This Is All Your Fault, Everyone Who Commented on the Previous Post (P.S. Thank You, Everyone Who Commented on That Post.)

Check me out. I’m writing on my blog. Because I can. Because I love to write. Because I love that I can write whatever I want, about anything I want for no reason at all. I love that I’ll be able come back and read these words in the future and I’ll be reminded of the time I sat at the computer and wrote this post because I felt like writing. Not because I wanted to sell you something or because I needed to increase my traffic or because I was building my brand.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Because there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s why you blog. To each his or her own. I truly mean that. I don’t begrudge people who do this for business reasons or to make money or to get free things. Hell, I run ads on my site. I will write a review or participate in a giveaway every once in a while. Sometimes I’ll do it because I love the product, sometimes I’ll do it to earn a little extra cash to stash away in my Secret PayPal Account (for which I can spend on things like shoes and perfume and not feel any guilt whatsoever.) But I have a separate blog for that because this blog right here? The one you’re reading now? Will always, simply be my words, my stories, my truth.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
I have read the comments that were left on my last post several times over.
So kind, so encouraging, so honest.
One comment in particular has stuck with me.

I’ve noticed how the blog has changed – in the sense it has become more serious and ‘self conscious’ in its writing style. That’s where you are going wrong, Y – you are trying to write like other bloggers, not yourself.
I’ve been reading for a long time and when I started went through ALL the archives. Stop trying to be like other people and write overly sentimental, faux meaningful stuff. Get back to YOU – a stream of consciousness that is raw in its honesty and FUNNY. That is made made you so successful in the first place and its what we love and want to read. I hope you’re not offended – that is not my intention. I have enjoyed your blog for years and support you. I understand how difficult it must be and how insecure posting must make you- FORGET IT . There’s enough ‘Oh so touching and tragic’ blogging out there. Puke. Give me old Joy Unexpected any day of the week.

I needed to read that. I have been so focused on how much blogging has changed that I never stopped to consider how *I* had changed in the way that I write. It’s true that I no longer believed that My Story was worthy of an audience because my writing, this blog, just wasn’t good enough anymore. Maybe I have been over thinking things. Maybe, I’ve been trying to be something that I’m not or simply trying to hard.
I can’t tell you how many funny (to me) stories I haven’t written because I didn’t think they were “good enough” to publish here. Oh, how dumb of me– taking myself so seriously! I used to write about things like being scared of ducks and buying generic vaginal cream without a second thought.
I want to not be afraid to write like that again- to be myself here again. I think I’ll start by hitting publish on this meaningless post that will not change the world nor inspire a single person in any way, shape or form.
Ahh, feels good.

38 thoughts on “This Is All Your Fault, Everyone Who Commented on the Previous Post (P.S. Thank You, Everyone Who Commented on That Post.)

  1. Nanette

    I just read your previous post, and that’s exactly how I feel about my own blogging presence, too. The self-doubt, the “where do I fit in?”, the EVERYTHING. I do it for my family & friends, and the other folks are just an added bonus. I have to remind myself of that when I start to doubt it all.

  2. Jamie

    I was just (seriously like minutes before I read this) having a conversation with a friend about how much blogging has changed since I first started almost four years ago, especially in the last year. I’ve been thinking a lot about this same thing lately and I’ve come to the same conclusion. I’m going to write what I want to write, when I want to write it and not be influenced by all the things blogging has become. And that’s perfectly okay.
    I’m glad you’re going to write for you again. Yours was one of the first blogs I ever found maybe 5-6 years ago? I don’t even remember, but I feel like I’ve been following you forever! You’re one of my favorites so I’m happy you are back. xo

  3. Heather

    I love both sides of you, you know. You are good at poignant and thoughtful, but I also appreciate your humour. I definitely agree though that you should not be afraid to be the wonderful you that we all fell in love with ;)

  4. kim

    another thing you’re scared of: bees. and i only know that because i’ve read (and will continue to read) every.single.meaningless.post. for years now. cause YOU inspire me. :)

  5. lani

    Been following you for years, too. Have always loved your blog. Always will. Because you are “real” and not trying to sell me on anything… not even yourself. I like “real”. Never have been a fan of “sales”. As long as you’re writing, I’ll be reading.

  6. Michelle

    I truly hope that you are able to do this. I haven’t blogged in over 3 years because I lost my “voice”- that unique style that was my own because I started to worry too much about what I was putting out there for the world to see (was it good enough, interesting enough, too personal, too weird, too whatever). I long to find it again becuase i truly miss blogging. Whenever I sit down to do so, I can’t seem to find my groove again. Best of luck to you. Your story is definitely one worth reading. Would hate to see this blog lose it’s individuality and become like the masses.

  7. Sara

    You know, I’ve been reading this blog for years now… and I didn’t know how to voice it for myself, but that poster is RIGHT!! THAT’S what was missing!! I fell in love with the Y that posts about generic vaginal cream!! You are your own special brand of GIRLFRIEND funny, the one that is there in Target with you and you’re both about to pee in your yoga pants. Come back to uss, YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :)

  8. Sue K.

    Oh thank god you are back!!! I was just thinking this morning that I’d comment and tell you how much I miss you. What a gift to see your post!!! I’m delurking to say you ROCK!!

  9. andytn

    OH – I do miss the aerobic dancing stories! I hope you aren’t afraid to be goofy and irreverant – we all sooo look forward to it.

  10. Shannon

    Be you! You’re the reason my husband now has hot sexy boudoir pics of his a-little-overwieght (okay maybe a lot) wife. I’ve been reading for years. I struggle with weight/self image issues just like you. You’ve helped to enable me to love me for who I am.
    So keep writing. I’ve very thankful for you!

  11. Leah

    I love all your posts. You are funny and genuine. Be you, that’s why I read and have read for several years. If you feel like writing something serious fantastic, if you feel like writing about farts and vajay jay cream, that’s fantastic too! Just write when you feel like it (more often preferably)

  12. DogsDontPurr

    The first time I met you was years ago before you even had a blog, I think. Then BOOM you exploded onto the blog scene and became one of the “A-List” bloggers. I’ve been reading you the whole time. (Sometimes I even feel like I’m “name dropping” when I talk about you and your blog to someone!)
    But through all this, I’ve seen you grow and change…in very positive ways. Even in your bad times, you became inspirational in some ways. You entertain, you charm, you let us live vicariously, you amaze, you bring the room down, but you know how to bring it back up again, and you always do.
    I think what you’re dealing with is like when a person suddenly becomes famous, and now the feel like they have to please the public and keep the machine going.
    Well, for you, all you have to do to keep the machine going, is simply to write whatever. The thing I love about your writing is that you share inside stuff, personal and private…weather funny, sad, poignant, pointless, or serious. When I read you, it’s like hanging with a good friend, a best friend that you can share secrets with and not be judged.
    So keep on keeping on! And, girl, sometime we should get together again! Whatever happened to the blogger “rat pack”: Mikey, Francisco, Chey…all those people? I’ve lost track of all but YOU!
    Anyway, take care and don’t worry about your public. We love you just the way you are. XxxOoo ~Marcie

  13. Marlo

    I completely agree with the comment you reposted! I miss your blog and the way you used to post. I’ve been reading for a few years now but I rarely comment – I always considered you to be someone to look up to. When you stopped posting, it seemed like maybe you had felt it was time to move on.. and I admit I was pretty sad. I always kept your feed in my reader though hoping you might come back.
    You’d be surprised to see how many people struggle with the same thing. I want to blog – I adore it! but I feel like the words im putting to paper aren’t interesting and I attempt to rewrite/rework each post until it ends up deleted. A lack of visitors doesn’t help either but no one will visit a blog that doesn’t have any posts. :)
    Sooo glad you are back!! I miss your munchkin too!!

  14. Michelle M.

    You’re wrong about one thing – this post does inspire me. I’ve had quite a few blogs that I never got comfortable with, ultimately letting them fizzle and sit there until I forget my password to even log into the damn thing. Which is where I am now. Then I read this and decided you know what, it’s time. You’re one of the first people I started reading when I discovered blogs (almost a decade ago OMG), and I’m still here! Point being… serious, funny, meaningless, whatever. We want it all :)

  15. Jessica

    YUM! It’s like the yummiest thing you can imagine eating only it’s a blog post and it’s you Joy Unexpected. I’ve actually liked every damn sentence I’ve ever read that you’ve written. And I am picky by the way. I agree with the commenter who said you take some of the lonely away with every post.

  16. FireMom

    I think we all struggle with finding and then maintaining our own voice. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. But, yes, I’m glad you’re working on getting back to you — I think we should all be so brave. Keep up the awesome work.

  17. T.

    My fave post evah that you wrote was the one when you talked about going to the gym in your ripped up workout clothes and wiping the sweaty machines with your ratty towels — or some such — and I still fucking laugh OUT LOUD to myself when i think about it — that post — because it is so YOU and so — the rest of us — and you are AWESOME when you give us that and I adore you and carry on doing just that, I think we all love that YOU. . .

  18. aa

    So just write one of those silly stories. Don’t wait so long between posts. Just write. Obviously we love it.

  19. norm

    I’m reminded of a buddhist proverb I ran across once, something about if you strive for enlightenment you’re really just pushing it away. So I have faith that if you don’t try, you’ll produce inspiration in your readers naturally.

  20. iwantperch

    “…on this meaningless post that will not change the world nor inspire a single person in any way, shape or form.”
    This post right here… it – no, you – inspired me. And made me cry, and I don’t cry. I’ve been struggling with my music for a while now and have felt lost and have been pushing it aside and have not shared it with anyone because I’m afraid it’s not good enough and blah blah blah. But you just reminded me that I sing and write because it makes ME feel good and is MY passion. If people don’t get it or like it, I don’t care, cause I do it for me!

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