A week or so before BlogHer, I received the following email:
As you may or may not know, we accepted community submissions of *other* attendees’ work for the BlogHer ’08 Community Keynote. I am pleased to inform you that the committee has chosen one of your posts to be presented in the Letter To My Body category:
I was stunned.
When I first read about the Community Keynote, I briefly considered submitting a post if only because I wanted to be a part of what was sure to be an incredible event. But the more I considered, the less enthusiastic I became about submitting a post. Too many talented writers out there for me to think that they would even consider something I wrote as worthy to be read.
Also? I cry when I get nervous, so I was like “do I really want to cry in front of a 1,000 people?”
The answer was no, I did not. So, I didn’t submit. But! HA! Someone submitted on my behalf and HA HA! THEY CHOSE IT!
When I saw the post that was chosen, I was terrified. I knew that it would be impossible for me to get through the post without crying. And seriously, no one needs to see My Ugly Cry.
It’s uglier than Oprah’s, y’all.
I wanted to say “thanks, but I lovingly and politely decline.” But, I do not like to hurt peoples feelings, so I decided to put my fears aside, step outside of my comfort zone and just do it.
And I did it.
Listening to myself read those words inspired me to want to change. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to shed tears about my weight ever again. I want to be the best example for my children, not just in word, but in deed.
I realize this is old news, but I’m so grateful for the experience. And I finally feel ready to share it here with all of you, even if it is 8 years after the fact. Thank you for making me feel safe enough to post something so personal (and terrifying.)