanted to share this day together, but such is life.
Hopefully, everything will look wonderful and maybe, just maybe they’ll tell me I’m actually 8 months along instead of 4. That would make me happy.

WOAH. I just felt my little baby stronger than I ever have. It caught me off gaurd. I’ve felt little flutters here and there, but this…. this was strong. Of course, I’m crying.
It’s very hard to explain, but there are moments when I forget I’m pregnant, then something like this happens and it hits me all over again. I feel overwhelmed, I feel joy, I feel excitment, I feel nervousness, but mostly I feel love.
I wish I could bottle up the emotion I feel at this moment and save it for bad day. This is the greatest.

I am 16 weeks pregnant today. I just took this picture a few minutes ago. I know you’re probably thinking the same thing I am.
“That’s HUGE for 4 months.”
Yes, it is. Unusually huge. But keep in mind, I was 60 pounds overweight when I got pregnant. 60 pounds.
So, I drew up a little graph that will totally explain why I look 8 months along instead of 4…

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I can feel my boobs growing right at this moment. They hurt, they itch, they are irritating the hell out of me.
Speaking of itching… my stomach is on FIRE. You see, I was cursed with the kind of skin that has absolutely no elasticity. None. Lucky me! I’m the only one in my family to end up with the kind of skin that produces blue, purple and red stretchmarks during pregnancy. It’s such an amazing site to behold. I’ll never forget the first time my sister and mother saw my stomach when I was pregnant with Andrew.
“OH.MY.GOD, that looks HORRIBLE! THEY’RE PURPLE!”

Hopefully, since I’ve already had two pregnancies, they won’t actually turn colors this time, but if they do, I’m totally ready to embrace the horrific site of colorful stretchmarks on my growing belly. I’ll try to think of it like “A rainbow of the skin”.
But for now, I must find a way to make these boobs stop hurting before I have to take drastic measures.

Last week I recieved a few more baby gifts from my baby registry! You have no idea how happy it makes me that people are happy and excited for this baby and that they are so thoughtful. I bought some thank you cards (they’re in the mail!), but I think it’s only appropriate to thank them publicly as well.
Thank you Jenni and Markj. Me and my family appreciate the gifts and the well wishes from the bottom of our hearts!
My really hot friend, Michael, also sent me a package with some really great things. I wish I could show you all how hot he is, but he wouldn’t be happy if I posted the really hot pictures I have of him. Thank you again, Michael. I love you, and not just because you’re so hot. Really, I mean it.
It truly amazes me how happy my friends and family are for this baby. Yesterday, I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We gave each other a big hug and she asked what was new with me. I pointed to my tummy, she looked, she kept looking and then it hit her. She started to cry. “You’re having a baby!” She hugged me so tight. She kept saying how wonderful that was and how happy it made her. Of course, being the crybaby I am, I started crying with her. I get that reaction whenever I tell someone. It’s awesome.
I still remember when I found out I was pregnant. Standing there, completely shocked as the line turned purple. I remember screaming “Noooooo!”. I called Tony and I was hysterical. I called my mom screaming about how “I can’t have a baby, I’m crazy!” I cried and cried and cried and cried. I thought it was the worst news I could have recieved.
Now, it’s the best thing that’s happened to me. I can’t wait for this baby to get here. I can’t wait for the joy that is in store for me and my family. I am so happy.
Sure, I still have moments of doubt. Like when I see a couple at a restaurant trying to eat, while their baby is screaming and crying and pulling everything they can off the table. I think to myself, “I’ve already been there, done that!” But those moments are far less then they were at the beginning. I dwell on the positive now. I dwell on how beautiful it is to hold a baby in your arms. How exciting all of their “firsts” are. How amazing it is the first time you hear “I love you”.
I never imagined I’d be doing this all over again, but I thank God that I am. I think this is going to be an amazing time in our lives!

I just felt my baby move inside of me for the first time.
That is what life is about.

I saw my baby for the first time today. I saw it’s heartbeat.
I was in awe as I saw the heart pounding away. I cried. I laughed. I fell in love.
I love this baby. So much.
I’m fine. The cramps could be a number of things, but it there isn’t anything wrong with my baby.

My friends insist that I must have an epideral with this birth.
It’s not going to happen.
I had both of my boys without one and I lived to tell about it.
My reasons for not having one have nothing to do with wanting to have a “natural” birth, and everything to do with my extreme fear of needles. I would never volunteer to get a big ass needle in my back. Oh. Hell. No.
I am also terrified of not being able to feel my legs. .
I’d rather deal with the pain. God blessed me with a very high tolerance to pain, so it’s all good.
I have seen the process of one getting an epideral and I think all of you women who have them done are INSANE. I don’t care if it only feels like a bee sting when they put it in.
IT’S A NEEDLE IN YOUR BACK!
So, for those of you who think you will convince me to get one so that I can have a pain free labor, thanks, but no thanks. I’ll stick to the ol’ breathing and focal point method to deal.