Category Archives: Unexpectedly Pregnant

Don’t hate me because I’m smart

I figured out that I can get pretty much anything I want by starting my sentence with this.
“I read another way to naturally induce labor is to…”
I can follow that with whatever I am craving/wanting at the moment, and I’ll get it!
Me: “I read another way to naturally induce labor is to eat curly fries with ranch dressing from Jack in the Box. The combination of the spices they use on the fries and the ingredients in the dressing produces a natural poticin.”
Tony: “Yeah? I’ll go get you some RIGHT NOW!”
Me: I read another way to naturally induce labor is to have mudd pie ice cream hand fed to you while being told repeatedly “I live to serve you”. Something about the oreos in the mudd pie and the boosted self esteem.”
Tony: “I’ll get right on that!!!”
Me: “I read that another way to naturally induce labor is to douse yourself in Escada’s new perfume, Island kiss. Something about the combination of scents used simulating production of natural potocin. Too bad I don’t have any!”
Tony: “Is Macy’s still open?”
You get the idea.
I’m just trying to figure out how to turn a negative into a positive, people.

So fresh and so clean clean

I’m staring at the bags I have packed when it’s time to go. Gabby’s diaper bag, filled with diapers, wipes, her coming home outfit. The boys bag, filled with a change of clothes, clean socks and underwear and a note to each of them telling them how much I love, admire and need them (in case, God forbid, something happens to me, I want them to know exactly how I feel about them.) My bag, filled with diaper sized maxi pads, nursing pads, girdle panties, and all that stuff I need to make my face pretty when I leave the hospital. Laying next to the bags are the cameras– Video, digital, 35mm. All ready to go when it’s time.

I’m so ready for this to happen and because I’m so prepared and ready to go, I can’t think about anything else.

I’m analyzing every contraction.”Oh, that one hurt, could this be it?” “Oh, that one lasted 45 seconds, maybe tonight?”

But nothing. I’m still here and she’s not.

I’m glad that when it IS finally time, we’re all prepared. There won’t be any scrambling to get things together. There won’t be any panic that I’ve forgotten something, because it’s all ready to go.
The only thing I’ll have to worry about is taking a shower right before we leave, as requested by my husband, because he’d like our daughter to be born (and I quote word for word) “out a freshly clean twat.”
Now, when the hell is she going to decide to come out of my freshly scrubbed vagina?
Soon I hope, very soon. As in “tonight” soon.


Just got back from the doctors. He was able to get a heartbeat, but ordered a non stress test to check the baby’s movement and the amniotic fluid. At first, she wouldn’t move, so they put this little gadget on my belly that they use to “wake the baby up” It sends a sound into the uterus.
Holy shit. She woke up and she was pissed. She finally started kicking and her heartbeat went up. I was so relieved. The fluid levels are just right.
So, she’s fine. And now I am too. I was terrified. (Not that I have a tendancy to over react or anything)
Also, I’m starting to dialate, but only 1- 1/2 centimeters right now. That doesn’t mean much, doctor said it could still be 2 weeks. He also ordered me to rest and stay off my feet. He said that with my panic disorder and history of depression, it’s best if I go into labor on my own and they don’t have to interfere. I have no problems obeying his orders to stay off the feet. Eff this house, I want a healthy baby girl and I’d like to live to see her.

Thank you for the well wishes.


I’ve had it. I can’t take this anymore. Seriously.
I’m swollen, my back hurts, my feet hurt, my head hurts. I’m totally useless. I try to get work done, but my body is like “Oh hell naw!” ”
I would like my body back.
I CAN’T TAKE THIS. I never felt like this with my other pregnancies.
And yet? COMPLAINING ANYWAY. I just want to feel healthy again, I want to feel like me again.
And I want my appetite back. I can’t even EAT because I’m so miserable.
But mostly, I want my little girl already. I need her desperately, to see her, to hold her, to kiss her so I can say “this was all worth it”.
I can’t do this much longer, I am going to lose my mind, if I haven’t already.

So, what was the point, really?

I’m not feeling so well today so I decided to do something that I never do.
I asked for help.
I have a hard time accepting help when it’s offered, so to actually ask for help kills me. But I had to. I can’t stand for more than a few minutes without swelling like a pig and feeling dizzy.
I called my mother in law and asked her if she would help me and clean my house (she has a cleaning business.) She was more than happy to help, she’ll be here tomorrow morning with her “crew.”
So guess what I’m doing right now?
CLEANING before she gets here.
The more I think about it, the less I like the idea of her seeing my house in this condition.
I know this totally defeats the purpose of asking her to help me, but I’m just trying to make it decent. I’ll let her do all the hard stuff, like scrubbing the tubs and toilets.
I don’t know how people let people clean their houses on a regular basis. It’s too damn stressful for me. Especially considering it’s my MOTHER IN LAW that’ll be doing the cleaning.

Under pressure

After a routine visit, my doctor admitted me to Labor and Delivery because my blood pressure was high again and he wanted them to monitor me and do some blood work. My pressure went down and blood work came back normal, so they sent me home with orders of “bed rest”
Uh, yeah, right. That’s not even possible. I have 4303029 things to do before this baby comes. Cleaning my house inside out is one of them. I know I’ll have lots of visitors once she’s born and there’s no way in hell anyone is coming in with the house in this condition. Also, I have to do grocery shopping and more importantly, I have 2 boys I have to take care of. So there will be no bed rest for me. Not now, I have to be ready for this baby.
Speaking of my boys… You know, I don’t give a shit when people leave rude and insulting comments directed at ME. However, if you are pathetic enough to leave insulting comments about my KIDS? I kinda get urges to want to hurt you in evil, cruel ways and I WILL ban your ass from ever coming here again. Just thought I’d let that be known.
I predict that this baby will be born within the next 10 days. Wishful thinking on my part? Perhaps, but I just have this feeling that there’s no way I’ll make it til the 29th. Then again, what pregnant woman in her 9th month DOES think she’ll make it to her due date? None, I’m sure. Why don’t you people help me will this baby out? Do a dance, a chant, say a prayer, sacrifice a chicken or a goat… SOMETHING, ANYTHING!
I’m begging you.

I’m sure she’s gonna have my butt

Just got back from my doctor appointment.
Everything is fine. Blood pressure was normal. No protein in the urine. The baby is in the head down position, but still high. I did gain 3 pounds in 2 weeks *oink*, that was really the only bad news.
I asked the doctor if he could estimate the weight of the baby. He said “I don’t want to scare you, but if I had to guess, I’d say she’s about 6 1/2- 7 pounds… and ya still have a month to go”
Lord Jesus. My boys were only 7.5 when they were born, and they were born just 3 days before their due date. I need to put her on a diet, because I refuse to push out a 9 pound baby!
I made an appointment for every week for the next four weeks. This is all happening so fast. Before you know it, I’ll be posting pictures of my sweet little girl.
Oh how time flies…

It doesn’t get more entertaining than this, folks.

I now have been diagnosed with a sinus infection and bronchitis.
The best part? I can’t take any cough medicine because it can affect my blood pressure.
I can take antibiotics, so hopefully that will make everything all better. I want to feel better already, damn it!

My brother came over to take the boys for a few hours so I can sleep. I’m so grateful for that. I feel horribly guilty not being able to get up and get around with them. Luckily, they are being very supportive and rolling with the punches. They understand I’m sick and they haven’t complained once. I still feel guilty, but I tell myself soon enough they’ll have their energetic momma back!
So now, I sleep while they’re away.

I just hope this medication kicks in soon so I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!

piss happens.

Every precious moment that occurs in this house is almost always ruined by yours truly.
Let’s take what just happened 5 minutes ago as an example.
The Scene: My husband, on his knees, his hands on my belly, kissing it, rubbing it, talking to our little girl.
“Hey pretty girl. How are you today? You’re going to be daddy’s little precious, you know that?”
I interrupt with a brutal cough, followed by this.
“OH CRAP! I think I just peed myself a little. Excuse me for a minute…
See what I mean? I ruin everything!