I want my baby to be born already!
I want to meet her. I want to see what she looks like. I want to kiss her. I want to touch her soft skin. I want to watch her sleep. I want to rock her and sniff her. I want to tell her I love her. I just want to hold my little girl already.
And I’ll be honest, I’d like my waistline back.
But I want her more. Hurry up, time. I’m aching for my baby.
Gabby’s room is finally painted. The chair rail is up. The window is encased.
All we have to do now is put up the boarder, decorate and get the furniture (which we have yet to purchase, but have already have already picked out) in there.
It’s going to be so adorable. Here are a few pictures of the colors we painted and what the border will look like once we get it up.
(Click to enlarge)
Now tell me, does it get any more precious than that?
No, I don’t think it does.
(oh, and yeah, I have a thing for purple rooms)
Ok. This isn’t right. There is baby stuff ALL OVER MY HOUSE. Baby shampoo, pink little outfits, bathtubs, little pink shoes.
BABY STUFF. IN MY HOUSE. THE HOUSE THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANYMORE BABIES. EVER.
And it’s GIRL baby stuff. PINK. IN MY HOUSE. The house full of bb guns, GI Joe’s, hot wheels, trucks.
This isn’t right. How did this happen?
Oh and did you know my belly is HUGE, all full of stretch marks? Did you know there’s a little girl growing in there?
When the hell did this all happen? How did this happen to the couple who was DONE HAVING KIDS FOREVER AND EVER?
We’re having a BABY!
1am- not feeling so good.
1:15am- hear someone puking in the bathroom. It’s Tony.
2am- have cramping, chills and naseua. “The runs” set in.
3am- Still have all of the above. (The eating disorder in me is secretely happy becasue I’ll lose weight, then the protective mother in me gets scared, wondering if food poisoning can hurt my baby, so I call Kaiser and am told to go to urgent care immediately.)
3:15am- Take a shower, get dressed to go to the hospital. Listen to Tony puke some more. Check Ethan to see if he still has a fever, give him his medicine.
3:30am- Sneeze, puke and piss myself all at the same time WHILE MY HUSBAND WIPES THE PISS FROM MY LEGS. Continue to puke for the next 20 minutes while my husband runs and pukes in the other bathroom.
4am- Convince my husband that I can drive alone to the hospital. Get there and am hooked up to a monitor.
The next 2 hours, puke, diarrhea, puke, cramp, and cry.
6am- Freak out because they tell me they are going to have to hook me up to an IV.
6:15am- Get one vein poked, prodded and poked some more with IV, cry and moan in pain, almost pass out at the site of blood because the vein collapsed. Another nurse comes in, tries again in the same area. Fails. Pokes the other arm, fails. I cry and cry and moan and beg them to let me go home. Finally, the IV is inserted.
7am- Given a shot in the hip to stop the throwing up. Cry more from the stinging pain.
8-11- Get up to go to the bathroom ever 5 minutes. Find out my husband dropped the kids off at my mom’s house, only to be sent home for puking.
12- Have blood drawn.
4pm- Given another shot for the vomiting, this time through the IV tube, SCREAM IN PAIN BECAUSE IT BURNS AND STINGS SO FUCKING BAD.
4-7pm- sleep, shit, sleep and shit again. Finally am released.
7:30pm- Go to pick up the boys at my mom’s house. Find Andrew on her bathroom floor crying that he’s going to throw up but he’s afraid he’ll choke and not be able to breathe (just like me) Ethan is burning up with fever. I have the shits again, my body aches.
Now I sit here, still feeling like shit, still having the shits, taking care of 2 sick boys, one who is terrified to throw up.
So, how the hell was YOUR DAY?
Everything on my body is growing at rapid speed. My tummy, my feet, my ass, my NOSE (yes, I have pregnant nose) but my boobs… My boobs are “Like, woah”!! I have officially outgrown the D. My God, the milk hasn’t even come in yet, that’s still 3 months away. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THEM? HOW BIG CAN THEY GET BEFORE THEY BLOWUP? HOW MANY MORE BIG, UGLY, BUTTPURPLE VIENS ARE GOING TO POP UP?
I’m scared. And I’m not even kidding.
Each day with this pregnancy feels like an eternity because of the discomfort I’m in, yet, I can’t believe that I am more than halfway there.
My due date is only 98 days away.
I find myself day dreaming about my baby all day long. I wonder how the labor and delivery will go. Will I be in labor for 9 hours like I was with my boys? Or will it go so quickly that I barely make it to the hospital? Will everything go smoothly, or will I have complications?
I wonder often what she’ll look like. Will she be a perfectly beautiful baby like Andrew was? Or will she look goofy like Ethan did when he was born? Will she be healthy? Have 10 fingers and 10 toes? Will she have a head full of hair or be bald? How much will she weigh? Will she cry all the time like Ethan or will she be calm and quiet like Andrew? Will she have chubby cheeks?
I love her so much already. I can’t wait to meet this little person.
I still have fears about having a daughter. I am scared that I won’t be able to be the kind of mother she needs. I’m scared of treating her the way my mother treated me. I promise myself every day that I will not, that I will never make her feel ashamed of who she is. That I will teach her that she is beautiful no matter what society thinks. I will teach her to love herself first so that she is able to give love and accept love from others. I will comfort her when she’s sad. I will always try to understand her, even when I don’t agree with her. I will support her in every way I can. I will never put her down and humiliate her. And most importantly, I will always hug her, kiss her and tell her how much I love her. Every single day.
I never want my daughter to feel uncomfortable around me, the way I do around my mother. I don’t want her to hestitate to show her love for me with hugs and kisses the way I do with my mother (for fear of rejection). I don’t ever want her to have the self hatred that I have struggled with my entire life. I never want her to hate herself so much that she would rather be dead then feel the pain, hurt and sadness. I know we all have moments of sadness, moments where we feel unworthy of love, moments where life hurts, however, I want my daughter to be able to come to me in those times for reassurance. I don’t want her to feel like she has no one and lock herself in her bedroom, the way I did. Happiness and love are all I wish for her and I promise that I will live my life to make sure she has those things.
Now, if these 98 days would hurry up and fly by already so I can hold her in my arms and start living up to all of these promises I’ve made to her.
Came home to find a package from Amazon…
Heather bought my little Gabriella the Ocean Wonders Aquarium. I am totally in love with the Aquarium series, I was thrilled when I saw it! I’ve heard from several moms that babies love these products, I can’t wait until baby can enjoy them.
Thank you, Heather. I truly appreciate your thoughtfulness and generousity.
Only 99 more days until my Gabby is due to arrive. I can’t wait…
I went to see my doctor today about the back pain I’ve been having. I had a pretty bad fall last week on the way out to the car and I’ve hurt ever since.
I brought the boys with me since they’re still on spring break. Oh, how they make me laugh. The nurse asked me to step on the scale, so I hop on. All of a sudden, I hear laughter. I look over and Ethan is laughing so hard he’s crying.
“What’s so funny, Ethan?” I ask.
“Mom, oh my God, you weigh more than DAD!” He says in a VERY LOUD VOICE FOR EVERYONE THERE TO HEAR.
I didn’t say anything until we were in the room waiting for the doctor. I asked Ethan why that was so funny. “Uh, men always weigh more than women, mom, you’re the Incredible Gigantic Woman!!” Yeah, I felt a little stupid, but I couldn’t stop laughing.
I tried to use the excuse “I’m pregnant”, but he wasn’t having it.
Nothing like a kids brutal honesty to humiliate you and put your fat ass in it’s place.
Don’t worry, I’ve threatened his playstation2 and his freedom if he tells a single soul how much I actually weigh.
I have been searching all morning for a theme for Gabriella’s room all morning. Since I’ve had two baby boys rooms, I want her room to be as girlie, sweet and pink as possible.
I think I found what I’m looking for! You tell me, does it get any more girly than this…
I’m completely in love with my baby.
Yesterday, they confirmed that I am going to have a little girl. The ultrasound was unlike any I’ve ever had. They spent about 40 minutes just letting us see her and we were able to see everything. At one point, we even got to see her little mouth opening and closing. We saw her nose, her eyes, her little fingers opening and closing. Tony and I both cried and fell so deeply in love with her. We saw her heart beating while her little legs kicked. I know it means nothing to anyone else, but to me and my family, it was the greatest experience.
We’ve decided we’re going to name her Gabriella Mercedes. I love her so much already. It’s incredible.
They made a video tape of the ultrasound and I tried to record a little bit of it with my camera so I could share it with everyone. I wasn’t able to get a good picture, but I did get a shot where you can see her little face, then you can see her hand and her fingers moving. I know you won’t enjoy it as much as I do, but I had to show her off.
If you care to see, here’s my sweet girl. (the quality is very poor, but you can see… Quicktime required)