I Wanna Soak Up the Sun.

Yesterday, a a friend asked me how I was doing.
My response?
I’m doing good today. I’ve just been keeping myself busy, going outside to enjoy the sunshine and soaking up the love of my family.
It’s amazing to me how dramatically my spirits lift when I step outside and feel the warmth of the sunshine on my skin.

For too long, I’ve been dwelling on the fact that my body is at war with itself. I’ve been dwelling on the fact that I no longer recognize my body in the mirror. I’ve been dwelling on the fact that I’m going to have to take medication for the rest of my life. I’ve been dwelling on the fact that I wasn’t taken seriously the first time that I knew something was wrong.
Oh! Poor, poor puffy me.
I have made a decision to stop dwelling on the negative, as real as it is, and to start focusing on that which is good and that which is wonderful. I am blessed to have health insurance that allows me to seek treatment for that which is wrong with me. I am blessed to have an imperfect, but wonderful family who continue to love me and support me even though I’ve not been the most pleasant of people to be around.
I am choosing to seek out that which is beautiful in the world around me. I pay close attention to the little things. The pretty flowers that are blooming around me. The sound of my boys jamming to “Under the Bridge” in the garage. The soft touch of my daughter’s hand on my arm as I read her a bedtime story. The unexpected hug from my husband as we pass each other in the hallway.
It is these ordinary, every day moments of my life that give me the strength that I need to keep me from crawling back into bed and dwelling. I grab onto each little moment with both hands and hold it close to my heart.
While this shift in thinking hasn’t magically turned my life into one big Chocolate Covered Strawberry, it most definitely has helped me pick myself up off of the tear soaked floor and try to enjoy life again. And for that, I’m grateful because, ALL things considered, I have a pretty sweet life.
In closing, I would like to leave you with some pictures of the absolute funniest thing in my life at the moment.
My daughter attempting to “cross her eyes” and yes, I ask her to do it at least 10 times a day.
I realize you won’t find it as funny as I do, but even still.. enjoy.
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58 thoughts on “I Wanna Soak Up the Sun.

  1. Chasity

    She is just to beautiful. You guys will have to get heavy artillery to keep the boys away:):):) I know you are going through a tough time right. I don’t think anyone can say anything to make it ok. You may be puffy but you are still pretty. You have a beautiful family. It must be hard to take the focus off of this other stuff. Maybe you guys could plan a small vacation?

  2. Emily

    Your daughter has the loveliest dimples! She reminds me of my little sister, who also has the loveliest dimples and used to make funny faces. Now she’s grown up and dating anything that’ll stand still, but I love her dimples just as much as before.

  3. jonniker

    Haaaa. I, for one, find it hilarious. That face! The hysterical failed attempts!
    I’m glad you are feeling better, even if it’s by a simple choice every day.

  4. L the D

    Oh, she is just PRECIOUS! I’m so glad that you’re feeling better and that you’re embracing life’s little moments. It’s a reminder to us all to do the same thing :-)

  5. Julie

    She is too cute! The pictures made me laugh thank you for this post. I needed it more than youll ever know.

  6. Meegan

    You know what? That attitude will make the world a better place. And so will those “cross-eyed” pictures. Too cute!

  7. Lindy

    You need to keep this in mind when you start feeling down again. I suggest a photo album of some of your most lighthearted pics that make you laugh out loud. Like the adorable pics of your daughter trying to cross her eyes. Everytime you feel that hated feeling of worthlessness & depression coming on pull it out & laugh at the beautiful, loving family you have. That would have to bring anyone out of their unhappy place.

  8. DebbieS

    omigosh, her frickin’ dimples have dimples! There needs to be a warning label on those photos for those of us with blood sugar issues ;)
    I’m *so* glad you’re feeling a little better. Although that Frappuccino is still all yours next time you are down in SD!

  9. that girl

    you’re wrong, I find it HILARIOUS! Great pics.
    I hope you have a wonderful Easter, and I hope it’s the start of a new season of feeling happier and healthier.
    Here comes the sun!

  10. E :)

    I love the mis-applied lipstick. That is gorgeous.
    And it’s a testament to your character that you look for the good in life even when your health hasn’t been great of late. Ultimately this will become something of the past and you will be stronger for this difficult time. We’re all cheering you on.

  11. Michele

    I’m a loyal reader, though I don’t comment as much as I should. I usually read my bloglines at work (smacks hand) and if I click through to your site, my work blocks you. Just you and no other blog – which for some reason I find hilarious. Anyway, I’m at home, so I thought I’d finally comment. I love you Y. I don’t care if you’re 450lbs or 93lbs, if you’re bald or have a head full of hair, feeling like crap or on top of the world, I luv u. You’re a good woman. You’re a good mom. You’re a good blogger and writer.
    Whew. That should make up for 6 months of no comments.
    BTW – are you going to blogher SF? I can FINALLY GO! and I wanted to meet you if you are.

  12. christine Gill

    this post made me so happy?
    How am I?
    I feel a bit like:
    While this shift in thinking hasn’t magically turned my life into one big Chocolate Covered Strawberry, it most definitely has helped me pick myself up off of the tear soaked floor and try to enjoy life again.
    THAT!
    love you x

  13. Helen

    Hoorah for the good things in life!
    That little girl is completely divine, the faces pulled trying to cross her eyes, priceless. She looks so like you, she can’t go wrong if you ask me!

  14. Pam

    Completely adorable and funny!!! She’s a natural in front of your badass camera, Y. She’s luminous.
    Your prior post was heart wrenching, I cried for you when you wrote about the birthday party and your mother-in-law. She sounds wonderful.
    I’m so glad you are blogging about your experience and current state of mind. I’m a firm believer in journaling. I’ve gotten such support and love (if that’s possible to get from complete strangers known only through words on a computer) through all of my illnesses and recent surgery.
    Keep writing and sharing with us.

  15. Kay

    That first pic totally reminds me of Hallie (Pepsi girl from back in the day can’t remember last name right now) with those dimples and big dark eyes! She is simply gorgeous!
    I am glad you are having a good day! :0)

  16. JenniferB

    I am so glad you have such loving people to support and care for you — your blog is one of my “must reads” every day, and I truly hope that you have peace, love, joy and yes, even good health come your way. And thank you for sharing the hilarious pictures of your daughter — I needed that today!

  17. Parker

    You’re daughter is adorable! I just wanted to say thanks so much for writing so honestly about your life. As someone who has just recently had to deal with the onset of depression and anxiety, it feels very comforting to know I’m not alone. I wish you all the best and will keep you in my prayers!

  18. chris

    the dimples!!! what a GREAT series, can you frame it that way? glad to hear that you’ve got some time and peace to figure out what comes next. we are ALL works in progress …

  19. FishyGirl

    What a cutie, OMGoodness.
    I also have to tell you, my oldest daughter was looking over my shoulder when I started to read your post, and she said “Momma, that picture is so beautiful! How did you get it on your computer?” She’s 8. So know that not only are you choosing to focus on what’s good, you are bringing something beautiful, and in the case of your daughter, adorable and funny, into the world for others, too. Thank you for that.

  20. Heather B.

    I loved that entire series of photos and kind of want to favorite all of them but that would be weird.
    Also, I too am on this putting negative into positive energy happy thoughts, type thing. It takes work but I feel better and am confident that you will feel better as well.
    And if all else fails COOKAYS.

  21. lizinsumner

    Oh, the facial contortions are just priceless – not to mention how she still manages to look so beautiful despite them! Hang in there, hon – I think you’re on the right track with the positive thinking!

  22. Lisse

    Another hilarious blogger in the making there.
    Of course god only know what blogging is going to be like when she is old enough.
    I’m glad you got out in the sunshine. It’s a good sign.

  23. smr

    wait…so you won’t let that gorgeous little girl eat raw cookie dough ’cause you think she’s gonna get salmonella, but you encourage her to learn how to cross her eyes? isn’t her face gonna “get stuck like that”
    sorry…just messing with ya!
    glad to hear about the happy thoughts. positive thinking may not be the answer to the world’s problems, but it really does make a difference for the individual!

  24. Krystle

    I’m SO glad you are starting to feel better… SO glad. How wonderful…
    And, your daughter… LOVE the lipstick!! She is a doll…

  25. lani

    Cute little girl, and I love the beautiful picture of blossoms with the sun peeking through at the top… a perfect match for this post. Hugs.

  26. Erica

    Oh! She is so cute, I love the lipstick! I’m glad you are enjoying the sunshine and having a good day. One day at a time.

  27. the new girl

    I love the choice to be positive, even though it’s not easy, it’s going to make the biggest difference, I bet. I admire the perspective.
    And those faces? Are the absolute BEST EVER. OMG.

  28. Mama DB

    My word, those pictures of your daughter trying to cross her eyes made me giggle! My daughter learned how to cross just one eye. She learned it from her little friends at school (she runs with the boys and can now make an explosion sound that would rival most Xbox games). I freak every time she does it and she just laughs and laughs.
    I love, love your photos. I’ve said it before but here I am saying it again.

  29. Amy

    Your little girl is adorable. I’m reading your blog while I should be studying for a family law final and her silly attempts to cross her eyes made me laugh; a much needed pick me up from the lulls of these books!

  30. Redneck Mommy

    She is sooo beautiful. And those photos made me smile. Which is what I needed right this minute. Thanks doll.
    I’m glad the sun is starting to shine on your soul again. May the clouds part more every day until you’re blinded with rainbows and golden rays of love.
    Alright. Now I’m off to go see if I can snag a job as a greeting card writer…
    xo

  31. Jessica

    Oh. My. Lord.
    She is too, too funny! What a ham! I love your pic of the pretty spring greenery, too. We are getting warmer here, but still seeing precious little green.
    Enjoy the sunshine, and your awesome kids. And hang in there.

  32. Roxie

    That child is beyond adorable!
    You – hang in there – you’ve got a ton of good stuff going for you and you’ll pull through this. Accentuate the positive, indeed. I think you are on the right track.

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