In “Praise” of The Potty.

You know, I’m so glad that I decided to potty train my daughter before she was three.
No. Really. I am.
Ah, Potty trainedness. It’s great, is it not? I mean, really. Having a little person who no longer needs to use diapers, but can march their little buttocks into the bathroom and go pee and poop all by themselves!?
Pure awesomeness, I tell ya.
Well, except for this ONE little thing. But really, other than this one little tiny thing that kind of ruins my mornings, it’s GREAT!
You see, my daughter has finally figured out how to use this whole “potty trained” thing to her advantage. Every single time that I lay her down for a nap or bedtime, she does this little thing where she shouts “I have to go pee so bad!” or “Oh noes! I have to poop!” at least 20 times.
And even though I know that she really doesn’t have to pee, I’m convinced that the one time I take a stand and say “NO! You are lying, there is no way that you have to pee because you just went two minutes ago!” will be the one time that she pees herself in her bed.
So, the girl has me “by the balls” and she knows it.
There’s also the whole “I can’t go out in public for more than a few minutes at a time without having to carry a little human being to the bathroom” But still, that minor inconvenience does not erase the greatness that is a Potty Trained Toddler.
Last week, I went to Bath and Body works to get a friend a birthday present. Five minutes into my shopping trip, Gabby was all “uh oh! Gabby has to go potty!” I ran to the cashier up front and asked her if there was a restroom my daughter could use.
“Sorry” she said all snottily “there’s merchandise back there and I’m FORBIDDEN from letting you go back there.”
“But please, she just learned how to go potty, she can’t hold it.”
“Sorry! But hey, Ross has a bathroom! I can hold your stuff for you though!”
“Don’t bother.” I snapped back as I threw my unpaid for merchandise on the counter.
Ross was right next door, but Ross bathrooms are DISGUSTING. Seriously, the last time I had used that restroom, there was shit smeared on the toilet and piss all over the ground. (I don’t need to tell you that I didn’t actually used the restroom do I?) So, I knew the nearest restroom was at Mervyns, and Mervyns was a few stores and an entire driveway away.
Look, I love you so much that I drew you a little diagram so that you could get a better picture.

Did I mention that it was pouring rain? Because it was pouring rain!
So, I had to run all the way across the parking lot to Mervyns with a two year old on my hip shouting things like “hold the pee pee inside for just a little longer! We’re almost there! Please! Don’t pee in your chonies! HOLD THE PEEEEEEEEEE PEEEEEEEE!”
We made it there just in time.
I was all out of breath, both of us were soaking wet from the rain. And I never did get my friend her present.
But! I had a child who peed on the potty! So Praise The Lord for THAT.
Now, I know that would have never happened if she were still wearing diapers and NOT potty trained, but hey! I don’t have to spend anymore money on diapers anymore! And that? Is great!
Is it not? IS IT NOT?
I do, however, have to spend money on Pull Ups. And not just any pull ups. Oh no. The Freaking Princess Pull Ups, which are actually more EXPENSIVE then the diapers because GOD FORBID I buy the generic brand ones with the bears on it.
(I didn’t even know that she knew that Princess Pull Ups existed, but obviously She Who Goes Pee Pee On The Potty pays attention to the commercials when she’s watching Dora and Blues Clues. And quite possibly also Little Einsteins, Barney, The Backyardigans, Doodlebops and Go Diego Go!)
But, other than all of that stuff that I mentioned above, and also the fact that I have to wake up 3 times a night to take her potty, having a potty trained child is really is the GREATEST THING IN THE WORLD![/sarcasm]

36 thoughts on “In “Praise” of The Potty.

  1. Alex

    I have two boys…9 & 12 now and when we were potty training I bought a little chair and left it in the SUV…in emergencies like that one….we were just a walk out to the car…..honestly knowing it was an option the boys stopped having to go all the time cuz it’s not as cool to pee in the car in the potty chair. I have the complete opposite problem now. My boys won’t go in a bathroom that’s dirty. They will hold it till we get home or to a clean place. Pee Poop doesn’t matter. My 12 yr old will not poop in public restrooms….ain’t happening. I am a huge lurker…decided to come out for this conversation. Love your Blog!!

  2. Mel

    Love the illustration. It sucks to frantically search for a bathroom. My daughter insists on using every. EVERY. EV. ER. Y. public bathroom twice. Once to pee and once to poop. I remember a lady laughing at me from the next stall when I had taken her into the restroom at some restaurant and I said “This pee then poop thing has got to stop. Can you please consolidate?!?!” (?????) I know….but geez. I feel your pain. My son never peed in public restrooms and only had one accident ever.. It was heaven. It will get better, right? Someone tell me it gets better.

  3. BOSSY

    You’d love Bossy – just last week she was at the wee front of a very long restroom line at the airport when she motioned for a mom (at the back of the line) with her frantic little girl to take the next available potty. If rolled eyes were missiles…

  4. meritt

    I’m SO GLAD you threw the stuff on the counter and left. GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!
    And I hope that girl remembers you 5 years from now when SHE is stuck in a store with a 2 year old who is potty training and she feels tremendous guilt. :)

  5. Andrea

    What fun! I remember when my son was potty training and I knew where every public bathroom was in our whole county!! Let’s see…at Target & ToysRUs they are always at the front of the stores, etc. etc.
    My favorite was on a looong road trip when we had to leave the Pennsylvania Turnpike at 3 different exits because he “really really had to go poop!” Three tolls later=no poop! :(

  6. JesseeezMom

    Oh the Joys of little ones and the potty! My little princess was the same way…I finally got to the point whenever we were out and she HAD to potty I would ask point blank “Jess do you REALLY HAVE to potty or do you just want to see it?”9 times out of 10 she just wanted to see it. So then I would ask “Can you hold it till Mommy buys this?” I’d make my purchase and then we’d go to the potty.
    ps the lady at the counter OBVIOUSLY was just jealous that G-Unit knew she has to go- I bet the counter lady is still dealing with wet/burrito chonies!! (Misery loves company)

  7. Malia

    I am in the stages of potty training my three-year-old and I have tried everything I can think of, but she is my hardest one yet!!! I thought girls were supposed to be easy!
    malia

  8. Jen

    Delurking here…
    My daughter will be 3 on saturday and this is our second attempt at using the “potty”! She was doing amazing… and was sooo proud of herself!
    She is now in daycare full-time…. and has done a total 360 and refuses to use the potty at all! *sigh*
    She’s actually gone so far as to hold it in the whole entire day!! Not good!
    I think we’ll be putting the potty training off for a little bit!
    Love reading your blog btw, you are an amazing woman and your family is so beautiful.

  9. Karly

    Its funny, but I was all jealous when I started reading this because my 2 year old is nowhere near potty trained. The only time she wants to sit on the potty is when she wants candy (thats her treat for sittin’ on the potty), but now…well, I don’t think diapers are so bad. No crazy running through the rain or expensive princess pull ups or any of that other crap. I’ll just wipe her butt til she’s 18.

  10. Mel

    My daughter potty-trained herself when she was 25 months old . . . and would use this to her advantage in church. She’d say, “I need to pee,” and I’d say, “No you don’t. You just peed,” and then she’d say, “I need to POOP!” and I’d rush her to the bathroom because 1) maybe she does need to poop and 2) she’s saying “POOP” out loud in church.
    Fun times.

  11. Julia

    My 5 year old girl basically potty trained herself…she was excited to learn and much more advanced in every way then my little boy is. He is 2 now…2 years 2 mths to be exact and we have have heartedly started the potty training thing… for two reasons…my husband (who has them during the day) finds potty training a complete inconvinience….and because I remember clearly having to pull over to the side of the freeway a million times with my daughter…because unlike the rest of the worlds kids who like to see every BATHROOM…Mine liked to go outdoors…Thankfully she is out of that stage now… Just not so sure I want to enter that stage again….but I LOVE the idea of a potty in the car….hummmmm…..
    Julie

  12. Amy

    Right there with ya girl! I’m in the midst of potty training my third and most stubborn child. If I didn’t live 1/2 way across the country we could shop together and take turns venturing off to find the closest (clean) potty for the wee ones. *sigh*

  13. teachbroeck

    YHA for GABBY! K’s dad lives in a BIGGER CITY that actually has gas stations and rest areas…I live in hickville. So there is 27 mile stretch with 2 HICK gas stations that WILL NOT let patrons use the bathroom…because why? I might steal the stash of budweiser lighters? Anyway once in awhile K has an emergency I can sweet talk them into letting ME oh ha ha haa I mean her inot to using it..I think they are afraid I will et her pee right there on the floor…so yha I lied once and use my daughter so I could use the bathroom…

  14. Christina

    My daughter just got potty trained last fall. I also heard that it should have been easier for girls than boys, but it wasn’t that way for me. Everything came together for her just when our third child was born – thank goodness! She really seemed to rise to the occaision of being a big girl and a big sister. So I decided to capitalize on it and had her help me tackle more things like cleaning out her room, getting rid of some toys, and organizing what was left. Did I mention we moved during that time also? Thankfully the company I work for has a great free resource to help think through how to organize kids rooms. If you decide to capitalize on your daughter’s big girl accomplishments as I did, check out http://www.organizingmyhome.com.

  15. Cyndi

    I am delurking to tell you how proud I am that you left your stuff on the counter!!!! I get so mad at stores that want you to buy their stuff but will not let you use a bathroom??? For the record, The Gaps & Williams Sanoma do not let customers use their bathrooms so I do not shop there.

  16. Jessica

    I am envying you a little, and not. My little girl is being just a bit more, well, not stubborn, but perhaps laid back about the potty training. She’ll enthusiastically try to use the potty, but still hasn’t got to the staying dry in between tries part. I’m more than ready to be done with diapers, but at the same time, I’m not looking forward to the “potty hunt.”

  17. erin

    Okay, I have to share, since this reminds me so much of my big sister. When she was little, my dad preached at an old church w/an outhouse, which my sister loved. One Sunday, my mother had to take her to the outhouse repeatedly, until she finally said no more and refused. This was, of course, the one time my sister had to go, and she wet her pants, which then rolled down the slanted floor all the way to the front of the church and formed a nice little puddle for all to see. Muhahaha. She’d kill me if she knew I just told the internet that story! :) On the bright side, if she does it once, she’ll probably never do it again. (sorry for the novel-sized comment!)

  18. Laura

    Sebastian potty trained at 31 months and now he’s 33 months LOL and he still wears a diaper to bed and I don’t wake up to take him to the potty. When he wakes up dry for a week, then I’ll do it! Shopping.. depending on the mission, he may get a diaper for that too. Today I took him to a store after the dr and he didn’t have a diaper. He had to pee and the store lady said the bathroom was for EMPLOYEES ONLY and this is the only store for miles I tell ya! So What did I do? I marched my son outside and let him pee on the building outside. How’s that for revenge? *muhahahhaa*
    On a side note.. here in The Netherlands you mostly have to pay for any toilet you find in public. It’s nuts.

  19. Melissa @ Organized Chaos

    My 2 yr old also has to have the Princess Pull Ups too…. and I also keep telling myself that this is so much better than diapers! (grrrrrrr) BUT! Last week I found NEW Princess Pull Ups that make you feel cold when wet and boy did those make a differnce. I’m trying to control myself from saying “Aha! I’ve foiled you again my little manipulating toddler” But I’m the grown up right?
    PS – I’m so glad you told the story about the store. Last month the same thing happened to me at the big dollar store and I was almost feeling bad about how I snapped at the bitchy lady behind the counter. (almost!!) I give her the evil eye everytime I see her and can’t help but think “there’s the bitchy lady that would have let my little girl pee herself”

  20. Kristin

    Eva couldn’t be less interested in the potty… I mean, total non-issue for her and because I am freaked out about causing her bathroom “issues”.

  21. betsy

    I agree with having a potty chair in the back of the car/van for these emergencies. It was a life saver many times with my son! If only I’d thought of it for my two older daughters… btw, Baby Gap here has family friendly potties.

  22. Desiree

    DUDE. It is NOT the fault of the poor kid working at Bath & Body Works that she couldn’t let you in. I worked retail my teen years and was REAMED for letting a pregnant woman use the restroom in the back because it was absolutely forbidden. My manager screamed at my 16 year old self because there was merhandise back there, I had violated company policy and blah blah blah. When I left that place and moved on to another retail location at 17 I had to be the restroom nazi. Now I am forced to plan ahead when I go out, like most of my contemporaries do, and know that if my 3 year old neice needs a bathroom I am going to have to sprint somewhere.

  23. FishyGirl

    We have a Pottete car potty in case of emergencies such as you describe. While my almost 3 year old just potty trained herself, my 7 year old STILL has accidents, and it has saved us more times than I can count. I found mine at Leapsandbounds.com, I think.
    And YOU GO GIRL for leaving your stuff on the counter. Salespeople can be such wankers. And am I the only one who continually confuses Bath and Body Works and Bed, Bath, and Beyond? Too many Bs…

  24. Y

    well, for the record, she wasn’t a kid. She was at least 40 years old.
    And I know that she was just trying to do her job and not get in trouble, that’s fine. That’s why I didn’t go off on her, I simply said “don’t bother” when she offered to hold my products.
    BUT, I was still pissed off about it because, you know, having to run in the rain and all of that.
    Anyway. I’ll never shop there again when I have Gabby, that’s for sure.

  25. Jen C.

    That using the potty at bedtime stalling trick? It’s called the “Mommy is a Sucker” game. And my son is a champion at it.

  26. erica

    We always have to sniff out every freakin potty in the mall, Wally World and every other public restroom around. Such fun! But hey they are using it, Right? We have to have Car Pull Ups. URGH!

  27. Danielle

    This is why I’m never going to potty train the twins. NEVER. but my daughter has decided that we are indeed potty training and will take off her diaper and go. It’s fine when she actually has to go and has not yet gone in the diaper but a real pain when she did it today after she had pooped. Luckily I was at work and Mr. Husband had to clean it up.

  28. Tonya

    Hi – What you need NOW is this: http://www.amazon.com/Cool-Gear-Travel-Potty/dp/B000JOQL82/sr=8-1/qid=1172662250/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-7708890-3741426?ie=UTF8&s=baby-products
    the travel potty by cool gear!! It is awesome because it folds down and has a handle. We take it everywhere. Lil G used it all over Egypt. One of our friends has one and their daughter did “it” in the Sistine Chapel. It is awesome – and it has pockets so you can put wipes and bags in one, and you can put a meter of fabric in one to use as “privacy” in case she has issues about that. Saves those runs in the rain across parking lots – I just plunk it down anywhere!

  29. Jesicah

    I’ve been lurking (sorry, kinda creepy!) at your site for awhile, I always enjoy your posts. But I just had to leave a comment for this one. My son (who’s 3 1/2) learned to use the potty about 6 months ago, but he still does the same things. His favorite is to wait until we’re in the car and in a hurry, and now he’s gotten to where he yells “Get out of the way, cars, my mom’s got a little boy who needs to go to the potty!”

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