Don’t Blaugh.

I can not think of anything more annoying than when you’re taking a shower and the timer for the sprinklers go off just as you lather up and the water pressure goes from hot and hard to freezing cold and limp.
Oh! Wait! Yes I can!
When people try to come up with cute little sayings with the word (or part of the word) “blog” in it!
“I’m blogstipated!”
“Blogo’riffic!”
“Blogtastic!”
Am I the only one who finds this blonnoying? I swear, I’m not trying to be blogstrovsial, or a blitch, those cute little word manipulations do not normally bother me, but lately, I’ve been seeing them every where and I swear, if I read one more post containing a blog-word, I may consider bloverdosing to commit blogiside.
It felt good to let that out, I just hope I didn’t bloffend anyone.
Bloving on…
I haven’t thought about The Dent much, but I’m pretty sure that’s because PigHunter took the van for the weekend to go camping. For “The Record” I was dead set against it, because he used to take the Ass-tro van and that thing would come back smelling like a burnt wood and fish juice.
And I don’t like my car to smell like fiery fish juice.
I just got the cigarette smell out of the car and I just know I’m going to spend the next few weeks trying to get the smell of “camping” out (also compulsively and obsessively looking at The Dent.) and do you know why I don’t to go camping?
I’ll tell you why—because I hate the smell of burnt wood.
I know there are people who love the smell of a fire burning. My Grandparents were some of Those People.
They used to have a little house in the mountains and I’d stay there almost every weekend, because I loved staying with my grandparents. However, I hated staying there in the winter, because they constantly had a fire burning in the fireplace. The smell from a wood burning fire makes me sick. It makes me so sick that I get angry inside. No, seriously, I feel rage as I’m thinking about it because I’d be trapped in that house with that smell.
And that smell would penetrate my skin and my clothing and my hair and it didn’t matter how many showers I took, I’d still walk out of that house smelling like a fireplace. (And when I was 16, it was VERY IMPORTANT to me that my hair smelled like Heavenly Flowers and NOT like Burnt Ashes.)
I suppose I’m in the minority with my hatred of Fires. Most people I know love to get a fire going and enjoy the warmth from the fire while sipping on a cup of hot cocoa. Me? I’d rather bundle up under some blankets, crank up the heater and read a good book while still managing to smell like Heaven.
Or should I say Bleaven
Har.

46 thoughts on “Don’t Blaugh.

  1. Itchy

    That was bloglarious! bah!
    Seriously, though. I’ve not seen anyone doing that. And I gotta say, I’m glad. The only blog word I’ve seen is the blogiversary todo. But nothing else.
    Have you ever had a s’more? A real s’more? I just had one for the first time this summer and by the grace of god that will cure anyone of their hatred of fire. I’m convinced!

  2. Amanda Regan

    I love campfires & bonfires because in the firelight I don’t look paler than milk, when you never tan & resemble pure snow anything that makes you look like you have a tan is good.

  3. lovingmom

    I just read the cutest book to my 15 month old son. The title was Ladybug Baby Bug. He can’t read yet, but the colors and illustrations in this book draw and keep his attention. My 3 year old also likes the bold, primary colors. The book is oh-so cute and has a great message about love of family and how family members care for one another. It’s a “must have”. I got my copy online at Barnesandnoble.com.

  4. AA

    Oh so true.
    But, I have to admit I like the smell of a burning log. OMG! Burning+log = blog! We can’t get away from it.

  5. AmyM

    I guess I haven’t seen too much of the bloggy words. Which doesn’t sound like that’s a bad thing. I don’t mind the smell of burning wood. I do hate the smell of smoke. (And yes, there is a difference!) We had a woodstove growing up and sometimes my dad would try to start the fire using a piece of wood that wasn’t complete seasoned, so it would smoke like a sonofabitch. Then the whole house filled up with a smell that can only be described as Nature’s Ass Crack. Gawd, I’m almost gagging on the memory…
    Tell Judy I say “hi”, would ya?

  6. Mrs Butter B

    Blogh Humbug!! What, were you tramatized by a fire or something when you were a kid? One too many “close calls” with the straightening iron ruined you on heat-smells?
    You, my friend, are a riot. And never, ever, Bloring.
    I think I like this new trend. Hmmph.

  7. Janssen

    My neighborhood CONSTANTLY smells like burning wood in the fall/winter. I swear, I walk out of my house in the morning and have to check that I have in fact just left a HOUSE and not a freakin’ TENT. I have no idea who is burning wood all day every day.
    P.S. I admit, I like it.

  8. Houston

    I know we’re just starting our relatioship, so I shouldn’t say too much… No really, I shouldn’t say to much.
    But y’know, that wood smoke thing? I think it’s like, WAY, personal. But that’s just me.

  9. mothergoosemouse

    I hate camping too. But more for the “why pee somewhere besides a toilet if you don’t have to?” reason than the “smelling like the aftermath of a forest fire” reason.

  10. lindsayc

    gosh Y – if you ever come to the great white north, erm BC parts, I would love to have you. but you’d hate my place. we live at the beach, in an old reno’d cottage, with, you guessed it – a wood burning fire place. In winter it is going all the time, and other times it smells like wood smoke. sigh. So ends my dream of having you and the Pighunter & piglets to stay. darn.

  11. Tessie

    Did you know there is an entire Yankee Candle scent devoted to the campfire smell? I’m not sure WHY, since I’m guessing most people don’t want to do a double-take every time they walk past to make sure their HOUSE ISN’T ON FIRE, but there you have it.

  12. Candy

    Dearest Y.
    I am assigning you an exercise. We all need to do it and so will I.
    Write down two good things that happened every day.
    It’s so easy to focus on the negative. It’s so easy to complain. Who cares about clean dishes, laughing children, great tv shows, good books, fun movies, smiling eyes, warm sunshine, cool evenings, starry nights? When you can focus on dents, stalker neighbors, painful disks, nosey parents and being “homeless”.
    Off I go, to write another entry on what happened this weekend that was good.
    Thank you for helping me realize not to focus on the negative.
    Loves,
    Candy

  13. Mrs Butter B

    CANDY?!? as in, so sugary sweet it rots your teeth, gives you fatal diabetes and often makes you puke after ingesting large quantities of it?!?
    How apropos!!!
    Reality- we all know we’re blessed, we all count our blessings, but humor typically comes from being able to see catastrophic events in our lives through the eyes of humor. Hence, the success and inspiritation we know as “Joy, Unexpected”!!!
    Who wants to log in daily to hear the mundane details of someone’s albeit “perfect” life? Not I. I’d much rather find hope in the fact that others are facing the same things that I am, which are often negative. It’s a sinful, destructive world, Candy-hon.
    And yes, before you spout off pious on me, I am well aware of Colossians 3. To focus our minds then on that which is pure, holy and right.
    Try to see the positive in this, Candy-dear: In sharing her daily struggles, Yvonne is teaching us how to deal with the poop life produces, yet smile, get up and face another day, and enjoy what is great.
    Again, Candy, what an appropriate moniker you have bestowed upon yourself!

  14. Mrs Butter B

    Ok, if I need to apologize, I will now. I just clicked on ole Candy’s blog, and it appears her post above was purely sarcasm. Obviously. So, sorry, its just early on a Monday morning and it rubbed me the wrong way.
    I’m all for sarcasm, I just get terribly fed up with the trolls. So sorry I mistook you for one!
    (Too bad Y can edit her posts but I can’t edit my comments. Can someone please invent that feature? Please?)

  15. Darci

    Campfire hater here, too. We had a wood stove growing up (we lived in BFE), but I went to high school in “the city.” My mother would sometimes dry our clothes in front of the wood stove. Inevitably, the fire would die out and then she or my dad had to get it going again – which consisted of lots and lots of thick, black, stanky smoke. I still have nightmares about going to school in smokey smelling clothes and having someone comment on how “Darci’s clothes smell like a campfire!” Gah!

  16. Keli

    I think this is blogdiculous! Bloglieve me or not, I have never seen any bloggers include the word “blog” in cute words or sayings. I think you’re bloglucinating!

  17. Candy

    oops. suppose they should make a sarcasm symbol. Honestly I wasn’t being sarcastic. But of course I seemed to have come off too strong. Blame the Taurus/Aries in me. Y… please do write about and teach us how to get through the bad times…. but please don’t forget about the good ones.

  18. Candy

    ok I just re-read my entry. whoah… I really shouldn’t comment before my forth cup of coffee. Sorry Y. So didn’t mean to come across as a bitch!
    ok, I shut up now.
    Candy

  19. Wacky Mommy

    What about the word “blogiquette”? As in “It is not good blogiquette to hijack someone’s blog.” I like that one, but the word blogosphere drives me a little bats.

  20. Mona

    Nothing to do with this blog, since you have problems with your neck, I heard about this website online necksurgery.com
    Have a blogoody day :)

  21. Helen

    I haven’t yet seen any of the bloggerismy words but I know that I will trip over them everywhere I go now and be annoyed on your behalf.
    Campfires, ahhhhh remind me of camping, which I have never understood, at all. I am with you on blankets and central heating, that log fire thing is so overrated because you cannot turn them down and the heat, the skin tightening heat……quite like the smell though.

  22. elizabethsheryl

    camping is like so blogtastic and blun, why would you be blogainst it?
    ok ok, I know I’m 34 comments and a dollar short but now all I want to do is make a blophabet.
    I love to camp, but hate the lingering after-smell of burnt wood on clothes, hair, the car etc. I don’t mind it when I’m at the campfire because you also smell the nice trees and hear water rushing by and all of that lovely stuff, but yeah the smell afterward is so Bloame.

  23. Y

    Candy, you didn’t come across a bitch.
    I don’t think that I constantly write about negative things though. I write about MY LIFE. As it happens. The good, the bad and the bulging. If you scroll down, you’ll see birthday tributes to the father of my children and to my daughter.
    The stalker thing? Too funny not to write about.
    I think I’ve handled myself quite well through all of the shit. I mean, I could sit here and bitch every day about things that are happening, but I don’t think that I do that.
    I can understand if you’re tired of reading about my life.
    Seriously.
    xoxo

  24. Maria

    Y: So sorry about the dent.
    It is cold here today. WTF! It is August and it is only 59°. That blanket and a good book sound like heaven right now.

  25. bitemycookie

    you should have your blogging license revoked for such sacrilege. while i am a user, not an abuser, i refuse to give up bloggerwebs. but you can use iffin ya wanna.
    xobmc

  26. kim

    you need to *breathe* and *relax* and have some bean-dip. really, seriously… :) and focus on how lucky you are to not be camping!
    also, you need to tell me about all the things i have to do while i’m in cali (other than seeing you). there. is that enough to keep your mind off of the blogsh*t?

  27. Heather

    Man, it’s 105 today. i can’t even contemplate a fire and hot cocoa or blankets. Pools, tank tops, flip flops and air conditioning are all the thoughts that occupy my brain.

  28. Mom101

    I hear ya girl. I wrote a whole post about hating the term “blogoversary” (cringing! cringing!) and totally insulting an entire segment of the momblog population who’s used it.
    Still hate it.
    (But love you!)

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