The One in Which I Call Diabetes Names.

Losing weight when your body is fighting itself isn’t easy. In fact, it’s been harder than words could ever express.
I finally have managed to get under 200 pounds– that was a huge victory. But the battle is not over. I still have at least another 40-50 pounds to lose. (And I do mean “have to.” Not “want to” or “would like to.” H-A-V-E to.) I know that it’s going to be even harder still. I know I’ll have to continue to make adjustments to my diets. I know I’ll have to be even more disciplined. I know I’ll have to workout harder than I’ve been doing. I know there are a lot of challenges that lie ahead.
I’m ready for them. I am excited to see what this year holds for me physically. I’m hoping this is the year I can stop taking Metf*ormin. I’m hoping this is the year I can run a 5K or a 10K or A HALF MARATHON. I *feel* like anything is possible if I put my mind to it, but the reality is that this body of mine is kind of an asshole. If I don’t eat correctly, if I don’t continue to work out regularly, things could take a turn for the worse in the blink of an eye. I know that whore prostitute, Diabetes, is lurking around the corner, waiting for me to give up on myself so she can have her way with me. This is what keeps me motivated to do the right things for my body.
I’m not going to let that whore win.
****
It’s taken me 2 years to lose 38 pounds.
If I dwell on that, I would cry. I would give up. I can not dwell on that.
I have to believe in myself and my ability to Beat This Shit. Because I’m tired of This Shit.
(I know. I sound like a broken record. Trust me, I FEEL like a broken record. I try to keep my posting about this stuff to a minimum. The thing is– this is my life. This is what I live every single day and writing it out helps. Especially because I know that the people who read here will be here, cheering me on, offering me advice and that has been INVALUABLE to me. I hope you understand.)
aaaaabaaPicture or Video 111154660786
(I feel like I need to point out the fact that the most recent picture is a bit misleading. The mirror at the gym makes me look much thinner than I am. I definitely am not as thin as it looks. I almost hesitated in posting, but I wanted to show the difference in my body’s shape.)

90 thoughts on “The One in Which I Call Diabetes Names.

  1. Fiona

    What a phenomenal change you’ve made…..kudos to you Yvonne for your strength and hard work!!!
    May 2010 bring good things to you and your family.
    Hugs
    Fi
    xxxxx

    Reply
  2. VDog

    You look AWESOME woman!!!
    You’re doing GREAT work — and remember, the slower it comes off, the longer it stays off!!
    You go, girl!

    Reply
  3. MFA Mama

    Whoooo! Hot mama! You look fantastic, and remember that you’re probably gaining muscle mass even as you shed pounds of fat. You look terrific and I *know* how hard it is to lose weight with a bum thyroid and insulin resistance. I’m proud of you!

    Reply
  4. Chris

    You look fantastic! Those 38 pounds have transformed you already. Please keep posting about your fight to lose weight and get fit and healthy. I for one am very interested. I’m fighting right along side you and cheering you on every day.

    Reply
  5. cindy w

    Holy crap, woman, that looks like a hell of a lot more than 38 pounds between those 2 pictures. You look AWESOME.
    For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a broken record. I know you write them for your own catharsis, but I think these types of posts really inspire and help people more than you know.
    Keep it up, lady. We’re behind you all the way. And we’re checking out your amazing ass while we’re back here. xoxo

    Reply
  6. Karen Chatters

    You’re looking GREAT!!!
    I know you feel like a broken record, I’m singing the same tune, but you need to do what helps and motivates you! You can beat that diabetic bitch, keep up the good work!

    Reply
  7. Brittany

    HECK YES! Y, you are amazing and beautiful and inspiring. I love you so much and I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you!

    Reply
  8. Parker_B

    You look so great- young and healthy! I know I don’t know you IRL, but I’m still proud of you for persevering!

    Reply
  9. angie

    You look fan-freakin-tastic, girl! You give me hope, too. I have the dayum hypo (not Hashimoto’s…to the best of my knowledge) and I’ve been stuck for the last couple of years. I would love to hear more about what you’ve done – and continue to do – to break through!

    Reply
  10. Nancy P

    Well I am sitting here crying. Crying for you and how damn hard you have worked and how frustrated you get and crying happy tears for you in that you look wonderful! I am crying for me too because for the life of me I don’t know why I am such a wimp at the gym. I worked with a trainer for awhile and kicked ass but on my own… not so much. Everytime I read about you running on the treadmill I am inspired and tell myself I can do it too but….
    Anyway this is not about me but about how freakin inspirational you are. (ok that is a little about me cause, well I am inspired by you)
    In other words You Rock Y!!!!!!

    Reply
  11. Tina

    I follow your blog, but I don’t think I have commented before. Please don’t think you sound like a broken record. I feel compelled to comment…despite the fact that it is personal for me too. I believe you have said you have PCOS? I was diagnosed several years ago. I take Metformin as well. I can tell you are working so hard. I know how it feels when you are working like crazy and your body is fighting you. I know you are probably SWARMED with advice and I am not the first but wanted to ask about what else your doc is prescribing? I only ask because I struggled so hard and finally found a doc who know what the hell he is doing. Before I had my son and he diagnosed me, he put me on Metformin and he said he theorizes that all women with PCOS also have a rare thyroid condition called Wilson’s Thryoid Syndrome. (It’s a form of underactive thyroid). SO I also take synthroid. Also, after I had my tot, he had to check my hormone levels…I was gaining tons of weight…depressed…etc. For some women with PCOS, pregnancy can create hormone problems. I went through some hell and now take bio-identical hormones. The weight comes off easier and I feel better. Like I said, I know you probably get swarmed with advice and I am just some stranger, but I truly do feel your pain. If you’d like to chat, I’m pretty passionate about the subject. You can email me…even if to commiserate a little?
    You look great…don’t give up!
    T

    Reply
  12. Ann

    Dude, you look freaking fantastic! Keep it up girl. You are awesome and an inspiration. Really. I know you may not feel like it, but you are. Just as much as the encouraging words from your readers help you, your words help me.
    Thank you for that. Good luck to you this year!

    Reply
  13. Traci

    I think you look wonderful. I don’t know if you have seen this site yet or not but I just found it today! I am trying to drop about 20 lbs and I think following this lady will help me do that.
    http://www.fityummymummy.com
    Check her out, she has a lot of helpful videos on her blog :)
    Best of Luck to you in 2010.

    Reply
  14. Kellee

    Lady, you have made such a huge progress. You look AMAZING. My very last post was about this very thing, what a pain in the ass losing weight has been, but for entirely different reasons (My skin, bleh) than you. Remember, you are working hard. You’re not just losing weight, you are transforming your body. Therefor, the numbers don’t tell the whole story. I guarantee with the asskicking you give yourself, you have gained a ton of muscle. I am certain you have lost more than 38 lbs of fat. Perhaps you’ve lost 50 pounds of fat and gained 12 lbs of muscles. That is great!!! :D

    Reply
  15. Overflowing Brain (Katie)

    Y-
    I have gone through a lot of the same issues in feeling guilty about posting what’s been going on. 2009 was one of the worst years for me healthwise. I’ve had a headache for 5 months. I had 3 lumbar punctures and countless MRIs. My blog reads like one big gigantic whine. Because it is.
    But the thing is, it’s my blog. Like this is yours. The people who love you for who you are, who read here because they care about you want you to be able to talk about this. We want to celebrate with you when you succeed (like you have, you freaking foxy lady) and we want to cry with you when things are shitty.
    You look incredible, skinny mirror or not.

    Reply
  16. Headless Mom

    I don’t care what freaky mirror you’re in front of, you’ve made A SHIT TON OF PROGRESS!!!!!!!! That is the most important part. And I’d bet dollars to donuts you feel waaaaay better. Great Job, Y!!!

    Reply
  17. Nicole

    You look amazing. And I think you are wording it wrong. Instead of saying “It’s taken me 2 years to lose 38 pounds.” Think “Holy Fucking Shit guys! I’ve lost 38 pounds. I’ve kicked the shit out of 38 pounds right off my body! And its never coming back.”
    You can do this, just keep up the good work.

    Reply
  18. Emily

    I see a huge change in the photos. Not just dropped weight – you also hold yourself differently. The look on your face is stronger, less glum. You look more like you are kicking ass and taking names now.
    So what I have to say is this: that diabetes is going to get her a** WHUPPED. You are going to make MORE progress this year, whatever that is going to look like. Hopefully it will mean kicking the Met, but even if it doesn’t, just LOOK at you! You look AWESOME.
    I still remember your post about being stuck in the one Daisy Fuentes track suit and having to wash it every night to wear it again the next day. You have come so far from that. Maybe it’s hard to remember that every day, but you have made INCREDIBLE progress. Seriously. You are awesome. You are an inspiration.
    Do an honorary Worm for yourself. You have totally earned it, and I hear you do an awesome Worm.

    Reply
  19. Kait

    Skinny mirror or not, every time I see a picture of you, I think you look thinner than last time. You look phenomenal, and I *know* that you can reach your goals. Go Y!!!

    Reply
  20. Lujza

    You know what????…..you’ve done great!…you’ve been committed….you’re going to DO great!!! You’re going to end up “the winner”!!

    Reply
  21. Mandi

    You look AMAZING Y!! Wow! I’m thoroughly impressed and so, SO proud of you sweetie!! You have such an amazing attitude and I believe you are and will be a wonderful inspiration to so many people. Hugs!!

    Reply
  22. Rachael

    You look awesome! Even if the gym picture isn’t quite accurate, the shape and tone of your body is way different, and it’s amazing.
    I don’t have as severe health problems, but I do have thyroid probs & PCOS that hinder my weight loss. I lost 30 lbs last year but it was really hard & took 8 months. My point is that I really respect you for the amount of hard work that you’ve done, I know that it’s taken a lot and you are doing really great!

    Reply
  23. Nina

    Sod the two years. Dude, you’ve lost 38 freaking pounds and have kept it off. That is AMAZING. Weight that comes off fast tends to come back just as fast (I should know. I lost almost 20 pounds after I had my first child on account of the not sleeping and the not eating. I gained it back six months later when he settled and I actually stopped being stressed and started to have regular meals again. My husband also lost 20 pounds during two weeks of paternity leave for the same reason, and sure enough gained them back when he went back to work.
    It’s only with the enduring lifestyle changes like you have made that this has a hope of working. Well done.

    Reply
  24. Tina

    Girl, you look AWESOME! I’ve been reading your blog for a little while but never commented, but this post pushed me to do it – while I’ve never had weight troubles, I know people who have, and how easy it is to get down on yourself if things aren’t working the way you want. Just remember to keep focusing on your health and not the numbers – if you always remember that this is to make yourself as healthy as possible for yourself and your gorgeous kids, the weight will come off.
    Good luck, and remember, you’ve got a whole mass of women behind you, even if you don’t know us all :)

    Reply
  25. Rachel

    As someone who has also struggled with my weight for years, I just wanted to tell you that you’re looking great! I also just hit the under 200 lbs and it is a great feeling. Keep up the great work – you’re an inspiration to me!

    Reply
  26. ClassyFabSarah

    I look at this pictures and all I can think is: holy CRAP, look at that amazing progress.
    Sure, it’s taken what feels like FOREVER (to you, not me) to get it off… but look at you – you look GREAT. You actually look happier!
    I know this journey can’t be easy – but you CAN do it!!

    Reply
  27. Alison C

    No! No! No! It’s the mirror in the first picture that is wrong. You look fantastic.
    I wish you well in keeping up the good work. Hopefully now that you are taking the mediaction your body needs (NEEDS!!) the weight will continue to come off.
    Anyway good luck and happy 2010!

    Reply
  28. Karen Sugarpants

    So effing proud of you, Y. And you don’t sound like a broken record, I quite enjoy watching you succeed against the odds you’ve got stacked. You’re inspirational and beautiful, inside and out. xoxoxo

    Reply
  29. Missy

    Dude, you lost a TODDLER. 38 pounds, no matter how long it took you, is nothing to scoff at. You fought, sweat and busted your ass for every single one of those pounds, so don’t undermine your accomplishment. I’ll be right there with you on the 5K, 10K thing this year, so know you’re not suffering alone! You (WE) can do it!

    Reply
  30. Roxanna

    Regardless of what the gym mirror shows or doesn’t show, the fact is is that you’ve lost weight and are healthier now than you were then. Your dedication, especially with the challenges you have (hashimoto specifically), is nothing less than inspiring. You are wonderful Y and I wish I could know you in real life.
    My goal for 2010 is to lose my weight (30-40 pounds) and to work on getting to “Blogher” eoither this year or next.

    Reply
  31. Jamie

    You look awesome awesome awesome! My older sister is 50 and did a mini tri last spring! She was at about 200 pounds and has lost more than 50 since she’s been on a huge wellness kick! Keep on truckin’ mama!

    Reply
  32. Kathy

    You look fantastic! I need to lose 35 pounds, but I keep doing NOTHING about it. You are an inspiration. Why do you hesitate to post about your struggles? Like you said, it’s your life everyday. I for one can say that reading about it does not in any way make me want to read your blog less. And what’s up with mirrors! I hate that I look better in some than others. And I must say my favorite photo is one I took of myself on vacation last year in a “trick mirror” – one that makes you look tall & skinny. I actually just look good in it because I’m short & not skinny!

    Reply
  33. lani

    Y- You’re doing FAnTASTIC and you look fantastic, too. 38 pounds in two years is nothing to sneeze at. I lost at that same rate when I lost mine. 18 pounds the first year and 20 pounds the second. Kinda frustrating when you want it to happen faster, but you’re doing it and that’s what counts. Keep it up, girl. If you’re interested, you can see my before/after pictures here – http://sneakeradventures.blogspot.com/.

    Reply
  34. Michelle Stewart

    Don’t comment a whole lot but do love your blog – just wanted to say that you look great and that is a wonderful accomplishment of losing all the weight!!
    Keep it up and keep at it!!
    all the best
    Mich

    Reply
  35. Cheryl

    I don’t mind at all the posts about your weight struggles/loss. You’re right, it’s your life, and that is what I want to read about.
    You look great! Haul that gym mirror home!

    Reply
  36. JenniferB

    You look amazing! I am staring the same whore in the face if I don’t get a handle on things and you inspire me — don’t give up and don’t quit posting about it — I need to hear your words of inspiration!

    Reply
  37. Leah

    I love when you talk about your weight journey. It motivates me to keep going. Keep moving forward and sharing your journey. You look wonderful!!

    Reply
  38. Lar

    You look awesome, congratulations on your weight loss! And might I remind you that this is YOUR BLOG?! You can write whatever you want, no apologies necessary!
    Hang in there!

    Reply
  39. Lyndsey

    Okay so I knew these guys in college that had a boob/belly test… i.e. a girl “passed the test” if she walked up to a wall and her boobs hit it before her belly did (yay for big boobs!). I would just like to say– you totally pass the boob/belly test now! Congrats!!

    Reply
  40. Dee

    You rock. You do. Just believe it. You are making this thing your beyotch. And I love your honest photos, don’t ever stop posting them, they inspire.

    Reply
  41. vickie

    “It’s taken me 2 years to lose 38 pounds. If I dwell on that, I would cry. I would give up.”
    Ok, let’s see:
    24 months = 38 pounds
    12 months = 19 pounds
    6 months = 9 to 10 pounds
    3 months = 4 to 5 pounds
    1 month = 1.5 to 1.75 pounds
    Now looking at this intellectually, over the course of a year you have appeared to not gain, not stabilize, but LOSE weight. It has STAYED off. Any doctor worth his or her weight in gold (excuse the miserable pun) will tell you that it is the person who sheds pounds SLOWLY who has truly won a weight battle, because the slower it comes off, the longer it stays off. On top of that youve stayed commited for the most part to exercise, no small feat with three kids running around.
    You’re not even in your 40′s yet, when unfortunately the battle becomes even tougher to fight, BUT, with a pattern like you are in continuing, YOU will be one of the fortunate ones in ten and twenty years who will keep the excess off and STAY looking good.
    Don’t look at the big picture, which, in this case, overwhelms you that “it’s not enough in two years”. Break it down and look at what a great pattern of shedding you’ve been able to stick to. The slower the better doesn’t just apply to sex :)

    Reply
  42. Jessica

    You could blog about your weight and your weightloss or lack of it every day and I would read every word. I adore your blog and because of that I adore you. You are a gem.

    Reply
  43. Julia

    you look FABULOUS! what a huge accomplishment! losing 38# in two years while fighting health battles is AMAZING!

    Reply
  44. Mamapajama

    You’re an inspiration Y, for all of us who are stuggling with losing weight. It’s not easy, it’s a battle and takes, more than anything else, will power. I admire your tenacity, your spitfire determination and humility in admitting you do have the ocassional set-backs. It takes guts to put yourself out there like that on a blog read by so many. Thank you and Happy 2010!

    Reply
  45. kris

    You are not a broken record. You are a kick ass, divine, dedicated, warm, creative, devoted, inspirational, motherf*cking rock star.
    Carry on.

    Reply
  46. Katie

    WOW you look amazing! Makes me want to get up and do some exercise. Sometimes things take longer than you’d hoped, but just look at the results – wow!

    Reply
  47. kris

    i so rarely comment on your site anymore. but my sister is battling that same whore- and weirdly, is UNDERWEIGHT and was only 115 pounds when she was diagnosed (she’s 50 in a few days). it’s weird.
    and here i am, the one who has always struggled with my weight- makes me wonder what lies in store.
    you are a rock star. those mirrors don’t change much. you look amazing, though i humbly admit you have always been beautiful.

    Reply
  48. maya

    I think you are amazing, and strong. From someone who has struggled her entire life with her weight, believe you me I understand. The fact is, you are keeping the weight off. It is a day by day thing. You build a tower, brick by brick… Look at what a diff 38 lbs make! You look amazing – and that should be what motivates you every. single. day . Keep up the good work!

    Reply
  49. Kyla

    Y, I know it has been so difficult for you, but I’m so proud of you for keeping with it. Your persistence is admirable. Your hard, hard work is paying off and it shows.

    Reply
  50. Coral

    the difference in the two pictures is amazing. you look great and really are an inspiration. thanks for taking us on this journey with you!

    Reply
  51. mouthy_broad (michele)

    what vickie said–that is 1.5 pounds a month for 2 years! hello success! be proud. and you look damn good. i like that you think it is a special mirror that makes you look thinner! uh, i don’t think those exist, esp. at a gym where they need you to feel fat so you keep coming.
    and i agree with some others–it looks like way more than 38 pounds off your body. what a difference.
    keep on keepin’ on!

    Reply
  52. Gabriella

    I know you said it is partly the mirror, but I don’t buy it. Your arms and shoulders, etc look more toned in the new photo. I think you must’ve converted a lot of your body mass to muscle over the past 2 yrs. It’s really a great transformation! Nice work!!

    Reply
  53. Kerri.

    This is my first visit to your blog (I came by way of searching for diabetes info), and I have to say – your weight loss progress is fantastic! I think you should be mighty proud of yourself.
    I’ve had type 1 diabetes since I was six years old (autoimmune diabetes – don’t make a lick of insulin at all and I wear an insulin pump), and I’m currently expecting my first baby. I’ve been searching for some blogs about motherhood, and I’m glad I’ve stumbled onto your blog.
    Best with your weight loss goals, and nice to meet you!
    - Kerri.

    Reply
  54. Suzy Q

    I started to write “Wow! You look great!” but then, I saw the commenter just before me had already said that. So…ditto!

    Reply
  55. Maggie

    You truly are an inspiration. You look incredible–I can’t wait to see what 2010 has in store for you…thank you for the inspiration to keep up with my own weight loss battle! If you can do it, I can do it, right?! Congrats on your accomplishments thus far!!

    Reply
  56. Elle

    My guess is that you ARE as thin as the mirror in the 2nd picture makes you look … you are just not used to seeing yourself that way. Congrats.

    Reply
  57. Victoria

    This is actually so wonderful… You have done a GREAT job… I am about the same as the first picture and I really need help. People don’t realize how HARD it is to lose weight. My little girl just told me that some little boy at school told her that her mommy is fat and it hurt her feelings, and that is killing me! :( It is just SO hard… This is motivating beyond belief. Just those two pictures. Thank you more than you know!

    Reply
  58. Anne

    “Only 38 pounds in 2 years” – are you kidding! 38 pounds is a fabulous amount to lose – in any amount of time. I’ve been on a (continuous) “diet” for 30 years and have yet to lose 38 pounds. You go girl!!!

    Reply

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