The Lump Has Left The Building. And When I Say “The Building” I mean “My Thigh.”

Well, I feel kind of stupid.
The procedure I was so nervous about turned out to be one of the easiest medical procedures I’ve ever had done.
I was most nervous about “the unknown” and “the needle that was going to be shoved into my thigh” and “the cutting into my leg” and “the stitches.” I mean, I understand that minor surgery to remove a lump isn’t that big of a deal, but I had no idea how deep they were going to have to cut or how badly the needle was going to hurt or how much pain I’d be in after it was all over.
I arrived to my appointment on time so they took me right in. The nurse asked me how I was feeling. I told her I was just a “little nervous.” She smiled and assured me it wasn’t a big deal. I thought I was doing a good job of hiding just how nervous I truly was. But my blood pressure gave me away.
On Tuesday, my blood pressure was 117/72. Yesterday, while starting at the table they were going to cut my leg open on, my blood pressure was 152/91. And when the nurse took it a second time (after I had taken a few deep breaths) it was even higher.

Needles are stressful!

She walked me into the cold, sterile room. First thing I noticed was the music. I asked her if I could put on my headphones and listen to my own music.
“We can put your ipod in the dock!”
“Oh, but my music has some not so nice language.” I replied.
“Oh, please! We’re young, we can handle it!”
She told me to take my pants off (but leave my panties on.) and lay down on the table.
“The doctor will be in shortly, Just try to relax, it’s going to be fine!”
The doctor walked in as In the Ayer was playing. She introduced herself and then proceeded to throw her hands in the air (and wave them from side to side.) That instantly made me feel so much better about everything. We laughed and then she asked me to show her the lump I was concerned about.
She felt it and kind of roller her eyes. “It’s so small.” She said. She felt it a bit more and then she said some other things that made me feel kind of dumb for having it removed, like, it wasn’t a big deal and “who is your doctor so I can yell at him for sending you here?”
“It’s up to you if you want me to take it out. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about, but the fact is we can’t be 100% sure without taking it out, so it’s up to you.”
I thought for a minute.
And another minute.
“Maybe I shouldn’t do it.” I said.
And I almost got up and walked out. Because DID NOT WANT NEEDLE IN LEG.
But then, I thought about how long that stupid lump has bothered me and how many times I’ve wondered “what if?” And how many times a day I touch it and wonder if it’s gotten bigger or harder (TWSS) and how much better my life would be if I got rid of it and knew with 100% certainty that it was just a hard lump of fat and not cancer.
“Go ahead and take it out. If only for peace of mind. Let’s just do it!”
Next thing I know, the doctor has a needle in her hand, ready to shove it in my thigh.
“This is going to be the worst part, I promise.” She says.
The nurse holds my hand, I take a deep breath. I feel the needle touch my skin and brace myself for THE HORRIBLE, AWFUL PAIN.
I wait.
I mean, I could feel the needle, but barely. And it didn’t hurt at all. Not even a little bit.
I exhale and say “that’s it? You’re done?”

All that worrying for nothing, I thought to myself.

November Rain by Guns N Roses comes on just as she’s about to make the incision.
I feel pressure, a little tugging and pulling. The doctor sings along with Axl as I lay there, calmly and peacefully.
Before the song is over she informs me that the lump is out and she’s ready to stitch me up.
She stitches me up to Fix You by Cold Play. I close my eyes, feeling thankful that the stupid lump that has caused me so much worry for so many years was no longer inside of my body.It was now floating around in a plastic cup, ready for to be sent out for testing.
The nurse helps me up from the table. I get up, walk over grab my purse and put on my sandals. I thank the doctor and the nurses for being so wonderful and I head to the door.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t forget your pants.” She says.
“Oh Yeah! MY PANTS!” I FORGOT ABOUT MY PANTS!” I say. I put on my pants while everyone in the room, including myself, laughs hysterically.
I say “thank you” and “good bye” one more time and walk out of the room, with my pants on.
In about 7 days I’ll finally know.
I’m hopeful it will be good news.

29 thoughts on “The Lump Has Left The Building. And When I Say “The Building” I mean “My Thigh.”

  1. Poppy

    I am so glad this went smoothly. That’s a big lump to me, I’m glad you had it out. And the part about you almost forgetting your pants? CLASSIC.
    Great soundtrack to your procedure!

  2. stephanie

    You are so brave! I think I may have just walked out and worried about the unknown because I am so freaked out by needles and surgery. You definitely did the right thing, but I’m not so sure I could have. (Not without some happy pills or something, anyway.)

  3. Kelli

    I just had a cyst removed from the back of my neck. It looked just like a scallop that you would eat, lol. 5 stiches later it was all done and over with. The anticipation was the worst.

  4. Roxanna

    Well done Miss Y! You totally put on your grown up panties and did good (I however have never had my wisdom teeth pulled for nervousness reasons despite being told that mine are the “easiest wisdom teeth ever to be pulled and you really should get this done”).
    Good news be coming I’m sure!

  5. jessicab

    Y, I have been fighting a cough for 3 weeks… this post made me laugh so hard that i started a coughing fit… which caused me to pee a little and run for the bathroom… which caused my 13 year old son to roll around with laughter! thanks! LOL

  6. Juliep60

    Glad it went so well. The anticipation is usually worse than the actual procedure. I’m guessing by the looks of it that it’s nothing to be concerned about.

  7. BetteJo

    I work in a lab – well – in I.T. at a lab – but many moons ago I used to work with pap smears and biopsies. And let me assure you there are tons of weird things removed from people’s bodies every day that turn out to be nothing dangerous in the least! I remember talking to our histologist (the guy who cut the chunks up and created slides out of them) and he would tell me practically every time I held up a bottle and said “okay, THIS is so gross it HAS to be something bad!!” that it was just another lipoma or some other benign thing I can’t recall the names of.
    Very small chance your donation to science is anything bad. :) Always better to check tho, of course.

  8. kate

    Glad you got through it smoothly! Looks like a lipoma to me, not a big thing(I’m a surgical nurse). Cool you got to listen to your own music during the procedure!!!

  9. Kyla

    I’m so glad it went well!
    They say that BP readings at a doctor’s office are usually 20 points higher than if you take it yourself at home. That’s why home BP check are important for hypertension, so they know what is really going on and not just how much doctors stress you out. LOL.

  10. marjorie

    I’m so glad to hear that it went well. Glad to hear also that you didn’t leave without your pants. Although I guess that would have been quite entertaining to the people in the waiting room. On the first day of school, I went out the door and was ready to get in my car before I noticed I was in my sock feet. Sending good mojo for good biopsy results.

  11. AA

    I almost laughed my pants off at this! Too funny. I think you made a wise decision. If I didn’t do it I would worry over it and my decision for ever. Knowing is better. Let us know too please.

  12. Cheryl

    I’m glad everything went smoothly and easier than you anticipated. Almost leaving without your pants! I will be remembering that all day and laughing.

  13. Wacky Mommy

    i can’t believe she waved her hands from side to side, cracking up over that. it will be fine and you know what, it really is better to know. (says the girl who refuses to go to the doctor anymore.) (not even to get The Thyroid checked.) (ok for the love of mike i’ll make an appointment on monday.)

  14. lani

    So, so glad to hear that it is likely nothing to worry about. Glad you went ahead with it, though… it will be well worth the peace of mind. Now what I want to know, is pants aside, what did they think when you whipped out your camera and took a picture. 😉

  15. Rebecca Grace

    I’m so glad it’s over and you’re feeling better! Also glad you remembered your pants before you got out to the waiting room… those other patients waiting for their own procedures were probably freaked out enough without seeing other people running out half naked! :-)

  16. msfajita

    Congratulations for being brave. Almost forgetting your pants is pretty funny. After I got the anesthesia, I told my husband I was going to have the alien baby as they wheeled me into the operating room when I had my tubes done.

  17. elz

    You forgot your pants! So funny, and something I would totally do. You get so focused onother things…hope evrything comes back with good reports.

  18. Lindsay

    Good for you for getting it out!
    I can TOTALLY see you leaving without your pants! That is hysterical!
    We won’t talk about the fact that I was finishing Bruiser’s mac and cheese when I got to that photo.
    We won’t talk about that.

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