Not like anything you’ve ever read here before. (jajaja)

I have a confession.
I’ve not been to the gym since writing this post. I know that was not very smart health wise, but mentally, I needed the break.
So I just stopped.
I was overwhelmed with what feels like a losing battle. I was frustrated beyond all words. Did you know that I was having the EXACT SAME STRUGGLE with this last year at almost the exact same time?
This is what I wrote on April 23 of last year.
July 2006 (after having lost 70-ish pounds following the birth of my 3rd child)
179
April 2008 (4 months after finally being diagnosed with Hashimotos, even though I told my doctor and anyone who would listen to me that there was something wrong with my thyroid a year and a half ago.)
Picture or Video 3600
I can’t even begin to express how frightening that number is to me, nor can I express how depressed I am after doing a little research on “how to lose weight with Hashimoto’s.”
(You can read the rest of the post here.)
Here I am, a year later, facing the exact same problem (and also the exact same weight. Minus one pound.)
An entire year with no change, no matter how hard I’ve tried. No matter how many trips I’ve made to the gym or how many mother effing Weight Watchers points I’ve counted. No amount of positive thinking or attitude adjustments can change the fact that this shit is frustrating.
ALL CAPS FRUSTATING, even.
However, this is how I see it now that I’ve had a few weeks away from the gym. I have two choices in this situation. Give up entirely or dust myself off and try again.
I’ve decided on the latter.
EVEN IF I never lose another pound. EVEN IF I am this size forever. EVEN IF.
So, I will be back in the gym (Rumba!) tonight. And starting on Saturday, I’ll be back in Weight Watcher meetings. I do believe there are things that I can do different, things I’ve not yet tried, that can be helpful. I’m going to explore the other options, like, you know, riding a bike! I don’t know, something. I need to shake my routine up, for sure.
I have decided I’m going to actively blog my weight journey on this blog again. I had to close down the weight loss blog because a full time job + 3 kids + 1 horn-ay husband + a dog = only time for 1 blog and even then, not really time for 1 blog.
My hope is that next year, when I read back on this entry, I will be able to say “I’m so glad I didn’t give up.” because I will be healthier, stronger and happier.
.

37 thoughts on “Not like anything you’ve ever read here before. (jajaja)

  1. Nancy P

    YOU are an inspiration. I don’t even have a thyroid problem and yet I struggle constanly with this whole exercise/weight thing.
    Good for you for getting back on the horse
    Nancy P

  2. cindy w

    Believe me, I KNOW firsthand the frustration of working your butt off with diet & exercise and getting no results whatsoever. Or even having your weight go up after you’ve been working so hard – it doesn’t get more discouraging than that. That’s why I ended up getting gastric bypass surgery. (And I’m certainly NOT suggesting that surgery is the answer for you. It’s not a cure-all for everyone, and since you have other health issues, it’s probably not the best idea for you. Or maybe it is. What do I know, only you and your doctor can decide what’s best for you.)
    My point is: I hope you find something that makes you feel strong, healthy & happy. I really do. Big hugs and love for you, lady.

  3. Jules

    Good for you Y! I also have a hard time remembering that weight loss or no-eating healthy and exercising makes me feel so good-and that alone is worth it.

  4. Michelle

    Good luck! I’m a lurker who only occasionally wanders out of the safety of my google reader, but I thought I’d pop out to say that I admire your persistence. Wish my students could have half as much determination. I wish more that rational, down to earth people were in greater amounts where I lived. Til then, I’ll just have to settle for your blog. I’m rooting for you !(I’m not sure how much that means to you since you don’t really know even what I look like, but for what it’s worth, here’s some positive energy coming your way!)

  5. stephanie

    I understand that it must be frustrating that you only ultimately lost one pound in that year, but focus on the fact that you did not GAIN anything! That to me is a total victory for you in light of the obstacles you’re facing. Keep it up! :-)

  6. Lisa

    Hang in there. I enjoyed the weight loss blog, I’m glad you’ll be back at that, though I totally get the not enough time.

  7. heidi

    2 year lurker. just saying you are awesome. you are an inspiration to me, and not about weight issues – just about being a mom and seeing the beauty in life. I hope it all starts to fall into place…

  8. Allyson/HBMomof2

    Congratulations on trying again. This weight is a struggle. I am on this journey with you and every day is a challenge. Good luck to you and I know you will realize your healthy new life. I am behind you 100%!

  9. Bill

    It takes such a huge effort to get back into meetings and exercising. And it’s great how open you are about it, too. Very inspiring!

  10. Brandi

    You are awesome and I am proud of you. I am inspired by your drive to try again. I believe in you!

  11. Marin

    I know how frustrated you are, but just remember that even if you aren’t losing the weight, all the time you’re putting in at the gym is making you healthier and stronger. You can do this.

  12. MBB

    Don’t feel bad. Three years ago, I weighed 246 at 5’6″ (and a half, but yeah). Blood pressure: 140+/103 (on avg). C-reactive protein: 3. Blood sugar- borderline diabetes/prediabetic/insulin resistant/wahtevah. Cholesterol- 242. Bad shape. hair falling out- badly. Very thin hair. Hair breaking. Couldn’t lose weight. Gained 3 pounds if I smelled ice cream.
    Now? 164 lbs. (still 5’6″ and a half). Blood pressure: 117/72. Blood sugar- normal (perfectly), thyroid normal, cholesterol – 101, hair thick and luscious, nails growing again. C-reactive protein (the predictor for heart attack and stroke) – less than .5 (non-existent risk).
    The funny thing? No exercise involved, except for normal daily life. No fancy plans, no fees, nothing. I did it all my way. No joke. I’ve figured it out and typed it out, if you want me to email it to you, I will. Several of my son’s therapists are using it and losing. My own doctor said I may have found the “fix”.
    Seriously. No Jenny, no WW, no Curves. Just 5 things to remember (and very veryeasy, you know I have a short attention span).
    Holler if you want it. I don’t want to post it on here because yeah, well, I’m already long-typer, don’t need more.

  13. Mr Lady

    I think you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, and I saw you two weeks ago. I am all for the gym, because it makes you healthy, but I think you look perfect.

  14. Emily

    Hey Y? Remember when you first got your diagnosis? And the doctor told you that if you just DON’T GAIN it would be considered a success?
    Yeah, that.
    Don’t give up. Take breaks every now and then – we all need to. But don’t give up.

  15. christina

    “I’m so glad I didn’t give up. because I will be healthier, stronger and happier.”
    Precisely. And those are wonderful goals to have. The truth is that even with proper treatment, many Hashimoto sufferers (I’ve had it since 1971!) simply cannot lose weight like “normal” people. Some manage it, others don’t. I’ve gained weight steadily over the past 20 years. You just never know. The hormone replacement isn’t a cure all and Synthroid or its equivalent can actually cause some people to gain weight. :-(
    The importan thing with Hashimoto is to build up muscle mass because that boost the slow metabolism we’ve been “blessed” with.
    Have you read Mary Shomon’s “The Thyroid Diet”? Some interesting concepts in there.

  16. Julie

    You GO!!! You GOOOOO!!!! It’s not what knocks us down; it’s that we keep getting up (even if we’re flipping the world off).

  17. norm

    Yeah! Go for it! I’m sure you’ll feel better, be healthier, and will be friggin’ radiant as always. Even if. One condition, though: you can’t stop taking pictures. We, your fans, GOT NEEDS.

  18. Brandy

    Delurking to say: I know exactly where you’re coming from. Thyroid hell. You are a role model for me for not giving up! YOU GO!

  19. Jenn

    Dude, I would wear those shorts with the hemline exactly how it is. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. For real.

  20. Jenn

    Oops, I commented on the wrong post, so sorry!!! Not appropriate! Obviously, this was meant for your post about G’s shorts!

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