Happy (Almost) Independence (From Your Body Image Issues) Day!

This year, we’ll be spending our 4th at my sister’s house, like we always do.
I imagine it will be the same as it always is– good food, laughter, fireworks.
And of course, swimming.
However, for me, this year will be a little different.
This year, for the first time in many years, I will not be sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else enjoy the cool, refreshing water. This year, I will not be wishing I was with them, instead of baking in the hot sun. Because this year, for the first time since 2005, I will be splashing around in the water with my family.
That’s right. I bought a swimsuit.
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(Hell YES, I bought one with a skirt.)
To a normal person who isn’t riddled with Body Image Issues, this might not be a big deal. But I’m not a normal person. This is A BIG EFFING DEAL.
I’m nervous and not at all comfortable about wearing it.
But I’m going to do it anyway. Even though I’m still fat (and make no mistake about it, I am still fat.) Even though I hate the way that I look in it. Even though I may have cried when I saw my thighs in the mirror.
I’m going to suck it up (and in) and wear the damn swimsuit and jump in the water and play with my children and pretend like I don’t care that my thighs are too big and my arms jiggle too much.
Deep breath.
I know that I’ll never regret putting that damn suit on and having fun with my children. But I know all too well that I most certainly will regret it if I don’t.

60 thoughts on “Happy (Almost) Independence (From Your Body Image Issues) Day!

  1. amy

    you look marvelous…congrats and celebrate….you are my inspiration…i am going to suck it, quite wallowing in my self pitty and DO SOMETHING about my damn body! Good job, Y!

  2. Skinny Sushi

    This is SO inspiring! I think you look beautiful, and I know you’ll be glad you just hopped in the pool. No one else sees our flaws the way we do. Your kids will just be thrilled to have you there with them!
    You are doing SO well. I love reading your updates!

  3. Tug

    LOVE the suit, and it’s really flattering – you look great! Enjoy the time with the kiddos, you’ve earned it!

  4. Corina

    Good for you! And I love the swimsuit; it’s adorable. I actually need to buy a new swimsuit for the first time in years because well, my old one is WAY too small, and I refuse to miss a fun rafting trip just because I’m not as thin as I’d like to be and I don’t own a suit that fits. I hope you have a great time! I certainly plan to.

  5. Heather

    You look adorable. I hate putting on my swimsuit – and trust me, I don’t look nearly as good in it as you do in yours – but console myself with the idea that I will be IN the water, and so nobody can see anything anyway 😉

  6. nicole @ much more than a mom

    I don’t comment much (anywhere…it’s a time thing) but I just had to tell you that you look FABULOUS! I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you, so imagine what a gift you’re giving your children (who are also gorgeous, naturally.) Way to go!

  7. Kat

    I think that you look amazing. You’ve come so far with your weight and body issues, I am so proud of you, you inspire me.
    I haven’t worn a swimsuit in over 10 years because of my weight and back issues.
    I’m terrified of people seeing my scars and my pudgy belly. Every time that I look in the mirror, I see them both, I hate them both.
    But if you have the courage to put on a swimsuit and get out there and enjoy life with your kids, swim, have fun, then I need to just suck it up and do the same.
    Have a fabulous 4th of July with your family, I really hope that you enjoy yourself.

  8. Amanda

    Bodies move. Period. You are strong, more beautiful than you know and poised to make magical memories with your family. Also, with that poyntail you look about 19!

  9. Alison

    You may hate the way you look in it (believe me, I know the feeling), but that suit is adorable on you! I hope you’re splashing around in a pool right this very moment in it. Where’d you get it? I need to get one since I’m going to the Jersey Shore (awww yeah) for a couple of days with friends. If I had to guess, I’m a size or two bigger than you. I’m having a hell of a time finding one!

  10. Mom101

    You look fabulous – and I don’t say that lightly. It’s the perfect, flattering shape for you and you should wear it proudly.
    Yay you for living your life. May this be the first day of much more awesomeness in the rest of your life.

  11. schoolofmom

    You look great–and you’re teaching Miss G that mommies are in the middle of the fun, not on the sidelines. Way to go, lady.

  12. sassy

    You look fantastic! I too gave in to the skirt a couple of years ago. And you know what? It wasn’t so bad. I decided that the kids I was missing out on playing with in the water didn’t really care what I looked like in a swimsuit. They wouldn’t remember that. They would remember us having fun. Good for you. Keep it up. :-)

  13. Denise

    I’m really proud of you seriously. I hope you had a fabulous time. I know how happy you made your family! Very flattering cute suit, too!

  14. Carrie

    You have nothing to worry about because you look fabulous in that suit! Congratulations Yvonne…so proud of you!

  15. KarateMom

    I hope you had a fantastic time and I want to second (and third, and fourth) all the others who said that you look great in that suit!
    I, for one, haven’t worn a swimming suit without a skirt in probably 10 years. (And I’m only 34!) I just feel a little more secure with a little something covering the tops of my thighs!

  16. Jennifer Ferrero

    Girl – have you ever been to Myrtle Beach, SC? Well, when you go there – or any other prominent beach vacation spot, you see all kinds of women in all kinds of suits. Most are inappropriate and don’t cover the important parts of their body.
    I too am fairly modest at age 39. My body is not the same as it was, but you know what? I just get out and enjoy myself. Why not? Those women at the big beaches don’t mind, so while I’m at a little lake, I won’t mind either.

  17. Cincy

    Very nice! Where did you get it, Y? ‘Cause I always go Lands End and I am sick of it. Hope you had fun!

  18. Colleen

    Good for you Y!!!
    I decided a long time ago that I had to suck it up and accept that I just needed to put on the bathing suit and get in that water. I want my daughters to remember me splashing and having fun with them… not sitting on the sidelines trying to explain why I’m not in a bathing suit.
    Any my bathing suits have been skirted since Zoe was born. I can’t imagine wearing a suit without a skirt anymore.

  19. Shannon

    You look AMAZING!!! Seriously! Kudos to you for putting the pic on the internet too :o) You really do look great and your kiddos will love having you splash around with them :o)

  20. crystal

    YAY! You constantly fill me with inspiration. I wish I had read this earlier, before I sat on the boat not wanting to take off my tee-shirt, wishing I could get in the water. Then being so damn mad at myself when we got home!! Thanks for being braver then me!!

  21. heidi

    fantastic! You look gorgeous and not fat at all! the love and laughter of playing with your family in the water will wash away all the yucky feelings. Congrats to you !

  22. lani

    OMG… really?! Cuz darling, you are looking fantastic! Love the new suit. Love the new you. Hope you had a splashtacular 4th of July swimming with your kids. So, so happy for you and this milestone in your life. You have so much to be proud of. So much to celebrate. Happy Belated 4th of July!

  23. girlplease

    I hear you. In 38 years I never had to buy a grandma suit from Walmart or a $100 not so grandma suit but very 1940s classic one piece because it’s the only way not to look like a grandma.
    You can thank 2 years of laziness with/after having my son.
    It’s not a trainwreck but it’s a little (more) in the middle and I got much back.
    Some say curvy figure 8. I say Glamour magazine would call me a plus sized girl.

  24. Mocha

    Just when I think your confidence has returned after battling your weight issues I read this and realize that they never really go away until you are entirely happy with your body.
    You’re a helluva curvy and luscious woman, Y. I love you very much for always being the incredible you that you are.

  25. Leah

    That swimsuit looks great. I haven’t bought a swimsuit since I was 17ish. I am now 35. I wear shorts and a tank top if I go swimming. Where did you get that suit? I hope you had a great time.

  26. carma

    well I think you look fantastic in that suit – and I hope you did plenty of splashing around with the kids. I’m pretty much “allergic” to water – but I also put on my suit and floated about on the 4th – at the request of my son :-)

  27. Rebecca Grace

    First: I LOVE your swimsuit; I agree with the masses of other posters who say it is super cute and sassy on you.
    Second: I read your post with a jolt of guilt and recognition. Because this year, my husband and my sons got in their suits and jumped in the pool, and I went inside and changed into my swim suit (we were at my parents’ pool, and no one else had gotten there yet). I put on that suit, and looked in the mirror at the sags, bags, stretch marks, and cottage cheesy thigh stuff that didn’t used to be there. I walked out by the pool, feeling very self-conscious about how much of my rear was hanging out of the back of the swimsuit bottoms, and I just started to feel ANGRY that women’s bathing suits have to be so damned revealing in the first place. My menfolk were wearing the kind of swimming suits that look like shorts, with the mesh inside. I ended up not going in the pool at all; I went back inside and changed into my big long flowy skirt and tee shirt again before anyone else arrived and didn’t go in the pool at all, I was on the sidelines like you describe — and this was at a gathering of family, who are supposed to love and accept you for who you are, not for your “beach body.” I need to find a swimsuit like yours and get back in the pool, because you’re right — I’ll regret missing out on these memories with my kids. Thank you for slapping some sense into me!!

  28. Cindi

    You look just fine in that swimsuit and don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise.
    We have an inground pool so I have a collection of bathing suits and I don’t give a CRAP how bad I look in them, because it’s all about ME! hahaha

  29. kate

    I lurk a lot, and comment very rarely, but I’m delurking to say that you should be SO proud of yourself, and like everyone else has said, you look great. I’m embarking on my own weight loss journey (again) and i find you totally inspiring.

  30. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    You look awesome. And I have a shirt bottom and rash guard shirt – since I do skin cancer prevention I am all about the sun safety. And it makes for less sunscreen to have to put on!
    You are rocking in sister!

  31. Laura Taff

    That is so fantastic! I know your kids had so much fun with you in the pool with them. Who cares what anyone else thinks? You look great anyway! Good job!

  32. Mamapajama

    Ummm, sweetie? You just posted a pic of yourself on the internet and you are worried about wearing it to a family cook-out/pool party? Scratching my head on that one, but regardless, you look great in the suit, it’s cute and figure flattering. Trust me when I say everyone else (OK, probably the ladies mostly) wearing a bathing suit has the same fears and worries as you do. Now that I’m closing in on 40, I’ve decided to take the “I don’t really care what other people think about me” approach to life. I hate my thighs in a bathing suit, but you know what? I hate being hot and sweaty more!

  33. Meaghan

    You look awesome in that suit – it seems we have sort of the same body type, but you are probably smaller actually so good for you! Anyway, I bought a suit that is very much like this and I think it is pretty flattering. Don’t be self conscious, you look fine, and plus the way I look at it is I love swimming and going to the beach, and I don’t want worries of what other people think of me to ruin that time. We’re hot chicks!!!

  34. Laura

    Good for you for calling “society’s” bluff and getting out and playing in the damn summer air!!!! You look like a normal & beautiful mother of 3! Why do we grown women go on wishing to have the bodies of 13 year-olds, shave/wax/scrape every bit of hair off WHEN MEN DON’T HAVE TO. Can you tell I”m fired up? You totally ROCK!

  35. Valarie

    You look fantastic! Seriously and objectively – that suit is adorable and it fits you perfectly! You look beautiful and curvy and healthy and
    F A N T A S T I C !!!!
    Congratulations on all of the hard that it has taken to get to where you are. You should feel very, very proud of yourself!

  36. Babe

    It’s been a long time since I checked in on you, and I’m so happy to see your weight loss progress! You look amazing and I’m so proud of you! You and your family seem to be doing just great!
    Thanks, as always, for Sharing,
    Babe aka Candy

  37. Carry

    I want my daughters to remember me splashing and having fun with them… not sitting on the sidelines trying to explain why I’m not in a bathing suit.

  38. APeetsMom

    Hey you! I’ve not been reading much of late – but here I come back and you got yourself a damn bathing suit! Superfantastic! I am so happy for you – I bet it felt great – and I know this because after 15 years – I bought a damn suit this summer too!!!! A tankini – AAAAANNNNND let me blow your mind – I got a bikini top too…we’ll see if I can muster the nerve to wear it in front of anyone, but hell, me and Victoria Secret got it goin on in my backyard!! lol Good for you Y. Congrats.

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