Can someone please explain the appeal of Star Wars to me?
I didn’t see the movies as a kid. Probably because we weren’t allowed to see it.
So, when they were re-released at the theaters a few years back, I asked Tony to take me so I could FINALLY understand “the hype.”
A half hour in, I started asking “Is it almost over yet?”
I was hating it. H-A-T-I-N-G. Like, wanted to rip my hair out and punch the walls hate. Like, THIS IS SO STUPID, WHY DID I WASTE MY MONEY hate.
So boring. So cheesy.
Totally didn’t get it.
I hate not “getting it”. But not as much as I hate the movie.
I called my sister yesterday to talk about the final episode of The Amazing Race.
I needed to know that I wasn’t the only one crying SO HARD when Uchenna & Joyce were begging for money in the airport.
I also needed to know that I wasn’t the only one who was totally in love with Uchenna.
Also? That I wasn’t the only one who has a HUGE crush on Phil.
Sure enough, I’m not alone. She, too, loves Uchenna. She, too, cried, and she, too, has a crush on Phil.
Uchenna knows how to treat a woman. He is kind, compassionate and understanding. He never once belittled Joyce. When she had to shave her head, he comforted her and acted as if he could feel her pain. He told her she didn’t have to do it, but as she cried and insisted she would do it, he just held her. It was one of the sweetest moments on TV EVER. And I KNOW my TV, people.
I totally love him.
Come to think of it, I have a LOT of celebrity crushes. And since I have no shame, I’ll go ahead and break them down for you.
My Judge Crush: Judge Mathis. He makes my mouth water. Seriously.
My Big Guy Crush: Kevin James I’ve loved this man for the past 3 years, I’m completely addicted to King of Queens. I don’t think I’ve missed an episode. My favorite? The Koosh Ball.
My Old Guy Crush: George.
My Comedian Crush: Todd Glass. Jay WHO? Seriously, the funniest man I’ve ever paid to see.
My Has Been Reality TV Star Crush: Eric Neis. You’re probably all “EW!” But I bet you’ve never done The Grind with him, because if you had, you’d be all “ahh, yeah, baby.
My What The HELL? Crush: Steve Edwards. This could have gone under “My Newcaster Crush”, however, I thought What The Hell was more fitting, because, why DO I love him so much? Why DO I find myself dreaming of meeting him for coffee and holding his hand as we walk along the beach? He’s like, 87 years old? But dude is FUNNY and funny is sexy.
I don’t have enough time to name them all.
Pathetic and immature, I know, but I also know that everyone has celebrity crushes that make their mouth water and if you say you don’t, YOU’RE TOTALLY LYING.
In closing, I’ll leave you with My Childhood TV Crush That I Will Never Get Over For As Long As I Live…
The Mr.Romance “Man Pageant” is on right now.
Why aren’t you watching it? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
Are you watching Mr.Romance?
If not… Do you have any idea the greatness you are missing?
I don’t think you do.
I have a confession.
I watched the Happy Days Reunion show last night.
And I loved it. Because I loved Happy Days.
Oh! The memories!
PINKY TUSCADARO! Leather Tuscadaro! The FONZ! Mr and Mrs.C. POTSIE WEBBER (He was almost always my pretend husband when I’d play barbies, I would rotate between him, and The Doc from The Love Boat… ok, and sometimes Gopher)!!!
However, as great as it was to watch the memories, it was sad to see how old everyone is. Made me all freaked out about how close I am to dying because… ‘LOOK HOW OLD JOANIE IS!’
I’m also slightly pissed off at the fact I can NOT stop telling people to “SIT ON IT!”
Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.
Not since Dumb and Dumber has such a stupid movie made me laugh so damn hard. Seriously. I can’t stop watching it.
I’ve written of the love I possess for The Nies and how she shares the same love for him. But what I have NOT told you is that she took our love to the next level. Oh.Yes.She.Did.
That would be The Grind featuring The Nies all up in my bosom, (where he belongs) and he is all up in there because SHE sent him TO ME! OH LORD. Tonight, I will sit down with a glass of wine and a bag of chocolate covered almonds and take it all in. The bumpin’, the grindin’, the SWEATIN’. I KNOW the point is that I do it with him, but dude, it’s Eric Nies, I won’t be able to watch and DO. How could I ever concentrate hard enough to make that happen?
THANK YOU, Sara.
Anyone watch The Apprentice finale last night?
I was out shopping during the beginning of it and came home just in time to see REGIS PHILBIN all up in the audience with a mic in his hand.
What in the shit was that about?
And Donald was all “Ask all of the great people in the audience who should I vote for”
And Regis was all “Who should The Donald vote for, people?”
And I was all “Why doesn’t The Donald make up his own damn mind and quit acting like a spineless dick about it?”
That was just… STUPID?
And don’t even get me started on the “live band” singing the “Money” song. If I ever hear that song again, someone’s getting a round house kick to the ribs.
I thought it was highly fitting that, while watching that piece of crap finale last night, Gabby lifted her legs and ripped a horrific “wet” fart in the direction of the TV. It was as if she was saying “This is a piece of crap, but since all I’ve got is a fart laced with crap, I’ll go ahead and send a “shout out” to your piece of crap show, you pieces of crap.”
That said, I’m glad that Kelly won. I freaking HATED Jen.
Alrighty, then. That was special, wasn’t it?
I need to thank Sara for trying to help me out in my time of feeling pissy and angry at the world by sending me a picture of Mr.Eric Nies. You may know him from the first ever Real World. Or, you may know him from the current season of the Real World/Road Rules battle of the sexes. OR, just MAYBE you know him from “The Grind” workout video. Then there’s the horrific thought that you might not have ANY FREAKING CLUE who he is. That would be sad for you.
Sad because, I can’t think of another man in the world who is hot AND yet, so totally mockable. Nothing like a fine guy you can laugh at while dreaming of flicking his nipples at the same time. Who cares if he’s almost 50 and he’s still doing things like shooting MUCH YOUNGER people with paint ball guns to try to win prizes? Who cares if, like Mariah Carey, he “can’t let go?” NOT ME, he’s hot. And? HE DOES THE GRIND, PEOPLE.
If you don’t know The Nies, might I suggest that you take the time to get to know him? Research The Nies, educate yourself about The Nies, try to understand The Nies. That way, we can laugh at him and drool over him together.
How can I ever repay Sara for a)sending me the picture and b) understanding where I’m coming from when I talk about how Eric makes everything better.
Ok, not everything, but almost everything.
Yesterday I was watching Oprah (just because I can’t stand her doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to watch her show!!) She had Barry Manilow on to surprise his fans. Now these women went crazy. They were crying and singing along to every song, and I asked myself…
“Why”? Why are the crying? Why are they screaming? Why are they acting this way? Over him. Am I missing out on something great by NOT loving him?
And I was being completely sincere. What is it about him that women love? Because I don’t get it. I don’t see what THEY see. I have to admit, I don’t know his music AT ALL, so that could be why I don’t get it.
I know my best friend in all the land loves him so much, and I’ve never asked her why.
So, you Manilow fans, explain it to me. Please.