Because The Almighty God in the heavens above FORBID that you take the 5 seconds it requires to remove the old roll and replace it with a new one!

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There are little things that my family does that really aren’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but they drive me crazy on a day to day basis because HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THESE THINGS?!
THIS is one of those things. I can not tell you the anger that I feel deep in my soul when I see the toilet paper on top of the holder, or on the bathroom counter. Again, not really a big deal, but when I repeatedly ask people to kindly replace the roll when they are finished and they repeatedly ignore me… WANT!TO!PUNCH!HOLES!IN!WALLS!
Oprah would say, it’s not about replacing the toilet paper.. It’s about something bigger than that. But you know what? It really is about REPLACING THE DAMN TOILET PAPER.
Surely, you can understand my rage. Yes?

122 thoughts on “Because The Almighty God in the heavens above FORBID that you take the 5 seconds it requires to remove the old roll and replace it with a new one!

  1. Caitlin Elizabeth

    I hear your bathroom frustrations. I can leave the TP dispenser empty for days on end, trying to prove a point, (like, “maybe YOU should replace the TP and not wait for someone else to do it!”) but even this seems ineffective (though I don’t know what the other household members wipe with during these periods of protest). We also have individuals who use the handtowels as face/bath towels (ew). I agree with you, Oprah’s wrong. There is no bigger picture. It is completely and utterly about not being lazy when you have to share the facilities with others.

  2. Bern

    You are oh soooooo NOT alone in this! My favorite is the bagless trash can. Why oh why must people continue to throw trash in a trash can devoid of bag??? WHY?!!! The garbage bags are conveniently located a thumb width away from said can and yet? No bag can be found in the can unless I replace it myself. GAHHHHHHH.

  3. Anony

    YES! That is one of my biggest pet peeves. It’s especially annoying when the freaking garbage can is sitting less than a foot away. It’s not like you’d have to tote the discarded roll across the freaking world or anything. It’s all sitting right there. UGH! Deep breath & let it go…. Other big rage maker in my house? Leaving trash or discarded napkins/wrappers on the table or floor when the trash can is within arm’s reach!! Ah well. Hope you have a great week!

  4. josey

    yes, your rage is quite understood! i even have it so conveeeeniently set up in our bathroom so one doesnt even have to GET UP FROM THE TOILET to reach into the cabinet, grab a roll, throw the old one in the trash and put on the new one! and pathetically, sheepishly i admit there are times (very few, mind you) where i MYSELF have this uncontrollable urge to not replace it at all or i put the roll on the back of the toilet. i sit there contemplating not doing the actions longer than it would have taken me to do it!
    OYYYYYY the shame! what is this world coming to???

  5. MammaLoves

    I bought one of those tp holders that you have to just slide the roll on and off without having to pull the little bar out. Does the roll make it on the new holder any more frequently? Of course, not.
    Aarrrrgghhh!!

  6. margalit

    I am the only person in my household that is capable of changing the toilet paper roll. My children certainly don’t know how. I understand that with my many graduate degrees I am ahead of the game, but I thought by the time one was 15 years old, one could manage changing the toilet paper roll. I was so very very wrong!

  7. Lisa

    How about when they do replace it they do it so the paper unwinds under, not over, the roll? That irks me to no end. I’d rather replace the roll myself.

  8. Tartine

    OH, I completely relate to your anger. My husband doesn’t commit that particular atrocity, but he is prone to not replace the bag in the trash, a fact that I do not notice until I am running to the trashcan with something messy in my hands and then DAMMIT. Sigh.

  9. Dana

    Sorry, Oprah is right. It IS about something bigger than the bathroom. It is about your family’s assumption that you will take care of it, that you will replace the roll and the bag, that you will always be there to take care of their every need. Oh wait, that’s just how it feels in my house. How about yours?

  10. Jules

    The toilet paper thing drives be batshit crazy – how’s that for feeling rage ;)
    And the garbage can thing – damn near close to the toilet paper thing.
    And the other thing that makes me see red – empty boxes in the cabinets and the frig. How friggin lazy do they have to be to actually take something out of the box and NOT THROW THE BOX AWAY!
    Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell, just getting in touch with my inner rage and all that…

  11. kdiddy

    yes, I can understand your rage, because my husband does the same thing. I mean, I guess it is tough to find the time to actually replace the toilet paper what his busy schedule being an astronaut and a racecar driver and a lawyer and a doctor and making loads of money…oh, and all of the other housework that he does…except HE DOESN’T DO ANY OF THAT SHIT.

  12. Maya

    Clothes. On the floor. In little piles. All over.
    WHY?
    Don’t you know already that if the clothes are not in the hamper I’M NOT FUCKING WASHING THEM?

  13. AlwaysCurious

    I’m shocked no one has mentioned the most annoying of them all (to me anyways)!! When there is the trash stand-off. No one wants to actually take the trash out, so for days there is scrunching and squeezing and sliding things down the side of the can until finally someone puts on the final hershey’s kiss wrapper that makes the whole thing come tumbling down– and then you just have to get out another trash bag anyways because all the shit in the can is piled so high you can’t actually tie the top of the bag anyways!

  14. Michelle

    ABSOLUTELY!
    I don’t give a flying flip about which way you hang the roll, so long as you do actually hang the roll and not leave it like that, right on top of the empty roll.
    The pic makes me want to spork my eyes out.

  15. mrsgryphon

    My toilet-paper standoff totally backfired. When I finally snapped and raged about how he NEVER puts the new roll on, he quietly informed me that I had left the roll off for a whole week myself. True… but, but, but… that was so that HE would eventually do it. Now I just suck it up and put the roll back on when I find it perched precariously on the counter or the back of the toilet. He mows the lawn, I manage the toilet paper roll. It works for us. I would rather have our yard turn into a hayfield than MOW, for heaven’s sake, so I’ll take toilet paper duty anyday.

  16. Beth

    Oprah has people who change her toilet paper roll (and perhaps wipe her butt), so I wouldn’t pay too much attention to her opinion if I were you. ;^)

  17. patois

    And let’s not forget about pushing in the chair when you leave the table. Or taking the damn hangars off the bathroom door when you’ve finished dressing. Peevly things, yes, but I’m totally self-righteous about it. And, truly, at least a new roll was put out.

  18. Mish

    Oh, yes. I SO understand!! The not putting the new TP roll on the spindle, the forgetting to put the new bag in the trash can (fortunately, that’s not a frequent one), the not pushing in the chair…I suppose I should be grateful that the toilet seat & lid are put back down. I have the cats to thank for that one (wet cat = not pleasant).

  19. Mrs. Chicky

    Here’s how it goes down in my house:
    Empty toilet paper roll either left on holder or taken off and thrown into the basket next to the toilet that holds the new toilet paper.
    And…
    The new full toilet paper roll placed on the towel hamper on the other side of the toilet. To make matters worse we have one of those holders that only has one side connected so all you have to do is slip on the new roll without removing the holder. I’ve beaten up people for less than that.

  20. Christine

    I am so with you. In fact I just got back from the bathroom and what did I see? Exactly what’s in your picture above. Is there something tricky with the toilet paper holder that makes it impossible for men to operate? My family is so lucky I just walked in the door after being outside in the freezing cold for an hour. If I wasn’t frozen solid I would totally kick their butts.

  21. Jennifer

    I never see this as a big deal really… change the roll or not. I never care. I hate going and simply not having any paper around, so should you use the last sheet in my house either let me know or find the next roll in the closet. Thank you. LOL…
    Have a great day. If you have time, I have a bit of a tag over at my site with your name on it. No issues if you don’t do it though….I still love your site.

  22. M

    It must be universal! I like it when I am on the toilet and I reach for the tp only to find an empty tube…which means I somehow have to drip dry and get to the cabinet for more tp…I do believe all men and children have a tp changing aversion.- Funny this was going to be my blog entry tomorrow :)

  23. Mama DB

    YES! So much so that when we did our bathroom remodel, I opted for a hook that you hand the tp on, instead of those pop out spring rolls. The TP now resides on the hook. Ahh.

  24. Procrastamom

    I tried to teach my four a lesson by hiding a secret roll in the very back of the sink cabinet just for me and leaving them to yell their heads off perched on the throne with no tp in sight. Ask me how well it worked. But wait, first I have to go put some more paper in the bathroom. Husbands and children are physically incapable of doing that job and we mothers/wives have to accept that disability in our family members.

  25. Jackie

    Y -
    I’d appreciate it if you’d stop taking photos in my bathroom.
    Hey – wanted to say hi and thanks for stopping by my blog! Hope to see you again soon.
    XO
    Jackie
    (taiwanlucy.blogspot.com)

  26. Vicki

    I just had to laugh at your photo – so succinct.
    You reminded me of a line in the movie “The Story of Us”: “It is physically impossible to French-kiss a man who leaves the new roll of toilet paper resting on top of the empty cardboard roll. Does he not see it? DOES HE NOT *SEE* IT?”

  27. Kelly

    I totally could have taken that exact same picture about 25mins ago.. Why do they not understand how to replace the toilet paper? I mean they must get it and set it on top of the old roll? What’s going to kill them about ONE MORE STEP!??

  28. mom101

    Yep, that looks familiar. But for me, I can handle it. Maybe because with only two of us potty trained so far, I’m not changing it all that much?
    For me the rage is the garbage that he puts ON TOP of the garbage can. Not in it. Because that would involve opening the lid.

  29. Kelley

    OK, to be the millionth person to agree with you. It shits me to tears. Even here in Australia the husbands and kidlets are rendered totally incapable of replacing the loo paper. Or putting the seat down, or putting the towel back IF they remember to wash their hands….

  30. chris

    and, (oh the humanity!) i am the ONLY one in the family who can refill an empty ice cube tray!!! do i suffer alone?

  31. Bronwen

    Yep. Drives me nuts. I can understand the child not replacing it, but when the husband does this? Makes me want to shove the empty roll someplace unpleasant (for him!).
    Ahhh, the joys of cohabitation.

  32. Mrs. Chicken

    oooooooh, for me, it is empty Coke cans on the counter. I mean for frick’s sake, the recycling bin is RIGHT THERE, take the.003 seconds it takes to open the lid and drop it in.
    Rage, indeed.

  33. Sarcastic Mom

    Husbands literally have no idea how much more sex they could be having if they’d just take the time to do shit like this.
    Is it bad that replacing the TP and washing the dishes for me would turn me on? Hm.
    My son is only 13 months, so I haven’t even had to go there with him yet. In fact… in the main bathroom we leave the TP on the counter ON PURPOSE because of shit like this:
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/thelotuscarroll/1304588942/in/set-72157601425029214/
    PS: Y, have I ever told you that I love you? I do.

  34. Jamie

    My husband does this and it drives me insane. I’ll also come home from work and find every cabinet in the kitchen open and dishes on the counter.
    Of course, he cooks 90 percent of the time so I hate to bitch about it!
    Ugh…
    Toilet Paper Roll Revolution!!!!!

  35. mauniejames3

    ugh…I am here with three males at the present time and apparently they don’t feel it necessary to change the roll…or pick up dirty socks…or carry clean and folded laundry upstairs to their rooms..or put away the grocerys once they carry them into the kitchen..I could go on and on but now I’m just too angry…I really feel your pain

  36. Izzy

    Y darling,
    There’s not a wife or mother alive who doesn’t feel your rage.
    Signed,
    She who Has been Unofficially Assigned to Toilet Paper Roll Replacement For All Eternity (or as long as I have a husband and kids)

  37. Jen W.

    I found an empty ice cube tray in the freezer today. What’s that about? At least leave the empty tray on the counter, so someone with a little more time on her hands (10 seconds?) can fill it for you!

  38. Jeanette

    Ditto with the paper towel roll, cans on the counter, toothpaste glopped in the bathroom sink, socks rolled into a ball in the hamper..I could go on and on!

  39. mbbored

    In every room, I have a box of tissues, and directly beside it, a trashcan. How often does he walk around sniffling or blowing his nose on TP or paper towels? And every single ($*#%^ night, he empties his pockets of snotty wads of paper directly onto the floor, not even 6 inches from trashcan!!!! That’s when I hog all the pillows and blankets until he fixes it. But ewww.

  40. witchypoo

    @chris, and other empty ice cube tray berserkers:
    Post on your whiteboard near the fridge:
    Recipe for ice cubes
    (then follow with the instructions)
    As for tp rolls, Ass Burger Boy is somewhat OCD, and I mess with him occasionally by putting the roll on the “wrong” way. Then I check to see how long it takes before he puts it “right”
    I’ll take my entertainment where I can.

  41. Suburban Turmoil

    Oh Good Lord, you made me feel so much better, because I feel like my whole life looks like that picture these days. GAHHHHHHHHHHH! BlogHer really should be held twice a year!

  42. april

    So this is kind-of different, but maybe the solution would still work. In college, I had six roommates and one morning, when someone had left the TP empty, I replaced it. That evening!!! it was empty again! My roommates had gone through an entire roll of TP in less than 24 hours, and this wasn’t one of those single-ply 100 sheet wimpy rolls either.
    Anyway, being the sick person I am, I divided out how many squares that was per person, counted it out from a new roll and hung that strip above the sink with a note in dry erase marker on the mirror. Then I TP-ed the bathroom with the rest of the roll.
    It was more of a joke than anything, (looking back, I feel sorry for whichever of my poor roommates probably had diarrhea); but whether or not we ever went through a whole roll in one day again or not, I never again had to change the roll twice in one day.
    Anyway, may I suggest that the next time you find the roll like that, use it to TP the bathroom, you can even put a loving (threatening) message on the mirror that next time the consequences will be worse. :)

  43. Rachel

    I know whatcha mean! I’m guilty of doing it too. But I’d get mad when hubby did it, or when it was nearly the end of the roll and it was still sitting there. Here’s my solution. I bought one of those TP holders where you just slide it on the end! Not only is it easier, it is almost impossible to balance it there, it would take more time than just sliding it on!

  44. Helen

    I am so ahead of the game, in THIS house we have no TP holder…TADA! No problemo, toilet paper on shelf next to toilet, always where I left it, I have had no TP rage since we moved here, I suspect I shall never have a TP holder again I am FREE! ( excpet when TP is put on shelf above bathtub and then gets knocked into bathtub and then put back on shelf. Bloody families, who’d have ‘em?

  45. Hannah

    I was stewing about this at 3am, when the precariously-balanced “new” roll fell off the holder and rolled away across the floor… because I was peeing with the lights off hoping against hope that I could trick myself into falling back to sleep easily.
    After turning on the light, re-rolling 15 feet of TP, AND changing the roll, I was ready for a divorce. Or an ass-kicking.

  46. BOSSY

    Being driven crazy by family members? No way. You are definitely unique, completely alone, just totally by yourself in the desert of Crazy Thoughts.

  47. Heather

    Save yourself and buy a new holder with only one side so the paper just slides right on. But this advice is coming from someone who has been known to leave the next in line stranded with no toilet paper, just a lovely cardboard holder! Good luck!

  48. Kay

    Yes I understand. I also want to know why the same guys I raised did that but could remember to put the toilet lid down? I guess I will count that as a blessing.

  49. Jessica

    My husband would sympathize with you. In this house, I am the offending person. It drives him batshit when I leave the empty roll there. :D

  50. Stephanie

    Oh my god, that bugs me so much too! I even replace the toilet paper roll at other people’s houses when it gets to the end. And one of my boyfriend’s roommates doesn’t even rest it on the top of the roll or on the sink… oh no, he puts it on the FLOOR. The dirty, dirty floor. Doesn’t he understand where the toilet paper is used? I always grab a fresh roll whenever he does that. Ick!

  51. Jennifer

    I’m not sure what’s worse…my [idiot] husband leaves a mere 3-4 squares on the roll just so he doesn’t have to actually replace the roll. I get so mad when I sit down and tinkle and only have 3-4 squares to wipe with.

  52. Dawn

    Not only do *I* hate it when my daughter does that…..but my cat does too! OR he loves it……..not sure which..
    The good part is that my cat has *almost* broken her of leaving the toilet paper off the role. Why? …..because if the TP is left off of the role…my cat takes it into the living room and destroys it while we are gone to work and school…which means we come home to a livingroom covered in the tiniest little pieces of shredded Tp you’ve ever seen and it takes my daughter about 20 minutes to clean it up. YEP! He’s damn near broke her of that nasty habit. Good Kitty.

  53. Queen B

    I sooooo feel your rage! That is the one I gave up on and I leave it on the counter unless we have company coming for a few days. The one that is getting to me the most right now is when my husband cooks and then wipes his dirty hands on a clean dish towel instead of getting a paper towel or washing his hands first! Then when I come into the kitchen and go to dry something clean or my own hands, I have just put funk right back on!! I have talked until I am blue in the face! The least he could do is put it in the dirty clothes basket afterward!!
    Oh well, at least he cooks and does the dishes occasionally, I guess!

  54. jesseeezmom

    I have tried everything! The slide on tp holder to placing the Costco 8 packs next to all the toilets..They just don’t get it. They will open a new roll and put it ON the roll holder or ON the counter. If you expend that much energy to actually unwrap a roll- why not just SLIDE off the empty and SLIDE on the new?? What is our world coming to? where did we go wrong? I guess I missed that chapter in the Dr. Spock book, so don’t feel alone…Sh!t happens LOL!

  55. Nicki Bradley

    This is going to sound so totally stupid but I swear it worked here! We replaced all the TP holders with those cheapo plastic c-shaped open-ended ones and BAM – problem solved. It seems that, for my family, the very exhausted act of actually removing the pressure-holder was just too much exertion but take away that act and voila – they can change the TP AND have energy left to get off the pot!

  56. Mary

    My big issue is that my husband never closes the bedroom and bathroom dogs, even though he knows that our dog has a voracious appetite for things like socks he finds on the floor and tampons he finds in the bathroom trash. HOW HARD IS IT TO CLOSE THE DOORS? The best is, I will come home, and most of the doors will be closed…but he will leave a key one open (usually the bathroom). Clearly, he closed some of the doors because when I left, they were all open. However, that last door? Closing it might have made him pull a muscle or something.
    Aaaaah, thanks for letting me vent. My vents to him fall on deaf ears!

  57. teresa

    Things that my family does to push me over the edge:
    *not changing tp roll
    *bagless trashcan
    *clothes BESIDE the hamper
    *hopping in the bed I JUST MADE to lay down for one more minute….and then not making it back
    *trash ON TOP of the fridge out of my line of sight (too lazy to walk one foot to trashcan)
    *hard..uneatable cheese sitting in fridge out of plastic wrap
    *wet towels on floors and beds
    *paper plates SHOVED BEHIND OR UNDER MY COUCH!!!! (is this one just me?)
    Wow…thanks for the free therapy Y.
    You rock!

  58. girlplease

    Girl, did you break in my house and take that picture? Combine that with not flushing the toilet after a dump. Men. They’re seriously into the caveman way of life.

  59. lizinsumner

    Yes, I understand! My 13-year-old son can always manage to get his used breakfast/lunch/dinner plate into the kitchen and onto the counter – INCHES away from the dishwasher, but, somehow, mysteriously, never quite into the dishwasher itself. There’s something about those extra few inches, I guess, that just aren’t attainable for him. And I, being the ever long-suffering and understanding parent that I am, always finish the job for him. The toilet paper on the roll is also an issue in our home. But, I can’t punch holes in the wall – because, well, my son would, to be consistent, only fix 95% of the holes……….

  60. justmylife

    My husband says I am obsessive compulsive. I hate for dresser drawers to be partially opened. I found out recently that he has been leaving the drawers open just a little to drive me nuts!!!!

  61. Amy

    Can i just say…I am laughing to the point of tears over the comments! It is as if almost every one of you has been to my house. Or listened in my head! I must assume the average wife/mom has the same pet peeve list!! too funny! Thanks for the giggle Y :)

  62. the new girl

    For me it’s when my husband continues to put garbage into an ALREADY FULL garbage can.
    Dude. It’s already full.
    Did I mention that it was ALREADY FULL??
    And that it’s FULL! ALREADY!
    GAH.

  63. kate

    i recently found, in my downstairs bathroom, an empty toilet paper roll, with the following, written on it in black sharpie, “all gone. we’ll get more later!” you’ve got to be kidding me. there are photos on my blog in november in a post called “the extra hour, put to good use”.
    i feel ya sistah.

  64. JAG

    Oh Dear Lord, this has been the start of MANY tantrums in my house. There are 3 adults and 2 kids in my house, 2 bathrooms, I am THE ONLY one to replace the freaking toilet paper.

  65. Esther

    I love reading how you address life and issues in your blog. I’m so impressed that you are reaching out to the blogging community with information on the topics you discuss. It’s great to follow your blog.
    My blog went private, so I wanted to send you an invite. If you email me at sweetangelplus4@yahoo.com, I can send you the invite. Hugs, Esther

  66. Kim

    Sorry for your frustration but I’m so glad it’s not just my house it happens at! I almost fell off the couch when I saw that photo. Seriously, you’re already sitting there, the tp is with in arm’s reach just put it on already! At least when they do it here they put it on so it unrolls over.

  67. Cara

    Oh, hellsssyes it’s about the tp and nothing more here. There is nothing worse than having to haul drippy ass elsewhere to get tp; sometimes you don’t have time to check beforehand. I now stock lots of extra above, below, and next to the seat. Just in case, since the cats haven’t grown opposable thumbs yet, the lil’ bastards.

  68. Jill

    Hey, at least you can leave it on top like that! I have to put a can of almonds on top of the roll, lest my cat destroys the whole thing. I can’t count the number of times I’ve come home to a pile of shredded toilet paper under the empty roll.
    (Sorry for the lateness!)

  69. AmyM

    Hey Y, yeah… um… could really use an update.
    It’s been like 5 whole days and I’m bored and you make me laugh. And if you would update, then I would have a damn good reason not to go fold the 4 baskets of laundry that have been sitting in the living room all week.
    Just somethin’ to think about. That’s all.

  70. Dijea

    Mine put it on the corner of the bathtub and then I go to start a bath for pee wee, it falls in. Its always a brand new roll too.

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