McAshamed (Alternate Title: McSoSoBad but McSoSoGood.)

I spent my lunch break at the gym today.
I ran. I did the elliptical.
I did free weights. Squats. Push ups. Crunches. Leg lifts.
I was drenched in Sweet, Glorious Sweat.
As I left the gym, I was PUMPED UP.
I had burned a ton of calories. I felt strong. I felt healthy. I felt like I could kick your ass and then her ass and his ass. I think I could have kicked the ass of the entire world.
I got in my car, Jay-Z blasting in my ear. I was like IN YOUR FACE, DISEASES THAT TRY TO KEEP ME DOWN.
And then, I drove by McDonalds.
“The McRib is back!” It said.
Next thing you know, I’m sitting in my car, BBQ sauce dripping in between my fingers as I stuff my face with FAKE RIB MEAT.
As I was cleaning up the mess on my face with a wet wipe, I began to feel pretty disgusted with myself. I felt like crying, puking and kicking my own ass all at the same time.
I didn’t have to tell anyone about this. I could have thrown the evidence away and went about my day as if it never happened. However, I need to be accountable for the way I treat my body, what with all of the diseases and disorders I’m trying to keep under control. I realize it’s okay to occasionally indulge in Not So Good For You Food. But honestly, with the amount of weight I have to lose and the fact that I’m pre-diabetic, doesn’t give me much license to EAT A MCRIB IN MY CAR AFTER A WORKOUT.
This can’t ever happen again, self. YOU HEAR ME?

23 thoughts on “McAshamed (Alternate Title: McSoSoBad but McSoSoGood.)

  1. Nancy P

    I can’t begin to tell you how much I relate to this post. Don’t beat yourself up though. I am SO inspired by how hard you work out. I am such a wimp at the gym and I hate it.

    Reply
  2. RoseC

    For me, it was chocolate last week after some stressful situations. I felt the same way! Just remember, you’ve made the progress you have because of your healthy desires and dedication. We all have our weak moments, but our better selves can and will prevail and pave the road to better health.
    But definitely don’t let a McRib sandwich make YOU feel disgusting! We so often confuse our behaviors with who we are thinking they “mean” something about it. Think of it this way: all it “means” is that you have a couple hundred more calories to burn–nothing more! Revel in the part of yourself that takes joy in the small things like nostalgia, the part that’s honest, that’s accountable and that is committed. And that can shake incidents like this off, learn from them, and continue kicking ass.

    Reply
  3. Rachael

    I’m proud of you for posting this. Because for YEARS I “dieted” and I CHEATED. I snuck donuts and fast food and generally a lot of stuff that was really bad for me. I know how easy it is to hide it. And it’s REALLY hard to admit when stuff like this happens. It’s just one step back, and it doesn’t compare to the steps forward you’ve taken.

    Reply
  4. James E.

    Been there, done that. Or at least similar. Granted, my situation is not identical to yours regarding body type or weight to lose or gender (especially gender) but I’ve gone through similar things. The hard part is getting past the guilt and moving on and getting “back on the stick” as I like to say.
    So, it happens, it sucks, but move past it. Make up for it. And the next time you feel yourself caving remember how you felt after this McGarbage.
    All the best – James

    Reply
  5. BusyDad

    Then I will definitely not tell you where in LA you can still get the original McDonalds FRIED apple pies from the 70s. Whenever I drive by that location, all I have to do is let go of the steering wheel and, like the Death Star tractor beam, it draws me in and hands me the bubbly, crispy, apple-lava-filled pies of sin.

    Reply
  6. Erin

    Hiding is easy. Owning up is hard. Good for you! Also, next time just take a few minutes imagining just how they make that fake rib meat. Hopefully that’ll gross you out enough to help you drive on by. :)

    Reply
  7. books

    I Mcfeel you on the illicit McRib love. Morningstar Farms has a faux meat riblet that makes a great swap-can barely tell the difference when you put it on a toasted bun w/some McD’s-like skinny pickles. Of course, that doesn’t help you much when you’re in the car, driving past the saucy goodness, but if you’d recently filled the craving, maybe it will loose its allure…

    Reply
  8. Nicole

    After going to the doctor today to see if the cancer came back (and finding out I have to wait a week for the results), I stopped by cold stone creamery and had a brownie batter chocolate ice cream with caramel and chocolate chips mixed in. I think I gained back the 5 pounds I’ve lost in one sitting.
    We have to allow ourselves some occasional mistakes, some wiggle room. You can rededicate yourself to the fight tomorrow but sometimes for our sanity, we need to give in. As long as we (and by we, I mean me I still think you are doing awesome) don’t make it a daily habit. (((HUGS)))

    Reply
  9. Kellee

    You know, this might sound stupid, but my family is FULL TO THE BRIM with thyroid disease of every shape and size. And I have found.. usually.. that indulging in something with a few more calories shortly after working out does my body BETTER.
    Like it just worked it’s ass off, and it needs the extra calories, lest my metabolism be screaming or them and shut down immediately and completely.
    MAYBE you’re better off. It’s possible.

    Reply
  10. Denise

    Well, it sucks that you ate the sandwich, some people (like myself) eat the sandwich WITHOUT working out first. Even though you ate it, you still worked and strengthened your muscles and made yourself more fit. So, that’s pretty awesome.

    Reply
  11. Alice

    I hope that you’re no longer beating yourself up, especially now that you’ve got awesome bangs to distract you from the memory!
    But really, it’s hard to hear you be so harsh with yourself. If it’s really what you need to do in caring for yourself, I can’t say that you’re wrong, but I will say that it’s hard to read. You deserve good health *and* you deserve kindness – the one doesn’t trump the other.
    (Can you tell that I had a dream last night where I told Oprah that she was being too mean to herself w/ a crazy restricted diet? I don’t even watch La O, yet I’m telling her to be nicer to herself in my dreams. Oy.)

    Reply
  12. Sarah

    I spent my lunch break reading about half marathon training plans and finished my lunch break with a hamburger and fries. We both owe a loan shark 1000 calories.

    Reply
  13. Lauraldawn

    I struggle with weight all the time and do the exact same thing (except I go to the gym so early McDonalds isn’t open – but believe me I still have options).
    But the best best best advice I ever got was from a trainer who told me that if I’m going to screw up and eat something unhealthy sit down, enjoy it, embrace it, and savour it. Because guilt makes you do it again.
    I live by this.
    Mind you, I need to lose a lot of weight. But whatever.
    Also – I’m pretty sure the McRib is good for protein :)

    Reply
  14. Erica

    Been there, done that this morning! I worked out then went and got biscuits and gravy AND a mocha. Horrible I know. At least I worked out, right?

    Reply
  15. anne nahm

    First off, your bangs are ballin’! You are ten shades of cute in that picture.
    Also, I can completely relate to this post. One of the worst things that Oprah ever said to me
    (Ok, I know that sounds weird, but I’m just specifying that it was bad for me. I have no idea what the worst thing she ever said was and I’m pretty sure she never talks to me directly. Anyway.),
    was that thing about how alcoholics can just stop drinking and smokers can just stop smoking, but dieters still have to eat. Because when she said that, it made a lot of sense. The thing that finally, finally helped me lose weight was realizing, “no wait – drinkers still have to drink, they just have to know what they cannot drink. And smokers still have to inhale, they just have to decide what not to inhale.”
    When I realized that, I realized I am a straight-up addict: I have exactly the same reactions to eating certain foods – I crave them, I eat them, they make my body and my head hurt after, and I cry about it like I am hung over, and I promise I’m not gonna do it again, but then I do anyway.
    So for me, I had to look at it like an addict. I have to be OK with never eating X, Y, or Z again, because once I start, I do that crap like a drug. I had to really look at my eating patterns and pay attention to what triggered me, and it was a buttload of work to do that.
    Iin the end, I realized that anything with cow’s milk in it (for me) made me stuff my gob silly. Ice cream, sour cream, cereal with milk, bakery goods with milk, cheese. I just had to have a little of one of those things every day, and I ended up binging after I ate them.
    I’m not saying that cow’s milk is a trigger for anyone but me, but I was amazed that once I took it out of my diet, life lost that eating rollercoaster feel to it. But, like any other addiction, if I had a little, my body started craving more and more food.
    Jeez, I’m sorry. I suspect I am really sounding like a born-again dieter butthole. If so, kindly disregard. It is only that I read your post, and I thought you were really brave, and I have totally been in that car with you, smelling like a stale french fry and having no idea how to fix it, and just wanting to take a nap instead. But it does get better. You are already doing so well, and I know you can keep on it. You have been such an inspiration to me, I know you can do it.
    (Ok, and totally kick me in the ass if this was too preachy, because that’s the only way I’ll learn.) Otherwise, so many hugs to you.

    Reply

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