Writing Through It.

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I want to write.
I want to write something that will make you laugh. I want to write something that will make you cry. I want to write something that will make you nod your head in agreement. I want to write something that will make you shake your fist at your computer monitor in anger. I want to make something that will make you think. I want to write something that will make you appreciate what you have a little bit more. I want to write something that will make you jealous. I want to write something that will make you want to be my friend. I want to write something that will make you hate me just a little bit. I want to write something that will make you pick up the phone to call someone to tell them you love them. I want to write something that will make you want to hug someone. I want to write something that will make you want to turn on your music and dance all by yourself. I want to write something that makes you wish you were a kid again. I want to write something that makes you want to grow old. I want to write something that will make you close your eyes and remember the time. I want to write something that makes you weak in the knees. I want to write something that gives you butterflies. I want to write something that makes you crave something delicious to eat. I want to write something that makes you never want to eat again. I want to write something wonderful. I want to write something awful. I want to write something that doesn’t make sense. I want to write something that makes everything clear. I want to write something that inspires you to be a better person. I want to write something that makes you appreciate every minute you have with your loved ones. I want to write something that you wish you had written first.
I just want to write.
Words. Thoughts. Stories. Observations. Opinions.
Good. Bad. Stupid. Funny. Smart. Thought provoking. Silly. Hilarious. Serious. Simple. Complicated.
Words. I want to write words.
But I’m afraid.
I’m a wimp.
I’m plagued with insecurities.
I’m afraid you’ll hate it. I’m afraid you’ll love it. I’m afraid it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid it will be so good. I’m afraid it won’t make you laugh. I’m afraid it won’t make you cry. I’m afraid you’ll roll your eyes. I’m afraid you’ll shut the page and never come back. I’m afraid you’ll go on message boards and talk about how much you hate me. I’m afraid you’ll mock me. I’m afraid you’ll call my children names. I’m afraid I’ll never write another post as good as the one before. I’m afraid it’s all been said before. I’m afraid I’m too boring. Too fat. Too dumb. Too ugly. Too bland. Too generic.
I want to write. But I hold back. I hold back so much, so many times. I’ve written and deleted post after post after post. Too chickenshit to hit publish.
I want to stop worrying and just start writing again.
I’m going to hit publish on this post and walk away. And I’m going to do the same thing tomorrow and the day after that.
Every day that I can find time, I will write. No matter what you think. No matter what I think. No matter what my one troll in Alabama thinks.
Writing is what I love to do and I’m tired of not doing what I love.

54 thoughts on “Writing Through It.

  1. Kelly

    Of all the blogs I read, I look forward to your posts the most because your writing seems so honest and sincere. I think your blog is amazing! I can only imagine what posts you are deleting. I, for one, want to hear what you have to say. Thanks.

  2. Rebecca Grace

    You inspire ME to hit “Publish” — and I’m still way more chickenshit than you, deleting more posts than I publish. I can’t seem to get past that public/private wall even though I know it’s the personal stuff that people can relate to, that will do me the most good to vent, and has the most chance of being helpful to someone else. I admire you. So go ahead and hit “publish” because you’ve nailed it so many times, you’ve earned a pass or two and we’ll all forgive you and keep coming back anyway even if some posts are less than perfect. As for that troll in Alabama — it’s all of us against him. He doesn’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell!

  3. Maddie

    Girl, I’ve been reading and coming back for more since you were rockin’ the lakers theme. I feel like I know you, your husband, and children. I think of you everytime I pick up a sponge and chuckle to myself that you’d probably never eat over my house because I use one. I remember the cabinets you were ashamed to talk about. The bean dip and wine and tittays… I gues it’s safe to say that I’m not going anywhere :) I know I’m not alone either!
    Ps I typed this on my phone! That’s L-O-V-EEEE!

  4. Annie W

    Beautiful Girl.. keep writing and keep hitting ‘publish’. I miss your writing…please don’t let anyone or anything stop you. Follow your heart.
    xoxoxox

  5. Rebecca (Bearca)

    Um, you have already done this many times over! Except the “make you hate me” part. :)
    I love reading your writing, Y.

  6. mommabird2345

    Because of all that you have written, I think you are awesome! What you have written, has made me want to be your friend. You have inspired me, made me laugh, made me cry, and nod my head in agreement. I would love to meet you (I don’t think we live that far away from each other), I just hope you won’t think I’m boring, dumb, or not that interesting.
    Continue to write, YOU are awesome! *Hugs*

  7. neeroc

    I find and read blogs to experience just what you’ve described above. I look for people who write for themselves (okay there are a few of the biggies that crack me up, but it can’t all be that). I look for people whose opinions differ from mine, who have a different take on matters, and who make me think. I hope that you do keep writing and hitting publish.

  8. Jessica

    Thank GAWD, I was going to to have to come slap you in your vagina because I check every day and where is the writing????

  9. lisa

    as i sat down to shut down my computer for the night, i thought “i am going to click over to my favorite blog, joyunexpected, and see if she has any new goodness for me to savor after this shitty day. and i am going to tell her, whether or not she has something new, that i remember the words she writes better than i remember ones from any other blog. that she makes me laugh harder than anyone else, that i told my friends the story of gabby and keith urban and they could not believe how sweet it was, and how she inspires me…” and THEN i found a new post, this post. i swear. so write just for me. because you are my favorite.

  10. kim

    for me, you do all of the things stated in the first part of your post in almost everything you write. i constantly either get teary, have actual tears running down my face (at work, btw so thank you ;)) or laugh out loud. and have for years (!) now! you already do what you want to do when you write. so just DO IT. ((hugs))

  11. KarateMom

    As I was reading the first part of this post, I was going, “Check. Check. Check. Check.” in my mind because you have done all of those things and more over the years that I’ve been reading. I am sometimes in awe of your honesty and humor and ability to just be you on this blog. I love your passion for your family, your friends, your “pachina” and I’m always super excited when you show up on my Google Reader.
    Keep on keepin’ on!
    WRITE!

  12. Jill

    You, Y, are no wimp. I have never come here, read, and been disapponted. The only time disappointment happens is when there isn’t an update. I want to read.
    (So do what you love and make us both happy! :) )

  13. april

    I want to read something that will make me laugh. I want to read something that will make me cry. I want to read something that will make me nod my head in agreement. I want to read something that will make me shake my fist at my computer monitor in anger. I want to read something that will make me think. I want to read something that will make me appreciate what I have a little bit more….
    Y, please write!
    Hugs,
    a

  14. ~ifer

    This is absolutely stunning. This is the cry of my heart, the quiet constant dirge that it sings. The timid, fearful girl that wants to speak and be heard, but fears rejection. Thank you so much for this.

  15. Sarah (newer reader

    This is your blog!! Write what you want.. Who really cares about the stupid people out there that write back hurtfull things.. that is what the delete button is for!! Write what ever you want because it is meaningful to you!!!!!

  16. Leeanne

    Well you sure inspired me to write a comment and I dont think I’ve ever left one here before. Anyway, I check your blog for updates every day because I love what you write! Keep it up, please!! And dont be afraid to hit ‘publish’….your writings are all so honest and sincere and touching and funny, etc.etc. so keep on goin’!

  17. lani

    Well good, cuz I’m dieing to read more about this 20 year reunion of yours. You are one of the most “real” people I know and I don’t even know you. Write, my dear, and I will read. :)

  18. Dawn

    I’m sad for all the wonderful posts that you deleted. You inspire me. I am in awe at how much courage you display and how honest you are. I used to write honest, thought provoking stuff…when I had an anonymous blog. Now my professional life and my personal life are intermingled and I just can’t do it.

  19. Cheryl

    I am not a writer. I am a reader. I love to read. I love to read what you write! No matter what you write. You are a good writer!

  20. ElizabethZ

    Silly woman, you worry too much. Now, shut up and write. :)~ When you haven’t posted in awhile I just come back and read old posts because I miss you. Yes, I know how lame that sounds. Seriously though – many of your readers are LOYAL readers. You know what that means don’t you? You’re stuck with us!!!

  21. Wendy

    Why is it that so many of us are afraid to be who we are? BE WHO YOU ARE YVONNE!! When you write and share you encourage all of us to be who we are and we all need and crave your words!
    You’ve already put yourself out there, overcome some of those fears, you’ve already opened yourself to the Intraworld and we love you. There will always be the haters but those of us that wait impatiently for your next words will stay and support you and send you love and hugs and laugh with you and those that hate will move on to hate other people and things.
    (when I leave comments for you -I- always reread them and wish that I was half as eloquent and insightful and funny AS YOU !!)
    Please write. Please?!

  22. Leah

    I am so glad that you are going to do that. I have followed your blog for a long time and I love what you right. This is your blog if someone doesn’t like what you right they can leave. You can write whatever you want here. Can’t wait!

  23. Donna

    Thank goodness. I don’t know you personally, but I look for your posts every day. Your previous posts have done all that you have hoped they would do. Please don’t stop.

  24. Heather, Queen of Shake Shake

    I’m so glad you did hit publish. I’ve been struggling with the writing process myself, and I began to wonder if I cared too much – it’s not good enough, funny enough, poignant enough, etc. etc. But today I sat down and said I was going to publish something, no matter what. So I did. I *almost* turned off comments too, to REALLY tap into the not caring, just doing, but apparently my ego isn’t quite that mature.

  25. LoneStarLifer Paula

    Y-
    Do it! Do it! And a plus side to all the writing: you get even better, which adds to your confidence, which flows over into all aspects of your life.
    Also, this is a good example for Gabby. You don’t just do things that you can do perfectly so that you can be perfect, you do things that you love because you love them. Let her see the passion you have for writing, or whatever it is you are interested in. She will see that it’s ok to be who she is and pursue what interests her.
    Y – you are a much stronger woman than you give yourself credit. I was just writing about you to another blogger earlier today. She is going to BlogHer by herself & for the first time. I told her about you and the cheeseburger party, giving her encouragement that she will find other bloggers to connect with, and that she can make her own fun.
    So push that “enter” button and we’ll keep reading.
    @lonestarlifer
    Paula

  26. IzzyMom

    I can relate. I really can. The more readers I got and the more recognition I received for my writing…the harder it became to just write anymore. I had to step WAY back and practically lose all my readers to get my nerve back and I’m still not all the way there. I hope you don’t have to go that far to get to where you want to be. XO

  27. hippittee

    You go girl! My days are always a little brighter after reading your posts. sometimes with a empathic nod, sometimes with coffee coming out my nose. and through it all, you are an inspiration in so many ways. thanks for every post…and for sharing your world and experiences.

  28. Neil

    Hate to sound like your infamous troll, Y, but this post is nonsense. You’ve been writing all along, for years. Everyone who reads you knows that. You are a superb writer. Funny and serious and emotional.
    The insecurity — that is another matter. Everyone has that. Everyone kvetches over their posts and gets worried before publishing something that exposes themselves. Even those writers who you admire. Especially those who you admire. It comes with the territory.

  29. Laura Taff

    Write! Write! Write! You’re right, who cares what anyone thinks? Write what you want to write. If someone gets offended they’ll just stop reading and pick back up the next day…or write a comment to tell you off. And then you’ll have something else to write about. Ha ha:)

  30. Petra

    It’s the first time I visit your blog..I just really like it! So common…Write write write, as my previous speaker already said! ;)

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