As Real As It May Seem

Last night, while you were sleeping, I was dancing with Prince.
It was incredible. I was sitting in the front row, when he looked my way. I screamed his name, we locked eyes and he pointed at me. I jumped up and down, he walked down the stairs and grabbed my hand. He pulled me on stage and began to sing.
I would die for you…
As he sang, he began to dance up on me. I was embarrassed for about ten seconds. “I’m too fat to dance with Prince!” is what I was thinking, but the way he looked in my eyes while thrusting his sexy hips towards mine put me at ease. And when I say “put me at ease” I mean “made me horny.”
I began to dance with him. We were in perfect time. I smiled as I threw my hands in the air. He looked directly in my eyes. I felt weak down there.
I began to sing along with him as we danced. People were cheering. My heart (and by “heart” I mean “you know what!”) was pounding. This was the best thing that had happened to me since giving birth to my children.
“My cousin will be so jealous!” I thought, as he placed his hands around my waist and pulled me close.
I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away.
Then I dropped it to the floor. Hard. He stopped singing and stared at me in amazement. I had done that move many times in the (Dueling Piano) bar, but never in my wildest dreams did I think I would do that on stage, in front of Prince.
The crowed went crazy.
“I can’t believe this is happening!” I thought to myself as I popped my booty hard for Prince.
The song ended, Prince grabbed me and gave me the sexiest hug I had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. We embraced for what felt like an hour. He kissed me on the cheek and thanked me.
“No, thank YOU, baby.” I whispered in his ear.
As I walked off stage, cameras went off all around me. People were cheering. I lifted my hands in the air and screamed. “Wooooooooooooooo!!”
I walked over to one of the ladies who had been taking pictures. “If I give you my email address, will you send me the pictures? No one will ever believe this happened without seeing pictures!”
She said she absolutely would send them to me.
I woke up this morning and ran to the computer to look for her email. I couldn’t wait to post the photos on Facebook and tag everyone I know and be all “LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT! BEST NIGHT EVER!”
The email wasn’t there. I went back to bed and tried to fall back asleep. I got up again five minutes later. Nothing. Again. Nothing. Again. Nothing.
I started to panic. What if she lost my email address? What if she never sent the pictures? WHAT IF NO ONE BELIEVED ME?
I felt a tap on my shoulder and then a whisper in my ear.
“Mommy? I’m hungry. Can you please wake up and make me breakfast now?”
I sat up, looked around. I was in my bed, wearing the same t-shirt I had on all day yesterday. My daughter was wearing her princess pajamas. I felt confused. And scared.
“Sure. Go wait for me in the kitchen. I’ll be there in five minutes.”
After she had left the room, I fell face first into the pillow and yelled “Nooooo!”
I thought about checking my email one more time, just in case the pictures were there waiting for me, but instead, I punched myself in the face for believing that I had actually been dancing with Prince.
Stupid asshole dreams.

15 thoughts on “As Real As It May Seem

  1. vedjen

    Yes! Yes! YES!
    Long-time-reader, never-a-commenter but had to tell you I loved (LAAHHHVED!) this post. I could hear about grinding with Prince all day long — fantasy or not.

  2. Julia

    LOL… that sucks… (although secretly I think Prince looks like a girl)…anywho I had a dream I was pregnant! Thank GOD it was just a dream…I have my two babies and that is just enough for me!

  3. Missy K

    Oh NO!! I was SO looking forward to pics of you grinding with Prince. LOL! You would have put all those others to shame.

  4. Tammy

    Long time reader also and have to say reading your PRINCE post was a great morning perk up. Few people in my life have ever understood my response to PRINCE and why I love the movie Purple Rain. So sorry it was just a dream, but the good thing about dreams is they can and often do repeat themselves. So wishing you many more PRINCE dreams.

  5. Alicia CP

    I was soooooo excited for you! (And jealous. Shuddup!) But a sexy Prince dream is better than my dream about an old boss throwing herself a going away party.
    Even my dreams are boring. * sad song *
    Thanks for sharing. And making me laugh.

  6. Sara

    “‘I can’t believe this is happening!’ I thought to myself as I popped my booty hard for Prince.”
    I love you.

  7. Rebecca Grace

    Yes, I was scrolling down to look for the pictures, too. Too funny. At least you had a great dream, unlike my recurring dream where I have to pee and I go from bathroom to bathroom, but all the toilets are out of order or completely gross and raunchy so I can’t use them… Eventually I wake up and, guess what? I REALLY HAVE TO PEE!!!

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