Monthly Archives: June 2004

I wish I had their brain

My neighbors done gone and out did themselves!

I’ve been hearing suspicious noises at night. It sounds like something slamming up against the wooden fence. I figured it was the cannon they like to shoot off at night.

I was wrong.
It’s their latest “we’re drunk, we got no job, we’re high on speed and got nothing better to do” invention.
The sound I hear is that of a potato being shot out of The Potato Launcher they built. ALL BY THEMSELVES!
They’re proud as hell of their invention! And they should be, because not only can you shoot potatoes, you can light rags on fire, launch them, , aim them at your grown son and light his shirt on fire!

Geniuses, I tell you.

It doesn’t get more entertaining than this, folks.

I now have been diagnosed with a sinus infection and bronchitis.
Lovely.
The best part? I can’t take any cough medicine because it can affect my blood pressure.
Wonderful.
I can take antibiotics, so hopefully that will make everything all better. I want to feel better already, damn it!

My brother came over to take the boys for a few hours so I can sleep. I’m so grateful for that. I feel horribly guilty not being able to get up and get around with them. Luckily, they are being very supportive and rolling with the punches. They understand I’m sick and they haven’t complained once. I still feel guilty, but I tell myself soon enough they’ll have their energetic momma back!
So now, I sleep while they’re away.

I just hope this medication kicks in soon so I CAN BREATHE AGAIN!

piss happens.

Every precious moment that occurs in this house is almost always ruined by yours truly.
Let’s take what just happened 5 minutes ago as an example.
The Scene: My husband, on his knees, his hands on my belly, kissing it, rubbing it, talking to our little girl.
“Hey pretty girl. How are you today? You’re going to be daddy’s little precious, you know that?”
I interrupt with a brutal cough, followed by this.
“OH CRAP! I think I just peed myself a little. Excuse me for a minute…”
See what I mean? I ruin everything!

Does wiping the pits with a washcloth count?

I swore to myself that once I stopped working and became a Stay at Home Mom, I would always make sure to look presentable when my husband came home from work. I swore as tempting as it is to stay in my pj’s all day and not brush my teeth unless I had to go somewhere, that I wouldn’t do it. That I would always try to look nice and smell fresh and clean when he walked in the door.
Well, that lasted a whole 2 weeks.
There’s just something about the “freedom” of NOT HAVING to get dressed if I don’t want to that keeps me from getting dressed and grooming myself in the mornings. I have to stop it though, before he leaves me for some “freshly showered, made up, well dressed WHORE!”
Who am I kidding? He’ll never leave, it’s every man’s dream to come home to this…

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And I care about the Lakers.

I have two boys that I’m busy trying to raise into decent, respectful, loving human beings. I have a little girl growing inside of me wreaking havoc on my body, who I’m trying to do my best to keep safe while making sure I’m ok as well. I have a husband who needs nurtured and cared for who I’m trying to keep a happy home for inspite of my aches and pains.
Come to think of it, I have this really amazing life that needs tending to so I don’t have time or energy to care about stupid people who are hellbent on trying to provoke me. It’s just pathetic.
All I do is write about my life, my feelings, my baby, my kids, my hopes and dreams and my aching crotch. Some people hate me for that. So be it. I don’t care.
I care about my children, my husband, the well being of my friends and family, the soldiers and their families, my dogs and my rabbit. I care about getting Gabby’s room ready in time for her arrival, I care about making my house a home for all of these wondeful people I get to share my life with. Those are the things I spend my time worrying about.
Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, they mean a great deal to me. Now, it’s peepee and back to bed for me.

My bladder is crying

I dread bedtime. I know it’s going to be filled with pain, discomfort, having to get up and crawl to the bathroom at least 5 times during the night, stuffing pillows in between my legs, having to wake Tony up to push me over on my other side, blahblahblah… And now the baby is so big, she shreds my insides when she starts kicking.
I’m thinking she needs to come early. No way I can do this another 5 weeks. Just NO WAY.
I just want to sleep. And I can’t. Damn.

Can you spot the HOT COP?

The ordeal is over.

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The cops came.
They conquered.
They even had a little fun with the situation.

My favorite thing about that last picture? My Tweaker Neighbor in the background. She just “appears” in places and you don’t even see her coming. I laughed my ass off when I saw that picture.

The cops were great. They had a lot of fun with Ethan about it and didn’t laugh too hard at me. And one of them was so hot, I was almost glad I didn’t wear a bra. Yeah. I said it.
Ah, I love my neighborhood.

Bible camp just might be the answer.

I’m such a dumbass.

Ethan has handcuffs on him that won’t come off. And there’s no key. The kids said they are real handcuffs and I just believed them. They don’t LOOK real, but they’re not plastic.
I called the fire department to see if I could take him down there and have them cut off. I told the lady they were real, so she called a police officer and he’s on his way to my house to try to open them with his key.
I ask the kid who they belong to “Where did you get these handcuffs” He says “From the ICE CREAM MAN, HE SELLS METAL ONES.”
What the hell am I going to say to the officer that comes out here thinking these are real handcuffs? And I can only imagine he’s going to be pissed that he had to drive all the way over here for this.
Oh Mother of Heysoos, this is only week one of summer vacation!

No, I’m not, I just blog a lot.

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That is what I look like today. I look very pregnant, right?
Ok, I just ran into a friend I haven’t seen or talked to in over 2 years. She didn’t recognize me at first, but once I said her name, she realized who I was. She looked me dead in the eye and asked…
“Are you…… Are you PREGNANT?”
You see my belly, is there any doubt I’m pregnant?