I may not look a lot thinner than when I first started boot camp a year ago, but I am definitely stronger and more confident. And I can do things like this. You can have your skinny, I’m totally happy with being stronger and more fit.
Tonight, I tried it again, only this time with two people on top. Bam!
When I posted about losing my job, a very kind and helpful person left the following comment:
You have 2500+ posts in “uncategorized”. And you were managing social media for a company that is supposedly teaching people how to blog?
So helpful! No, seriously. Even though I know the person was kind of being a dick, what they were saying was true. Working for TheCompanyThatShallNotBeNamed made it almost impossible for me to put any time into this blog. I was too busy reading and promoting over 3,000 blogs 5 days a week. That left little time or desire for me to write anything of my own.
Turns out that uncatergorized posts were the least of my worries. Just after I lost my job, my blog was hacked, infected with malware and a complete disaster. Luckily, my kind, talented, generous, all around awesome friend Joelle offered to help me get things fixed and back online. A few days later, I had a new blog host and a beautiful new design. I felt inspired to write again, to become part of the blogging community again.
But those uncategorized posts weighed heavy on my mind, so I decided to go through them and fix the archives up a bit. It took me a couple of weeks, but I went through every single post. It was a trip reading back through the last 12 years of my life. I cringed, A LOT. Depression isn’t fun and reading back through that time was painful. I’m not very proud of who I was 12 years ago. Many of the posts made me cringe. But I’m grateful that I was able to go back in time and remember where I’ve been and appreciate how far I’ve come. The stories I’ve written about my children throughout the past 12 years are one of the best things I’ve done in my life. I would have forgotten so many little, but wonderful life moments were it not for this blog. (Like the time my daughter told me she loved me more than going to the bathroom. Or the time I made the ugliest cupcakes EVER for Ethan’s class on his birthday.) It was evident that my children have always been my comfort, my joy and the thing that I love most in life. I can say that I am proud of the woman, mother that I am now.
Now that this blog has been fixed and things are in order, I feel like I can start over again. I want to write about my life, my kids, my feeeeelings like I used to. I want to build the community back that I once had here with my readers. I want to be myself again without having to censor myself to protect someone else’s brand.
I can’t remember the last time I felt this inspired. Whether it be writing or photography, I look forward to expressing myself creatively again.
September 9th (My 42nd birthday!) marked my one year anniversary of consecutive boot camp sessions. I’ve been doing 6 week sessions (with one week off in between) for an entire year. I’ve struggled at times. I’ve lost weight, I’ve gained weight, I’ve stayed the same in weight. But I’ve never given up.
Since losing my job in August, I’ve been stressed to my limit. I’ve lost sleep, I’ve eaten junk food late at night (stress eating is how I cope.) I was feeling down, defeated and uninspired. This week I promised myself that I would get back to being my best self, meaning no more late night chips and dip stress eating sessions and lots more fruits and veggies. I went to every boot camp class ready to push myself to the max. And it’s amazing how much better I feel already.
Today I remind myself that the past few weeks do NOT erase all of the hard work I’ve put in over the past year. I must forgive myself, remember how far I’ve come and move on.
Today I shared something on Facebook that I wanted to share here as well. I hope you don’t mind but I’m just going to copy and paste what I wrote there.
Yesterday my husband did something pretty awesome and I have to share.
While driving home from work, he was sitting at a red light. He heard a sound of an engine revving but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. He then realized something bad was happening. He got out of his car and realized that the man in the car in front of him was having a seizure and was stepping on the gas. The car had rammed into the SUV in front of it. Tony ran to the SUV and told the lady (who he said was terrifed) what was happening. He told her “do NOT take your foot off of the brake!” Then, Tony started screaming to the cars around him that he needed a crow bar. A man in a car nearby had one. Tony told him to break out the passenger side window. Once the man did that, Tony unlocked the door, jumped in and put the car in park and shut the engine off. He reached around and unlocked the driver’s side door so that the paramedics could get into the car. He said the driver had blood coming out of his mouth (most likely from biting his tongue.) Just as he unlocked the door, the paramedics arrived and took over.
I hope that man is okay. I’m so glad Tony was there to help. I’m so proud of him.
I’m sharing this because my husband goes out of his way to help people every day. He is kind, he is thoughtful, he is selfless. I am so proud of him for not only deciding to jump in to action to help, but for having the presence of mind to do so in a calm and effective manner. I just wanted to shine the light on his goodness today because I can.
He is my hero.
I’ve had a few days to use the headphones and here’s what I can tell you. They are extremely comfortable. I wear mine while working (and by “working” I mean “Facebooking”) and they feel fantastic. They’re lightweight, not bulky and feel really nice on the ears. I asked my son to try them on and the first words out of his mouth were “these are the most comfortable headphones I’ve ever worn!” (And it’s funny how every time I go to use them, I can’t because he’s using them. And he laughs and says “but they’re soooo comfortable!”)
The sound is awesome. I was totally impressed with the crisp, clear sound. I really love the way it handles the bass- it’s deep but doesn’t overpower the music. These headphones are designed for noise isolation and they seal out distracting noise so that allows you to get the full experience of the music regardless of your environment. A cool feature is the ControlTalk Universal. This is an In-line mic with controls that work with Androids, tablets and other devices. It allows you to pause the music directly from the cord so you don’t have to reach for your phone or device.
The headphones come in cool colors. (Mine are Candy Tangerine. They’re shiny, bright and I love them.) If you’re looking for a good, durable, comfortable pair of headphones, I would absolutely recommend these without hesitation. (And so does The Teenager.)
If you’d like a chance to win one of 25 sets of Monster Headphones, here’s all you need to do. Head over to the Monster Headphones page on Walmart.com. Come back and tell me which color of NTunes is your favorite. All comments left on all participating blog posts in this program will be combined and 25 winners will be selected at random. Good luck!
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The Official Rules are available here. This sweepstakes runs from 10/2/13 – 11/1/13.
**updated 11/2. Comments on this are now closed. **
The Middle Child has been bugging me to get his driver permit since the day he turned 15 1/2. I kept putting it off because the longer that kid stays off the road, the better for everyone involved. He recently used the “get all of my friends to bug my mom about letting me get my learner’s permit” tactic.
I signed him up for his online driver’s ed course and three weeks ago the certificate came in the mail. The day we received that we made an appointment with the DMV so he could take his test.
His appointment was last Thursday. He was super excited and super annoying about it.
All morning long he was saying things like “Mom, don’t be late!” And “Mom, make sure you’re there to pick me up on time!” And “don’t forget my certificate when you pick me up!”
I was not late and we got there in plenty of time for his appointment. But we did not anticipate that the line for appointments would be so long nor did we anticipate that ONE employee would be working three lines at once. (Ha ha ha. The Government.)
I began panicking because I was sure we weren’t going to get to our appointment on time. His appointment was at 4:20 and they stop giving written tests at 4:30, so if we were late getting to the window, there was no way he would be able to take the test. Luckily, we were called up at 4:19! Just in time! CLOSE ONE.
We told the lady at the window why we were there.
“Driver’s Ed certificate and birth certificate please.” She says.
“OH SHIT.” I said (in my head) because I hadn’t brought his birth certificate.
After all of that trouble, we walked out of there without my son getting to take his test. And I couldn’t blame the DMV. It was my fault.
That was a fun car ride home!
Yesterday was the big day! The night before, Ethan asked his dad to get his birth certificate out of the safe. I asked Ethan to put all of the paperwork that he needed next to my purse on the kitchen counter so I wouldn’t forget anything.
We arrived to his appointment over an hour early. The lady behind the counter was all “Um, no. You’re TOO early. But, I can give you a number and you can wait with everyone else.”
Luckily, the wait wasn’t very long. They called our number in less than thirty minutes. Everything was going just perfectly.
Ethan walked up to the window. He was so excited! Finally! He was going to be able to take his permit test! And if he passed, he was going to be able to drive home! WOO!
The lady behind the counter asked us why we’re there. Ethan answered “I’m going to take my permit test.” He handed her his birth certificate.
“Do you have your driver’s ed certificate?” She asked.
“I didn’t bring it!” I say.
We immediately start arguing and blaming each other.
“MOM! How could you forget it it?!”
“Ethan, I told you to put all of the paperwork on the table. I just grabbed what you left there. You…”
The woman behind the counter interrupted us.
“It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.” She said. “This isn’t Ethan’s birth certificate.”
We both looked confused as she handed us the certificate.
It was Gabby’s birth certificate.
GABBY’S! WHAT THE HELL? How did my husband NOT look at the name? How did Ethan not notice? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF US IN THIS FAMILY?
He has another appointment on Friday for his third attempt to take his test. I have all of the documents on the fridge ready to go. Wish us luck because OMG WTF ONLY US.
On Friday morning I walked into my daughter’s room to say good morning to her, just like I do every morning. She was already wide awake, reading a book on her Kindle. I sat down on the edge of her bed, kissed her good morning.
“Mommy, yesterday we ran practice laps for our jog-a-thon today. I ran around the entire field without stopping.” She said.
“That’s great, Gabby! I’m so proud of you!”
“I wanted to stop because it was hard, but I thought about you. I thought about how you run in boot camp and I told myself I’m my mommy’s girl and if SHE can do it, then I can do it!”
I didn’t expect to hear her say that, but boy, did it feel good to hear.
It was a reminder that my daughter is watching me, she’s learning from me.
I’m still far from being “thin.” But that doesn’t matter. It’s not about my weight or size. IT’s about the example that I’m setting for my daughter. She sees me grab my backpack and workout mat every day and go to boot camp. She sees the photos of me doing handstands and running and she’s taking it all in. She knows that I take time every day to do something for myself that is keeping me healthy and making me strong. I’m happy to be setting a good example to my girl.
Later that morning, I surprised her at school to cheer her on at the jog-a-thon. I watched her run her little heart out, in the heat. I encouraged her from the sidelines when she got tired.
She ran her little heart on (in her Vans, because she haaaaaaaaaates running shoes. They are like, OMG, so ugly, MOM!) When it was all said and done, she completed a total of 14 laps. I couldn’t be prouder of that girl.
I finished all of my laundry today and it felt freaking awesome. While I was hanging up the last t-shirt, I was all “look at you! You are so brave and strong! That degree from The University of Teenage Marriage is really paying off! YOU’VE GOT THIS!”
But seriously, folks.
I had a rough weekend because losing your job really sucks.
(^^ Me. All Weekend. ^^)
But I’m realizing that it’s not the end of the world. It may be the beginning of some Life Suckage, but life doesn’t end. I have options, connections and some pretty awesome plans. I just have to get past the fear to make things happen.
And I will.
I’m giving myself a week off, to just enjoy not working, my children and quite possibly all of the cheese sticks from Trader Joe’s.
And then, it’s SO on.
Today is one of the worst days of my life.
I’m in shock. I’m scared. And unsure of my future.
My position with the company I’ve loved and been loyal to for over 6 years has been eliminated effective immediately.
I do not know my next steps will be at the moment. But I can tell you that I plan to drink a lot of wine this weekend, wallow in the suck and then get to work on Monday to figure my life out.
I keep telling myself that I will be okay, but I’m not so sure how bills will get paid and how I will take care of my family after the savings runs out.
One thing I’ve learned about myself over the past six years is that I’m smarter than I believed, I am stronger than I think and that I am surrounded by wonderful people who I know will be here for me, to help me find my way.