(I’m doing this in two parts which is annoying, I know. But, I’m so busy with work that if I don’t break it up, it will never get written. And I really want to write it because it’s one of the funniest nights of my life.)
A while back I was talking with Angella about God and faith and prayers. It was an uplifting, inspirational conversation until I managed to turn it into a conversation about male strippers and “pulsating packages.”
I then proceeded to tell her about my first and ONLY experience with a male stripper. I had planned on writing about it here, but of course, I got sidetracked and forgot all about it. Lucky for everyone, my memory was refreshed last week while watching Hot Carpenter parading around in his “elf” costume.
I used to work for an afternoon school program through a local school district. For the most part, all of the women that I worked with were in the 40′s or older. So, when they told me that they had hired a stripper for our annual “in someone’s home” Christmas party, I was a little… surprised? I had never seen a male stripper before and honestly, I had no desire to see one. I don’t know, the idea of watching a mostly naked man grinding his junk all over the place doesn’t turn me. In fact, it kind of scares me. I don’t know, while I loves me some sessual relations, random thrusting dicks aren’t really “my thang.”
I expressed my concerns to the woman who had hired the stripper.
“It’s not going to be anything nasty, Y.” she assured me. “I’ve made arrangements for it to be good, clean fun. He’ll only strip down to his boxers.” She specifically said “Boxers” which led me to believe that it was going to be totally tame and pg-rated. I mean, it HAD to be as I worked with a bunch of prudes. Or at least I THOUGHT I DID. But more on that later.
I wasn’t sure how PigHunter would feel about me going to a party with a male stripper, but he’s such an easy going person I wasn’t too worried.
“Hey baby. There’s going to be a male stripper at our Christmas party this year, are you ok with that?”
“WHAT!!??THE? HELL?@ WHAT?”
“Um, they’re going to have a male stripper at our party this year, BUT! It’s going to be totally innocent, he’s only going to strip down to his BOXERS! Seriously! He’s not even going to wear a thong! They’ll probably just be cute little boxers with Christmas trees on them! And babe, I work with older woman, so nothing crazy will happen. BOXERS!!”
He laughed and was all “I don’t care, have fun.”
For the record, you have to know that I completely believed the whole “he’s just going to strip down to his boxers! It will be good, clean fun!” COMPLETELY BELIEVED IT.
The night of the party finally had arrived. I kissed my husband goodbye and he made some joke about the stripper and I was all “Babe! Seriously! ONLY DOWN TO HIS BOXERS! Do not worry!”
I arrived at the party and the ladies were all riled up about the stripper who was only going to strip down to his precious little boxers. We ate finger sandwiches, sipped on that nasty punch/7up drink as we wondered what he would look like and who would be brave enough to sit in the front row. After about an hour, the door bell rang.
“Oh my God! He’s here!” The ladies squeed.
Linda, the hostess who was in her 50′s, asked me to go with her to answer the door. “Why not?” I thought, and accompanied her to greet The Stripper. “You open it!” She said to me, all nervous like. And so, I opened the door. My mouth dropped and I didn’t say a word because “OH MY GOD IT’S RICO SUAVE IN A SANTA COSTUME.”
And also? “OH MY GOD RICO SUAVE SANTA BROUGHT A LITTLE ELF WITH HIM.”
I can’t really explain why I was so shocked. That’s a lie. Yes I can. I was shocked because I had imagined what this Innocent Stripper was going to look like and the picture I had painted of him did not look anything at all like Gerardo.
I finally was able to compose myself enough to say hello and let him in.
As soon as he made his way in, I ran back to the living room where all the of “Wimmins who work with Children” were nervously waiting for him to inform them that “OH MY GOD HE LOOKS LIKE GERARDO AND HE BROUGHT AN ELF!”
to be continued…