I love that little girl.
My God, I love her.
I can’t get over how perfect she is. How beautiful she is. How precious she is. How funny she is. How sweet she is.
She wasn’t supposed to be here.
I’d hear people talk about their “OOOPS” baby. Their “unexpected baby.”
I’d laugh and say “I don’t know what I’d do if that happens to us! Thank GOD for The Rythym Method!”
Ten months later, I STILL can’t get over the whole “She wasn’t supposed to be here” factor. It just makes her so damn special to all of us.
Oh, and did you notice, my daughter, the one I never thought I’d have, HAS DIMPLES?!?
I CAN’T EVEN STAND IT SOMETIMES. She’s just so… amazing. And so, unexpected. And so… not planned and so… MY DAUGHTER.
There. I think I got it out of my system. It was either write it out, or run up and down the street naked screaming “I HAVE A DAUGHTER THAT WASN’T PLANNED AND I TOTALLY LOVE HER AND WANT TO BITE HER TO PIECES!!”
When I first found out I was pregnant with Gabby, I cried. Ok, I FREAKED OUT, fell on the bathroom floor and sobbed. At that moment, I actually said, outloud “This is the worst thing that could happen to me!”
I called my husband, and I cried.
I called my mom, and I cried.
I called my neighbor, and I cried.
I cried for 2 weeks.
I was talking to a woman shortly after I found out the baby I was carrying was a girl. At this point in the pregnancy, I was actually ok with it and was hoping for the best, but I told her the story of “The Day I Found Out” and how I had so much guilt about it. She told me that she had found herself in the exact same situation 12 years earlier. She had two older boys and found out she was unexpectedly pregnant.
Like me, she cried.
Then she looked at me and said “One day, you’ll look at your daughter and you’ll ask yourself ‘how did I ever live without her?.’”
Today, as I watched my daughter fall asleep while wearing her santa hat, I was taken by her beauty, overwhelmed with love and “It” happened. I leaned close to her and I said, outloud, “How did I ever live without you, sweet girl?”
And I cried.
I’ve been having contractions for 13 hours now. I’m totally paranoid and confused as to when I should go back to the hospital. The more I think about it, the angrier I get that they sent me home. I mean, I’m 4 days late, my contractions were 4-6 minutes apart. Couldn’t they have broke my water for me? Or induced? I don’t understand and like I said, now I have no idea when would be a good time to go back because I do NOT want to get sent home again. I don’t think it’s ok for me to sit here waiting either. I don’t know what to do.
And as if I wasn’t miserable enough, my mother in law decided to show up right now with her “helper” to clean my house. I know it’s totally thoughtful of her to do, but NOT TODAY. I don’t want to talk to anyone or be bothered. I don’t want to have to wear clothes while I lay in bed. I asked Tony to tell her to not come into my room, but I have a feeling she will anyway.
What’s a girl to do? I’m totally confused. And I HURT EVERYWHERE.
Wanna hear something really hilarious? I mean.. freaking hilarious????
THEY SENT MY OVERDUE, PREGNANT ASS HOME.
Even though my contractions are only 4-6 minutes apart. Even though they are lasting 45-90 seconds. Even though this is my 3rd baby.
Because I’m only dialted to ONE AND A HALF.
Like I said in the elevator…
EFF MY CERVIX!
And then on the way home.
EFF IT SOME MORE!
Excuse me… *heeeee heeeeeee heeeeeeeeeeeeeee* OUCH. OUUUUUUUUUUUUUCH.
I was pissed off the entire ride home. Tony was all “Why are you pissed?” And I just made a fist, shook it and said “HOW DARE YOU ASK ME WHY!”
And then we laughed. and laughed. Because THIS IS HILARIOUS, PEOPLE. Hi-lar-i-ous!
I’m in so much pain. It hurts SO BAD and the doctor was all “go home and rest!”
Yeah, okay, sure!
Then the nurse was all “you’re scheduled for an induction on the 4th, we’ll probably see you then!”
I asked Tony if I could kick her in the mouth.
The fourth? No, this baby is coming today whether my cervix thinks so or not. I’m not going to be in this kind of pain until the fourth! I really can’t believe this. Oh well, what can I do?
I think I’m going to take a bath now and TRY to sleep in between these contractions.
(I love you guys for thinking of us!)
I just woke Tony up to tell him…
It’s almost 3 am and I’m still home. I tried to sleep, but the contractions are getting stronger.
Damn, I forgot how much they hurt. Ouch.
I’m thinking another 2 hours and we’ll leave for the hospital. I just prefer to be here at home where I can be comfortable as long as I can.
And it’s only going to get worse.
Oh My God. My little girl is on her way.
I have to pee.
I go potty right now and guess what I see?
I’m not bleeding, nothing’s wrong, I just think I’m finally going into labor.
I’m going to the hospital to get checked.
This COULD POSSIBLY, MAYBE be it.
Pray for me, or whatever you do. I’m scared.
WAIT…. I think I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to wait and see what happens.
Should I stay or should I go????
I’m going. If it’s nothing, they’ll send me home, right?
But I’m FOUR DAYS OVERDUE. It has to be something. And if it isn’t, they should induce, right?
Lord have mercy.
No baby yet.
However, there is a little bit of positive news.
It would seem that the mucous plug is starting to dislodge.
Gross, I know. But these are the facts of pregnancy, people. I just report the facts.
Andrew was due on March 6th. He was born on March 3rd.
Ethan was due on June 22. He was born on June 19th.
Both were born exactly 3 days before their due date.
Today is July 26th. Gabriella is due the 29th.
I’m hoping history repeats itself a third time.
“y, I can’t tell which is bigger, your pregnant belly or your back side”
-Grandma Wilma (yesterday, in front of all the guest at my shower)