You may need to take a violation shower after you finish reading this one.

A few weeks ago I found myself sitting in a cold room in urgent care waiting to have x-rays taken. I had been involved in a car accident and wanted (needed) to make sure that all discs in my back were okay and not going to start bulging again anytime soon.
I speak from experience when I say that bulging discs are NOT FUN.
Before the doctor took the x-rays, he asked me a few standard questions.
“Are you pregnant?”
“no.”
“Any chance you could be pregnant.”
“No.”
“When was your last menstrual cycle.”
I had to think about that one for a minute. It had been a while since I had one, but I hadn’t really given much thought to HOW long. So, I did a little mental math (winners do the math!)
“I’ve not had a period since October.”
What the hell, My Body?
The doctor stopped typing on the computer, looked at me and said “And you’re NOT pregnant?”
“Nope.” I said, all sure because… VASECTOMY! HASHIMOTOS! NO POSSIBLE WAY!
“Well, I’d like to give you a pregnancy test before we take the x-rays just to be sure.”
“That’s fine.” I said, getting a little nervous now because ALL THINGS ALL POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST.
He handed me a cup and was all “go forth and pee in this here cup. Once we get the results, we’ll send you downstairs for x-rays.”
A little fact about me: I hate peeing in The Cup. When I was sick as a teenager, my mom took me to the doctors and brought my best friend along. I had to pee in The Cup so they could check for a bladder infection. I went into the bathroom, did my business and walked out of the bathroom, pee cup in hand. As soon as my mom saw it, she started to laugh. And then my best friend started to laugh. I was all “WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? WHAT IS SO FUNNY?”
Apparently, you don’t need to fill the cup all of the way to to top. “they just need a little bit of pee” my mom said, while laughing at my full cup of pee.
So, to this day, I never know how much is too much. And it stresses me the HELL OUT. Like, I don’t want to under pee and have to do it all over again. I also don’t want to OVER pee and risk the doctors and lab technicians pointing and laughing at my cup. You know? (You’re all “No, I do not know at all whatsoever.)
ANYway.
The pregnancy test came back negative and so the doctor sent me for x-rays. After the x-rays arrived, the doctor sat down in front of me to tell me that everything looked good. I just had some strain and which kind of muscle relaxer would I like?
(Answer: Soma, please.)
But then, he started talking about my lack of a period.
“You really do need to see your doctor about that because not having a period increases your chances of uterine cancer.”
I already knew this based on the last time I saw my gyno for missed periods. And the biopsy had revealed that my uterine lining was too thick and I had been ordered to take some kind of a hormone to make me bleed so that I could shed that lining. I never took those pills because right after I saw her, my periods started coming regularly again and I thought there wasn’t any need to take a pill that increased my risk for BLOOD CLOTS. I have enough health problems as it is. I don’t need to walk around wondering if the pain I feel in my leg could possibly be a blood clot that is going to travel to my heart and kill me!
(Not that I’m a complete freak about things. NOT AT ALL.)
I had forgot all about that fear until this doctor went and brought it up again. The entire way home, all I could think of was UTERINE CANCER. UUUTTERRRINNNEE CAAANNNNCCCCEEERR.
Naturally, I called Kaiser first thing in the morning to try to get an appointment with my gynecologist. The soonest appointment she had available was in May. (!@$%@!!!!) So, I had to do something I never, ever want to do. I had to schedule a “Possibly Have to Look at Your Vagina” type appointment with my family doctor. Who happens to be a man. Who also happens to be related to a friend of mine. And, really, that just adds a layer to the awkwardness that is someone who is NOT MY HUSBAND examining my vagina.
When I arrived at my appointment, the nurse asked me to undress from the waist down. She handed me a sheet to cover my from the waist down nakedness. I sat there waiting for Dr.M with my sheet securely placed so as not to reveal any of my half naked body. He knocked on the door a few minutes later and was all “Hey Y. Nice to see you again.” He begin asking me questions about what was going on (or, in my case, NOT going on) down there and I was all “I haven’t had a period since October and the doctor in urgent care said I needed to see you about that because.. UTERINE CANCER.”
He ordered some test to check my hormones and also ordered a pelvic ultrasound. And then he was said the words that brought peace to my soul. “You just had a biopsy and pap smear done last summer. We won’t need to do that again. Go ahead and get dressed while I order your tests.”
Vaginal Exam AVERTED!
A few days later I was laying on a table in a dark room while a technician put a glob of warm goo on my belly and begin pressing the ultrasound camera all up on my pelvis area. I watched her face closely to see if I could figure out if if what she was seeing was good or bad. Surely, if there were a tumor or something awful like that, it would show on her face. At one point, she looked a little… concerned? “Everything okay?” I asked. “Yeah, I’m just trying to get your bowel out of the way.” I HATE it when my bowel gets in the way. SO annoying.
“I’m almost finished with this part” she said “But your doctor has requested I do a vaginal ultrasound as well. Is that okay with you?”
Really, did she need to ask? I love having giant dildos with cameras shoved up in me by complete strangers!
Except, did you know that they don’t actually insert the camera? But that they ask you to put it in yourself as they’re putting a giant condom on it?
I almost passed out from embarrassment as she handed the Vag Cam over to me and watched me as I ha ha ha you know, hahaa put it in. And because it wasn’t awkward enough, I accidentally made eye contact with her just as I was doing it. I panicked and blurted out “Is that up far enough?” Which, OF COURSE IT WASN’T! So she was all “just a little bit farther.” And I was all “SURE THING!” Things got even more weird when she was moving the camera around inside of me and begin PUSHING ON MY LEG. It took me a few minutes to get that it was her way of asking me to “open them legs up just a little more, please” without actually having to utter the words “spread ‘em” out loud.
GOD.
I can’t think of anything in my life that was more embarrassing than that experience. Not even making a Little Poopie while giving birth to my first son. NOT EVEN THAT.
The good news is that all of the tests came back normal. No cysts or tumors or cancer.
The bad news is that I still have not started my period and they can’t give me one good reason why. I get a little panicky when I think of the 5 months worth of back up all up in my Ute, but my doctor told me not to worry and to just enjoy not having a period. Which, really? Me? Not worry? ESPECIALLY after two other doctors are all “UTERINE CANCER!!!”? I’m trying really hard to relax and “enjoy it” (which… how does one “enjoy” the absence of a period?) But “relaxing” “not worrying” and “enjoying” are not things that come easily to me. Especially when things aren’t working as they should be.
Any tips on how one can go about “enjoying not having a period” will be much appreciated.

77 thoughts on “You may need to take a violation shower after you finish reading this one.

  1. Joelle

    I used to have gyno who looked like Robert Englund. You know, Freddie Krueger without his makeup. He was hilarious and so I didn’t mind, but I always felt a little weird when he came at me with the condom covered vagcam. lol

  2. Nina

    Yeah, I couldn’t enjoy not having a period either, because I’d constantly be thinking “is today the day?” and would probably wear a pad 24/7/365. NOT something I want to do.
    And I really hope I never have to have that vaginal ultrasound thing done.

  3. Rae

    *wipes tears away* Y, I was laughing so damned hard I nearly peed myself. And no, I wasn’t laughing AT you… people who live in glass houses and all that…been there, done that, BURNED the effing t-shirt! It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who has suffered the dildo-camera. I had a further problem…I couldn’t stop giggling, or verbally wishing the damned thing would at least VIBRATE so I would get something out of it.
    *giggle*

  4. Julie Pippert

    Did they run any hormone scans?
    Why should you enjoy something that has you worried? That’s funky advice to be sure!
    We don’t like our periods, it’s true, but we like our bodies working as expected—when they don’t it’s not a pleasure.
    I’m sorry you have this big question mark hanging over you and hope you find out what the deal is.
    And FTR be very very glad you got the skip infertility. During that? You get the vag cam DAILY from ovarian stimulation to ovulation. And a blood draw too.

  5. Emily

    I recently had my first experience with the dildo cam and nearly died laughing when they put the condom on (high school sex ed flashbacks). And the having to put it in yourself is weeeeeeeird!

  6. The Aitch

    Not as if you care but… I am currently on a uterine cancer fighting regimen of progesterone, metformin and two other meds I cannot remember because I have PCOS. Therfore I have a high chance of uterine cancer. My last bloodwork didn’t come back looking so hot and my u/s didn’t look so good either. I have two more months of the med combo and another u/s and more bloodwork and this time, if shit doesn’t improve, I have surgery to remove the parts and start chemo.
    So yeah, it’s a good thing you finally went in to get checked out because I went 6 months w/out a period after I stopped breast feeding my two year old – when she was 1 (Because ya know I have PCOS so I knew I wouldn’t have a period anyway) and this whole mess is what happened when I ignored my body for those 6 months.
    No more ignore. That is my motto.

  7. Y

    I think that is what he’s going to put me on soon if I don’t start. But in the meantime, I’m going to “ENJOY IT!” /sarcasm.

  8. Procrastamom

    MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
    Money saved on not buying feminine supplies. No tampons, no pads, none of those plastic cuppy things that some people recommend, but I’ve been too chicken to try. A box of those things costs, like, seven dollars. That’s almost two trips to Starbucks!
    See, I can make light of anything…even though I’m now freaking the fuck out myself about the UTERINE CANCER, because my body just went from September to January with no period. I did not know this information. Hmm, must go drown my worries in a Caramel Machiatto.

  9. Karly

    Okay, two things:
    1. As long as your cup is not, you know, OVERFLOWING, you done good. I used to work at a doctor’s office. I do not ever recall someone pointing and laughing at a pee cup. I do, of course, remember the time that someone brought in a semen sample and we all took turns smelling it, because dude had some funky smelling junk. So, if you must worry, worry about the smell of your pee.
    (Yes, I know that was mean. I’m sorry.)
    2. You had to put it in YOURSELF? That is OBSCENE. Seriously, if a big dildo cam is going to violate me, I’d prefer to have someone else shove it up there.

  10. Candace

    See.. what you DIDN’T know is those camera shots were directly fed to a $29.95 a shot website! :D
    *hiding now*

  11. Loralee

    Good hell. I am turning a violent shade of red here for you.
    Although, if it is any consolation, this helps me feel better about my upcoming last trimester and the return of the dreaded “Exams” because at least my doctor isn’t watching me insert a condom draped spycam in the shape of a dildo!!!!
    GAH!
    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  12. Bill

    Holy crap is that funny. Yeah, I know this is dorky, but the font size reduction on “put it in” is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time!

  13. CharmingBitch

    I have what started as ‘just’ ovarian cancer and is now ovarian/cervical/uterine cancer and by the time we got to the dildo cam part of examinations, I just refused to do it myself. I told them I had been put in far too many embarrassing ‘positions’ thus far and NO WAY was I ramming myself with equipment to save them the time or whatever the reason. They did, they weren’t happy but they did it, ha.
    I really hope you get some real answers soon, Y. The worry really is the worst.

  14. nazila

    Y –
    I cannot say anything positive to you as I just am experiencing the period that comes from five fricking months of not having one. ULTRA/SUPER/MONDO OB every freaking hour, oh did I tell you I was in Paris on vacation and half my suitcase was tampons and kotex?
    Yeah, uterine cancer has crossed my mind too. I know I have the big Fibroids as I just experienced the same kind of exam.
    Thank goodness for insurance and an appointment in two weeks.

  15. Suburban Turmoil

    Oh man, you just brought back a repressed memory for me. When I was pregnant with Punky, I was having unexplained pains and I had to do that very same ultrasound! Except honestly, I was so scared about the pregnancy that I did not even care about the giant dildo! I did think it was HELLA weird, though!
    You know, I know lots of women who haven’t gotten periods in months, and they aren’t even worried. So seriously, now that you’ve had the tests done, try not to sweat it too much.

  16. Melanie

    Man, that was a funny post but this line just slayed me:
    “That’s fine.” I said, getting a little nervous now because ALL THINGS ALL POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST.”
    I think it’s hilarious to me because I’m also a Christian, married to a man who’s also had a vasectomy. I would probably have thought the same thing and been TOTALLY FREAKED OUT.
    Glad you’re cancer free!

  17. Laurie

    I was reading my feeds in Google Reader, thinking I was reading someone else’s blog. When I got to the smaller font use, I laughed very loudly, and then I thought wait a minute – this isn’t Danger Dauna…. this sounds like Y
    I looked up at the title of the blog, and sure enough, it was you.
    GREAT post!

  18. steen

    Note to self: do not ever agree to a “vaginal ultrasound” unless it is very, very important because DUDE. I’m glad the tests came back clean. Perhaps your uterus is all, “Yo, I’m TIRED and going on vacation to Tahiti. See ya later, y’all.”
    As much as I hate getting The Period, I’m always relieved upon its return because 1) no babbies! 2) no bad things!
    Although, when my period didn’t show up one month, I not only took three pee tests at home but, when I went to the gyno, they made me take three pee tests in as many days. I learned how to pee in a cup on command.
    Now THERE’s a fun party trick!

  19. steen

    PS – I took Provera (the Target pharmacy hooked me up with a generic for $4, sweet!) to get my cycle back again and it worked like a charm. The conclusion was that my cycle just got thrown out of whack but don’t worry! A heavy dose of hormones fixes everything, haha!

  20. Kristie

    I’m really curious why you had to insert the dildo-cam (or “joystick”, as I call it) yourself??? I’ve been a surrogate three times, which means I’ve had approximately 8,345 vaginal ultrasounds, and I’ve never once been asked to insert the damn thing myself. *that* is the part I would think was weird!

  21. mandy

    I feel like we were just talkin on the phone and you totally told me that story. I can hear your voice in your writing. It’s cool. Firstly, ew. I totally know, I’ve had that ultrasound. Ew again, cause it’s just weird when someone is lookin. Secondly, you can enjoy the absense by going swimming, or wearing white pants, or things that maybe normally we would avoid doing for fear. Does that help?
    I am just glad all tests were normal. That is fabulous news.

  22. Rhi

    I can’t stop laughing over, “Go forth and pee in this cup.”
    I’ve not had my period for 5 months – but it’s my doctor’s doing and I’m loving not buying tampons. Though, I did clip a coupon for Tampax today, because well I do not know why.

  23. margalit

    Another PCOS case history here. I never ever had regular periods. From my late teens until I started doing meds to get pregnant, I had twice a year periods. It was heaven. Twice a year is enough to get rid of the lining and to keep the Ute Ca at bay. I used progesterone and provera to create those periods. Never had a problem with any scares other than when I was pregnant, and that one REALLY sucked. Now, I’m finally over the period deal forever and it’s the best thing ever. Don’t even think about it anymore.
    As for the ultrasound, I’ve had a million of ‘em, and called them Disembodied Sex with the Secret Wand. They are weird, no doubt about it. But effective! Which is good.

  24. Suzy Q

    Yeah, I’ve been through too many of those intravaginal ultrasounds to count. Not fun, but kinda funny.

  25. Katie

    Yep, I too have worried the worry over 1) peeing in a cup, and 2) NO PERIOD FOR THREE MONTHS which coincided with early relationship stupidity (read, not always so great with the birth control). Doctor was all lalalala don’t worry! And I freaked out for the three months until my period showed up. Um. I sympathize? Also, you are hilarious.

  26. Mary Jo

    My doctor totally did not make me stick the ultrasound stick in myself. It was in absolutely no way sexual having him do it. I would have been mortified if I had to be the one. Weird.

  27. Renate

    I know the peeing-in-a-cup thing wasn’t really the main subject here, but I just have to say that yes, I do know. I was ordered back into the bathroom once to pee some more because I’d given them too little – because I didn’t want to give them too much. They should give you little measuring cups and tell you EXACTLY how much they need.

  28. Jamie

    How to enjoy not having a period. make art out of your unsed hygeine products :) Sunflower maxi pads, waves of tampons with origami boats made of pads. Then sell them on ebay. I bet some super strange person would buy them and you can go get tons of bean dip. Hell, you might get famous in the art world and everyone will wonder how you came up with such a super femine idea……while you sip Starbucks and eat bean dip in artistic silence

  29. Laura

    Oh my jeebus Christ. I can’t believe that you were asked to MASTURBATE in front of someone else! That’s just… ugh… wrong. If I were you, I’d call the clinic and ask if that’s their policy, or if it’s just some weird hangup of that particular technician. Then I’d complain. Loudly.

  30. Louise

    Okay, while I don’t equate what you had to do with masturbation, I totally get how uncomfortable that was. I have never, in the months and years of infertility crap I’ve been going through, been asked to insert my own Prod Rod. It’s bad enough having someone else doing it.
    And the part where you made eye contact with the U/S tech? AWKWAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

  31. Lanie

    The other day I actually asked a friend of mine if they remembered the last time I had my period. After much discussion on this subject we came up with October. And yes, I never know when I’m going to start, but my body always lets me know it’s going to happen…now granted it may take 3 weeks, but I’m pretty regular with 2 periods a year.
    I use to take BC pills to regulate it, but I did get a blood clot that traveled to my lungs and I’m almost died because I’m such a stubborn ass and wouldn’t go to the doctor. So now I actually have D & C as the doctor sees fit when my lining gets too thick.
    And yes, there’s always “that” thought in the back of my head, but if you keep a regular check on things…seriously, just enjoy the fact that you don’t have to deal with it on a monthly basis.
    I know I do!

  32. Wisconsin Mommy

    I remember showing up for my ultrasound when I was pregnant with Little J. I had pictured this warm fuzzy scene like on TV with the jelly on my belly and the price-scanner-looking-thing gently gliding over me.
    I almost passed out when they produced the camera/dildo wand and informed me that I was going to have to shove it up there – and on a full bladder no less!
    I’m guessing it was a man who invented THAT procedure!
    I hope all turns out well for you!

  33. Suzanne

    Um yeah, I had the vag u/s with my husband in the room. That was uncomfortable for me, but he almost passed out. He got dizzy and lightheaded and the nurse had him step out in the hall. This was at the very beginning of my first pregnancy, so you can imagine how helpful he was with the birth.

  34. Melissa

    This brought back memories. I had to have both ultrasounds after 2 months of no period. They thought I might have PCOS (I don’t). I had a male ultrasound technician who stepped out of the room while I inserted the probe. When he returned, he brought a female technician. Two people!! It was so difficult to not giggle during that time from all the awkwardness. I’m thankful I didn’t make any stupid jokes as I am prone to do. Before the vag u/s, though, he let me go into the bathroom to relieve my bladder (thank goodness!) and he actually said to me through the closed door, “I think you’re done now.” How would he know? I had a lot of water before my appointment!

  35. AA

    Lots of wild sex, without having to worry changing the sheets or washing towels. Just my suggestion.

  36. Lynn (Walking With Scissors)

    I haven’t had a period since March of 2008. That’s right. A year.
    Have you had blood tests done? If you have high testosterone levels and low progesterone, that could be the problem…
    I have an appointment with an endocrinologist at the end of April so hopefully she’ll help figure things out. And I totally haven’t had an ultrasound, though the right side of my pelvis HURTS, man. Stupid Canadian doctors.
    I am right there with you on the “how much is too much” pee in the cup thing. It causes me serious anxiety!!

  37. maggie

    i love your writing. i have been through this!
    i’d get my hormone levels checked if i were you.
    get your estrogen, progesterone, thyroid and cortisol levels checked and your inflammation factors checked.

  38. melissa

    i never know how much is too much. i go for the 1/2 cup. i figure it’s probably the perfect amount for all those little sticks they stick in there.
    yay to no cancer.

  39. Staz

    My Pee in a Cup nightmare: I once didn’t pee enough and couldn’t produce anymore pee. So the technician had me sit IN THE LOBBY and drink endless cups of water. Other people kept walking in for their urine tests and asking me “Are you in line?” And all I could say was, “No, go ahead. I’m just drinking water.” People stared at me like I was a tool and it was nearly ONE FULL HOUR before I could finish filling the cup.
    GOD.

  40. Brandy Jones

    I’ve had that test with the rod twice. I turned 5 different shades of red and yeah, had to insert the thing myself. Did I mention how much of a PRUDE I am? Ack, I thought I’d die of embarrassment. As for no menses since October, your Thyroid could have something to do with that. An upshot, no embarrassing leaks?

  41. Sandrah

    Y I want u to know that although I laughed like a crazy woman while reading your post I also became concerned for myself. . .I’ve been without a period for over six months and have neglected to see a doctor because like others I have PCOS and simply didn’t think much of it. ..or didn’t want to think about it. So I took the first step and requested an appointment. thanks y. . .I hope I’m in the clear. =)

  42. jl

    Been there (on a table in a dark room), done that (vagcam).
    So NOT as funny as it sounds – well, maybe a little.

  43. DeborahB

    ha! I’m with Kristie (3x surro) but I do remember one ultrasound where I had to DIY. Totally awkward. Vag Cam. This could be one of the funnier posts in a while. Glad everything is ok “down there”. You’re not old enough for menopause, are you? Maybe you’re an early finisher. I am finally into that phase, where I’ll get a period like every 6 months or so. Don’t miss any of those feminine hygiene products at all. Now Poise pads….don’t get me started on those!!

  44. Kyla

    They made you wand yourself? DUDE! I’ve had a few vaginal ultrasounds (lucky me!) and they always do the. erm, insertion themselves.

  45. heartfull

    Hilarious post! I was laughing embarrassingly loudly. At work, no less.
    Definitely did not have to insert it myself when I had a vag ultrasound.

  46. Susan

    I’m so sorry you had to go through all that, Y! They SO should not make you insert the camera yourself. GAH is right! Any discussion of menopause? I finished menopause when I was 42. I open the cabinets and laugh out loud at the tampons.

  47. christy

    Well, you could try peeing on sticks every other week because there’s no way you could go that long without being pregnant (I did it – swearing the negative p-tests were lying). Also freaking myself out that if I was pregnant, I was going to miscarry since the pregnancy tests showed up negative. Turns out it was PCOS instead. Now I’m taking Clomid & trying not blow my top as it does crazy things to my hormones. But I do have a fairly regular period so that’s good, I guess. Oh yeah, & to get the PCOS diagnosis, they had to do the vag cam on my too – it was a little weird to self-insert but I can see why they dont’ want to. And I totally did the same thing you did, only I’m super-obtuse & the tech actually had to ask me to open my legs up further. I’m just glad I’m not a man & don’t have do endure prostate exams.

  48. marjorie

    I had one of those exams once but the female technician put the, um, thing into me. I didn’t really care too much, all I wanted was for the ultrasound to show that I really did need a hysterectomy, because unlike you, my periods WOULDN’T STOP. I was either having a full blown period, or spotting, all the time. I was even given a shot to stop my periods a few months before my surgery, which I had to pay $350 for and did it work? NO, it didn’t. The day of my surgery I was having my period again. So I’m kind of on the other end of the spectrum from you. I am a happy post-hysterectomy woman. Yeah, no more tampons. I gave all my tampons and pads to my daughter, who was quite impressed at my collection.

  49. Lottifish

    I feel for you. I must admit that I’m glad I’m reading about all this and not living through it.
    BUT…I’m sure you’re fine! If you’re really feeling uncertain get another opinion. It couldn’t hurt.

  50. kim

    I’ve only had one vaginal ultrasound and I swear the size of that probe almost made me pass out. I can imagine that it so stressful wondering when you will get your period and wondering if something is wrong. I would just focus on the reassurance that you do not have uterine cancer. Thinking of you.

  51. Chaos

    HAHA, I understand your issues. Peeing a cup freaks me out, as for the vaginal ultrasound OMG, eye contact bad, doing it yourself bad, not getting the “spread em” vibe right away funny ( it took me awhile too)

  52. Marcy

    I am hoping this is mainly a woman visited site..
    because only other women can relate…
    At my age I am Always wearing a pad..
    I am never regular with anything anymore.. Periods or Pooping..
    One day it’s Stones hitting the toilet the next it’s diarrhea… Can’t laugh too hard or sneeze cause then I am pissing my self.. So yeah.. age bitch slaps us women pretty darn hard.
    It’s all about the pad man.. all about the pad.
    Sorry I was so graphic… Just keepin it real…Yo

  53. mommyknows

    AH! The horror of the vagcam! I’m sorry for you.
    I have some sort of weirdly tipped uterus that makes this necessary all too often. Then again, it requires an empty bladder, which is always a plus with ultrasounds.

  54. Baby Favorite

    OH.MY.GAWD. You making eye contact with her while inserting the wand made me LOSE IT!!! I can’t imagine the horror! And yet, it’s hysterically funny! (TO US.)
    Now I’M worried. I use the NuvaRing back-to-back, which means I NEVER have a period anymore. I’m 41. I’ve been doing this for a year. Two gynecologists have told me it’s safe to do. But now my chances of uterine cancer are increased? You think? My parents both had cancer (breast/lung, lung) so now I’m all freaked out.

  55. Overflowing Brain (Katie)

    I’m sure this wasn’t funny at the time, but it was HILARIOUS to read.
    And also? The cup of pee thing, is totally an issue I have. How much is too much? Too little? Why can’t there be a line? It can’t cost that much more money to put a line on the cup.
    Seriously.

  56. Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

    I’d keep that May appointment with your gynecologist anyway. It couldn’t hurt for her to check things out in a few months, especially if things are continuing the way they are.
    As for the rest of it, just relax. The good news is that the doctors have told you that it CAN be a concern, but that they have no reason to be concerned in your particular case. And that’s great. If they aren’t worried, I’d just keep with regular checks until I were satisfied that there was, indeed, nothing to worry about. Sometimes biology is just mysterious.

  57. FlippyO

    Both my partner and I have had DIY vaginal ultrasounds and other than really hating being naked in front of a stranger, it wasn’t that bad. I think the reason for the DIY version is because they want you to make sure that you’re comfortable, physically, with where the wand goes. It causes pain for some women, so I think they’re letting you do it yourself as a courtesy because they don’t want to hurt you.
    I was having a weird bladder problem at the time and they wanted me to come in with a full bladder – uh, no can do, couldn’t drive with even a drop in my bladder or I’d have to get out of the car and stand up every so often to make the stupid urge go away.
    The cystoscopy was a lot more uncomfortable than the ultrasound. Ick.
    The happy ending was that Enablex for a few months fixed me…and seems to have mostly fixed me permanently. Of course, it was the drug I asked for on my very first visit to the urologist, but he wouldn’t give it to me. It took me like three more visits before I could get my hands on the drug I was sure would fix me. (I’d already tried the “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now” drugs and Enablex was new) I started feeling better in a few days, after having the stupid problem for YEARS. I couldn’t find a single person online who’d had it and written about it. There was nothing physically wrong with me that they could see, so it was all a big mystery. I hope to never hear from it again – it was life ruining. Hell, almost worse than the damned Fibromyalgia…almost.
    Anyway, I’m glad that your test results were negative. Oh, and at the urologist, I learned that they can test a really small amount of pee in a cup. So, give ‘em a couple of inches and that will be PLENTY.

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