Grief

Tonight I watched my sons stand in front of a casket, looking down at their childhood friend’s lifeless body. tonight, I watched my boys break down and sob over losing their friend to senseless violence. I’ve never seen The Teenager that broken. In the 17 years that I’ve been a mother, I’ve never felt so helpless. My boys were in pain and I couldn’t take that pain away. All I could do was hug them, wipe the tears away. They need to grieve, they need to feel this. And I hate it. I hate that they have to deal with this in their youth. I am so angry with the monster who caused this pain. My children shouldn’t have to say good bye to a beloved friend at such a young age.

27 thoughts on “Grief

  1. Cristie

    I have been hurting for you since you told us about this days ago. There is nothing good to say. I just wanted you to know there is someone out there hurting for you while you hurt for your kids.

    Reply
  2. Amy

    {{{Yvonne}}} You are so right. They shouldn’t have to feel such pain at such a tender age. All of your posts on this subject have brought me to tears. Thinking about the pain you’re in, that your children are in, that Mikey’s family is in… it’s awful.
    Giving them a safe environment to feel & express their feelings is one of the biggest gifts you are giving them, though. And thank God this is the worst they’ve ever had to feel so far. I think often of children in other situations that are so much less fortunate than we were, than our children are. That helps me keep things in perspective and to be “grateful for the problem”. Take care.

    Reply
  3. RoseC

    Letting your children grieve–and talk about it–is more of a gift and healing than you might think. You’d be surprised how many kids have parents who tell them to “get over it,” or that “there’s no use in crying.” My parents always taught us to honor the friends and family we lost and grieve and express ourselves and it made a world of difference. It helped us heal–even from two deaths in our immediate family. Even recognizing your children need to go through this process–as painful as it is–will help them heal and not have to harbor the pain, while holding the memories near to them. Even though you may feel helpless, you’re helping more than you know, and it’ll become apparent with time. You have amazing children and you’re passing on a sustaining emotional gift by allowing them to remember and hurt–and even struggle with the injustice of it all and grapple with the grief right now. My heart goes out to you guys.

    Reply
  4. Lessa

    I agree with the others above – the most important thing you can do for your boys is give them a safe place to grieve, and to talk about their friend as much – or as little – as they need and want too. When my husband died, I made an effort to talk about him, a lot, for the kids, and listened when they wanted to talk too. They all approached it in different ways, but all knew that they had a safe place to talk and think about their dad whenever they wanted too. It was hard for me, grieving too while shepherding them through their grief, but now, nearing 5 years later, I know it was the right thing to do.
    And don’t be afraid to laugh either – remembering some of the fun is a vital process. Let them know it’s how their friend would want them to remember, with love and laughter, and yes tears too. However they choose to grieve, to remember, it’s ok, it’s perfect for them. We often laughed until we cried, and then laughed again. We even giggled at the services when something so utterly Kevin happened that would have sent him into gales of laughter too.
    No matter how the process goes, it’s just that – a process. You’re support and love will mean the world to them, even when you can’t say a word. My heart goes out to you all.

    Reply
  5. AA

    I think you are doing it just right. I am sad for them too. I hope you will continue to be there for Mikey’s mom. She will need someone else who knew and loved him and misses him. I know from experience. I have been the one literally falling down with grief. When you described her I saw myself. It is very hard to live through. But it can be done. It takes a lot of time though (and it hurts forever).

    Reply
  6. Nancy P

    I agree with RoseC. Just being there for your boys is a huge thing in itself.
    My heart hurts so much for your family and Mikey’s. I just can’t wrap my head around losing a child.

    Reply
  7. Rachael

    They shouldn’t have to at this age, and really NO ONE should have to say goodbye for reasons like this. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it is to watch your kids like that. Big hugs & prayers to all of you, as well as Mikey’s family.

    Reply
  8. Susan

    You are an amazing friend and mother, Y. I hate that this has happened to anyone but admire the way you’re helping your boys deal with their grief. Don’t you wish sometimes that you could just take it all on for them and spare them any pain? One day they’ll be awesome parents like you. Hang in, my dear with the beautiful new ass.

    Reply
  9. FireMom

    No, they shouldn’t. And, yes, they have to feel it but if it breaks my heart, as NOT their mother, I can’t imagine how you are feeling now. My heart goes out to you all.

    Reply
  10. Roxanna

    I’m so sorry that you’re all having to go through this. Thank goodness your boys have you to help and guide them.
    You’re all in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
  11. Heart Shaped Hedges

    ((Yvonne)) Im sorry you are having to watch your son go through such pain. He is lucky to have you there to support him.
    My son has lost several friends, and while it has never been easy, he has a character ans spiritual understanding that I know God will use in his life. I pray that God uses this for good, as only He can.
    It was nice meeting you last night….Im having a giveaway; http://www.heartshapedhedges.blogspot.com I hope you’ll stop by. xoxo

    Reply

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