Because there really are only two possible explanations.

Last Sunday I received an email from a published author who I will not name because chances are you’ve never heard of him and my little blog probably gets a ton more traffic than his website does, and I don’t feel like sharing it with him.
The email was short, sweet and to the point.
You have one of the worst, most pathetic — and most poorly written — blogs on the Net. Aren’t you completely embarassed? Or are you just … stupid?
My first reaction was something like “Embarrassed has TWO R’s you raging asshole!” Then, I started to freak out because why in the hell was this supposed “professional” taking time out of his obviously very fulfilled, rich life to email little old me to say such things? WHY?
I could be wrong, but I think he was trying to hurt my feelings.
Or maybe The Gun Fingers sent him over the edge and he was like “I have to tell this stupid bitch that her site is pathetic or I will not be able to go on living!”
What he said didn’t hurt my feelings because I’ve always said that I don’t think I’m a a good writer and that my blog sucks. But, I can’t for the life of me understand why a “professional” writer who has written books would feel COMPELLED to send such an email to little ol’ me.
It’s almost as baffling as people who send me emails telling me that I’m fat because I EAT TOO MUCH JUNK FOOD!!111!!! As if I’ve not written repeatedly about my issues with food and not being able to stop shoving it in my mouth.
Speaking of shoving food in my mouth!
On Sunday PigHunter was all “I’m going to take you out to lunch! But! Only if you agree to go to the restaurant to which we have a Buy One Lunch Get One Free card!” Because I have absolutely no shame when it comes to The Coupons, I was all “sounds great to me! Let’s go!”
So, we headed off in our rental car (because we still do not have a settlement, nor do we yet have the police report which means that yes! We are still paying for that rental car out of our own pocket!) to Spaghetti Eddies where we would partake in a meal that would taste twice as good as it actually was because a meal always tastes better when it’s free!
We arrived just 15 minutes too late to try their fabulous brunch, so we began to look over the lunch menu. There were things that I wanted in the worst way that were breaded and covered in cheese, but when the waitress came to take our order, I shocked myself by saying “I’ll just have the grilled chicken with tomato sauce and vegetables, please.”
Tony, being the Awesome Weight Loss Support Buddy that he is was all “That’s all you’re getting? No pasta? No bread? I thought you wanted artichoke pizza?” And I was all “Well, I DO want those things, but I also am trying really hard to make better choices so that I can be a thin person again! I am thinking like a Thin Person, baby!”
And I was really proud of myself too… until they brought the food out and I saw my fucking plate of broccoli and chicken.
Suddenly, I was filled with rage, anger and a little thing I like to call “Squish The Foam”. You may be in disbelief that a person could feel “rage and anger” over a plate of chicken and broccoli, but that is because you probably have a healthy relationship with food in which your happiness is not tied into every fucking piece of food you put into your mouth.
“I want to take this plate and throw it against the wall!” I said to Tony.
“Why?”
“Because it’s just like 3 strips of chicken and stupid ass broccoli and I want what you have. Pasta! Feta cheese! Bread!”
I could see the worried look on his face, because when mama aint happy with what she ordered aint nobody happy.
It took me a few minutes to get a grip. THIS is why I’m fat, people. Because eating healthy KILLS ME INSIDE. Because vegetable do not give me the same satisfaction as a plate of buttered up pasta with various cheeses and bread.
I started to eat the vegetables and in all fairness to them, they were delicious. I tried concentrating on the flavor and how good they were for me and not on how seriously I wanted to murder the nutritious plate of food that sat so beautifully prepared before me.
After a few minutes, I felt full. FROM BROCOLLI! And chicken! And I also felt good about myself for having made a [mommy voice] Good Choice [/mommy voice].
I can only imagine how ridiculous this must sound to anyone reading, but for me, it’s those (crazy) little moments that are going to define my success on this journey to lose weight. I’m learning that it’s not the end of the flipping world if I don’t get extra caramel on my iced latte, or if I skip the pasta and go with the vegetables instead.
It should be so simple, but for me, it’s just not. I would have thought by the time I was ripping multiple gray hairs from scalp every morning I would have these things figured out and mastered, but alas, I do not.
But I promise my self, my children and my husband that I will try every day to do better and to do my best because this isn’t about fitting in a size 7 anymore. This is about living for as long as possible so I can watch my children grow up and have babies.
(And maybe, quite possibly this is also now about living for as long as I possibly can so that I can continue to write and publish one of the most pathetic and poorly written blogs on the Net, just to annoy the ever living piss out of Mr.Published Author Man.)

107 thoughts on “Because there really are only two possible explanations.

  1. E :)

    I think your blog is brilliant. It’s entertaining and uses exactly the right amount of poetic license. I’ll bet the crazy dude just wanted you to quote him so he could steal some of your traffic…
    BTW, congrats on the healthy food choices! Weaning yourself from hi-GI foods is almost as difficult as quitting smoking apparently. You’re doing a great job and it’s great that you enjoyed the meal and were filled up! Go you!

  2. Annika

    The ONLY reason to send an email like that is meanness. Or jealousy. And it isn’t even a very effective way to be mean, because hurting your feelings doesn’t actually make your blog less popular. Or awesome. But I hope he feels better now.

  3. pookie

    He thought….he would get you to tell your readers who he was…then and only then, someone would read his blog/book…whatever. Don’t worry about bitter assholes. THIS IS YOUR BLOG. I hope you told him to go fuck himself cause that’s what he needs. :D

  4. Melissa

    I agree with E:) in that he probably just wanted some extra traffic – your blog is an extension of you and it isn’t perfect. But you don’t have this many readers because of perfection… it’s the imperfections that we identify with.
    If you were all spelling-nazi-grammar-freak, I don’t think you’d be as much fun.
    PLUS?! I doubt Mr. Rude Supposedly-Published Author man could do any Aerobic Dance moves at all…let alone the worm.
    You rock Y and I can’t wait to see you at BlogHer!!!

  5. lorien

    What the FUCK is wrong with people? And can you PLEASE private message me this asshat’s name so I can NOT EVER buy one of his books? And cause I’m kinda nosy. But mostly the first thing.
    And you know this (or you should or maybe I should tell you more often), but your blog is so NOT poorly written. And you’re as cute as they come. And who doesn’t have issues with food???

  6. Y

    Melissa, thank you for that.
    Seriously. I’ve never claimed to have a “well written” blog. I KNOW that this is not which is why I never understood why people read it. BUT, I do finally get that it’s because people relate to what I have to say in some way (and if they can’t relate, they at least enjoy laughing at me) EVEN IF IT IS POORLY WRITTEN.
    And that is why I really love all of you weirdos who keep coming back to read what I have to say. I really do.

  7. paige

    Hi Y,
    Been there done that with the food. Ordered a great! healthy! meal! then totally wanted to throw it in the trash when it got there. And been royally pissed that I had ordered something healthy in the first place.
    I hear ya.

  8. ephelba

    I don’t comment very often, but I needed to say that you are indeed a good writer. A good writer is one who writes things that people want to read. I want to read your blog. Even when I get all vicious and delete half the blogs on my google reader list, I keep yours, because I want to hear what you’re going to say. That’s what counts to an audience.
    However- none of that matters, because this blog is for you. It is your space to say what needs saying, and if that a-hole hasn’t figured that out he can stuff himself.
    I would say more, but I don’t want to fill your comment section with swear words.
    And congrats on the broccoli eating. You just keep taking it one step at a time…

  9. Rachel May

    Wow, Y, were you in my head today or something? I had the exact same discussion with myself this a.m. after I fixed Knight (the hubs) bacon, eggs, and toast for breakfast and sat down to join him with my nonfat yogurt and wheat germ.
    But you know what? I got full from that yogurt and wheat germ, it tasted pretty good, and I wasn’t beating myself up afterwards for eating it.
    Good for you for making good choices!
    And good for you for NOT publishing that guy’s info — (channeling that guy from Seinfeld here) NO TRAFFIC FOR YOU! COME BACK ONE YEAR!

  10. Meegan

    Sometimes people really suck. I, like Melissa, want to know the name of the chump with little penis (that’s what I’m going to call him) who needed to be mean to feel big. What a jerk! I love your blog and I think you are quite a good writer. Thank you for sharing your life with us, the internet.
    –Meegan

  11. Mom101

    You do know that the reason he felt compelled to write you is because there is no “little old you.” The only thing little is that guy. And probably his penis.

  12. Bethany

    I think you are a great writer. When I see that you have posted I can’t wait to read it!! I agree, that guy is probably looking for traffic.
    I know exactly what you are talking about with the whole food thing and wanting to live a long life. Come by my blog sometime and check out my Friday posts. (Blatant traffic seeking plug)
    Keep writing!!

  13. Marisa

    I like your blog a lot. I just ran across it a few weeks ago, and you’re so funny. And really your weight loss journey helps me a little with my own, seeing that other people CAN lose weight. I know how hard it is to diet. :(
    I’d love some fried cheese sticks right about now, and a whole basket of bread.

  14. Terrie

    To me, you are the BOMB. So, Mr. Bigshot Writer – go suck you stinky big toe! I love Y and her stories. Big meanie! You have the funniest blog out there. I really do hope you keep writing for a long, long tme.

  15. Mrs Butter B

    If it makes you feel any better, I am also a published author, as is my daughter, and we thoroughly enjoy your blog!
    Gotta love the haters. I just question why on earth they would actually continue to read something they hate? Maybe jealousy that he wishes he had the passion and the following that you have? That’s my guess!

  16. Mrs. Schmitty

    WTF? Does that guy really have nothing better to do? Screw him. Anyway, good for you with the chicken and broccoli, you are a better woman than me!

  17. Kyla

    You make me laugh, Y. Every post. Unless you make me cry, which has happened once or twice.
    I feel the same way about food at times. I don’t have a big weight problem, although I am slightly heavier than I’d like. Of course I’m only 23, so if I don’t start making the right choices now it will be a problem. So I’m trying…but sometimes I wanna squish the foam. I understand. Damn vegetables. Why can’t they be bean dip flavored?;)

  18. LC

    Screw that asshole. He is obviously threatened by your awesome writing skills so he’s trying to drag you down. DON’T LET HIM !!!!! We all love you … and last time I checked … ASSHOLES don’t get a vote around here !!!
    Smile babe. He isn’t worth getting upset over !!!

  19. mcewen

    I think the American term is ‘suck it up.’ But I prefer ‘what goes around comes around.’ I have no idea why anyone would want to make a comment like that, but whatever the reason it’s time to erase it from your mind.
    Best wishes

  20. Amy

    I personally think that your blog is awesome. Obviously, so do many many other people.
    I can identify with the food thing. I’m just trying my best to fit into a size 10 one day. I’ve had two kids in two years, and that does a number on your body, especially when you eat your way to happiness. My husband, unfortunately, is a bit of an enabler, and he likes to come home from work with “surprises.” I.E. candy, ice cream, fast food. And he doesn’t care what I weigh, which is nice, but at the same time, isn’t. I’d rather him not care though. : ) I know this is long-winded, but I just wanted to tell you that every time I feel like giving up on dieting and exercising, I think of you, and how far you’ve made it, and I tell myself, “See? It IS possible. Y did it. So can I.” So thank you for posting your weight loss journey. It’s helped mine.

  21. Suebob

    Last time I checked, this was YOUR blog. A blog where you can write however you feel like writing. Also, a blog that has over 200 subscribers JUST in Bloglines, not counting other feeds. So suck it, Mr Published Author.
    I understand about the Awesome Weight Loss Partner. I used to have one. He would complain about my weight and then we would go out and he would order appetizers and the pitcher of margaritas…go figure.
    I also understand about the rage. There is an angry toddler inside my soul that begins to wail if she doesn’t get the food she wants, when she wants it.

  22. ElizabethSheryl

    I have a very big feeling that someone decided to just USE that authors name to make you feel bad and/or sound like he knows what he is talking about. You have a great blog and I love to read it. I also have a completely unhealthy relationship with food so I know just how you feel when you make that “good choice” and need to praise yourself/feel good about it. It IS hard to do those things and good for you for doing it. :D

  23. Wacky Mommy

    F***ing tell me his name now, dammit. Just e it to me. Also, I am in your corner, babes. Because 1) you’re a great writer and everyone who doesn’t think so can kiss that curvy ass of yours and 2) I had steamed clams with white beans and spinach for dinner instead of a bacon-cheeseburger and yes, they were satisfying.
    It’s all about re-tinkering things — thoughts, hunger pangs, chocolate cravings, etc.
    xxoxx

  24. Fold My Laundry Please

    When I don’t get exactly what I want to eat or if I deny myself something unhealthy only to regret it ten minutes later, I cry. Well, first I mope, then I cry, like a preschooler. “But I wanted pie! I waa-haaa-haaanted PIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!” It’s pathetic really.
    And I agree with everyone else, your blog is awesome! I enjoy reading it and were it not for the imperfections, I wouldn’t identify with it nearly as much as I do! You are a Rock Star!

  25. Heather

    Hey Y. Just one more adding to the horde of “We love you!”s. I appreciate your honesty about the food stuff, it really is tremendously good to know that I’m not alone. (How cheesy does that sound, anyway? I feel like I should start singing Celine Dion or something.)
    Anyway.

  26. Mrs. Flinger

    Fark Mr. Publisher. You’re amazing and I hope you know that AND your blog is amazing, too. Just knowing you ate broccoli and chicken and survived makes me realize that I, too, should try a vegetable sometime soon. This prego weight is pretty much stalled at this point if I don’t take action.
    But I love chocolate chip cookies nightly. Damnit!

  27. Cheryll

    My 2 cents.. WTF, where does he think he gets off..
    and seriously with a spelling error.. Jerk! I love your style and wit. Dont even listen to the haters!
    internet xoxo’s

  28. Maria

    He totally only wanted you to direct traffic to his site. What an Asswipe!! And good for you for not giving it to him.
    Your voice speaks to me. I’m cheering you on!

  29. Heidi

    I can’t wrap my head around why someone who should be “so super busy” with book deals and writing something to publish would stoop to such a low level as to send hate mail to a “mommy blog writer” with a HUGE fan base.
    Seriously dude — GET A REAL JOB (and a life)!
    Y- rock on with your bad self…we love you!

  30. Beth

    The great thing about your blog is that you write about the subjects that a lot of people can’t even get honest about in their minds, much less in writing — published writing that people will actually read. You touch a lot of hearts, Y, and have touched mine numerous times. That’s what writing (and living) is about.
    Oh, and please email the name of the “published author” so I can make sure never to buy one of his books. Please? That dude needs to piss up a rope.

  31. kim

    well a) i usually laught or cry or/and nod my head over almost every post you write. so if that doesn’t mean you’re a great writer then i have no idea what does. i’m just saying, i tried to read a nobel-price novel a while ago because it got a nobel-price and all but it didn’t grab me and touch me half as much as your stories usually touch me. so there, THAT’S what i think good writing is (for me). b) email me that stupid idiot’s website-link NOW!
    oh and this post i can SO relate to again. get this: after a tough day at work/therapy/whatever in my head i’m all like “i really should treat myself to something now” and this “something” is usually (99% of the times this happens) food. food that’s SO not good for me and unhealthy. why can’t i make myself feel good with something that’s also good for me? unfortunately, to me unhealthy food is comfort and broccoli ain’t. that’s how f*cked up I am…

  32. Margaret

    I was a professional writer and I love your blog. It’s a blog, not a dissertation. Mr. Professional Writer can suck it.
    Also? My husband has just read “YOU: On a diet” by the Oprah Doctors (and you know, it’s Oprah) and he’s become a convert to good eating and I read that book and ate cookies for lunch, and had guilt and regret as a side dish. My relationship with food is more complicated than my relationship with any person I know! I love that you can relate!

  33. Heather

    #1 – Whoever “writer guy” is, he’s a dumbass. Regardless of his opinion of your site, he is a complete jerk for unsolicted “advice” like that. Obviously, a lot of people really love your blog, including me.
    #2 – I am SO proud of you for the good food choice. Believe me, I completely understand how frustrating it is when the plates come and you have to stare at your vegetables all lined up while your husband’s plate of carbs and goo mocks you…. so yeah, I know what you mean! Every little step makes a difference!

  34. Zoot

    I know you did not write this to get public support, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. I know nothing about “professional” writing – all I know is that your blog speaks to me on many levels. You make me laugh. You make me cry. You inspire me to be a better mother. So – to me? Those things – the ability to spark that emotion in your readers – to inspire your readers – that’s what makes you a brilliant writer. Screw everything else.

  35. Kara

    Blogging is not the same as publishing as far as editing goes, so he’s criticizing you for the wrong reasons.
    And I’m glad to see you’re going to BlogHer! I didn’t think you’d be able to afford it this year. Can’t wait to see you!

  36. Lisa

    Why do people go out of their way to be mean? I just don’t understand it!!! I mean, this author-type-person obviously read enough of your blog to form an opinion and then rather than just say to himself “Hmmm, I don’t really like that person’s style, I’ll read elsewhere” he felt the need to just lash out and be MEAN. I don’t get it.
    I think this is reason #942 why the world is going to hell in a handbasket!!
    But, I’m one of the people who loves your blog and checks back multiple times a day to see if you’ve posted anything new! So, don’t let the jerk get you down!

  37. Jan

    I see you have a lot of supportive comments and that’s wonderful – I hope it makes you feel better. But this is really an important one. (!) I am a librarian, an avid reader and am in my 50′s. This overall, lifelong experience makes me uniquely qualified to tell you that the author who wrote to you is a total wiener head. Any writer who feels they have to write a cruel email to tear down another writer who is just doing their best is just sad. Sad. He should be supportive and helpful and encouraging. That’s how all good writers are. You have one of the blogs that I check every day. I enjoy all your posts and laugh and cry with you often. I have actually felt so bad for the last few weeks about your whole house situation. You would think I know you personally! But that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it? We DO feel we know you personally because your blogs are so good, so friendly, so chatty, so well-written. So well-written. And the good food choices? Good for you.

  38. Jan

    I see you have a lot of supportive comments and that’s wonderful – I hope it makes you feel better. But this is really an important one. (!) I am a librarian, an avid reader and am in my 50′s. This overall, lifelong experience makes me uniquely qualified to tell you that the author who wrote to you is a total wiener head. Any writer who feels they have to write a cruel email to tear down another writer who is just doing their best is just sad. Sad. He should be supportive and helpful and encouraging. That’s how all good writers are. You have one of the blogs that I check every day. I enjoy all your posts and laugh and cry with you often. I have actually felt so bad for the last few weeks about your whole house situation. You would think I know you personally! But that’s what it comes down to, doesn’t it? We DO feel we know you personally because your blog posts are so good, so friendly, so chatty, so well-written. So well-written. And the good food choices? Good for you.

  39. Jan

    And since I have TWO comments, I might as well add a third and say that my Internet was wonky and I didn’t think my comment went through the first time. Idiot. (Me, not the Internet.)

  40. KimberlyDi

    You are so down-to-earth and funny that you could have your own tv show. I would watch it. I would tune in every night.

  41. nine

    if Mr. Published Author Man thinks YOUR blog is the most pathetic and poorly written blog on the net? obviously, he hasn’t been to mine. LOL
    pay him no mind Y, the man is obviously JEALOUS (not to mention a poor speller which drives me entirely up a wall) because all the people who count love YOU. *smooch!*

  42. geeky

    If your blog is so pathetic and poorly written, why is Mr. Published Author Man reading it? Look at it this way – you must have done something right to get his attention, which is more than I can say my blog has ever done! Keep on with your bad self, Y :)

  43. JustAnotherCliche

    1) I’m totally proud of you for eating healthy. Wish I was making that choice more often. And now you’ve inspired me which brings me to #2.
    2) The “writer” was totally looking for traffic. I know quite a few published writers and NONE of them would ever take time away from their lives to put someone else down. They write to inspire… and that is what you do.

  44. Amy

    I’m mostly a lurker, but I had to comment on this one.
    1-What a loser. My first thought was “what a prick,” but someone who actually takes the time to e-mail someone else to try to hurt her feelings is just pathetic.
    2-We read your blog because it’s real. You don’t try to be anything you’re not, Y, and most of us can relate. Keep it up!

  45. Pam

    Just wanted to let you know that although I have only been reading your site for a couple of weeks. I enjoy coming here everyday. You are like a best friend. I can “hear” your bitches and your successes and can celebrate or commiserate with you!
    I understand you, my family is my worst enemy and my life force and I can feel those things in your words as well. You are honest and you are able to express yourself in words that most of us have a hard time doing. You are a rare woman indeed.
    A blog is started for YOU, first and foremost. If others come along and read it, then they can decide whether or not they like what they read. If they like it, I’m sure you are a welcoming force, if they don’t like it… don’t come back and keep your nasty comments to yourself. Some people didn’t have our mothers: “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” Or perhaps they didn’t have fathers like mine: “Go get your brother and have him kick his ass”.
    So keep on writing the way you have been, that’s what I’m sure keeps all of us coming back. You are our friend and we are “listening” and knowing that you are a strong woman and all will be right in your world again soon!

  46. Cindy

    I absolutely love that he reads your blog and actually took the time out to write to you about it….I would take it as a HUGE compliment! I love your blog! You are a writer I can relate to – and you are a WRITER!

  47. Steph

    THAT IS NOT CRAZY AT ALL!!! And you should be proud of yourself for making a good choice. Changing your attitude toward food is a day to day battle sometimes. And then sometimes is gets easier. I remember being surprised one day when I hadn’t thought about food for a whole 20 minutes. Just like a man thinking about sex all the time. Hang in there. You rock!

  48. dana michelle

    “…and not on how seriously I wanted to murder the nutritious plate of food that sat so beautifully prepared before me.”
    OK. This portion of sentence ALONE proves what a great writer you are. But only a fellow food addict would understand and appreciate the HILARITY of the way you strung those words together.
    Don’t let some moron with a chip on his shoulder bring you down. I think the throngs of visitors that comment (not to mention those who just read and enjoy in silence) is proof enough that you can write. I wish you’d publish this jerk’s web address so we could all go flame him!
    And good on ya’ for making a “good choice” at lunch. It’s all about baby steps, and you are to be commended for each and every one of them. I’ve got a decade on you and I’m STILL battling to change those bad food habits for good. You go, Y!!! :)

  49. Jayna

    sorry to hear about that guys stupidity. I never understood why people feel the need to put down others.
    In anycase, I love reading your blog! Keep up the good work! :)

  50. Lily

    Seriously — fuck him. Except you wouldn’t want to bother. WHAT A DOUCHEBAG!!! I’m a published author too for all THAT’S worth — that and $1.25 will get you a Mountain Dew, for sure — and I think you are WONDERFUL. You’re funny and deep and you can laugh at yourself, and you drag your readers right along widja. What a jerk. He just doesn’t get you, but fuggedaboutit. We do!

  51. Sara L

    What a jerk the writer man is. I think you are beyond wonderful.
    I hate vegetables with a passion. I hear you on the dieting. It’s so hard, but you did it! You are a good example.

  52. aimee

    Y -
    First of all, Mr. Published Author Man is a dipshit. One can pay to publish one’s own books and be a published author. But that doesn’t mean anyone has read any of his published crap. YOU, on the other hand, have SO MANY OF US that check in every single day just to see what’s going on your life, because you make us laugh / cry / envy / worry / giggle / pee ourselves. So foo on him.
    I used to work as a DJ and you wouldn’t believe the number of people who went out of their way to call / write / email me to tell me how much they disliked what I did, how lame I was, how they would do everything different if they were in my position, and how much I disappointed them by being so pointless. I got to the point where I kept a file of all those letters and used them to remind myself that anyone who would take that kind of time and energy to try to make me feel stupid deserved pity – but didn’t deserve any of my emotional energy. Sounds like this guy would fit in that file! :)
    Secondly – I gotta tell you that what you went through with that poor innocent chicken and broccoli is so familiar to me – and to lots of people! When I get angry at my husband, y’know what I do? I eat the most fattening thing I can find because somehow it makes it feel like I’m “winning”. So I make my big butt even bigger, but DAMN if I’m not somehow winning some weird-ass moral victory that he’ll never even know about. :) So girl, don’t ever think that what you’re saying sounds weird – we’ve all been there!
    Love you AND your blog – and dumbass Mr Published can just sit on that and spin on it.

  53. Rachael

    Dude, I won’t even lie, I don’t eat enough green stuff because it gives me gas. And if the huz says something like “Why don’t you get this nice cheeseless veggie pizza instead?” I just threaten to fart on him.

  54. norm

    So my daughter made me buy these particular “fertile” eggs to do this special Ukrainian egg decorating technique she learned in art class but never got round to doing so I’ve had them sitting around since Easter.
    Why do I mention this? Oh, no reason.
    BTW, do you have an address for Mr. Published?

  55. Jennifer

    O.M.G. What a freaking JACKASS! Don’t listen to him. I have been reading your blog since your daughter was born and I love it and I love your personality – you are like me – you write like you think and that’s a good thing!

  56. Jamie

    I don’t comment very often but I just have to chime in…
    He’s an idiot. I can’t even believe someone would be such an asshole. You ARE a great writer.
    And I bow down to your ability to resist the FETA! :)

  57. Katie

    Y, this is the first time I’ve commented – but I’ve been enjoying your blog for a long time. I had to comment because Mr. Author Man is clearly a moron!!! He can’t even spell ‘embarrassed’ correctly, and yet he’s spending his time bugging you? Pffffft – what a loser. You’re a wonderful writer, and I relate so much to your struggles with food and weight. Keep up the fantastic work!!!

  58. Anna Springer

    This is the first time I’ve commented as well, but I just wanted to say that whoever that guy is, he sure has a stick up his ass. I really hope you don’t let what he said affect you, because HE is obviously the one with insecurity issues! Keep up the wonderful blogging.

  59. Alicia

    Delurking just to say you have a lot of fans and a lot of support and please keep sharing and posting and making us laugh or cry. You are a terrific writer.

  60. Susan

    A couple of things:
    That guy’s obviously jealous of you for whatever reason. And he’s mean-spirited. And miserable. Obviously, he’s trying to bring YOU down to his pathetic level. So SCREW HIM, the asshole that he is.
    Secondly, my mother was an award-winning children’s author, published by one of the most prestigious companies in the world (Harper Collins). Her instructor–and, eventually, close friend–was Eve Bunting, a famed children’s author. (Google her.) So, growing up, I was exposed to a lot of top-notch writing.
    That being said, your writing is captivating and real and beautiful. And THAT’S why you have so many followers.
    So there. Ha. ;-)
    XOXO

  61. Laurel

    My first thought reading this post was that someone used the author’s name to criticize you (and even worse make you feel bad) and make you think it was someone who knew about writing. Whoever it was they are an IDIOT because you are brilliant and amazingly funny.

  62. Peetsmom

    If it were EASY to make good choices all the time, we’d all be skinny.
    I haven’t made a good choice in some time…After my camping trip this weekend I’ll give it a shot though!! Just because you did…and you make me laugh. So there!

  63. Tracy Stanley

    I came to you from Kristie, who I came to from Caring Bridge. I enjoy reading your posts, which I voluntarily come to read. I wanted to let you know that I work in publishing, and being a “published author” means NOTHING. Almost anybody can get somebody, somewhere to publish something. Then, they take that “published” piece to the next publisher and say, “Look! Hire me to write something because I am a “published author”!” And the cycle continues. Publishers continue to hire these people because their published piece looks pretty good. What they fail to realize is that the piece has been EDITED!

  64. Desiree

    Is there a chance that the shitty email wasn’t from the Author? What if some idiot decided to try to freak you out and send you the email as though it came from said author? It is absolutely a possiblity. I say you write back a charming and succinct email thanking him for his critique and send it both to the email you got it from and copy whatever his official email is. Or? fuck it. He can’t even spell.

  65. Y

    No, it’s him, because he sent it with his company logo on it and it’s the same email address that is on his website.

  66. norm

    Out him, Y. I’d be willing to critically review his writing and send him an email telling him what I think, and so would the rest of us.
    Unless you agreed your correspondence would be anonymous in advance, or something. ;)

  67. marjorie

    Yvonne, you are great because you are a real human being. You just say what you think and that is why we your readers love you. Plus you crack us up and make us cry too. I so identify with you in the food department–ask me about eggs benedict smothered in hollandaise. I know there are one billion calories in that sauce, but do I scrape it off and leave it on the plate? Or anything with hellman’s mayonnaise. Or cheesecake. Yes, I know what you go through.

  68. Mish

    I’ve been reading your blog for a year now. I was home with a broken foot, bored and a bit pissed. I found your site by googling what some might call a less-than-flattering variant of a daytime talk show host’s name. Yours was one of the first blogs that came up. I read what you’d written about said person and thought, “YEAH! I like how she thinks!” And I’ve stayed b/c even though I don’t know you, I enjoy your writing (I’ve recently started needing to battle my own weight), and your kids are cute and dammit, Y, you make me laugh!!
    So Mr. “Published Author” can go shove it. Please tell me who it is, so I can NOT buy whatever drivel he writes.

  69. Dawn

    I understand your food issues because I have the exact same ones. And fuck the published author.

  70. Laurie

    You need to call Oprah and get a column just like Lisa Kogan, who is very cool but you are so much more REAL and DOWNTOEARTH with issues that we can RELATE TO. And your writing–totally makes the grade. Then you would have enough moolah to get a house! Call me your problem-solver. Except I can’t help with the cheese cravings, because well, CHEESE YUM.

  71. erica

    I don’t know why people are so unnecessarily nasty. Imagine the time and effort taken for them to just be an asshole for no real reason. What is wrong with people?

  72. Janette

    I love your blog. Mr. Published Writer is a dildo.
    Hilarious going-out-to-dinner story! A little too close to home. I have to share with you that I, too, have issues with food. For 4 months now (an eternity), I have been eating 1200-1500 calories per day. I have lost 26 pounds (hooray!), but every single hour of every day sucks because I cannot have 2lbs of chocolate instead of none because I cannot control myself to even have one piece of chocolate. If I have one, then that leads to 23. And an entire candy bar. And then an ice cream cone. Sugar cannot be stopped. So, my husband had a softball game tonight and I thought I’d splurge and buy myself Taco Bell. And everyone knows it is better to eat your “sinful” food alone than with anyone watching and judging you. So today I saved all my calories for Taco Bell. And as I drove home I made up my own Taco Bell song and how pleased I was that I was going to eat Taco Bell. And I ate it, it was GREAT, and I stayed under 1400 calories. Yes, I would like 1 more bean burrito with sour cream, but realistically, I’ve had my fill. Life is good. Keep up your funny blog. I love it!

  73. Sasha

    hey, I am de-lurking to agree with everyone else. :) What kind of tool writes blog entries in formal English? He’s lucky you didn’t mention him, because we would then all go give him crappy book reviews on Amazon.com!

  74. Lucy's Mom

    My mail is constantly full of mail from “ebay” or “my bank” or the guy in England who is holding 5 million pounds for me, etc. etc. The point is, it’s all bullshit. It’s highly likely that said published author has never heard of you, did not read your blog and did not write you an email. Some other asshole did and is using the published author’s name.

  75. crunchy carpets

    Holy shit..if your blog sucks with your BAZILLION comments/visitors..what does that make mine?
    And food issues..yes…healthy sucks. I don’t know if taut abs would win out over having a giant plate of pasta or cheesecake.
    I don’t have taut abs so I don’t know…

  76. nila

    That dude’s e-mail was the most pathetic, most poorly written e-mail ever. What the hell is he talking about. I love the way you write, and your traffic is a testament to how awesome you are. Way to go, not giving him traffic. Mean people suck!

  77. Brandy

    I am delurking to say that I enjoy your posts and that the “published author” must be quite jealous of your flair! I truly believe he was hoping you’d post his name so that he could receive free publicity.
    As for your food choices, you did a great thing. Small steps work better than a radical change and you are on your way!

  78. FlippyO

    Awesome! I was looking for an “Idiot of the Day” for my blog, and I was having to decide between the professional football players (Clinton Portis, Michael Vick, and some other guy) who think that dogfighting is good…and funny. Gag. Oh yeah, decide between those sorry excuses for human beings and that idiot guy who’s suing the cleaners for $54 million dollars because they lost his pants for a couple of days. I already wrote about the guy suing the cleaners, but that was before he was a generous soul and knocked $10 million of his lawsuit, because yeah, that makes a difference.
    But, thank you for giving me another person to write about. My girlie says that she thinks that the guy was just getting caught up on his back issues of the WSJ and came across the article about you the front page. His seething jealousy forced his teeny tiny penis and itty bitty brain to put misspelled words and poorly written thoughts into an email to send to a stranger. A NICE stranger. Honestly, the only thing I can come up with is mental illness. There’s no other explanation for it. Well, mental illness AND he was just getting caught up with his back issues of the WSJ. It’s a little funny, because it’s so odd and out of the blue and ridiculous, that it’s hard to fathom. No, really, everyone sit at your keyboard and imagine writing to someone you don’t know. Not a public figure, not a football player who is paid millions of dollars to throw a ball, but chooses to raise dogs and have them rip each other apart, but a woman who is raising her cute kids, eating bean dip, and has lots of friends. Whoa, if that isn’t the height of ridiculousness, then I don’t know what is.
    P.S. Write back to me, tell me yes, and sign that contract. I want to syndicate your awful blog to our thousands of subscribers. ;) I had the choice of millions of blogs, and I picked yours.

  79. lex

    Don’t pay any attention to that @$$munch!!! You keep writing!! AND, I Spaghetti Eddie’s rocks!!! I’m sure even the good for you meal was good. One of these days, I’m going to stalk you for real and hug you and embarrass you. :)

  80. Belinda

    Oh, please. Yours is one of my top ten favorite blogs (you know, out of the nine KAJILLION that I try to read), and that is because of content and the ability to convey emotion. You rock at both.

  81. BOSSY

    Did Bossy mention her Dane was hungry?
    (Bossy has no idea why her comment went through twice.)
    (When clearly ONCE was one time too many.)

  82. GraceD

    {{{drops sweatpants, MOONS, points to ass}}}
    Kiss my 52 year old butt, fuckhead “published author”.
    Y, you really should out this jerk.
    Love,
    GraceD

  83. Incognito

    Dear Mr. Published Author Prickhead,
    KISS MY DICK!
    How’s that for good writing, eh?
    Love,
    I

  84. Kimberly

    OK, before I read the comments and while I’m still all fresh in my rage:
    First?! You are an INCREDIBLE writer. Your blog, regardless of what you might think of it, is responsible for making TONS of people laugh, cry, sympathize, think…I could go on.
    Second?! That writer guy, whoever he is, should be getting down on his hands and knees and kissing your feet for not outing his dirty little behind. You know what came to mind when I read what he wrote you? Remember how, in school, the snotty, pretty-but-all-her-friends-just-like-her-cuz-she’s-pretty girl hates on the cute, smart girlwith a few good friends? Because she’s JEALOUS?? Yeah, that’s totally what I thought of.
    Holy cow.

  85. Shelley

    Hi Y!
    Love you…love your writing. It’s honest and real. It always effects me on some level…laughing, crying, etc. I only wish I had the courage that you do to put yourself out there like you do.
    Rock on sista!

  86. alala

    God, what kind of no-life loser takes the time to do something like that? Meh.
    I’m not a published author, but I’ve been proofreading for publication for 20 years. I think I qualify as a spelling and grammer Nazi, and I love your blog. It’s funny and real and it makes me nod along while I read because I can so relate. And the colors are pretty! You are awesome.

  87. another mom, up north

    Whoever Mr. Published Author Guy is, he totally sucks. Obviously he is a lame conceited snob. Sucks to be him.
    Thinking of you and your family, Y. I hope things take a turn for the better soon: you deserve it. You do.

  88. laura

    Here’s the thing. Even if you were a shitty writer (which you’re not) you are an ENGAGING writer, and those are hard to come by.
    Can you at least tell us what Mr. Shitstick’s amazon rank is so we can point and laugh at him? The fact that a “published author” would be so blatantly envious of a “simple” blogger while masking it as contempt for your writing indicates that however many copies of his book have been sold, a good 95% of them are currently gathering dust in his mommy’s sewing room.

  89. Natalie

    Actually, can you email me this author’s name? I’m not the type to send him a rude comment, but I am the type to NOT BUY ANY OF HIS BOOKS and to tell my friends to NOT BUY ANY OF HIS BOOKS. I personally appreciate authors who, outside of their artistic duties, have some class. Clearly he’s one I’d like to avoid.

  90. Natalie

    Actually, can you email me this author’s name? I’m not the type to send him a rude comment, but I am the type to not buy his books and to tell my friends to not buy his books. I personally appreciate authors who, outside of their artistic duties, have some class. Clearly he’s one I’d like to avoid.

  91. Kay

    Ditto on emailing me the name as well. I had a similar thing happen a few years ago and it sounds like it might be the same guy. If it is, HOO BOY! Yeah, like you have nothing to be threatened about. What a loser!

  92. Gabriella

    Your blog is wonderful, your photos are wonderful, and your attitude towards life is wonderful. It’s the reason I’ve continued to visit your blog over the past few years. You can always make me laugh, and I really feel for you when things aren’t going well. I’m so glad you aren’t taking seriously the caustic remarks by that loser. Keep on being you. You are phenomenal.

  93. Mari

    Ok, I haven’t commented you in some time, or read becasue I suck, but I remembered I hadn’t read you in a long time and missed you so now I am catching up.
    This Mr. DUmbfuck Author, made me mad. REAL MAD. I WANT TO KNOW WHO HE IS… SO I CAN CAPONE HIM FOR YOU!

  94. vickie

    Hi! just read your post about the broccoli and chicken and i wanted to say go ahead and have the pasta but do it in moderation, split it with the hub, have about 1 cup of it. if you deny yourself success will be elusive. you sound like you love food as I DO oh lord i love food, so i know the key to success is making yummy delicious things that satisfy the hell out of me. i could never just get the chicken and broccoli while the hub had pasta right in front of me. balance and don’t deny yourself the wonders of pasta just go smaller, whole wheat, and pour on the veggies like you did.
    lol, this is ALSO a shout out to mySELF for the week
    Vickie

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