You should see the smile on his face. (And the dry humping moves he makes every time I look in his general direction.)

It was exactly SIX months ago that my husband bravely and voluntarily offered up his nut sack to a doctor he barely even knew to do a little procedure called The Vasectomy.
I’d like to think that he did it out of love for me, out of respect for my tired uterus and my thrice stitched vagina, but deep down I know he did it so that he could “Tap That Ass” as frequently as his little, er, extremely large heart desires, without threats of bodily harm and/or death. (Example: “FINE! But I swear, if you get me pregnant, I WILL KEEL YOU!”)
And what a better way to celebrate the six month anniversary of The Day He Got His Shit Snipped then to get a voice mail from the doctor’s office that said the following words:

Dear Mr.PigHunter, we got the results from your sample and they were negative. You don’t need to bring any more samples, you’ll all done.”

(Yes, it took him SIX months to take a flippin’ sample in. Someone was Proscratinatin’ with the ejaculatin’.)
I had mixed emotions when I heard that message. I felt a bit of sadness because, Wow…I can never make babies with this man ever again and also, WOW…I can never use the term The Weapon of Mass Fertilization&trade ever again.
But mostly? I was happy and excited because OH MY GOD! PIGHUNTER’S STERILE, Y’ALL! Let the spermless humping begin!

46 thoughts on “You should see the smile on his face. (And the dry humping moves he makes every time I look in his general direction.)

  1. Helen

    It is 3 years since my man got his snipped..he still hasn’t taken a sample in, I think we’re safe though..right? I was SO sad when he got snipped, what’s with that? I really don’t need no more babies. Now I am happy that we are done, it’s the idea that even though we are done, I will be in my late 50s when these young’uns I have hit their teenage years. Oh dear.

  2. Tracy

    Would this be a bad time to tell you about how a friend of mine got preggers with baby #4, 2 years after her man got his shit snipped AND had the sample taken in for the “all clear”? Yeah…he got pissed when she got pregnant – said she was cheating on them, almost killed their marriage. Then they did another sample – and apparently things can sometimes “grow back” – and he was quite obviously “the daddy” when that kid was born. Doh!

  3. Kimberly

    Yay for the doin’ it like bunnies! :)
    I really tried to be sad about the no-more-babies thing after hubby got his done but, with a six-month-old up all night sick at the time, I just couldn’t muster it. No way am I ever doing that again.
    But now that she’s one? And starting to walk?! I get a little sad. Especially because we have three girls, and hubby loves them to pieces but would have loved a son.
    Then I remember we can do it all over the house. :) Hee.
    Have fun and congrats!!

  4. Y

    Well, actually, this weekend we’ll be packing. And next weekend, we’ll be living with my parents, so, come to think of it, it’s going to be a long time before we can actually enjoy the sperm free sex.

  5. Jen

    Congrats! Mine isn’t fixed, but with four kids, it’s like a vasectomy by proxy. Time and desire both being in short supply. Have a fun weekend!

  6. Valerie

    Wow….six months is a long time. But good for him for finally getting the snip, snip done. It’s been almost 5, yes 5, years since I’ve had my youngest and I still can’t get mine convinced to do it. Even the reminder that I have pushed 3 children out, 2 on the same day!, but he still isn’t convinced. Wimp.
    Have fun with the BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW!!

  7. MsShad

    Able to hump like rabbits now … just in time to move with with the parents!?
    Oops, sorry, maybe I should shut up.

  8. Y

    Ms.Shad. I KNOW. Poor PigHunter.
    And Norm, I’m scared too, but then, I was before I read Tracy’s comment because it’s hard for me to believe that anything short of removing my uterus is 100%.
    (Which means, I’ll still be afraid to Do It, but only when I’m fertile.)

  9. Karly

    Hope I’m not interrupting any humpin’ or anything, but I just wanted to say CONGRATS on being sterile PigHunter!
    Chad goes for his vas on May 16. I’m quite sure that he is not going to be as cool as PigHunter with the picture taking.

  10. Karen

    Dude.
    I had Daren neutered in November TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR.
    We still have the sample jars, sealed and waiting for him to take in.
    And we screw like 2-3 times a day. I’m playing with FIYAH!

  11. Mandi

    Today (Friday) makes it 5 weeks since my husband got the big V. He has to bring in a sample next Friday and then again in 6 weeks. Unlike your man, he’s looking forward to bringing a sample in. Not in a dirty, ‘doing it into the cup’ way, but to find out for sure that he is sterile. We have 4 kids. My husband is 44 and I am 32. We are SO DONE having kids and it would kill me to to become pregnant again. I hope to god that we don’t have the same experience as those that become pregnant years down the road. OMG!
    I’m sorry you have to move in w/ your parents. We’ve lived w/ my mom and with my in-laws at different times and it is very difficult. You have my utmost sympathy sweetie. I wish I could do something that would prevent that from happening to you all. Hugs!!

  12. Beth

    OMG! You crack me up!
    My husband got snipped 12 years ago…..and NEVER WENT BACK TO GET CHECKED. But he must be okay, cuz I’m Fertile Mrytle and haven’t been pregnant since…of course, you have to actually HAVE sex in order to get pregnant, so maybe that’s it.

  13. Mrs Butter B

    This is what I love about Y- one day we’re reading about her at the verge of death, and the next, we’re dry humping at her moms.
    I think Y needs to add Paypal so we can chip in to pay for a MOtel 6 room for the weekend- the kids go to grandmas, she and Pighunter hit the hourly motel!
    Just think, Y, we’ve found a way for you to earn money- you could sell your sperm free porn on the internet. (Oddly enough, I imagine theres a lot of potential buyers- teh internet is full of wacko jackos). Then all the people who contributed a few bucks towards your first hotel room could get like, I don’t know, 1% back as a dividend on our investment. Hhhhmmmm. Nothing like pimpin’ out your blog friends.
    And for anyone wondering WHERE IN THE WORLD I just got that idea, I was reading something in the Yahoo Odd News Archives.
    I’m promising I’m not a nutso. Truly. I don’t think.
    Happy Humpin to Ya, Y. May Pighunter always be sperm-free!

  14. Mrs. Flinger

    Oh dear god, I had to read this to my husband because 1) look! All the cool kids get snipped! and 2) Proof a wife really will write about anything so you better start preparing your sacks for snippage. (and telling our mothers about it via the Internets)

  15. The Fashionista & Baby

    I love you and you’re site. It’s like me talking inside my head because I’m too darn afraid to say it out loud. My husband went to see Dr. Snippy three and a half months ago because he didn’t want any more kids, yay! We have three, two were surprises and don’t want any more unexpected gifts, but now I too will no longer be able to use the “Weapons of Mass Fertilization” excuse.

  16. Jessica

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  17. coop

    I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don’t know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.

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