We Interrupt My Healing for an Important Rant

I just had to take a break from my “Healing Hiatus” to talk for one minute about shopping for Fat Clothes.
I’ve written about this before, but I feel like I just have to write about it again, because WTF?
Why must every site describe their PLUS SIZE clothes with words like “funky!” “hip!” “Stylish!” “bold and SEX-AY!”
WHY?
I guess they just want to make sure that everyone knows THE LARGER LADIES CAN BE STYLISH TOO!
Except, I’m pretty freaking sure that Mumu’s are neither bold NOR sexy.
But! I’ve been told that they are comfortable and they do hide the various rolls and lumps, so perhaps that is what I shall order to wear for The Panel!
Who needs bold and sexy when you’ve got “Hides gut rolls!”
Seriously.
Also, can we talk about the prices of size 18 clothing? YES, I’M WEARING A SIZE 18 (and last year, I was wearing a 14, so imagine just how much bigger my face will be in all of the pictures. IF you get a picture, that is, because I plan on carrying a water bottle and squirting anyone who dares to get near me with their camera. SERIOUSLY. I WILL SQUIRT YOUR ASS.)
(And if that doesn’t work, I’m seriously considering using my enormous tittays as Weapons. I’ll be like “put down the camera and on one gets Titty Whipped!”)
Anyway.
There really are some stylish, sexy beautiful articles of clothing out there for women like me, but I can’t afford them!
You see, I don’t normally pay more than $25 per article of clothing, (I’ll push it to $29.99 if Old Navy has a cute dress that is not on sale.) so for me to even THINK about spending $50 on A SINGLE ITEM OF CLOTHING actually makes me want to throw up. I can’t bring myself to do it! I just can’t.
What am I going to do? I need new clothes. And when I say “need” I really and truly mean “NEEDS“. I only have TWO outfits that fit me. I rotate them throughout the week. (Don’t believe me? Ask Lena Jo. Every time she suggests we meet for lunch or coffee, I’ll be like “Just let me know when, so I can wash my black skirt!” And oh, how she laughs, because it’s true! TWO OUTFITS!)
I’m either going to have to stop being so cheap and frugal for one week of my life and spend a few $$ on some nice clothes, OR, I’m just going to have to go ahead and order me 3 of these. (In different colors, of course.)
I hope you enjoy the guest posters that I have lined up for you while “Operation Let My Neck Heal” is in progress. Confession: I have been known to hate it when people have guest posters on their site, because I don’t go to peoples blogs to read OTHER PEOPLE. HOWEVER, there are some really great writers out there who I love and I thought it would be fun if they would bless me with some of their Genius. SO, really, it’s all about me and my needs.
(But seriously, check back, it will be worth it, I (HINT!) promise.)

39 thoughts on “We Interrupt My Healing for an Important Rant

  1. Bev

    I’m a chunky monkey, as I’ve often stated. My daughter got married a week ago, which I’ve also, often stated. Imagine my horror at the thought of trying to dress nicely for bridal showers, rehearsal dinners, etc. I found a couple of sellers on EBay (brand new merchandise) that I LOVE! All items are extremely cheap (dresses for $25-29). They are made of a very light spandex/blend material, so they’re not of exceptional quality, but you get what you pay for, and I get LOTS of compliments every time I wear on!
    If you want more info. Let me know.

  2. DebbieS

    Dammit, I just got rid of nearly all my pre-weight loss clothes. But I have an almost new pair of jeans in an 18 in my bottom drawer. Could you use them?
    Also, I have a very cool long black leather coat (buttons instead of zips) in an XL. I know it’s of limited use here in SoCal but it’s yours for the asking. Let me know!

  3. Chewie

    Hey…I am a big girl and I sometimes shop Jessica London or Silhouettes…and Woman Within and Just My size have some stuff too…along with Ulla Popkin if you find her on sale stuff…they are all having big sales to get rid of summer stuff right now…
    Hope that helps

  4. Y

    Thank you SO much for the suggestions, you guys. Honestly, I need all of the help I can get as I have limited time.
    THANK YOU!

  5. Susan

    My favorite style right now (note my sarcasm) is the capped sleeves on everything. Okay, unless you’re Nicole Richie OR anorexic, chances are good that the cap sleeves WILL NOT look good on you. Few women in their 30’s and up have the arms for them! YET they put them in freaking PLUS SIZED CLOTHING. Hello, WHERE do you think my weight is? In my big toe? The last thing I want to show off is (1) My arms, (2) My legs, (3) My stomach.
    Muumuus are sounding better by the minute.
    FYI – have you ever checked out the Avenue stores? They’re a little pricey at times but have CUTE stuff. I have found some great clearance items there pretty cheap.

  6. Laura

    Ebay is great if you are looking for inexpensive clothing. I am a plus size girl too, and I also shop at Target. They seem to have reasonably priced clothing, even when it’s not on sale. But for mumus, the rule is “only in Hawaii”

  7. Helen

    Hmmm, now Y, I just clicked on the ‘HINT’, I have stupid dial up and all I got was a picture of a lady with a top on that showed her very naked, quite substantial bosoms and one line stating that perhaps buildings were different in Brazil. I am a big girl myself and admire women with the confidence to flash their big Bazoomers. however, may I suggest that the blue top with holes for naked breasts might not be quite the thing for your public appearance? I shall blame my stupid internet connection AND my husband who had only the one task of arranging the damn broadband 5 weeks ago.
    The sundress in 3 colours? lawks a mercy! Also, why in the name of all that’s holy, do the makers of large clothes think that if we have large waists our arms grown to 10 feet long? WHY?

  8. Mom101

    Suddenly I have the urge to add a big 100 point category to the CMP/BlogHer Photo Hunt for a picture with you. It will be like getting a pic with Sasquatch, or the Loch Ness Monster.
    That is, a BOLD, SEX-AY Loch Ness Monster.

  9. chasity

    Old Navy. They go up to size 20 in regular sizes and then they have a plus size section that goes up higher and is geared toward women more than teenboppers. I love their stuff. I wear alot of it to work. All about clothes that go in the washer and then the dryer that require no iron…..Check out the website. Note: the plus size stuff runs big. So you could get to buy a smaller size:):)

  10. zdoodlebub

    I am so there on the clothes budget. Even on the rare occasion that I might be able to spend more, I don’t because I might end up hating it. And therefore hating myself for spending the money. Same reason I get $9.99 haircuts. I’ve only found two stylists in my life that were worth more than $40 a cut. I don’t live near them anymore. So I give up. And use good pomade.

  11. teebopop

    First of all, I never pay retail. I always go to couponcabin.com or any other coupon listing site and find out who’s got the best coupons.
    Also, I have a Silhouettes account and just got an email that they are having a HUGE clearance sale. HUGE.
    Here’s the thing. I don’t know you and you don’t know me, but if you go there and find a couple of outfits you want to buy from the clearance / outlet section, I’d be willing to buy them for you and you can pay me back say $25 a month (no interest). I can go as high as $150 total.
    Why? Because you are stressed and you need them. And I want to help. So let me know. No strings attached. I can get them to ship them faster by selecting high priority, which will cost about $10 extra.
    It’s up to you. I trust you that you’ll pay me back. No biggie ok? Email me.

  12. Danielle

    Girl, you crack my shit up.
    I stepped on the scale at the doctors today and I had to go up to the dreaded 200’s. I said a bad word that made the nurse laugh.
    The only clothing that I’m currently wearing are pajama bottoms and really huge T-shirts. It’s hot as balls in Florida all of the time but I’m not going to be wearing shorts.
    I also get pissed when I do find cute plus size clothing but they just blew up a size 2 and now the arm holes are suddenly five times larger than needed and hand down past my boobs, which is pretty far. Make cute clothing for me.

  13. Rachael

    I’ve got generous hips and ass, and EVERY pair of pants I get, I have to take in the waist because otherwise? I have a Biggie sized cupholder back there. Screw AppleBottoms and BabyPhat, I’m not paying more for clothes than I do on a nice dinner. Maybe that’s my problem 😉
    If you go the mumu route, go out. Go all-the-fuck-out. I’m talking tribal design, hair up in a turban, giant obnoxious earrings and neck coils. NOBODY will question you.
    Just, um, work on your tan.

  14. tiffany

    you say Titty Whip like it’s a bad thing.
    i mean, it’s disappointing enough that i can’t imagine you will be able to perform the infamous ‘worm’ at blogher.
    maybe the Titty Whip is your new party trick?
    think about it.

  15. Janice

    I found some great buys at jcpenney.com and sears.com. I finally gave in and bought some nicer, girly clothing. I got tired of one pr of jeans and a ton of big tshirts. Do not buy those muumuus you have pictured. YUCKO. I’m loving the high waist craze!! Comfy shirts that have some feminine touches. I like womanwinthin too.

  16. Virenda

    Y don’t make me drive my ass out there and force you into cute clothes. You better go buy that $50 cute item!
    Mu-mu’s are not okay. I repeat NOT okay unless your 80.
    Find things with a little structure and trust me you’ll be happy.

  17. cheryl

    Hey girl – glad I found your blog. It’s real. Love that. Skip the mumus and celebrate that this is the year of the fat shirt! I know I am. LOL.

  18. Maria

    I hate paying full price for anything. I will ditto those who suggested Ebay. You might also see if there are any outlets near you.

  19. ElizabethSheryl

    Yes, being a size Twenty Fucking Two makes it difficult to fine clothes that are under 50 bucks that ARE NOT grandma-high waisted tapered pants and/or tent-shirts.
    ROSS is your friend. They tend to have a good selection of clothes in all sizes, and you can get some cute clothes on the cheap. :)

  20. Paula

    Y – I do hope you are getting better and that you feel up to doing BlogHer the right way. Do you know about this website: http://wantnot.net/. She posts sales and coupons on her site daily. I’m kinda on a no spend kick right now (because of no $, not because of righteousness indignation at my consumerism) but I would totally be using her suggestions if I was spending $$$. Get well soon.

  21. Jennifer

    Ok, so here’s the deal. I understand the frustration at not wanting to buy clothes in the size the you are currently at, because, geez, you don’t want to stay there. However, the trap that a lot of people seem to fall into is that you always are waiting to lose the weight, but hate your clothes, feel bad about that, and the cycle continues ad naseum. So, spend the cash, and find something that is (a) structured (mumuus, while comfy only work to make you look a hell of a lot bigger than you are) and (b) made out of decent, non-flimsy fabric that won’t fall apart at the mere sight of a washing machine.
    I guess that it has taken me a long time, but I’ve come to the point where if I ever mange to get back to a decent size, I’ll rejoice in it, but I have figured out that I need to at least try to like myself now, so the self-loathing can take a break when I look in my closet. I know that gaining some of the weight back sucks, but you still are less now than you were before! Now, open thy browser and start shopping!

  22. Alice

    Y, Just wanted to tell you how adorable (and hot, obv) you are on your alphamom interview video. Made my whole morning. xoxo

  23. Daisy

    I am a asize 16/18, depending on the brand name. I’ve had good luck Kohls or Kohls.com with the Gloria Vanderbilt line. I bought four (yes four!) pairs of her capris to take me through the month of September when my classroom will be too hot for pants, but I’m too big for “cute” shorts and skirts.

  24. kati

    I live in San Diego and work p/t @ New York & Company. They go up to 18 and some of the clothes run a bit big so it’s really like you’re in a 16!, but most of the clothes are reasonably priced. And the sales, omg, are awesome. Sign up online. You’ll start getting $30 off $75 purchase coupons in the mail. Seriously. It gets better? :)

  25. Izzy

    You know, they always have to preface baby and kid clothes with “hip” and “stylish”, too. Like I can’t decide for myself if some online shop’s clothes are hip or not. So dumb.
    Can’t wait to make lots of cleavage-showcasing (yours, not mine) fanny porn with you and Lena (a fanny porn VIRGIN!!!)
    :)

Comments are closed.