“I miss the happy/funny Yvonne.. where is she!?! Please come back!”
This comment was left by my cousin on a post I had written on Facebook.
I haven’t stopped thinking about it ever since I read it. It’s true, I haven’t been myself since my son left for boot camp. And especially since he was injured and placed in medical recovery.
I’m finding it hard to sleep at night. I toss and turn until I can’t stand it anymore. So, I get out of bed and do laundry, or watch re-runs of The Office. Or eat flaming hot cheetos.
The lack of sleep is starting to take a toll on my body and it sucks. I know my son being away isn’t the end of the world, but being away from him for so long (45 days and counting) is wearing on me. I’m tired, bloated, sad, and not very much fun to be around (or to be friends with on Facebook, or to follow on Twitter.)
I don’t want to be this way. I want to find joy in every day life and be happy and start taking care of myself again, but I can’t seem to find the motivation.
The day Andrew left for boot camp, I stopped going to my fitness boot camp. And boy, does it show. I’ve not felt good physically, which wears on me mentally and hello, Vicious Cycle. I was hoping to pick it back up, but Ethan’s travel ball is depleting my checking account and so it’s just not financially possible. I decided to stop sulking about not being able to afford boot camp and start running again. Luckily, I have a friend who’s willing to do it with me. I’m hoping once I start moving my body regularly again, some of these sad feelings will begin to disappear and I will start feeling more like myself again.
If that doesn’t work, there’s always alcohol.
(edited to add: Please don’t mistake the title of this post to mean that I feel like people are ignoring me or not being supportive. In fact, quite the opposite. I could not imaging going through this WITHOUT you guys. I’ve received the kindest, moving loving comments and emails. I am so grateful. It’s just… all of my tweets and Facebook updates are so SAD PANDA and I was re-reading them before I wrote this post and thinking how annoying this must be for people to read. I love my readers, except for the one asshole who keeps calling my son fat. I don’t love you.)