I had no idea so many people were lurking around here.
I asked that people leave a real email address because I planned on responding to every comment, to be all cute and say things like “thanks for playing along!” Obviously, I didn’t expect 400 (!!!) of you to play along.
This is going to take a while. And I also think it’s going to leave a mark.
Honestly, I was floored by the number of people who came out from hiding! I’ve had so much fun reading through the comments (and yes, I do read them all, silly people.)
There are people who are battling cancer, people who almost got killed by a shark, people who are pregnant, people who cringe when I drop the F-bomb (but still read anyway. Thank you.) There are girls named “Ryan”, people who have DickLords just like mine, there are AEROBIC DANCE INSTRUCTORS!
Speaking of Aerobic Dance… I had no idea so many of you enjoyed reading about my Adventures in Aerobic Dance. (Ha! Ha! “Adventures.”) I figured that they were annoying and not very funny to anyone except me, but I kept writing about it because I was obsessed with it and couldn’t stop myself. (And I was truly obsessed, to the point of canceling doctor appointments and fantasizing about punching Old Wimmins who were trying to take “my spot” in the class)
And yes, I had “a spot” in the class. Front, left, thank you very much.
Anyway, it was pretty great to read that some of you actually ENJOYED those posts and actually want me to start writing about them again. I will, but sadly, classes have been reduced to ONCE a week (blame the Step Class Bitches. IT IS THEIR FAULT.) I plan on making my triumphant RE-Return this coming Monday.
Whoa, I got all excited about Aerobic Dance Class and started talking about myself again. And this post isn’t about ME.
I wanted to mention two of the comments left in the delurking post that struck me as “Hilarious” and that I must share with everyone who didn’t feel like reading through all of the comments.
Let’s start with this one (which happens to be my favorite because she said LUBE)from Kate.
I have 786 reasons to enjoy your blog, but enough about you. Let’s talk about me:
My family doesn’t know this, but my cousin (and close friend, though I’m reconsidering that designation) has, in the past year, became a gay porn star (he was already gay, but not a porn star, just to be clear) and has had mcuh success. Like a lot. But I’m pissed– not because he’s a porn star or gay or crazy, even. Here’s what makes me so hostile and petty and rude and selfish: he didn’t bring a gift to my wedding this past summer. Hello?! He’s a PORN STAR!? Where were the wads of cash? Or the trips? Or even just some nice lube for the honeymoon? Excuse my lewdness, but it’s a thing about me and if anyone’s got a tip about how to weasel a gift out of him, let me know…
p.s. sorry to attempt to make this an advice column.
The nerve! Not even a Tube of Lube? Now, I have to admit that I’m a little jealous that I do not have a gay cousin. Wait, I think that I have a gay cousin, but he does not do porn. At least not that I know of. Now, if any of you clever people who read this (and I now know that there are at least 408 of you!) have any suggestions for Katie and how she can “weasle a gift” out of her porn star cousin, please feel free to leave them in the comments.
Next, I’d like to share with you THIS gem from Metalia. (And let me just tell you that Matalia is pretty damn funny. You’ll see.)
B) In the spirit of your request, however, hi! And something you don’t know about me is that I’ve never watched a soap opera in its entirety. Once, I watched Passions for 25 minutes, because my friend told me that there was a monkey nurse who had wedding fantasies about one of the characters, and I flat out did not believe her. After seeing the monkey in a wedding dress, I was horrified, and stood corrected. Sadly, I was fascinated as well. This is why I do not watch soap operas. I’m obsessed with what I saw until this day. (This is actually from my “100 things” list, so I’m sort of cheating, but it’s something I feel you should know about me, nonetheless.)
I emailed her right away because, while I knew that show was crazy from some of the previews I had seen, I had no idea there was a plotline involving a NURSE MONKEY who has FANTASIES about marrying a dude.
Her response will be filed under “ones that made me laugh until I cried (and quite possibly, ripped one.)”
So, I swear I am not making this up…also, I feel it is extremely important to point out a very key fact that I omitted in my comment: The monkey nurse? Yeah, her name was “Precious.” Not only do people watch this show, but apparently, Professor Google has informed me that a number of nurses were highly upset by this plotline, and its implication that a monkey could do a nurse’s job.
Whatever, yo. The point here is this:
In few brief moments that I watched, this is what I learned: Precious the monkey nurse was apparently in love with a tall dark and studly character on the show. She then had a daydream where she was walking down the aisle, in a monkey-sized wedding gown, towards the guy. I want to say there was a honeymoon sequence as well, wherein she donned monkey lingerie (mongerie?), but I think my brain may be making that up, for it is too good to be true.
Do you see why I can’t get involved with this? It’s just too much awesomeness.
Were it not for “delurking week” (oops, there go my eyes, rolling into the back of my head.) I probably would have lived my whole life without hearing that. (Mongerie!) Nor would I have known about The Nurse Monkey who wanted to get in on with The Stud (who was NOT a monkey). I would not have known that there were gay porn stars rolling in The Money who are too cheap to buy their cousins a wedding present. I would not have known about the people who I would not have known about each of the 405 of you that took the time to “introduce” yourself.
In all seriousness, the things that some of you said really did humble me and help put some things into perspective for me. I am grateful beyond words for the support that I have recieved from this little place called “My Blog.”
I don’t expect “everyone to love me.” (And, really? Who does? I mean, it would be nice, wouldn’t it? If everyone loved you? But I think most reasonable people understand that not everyone will. I also think the “NOT EVERYONE LOVES YOU.OR YOUR KID” thing is just something that people like to say to justify being an asshole on The Internet.) I actually think it would be quite easy to hate me after reading what I write here on a daily basis. But, here’s the thing. I’m not trying to be famous, or write a book, or get a TV show and I’m certainly not going around The Internet bothering people. I’m just here, writing about my life, because I enjoy writing. And the fact that people relate to what I write and feel connected to what I have to say is just sweet (chocolate) icing on “The Cake.”
(Whatever THAT means.)
So, thank you again for “delurking” and telling me a little bit about yourself. Now, watch your inbox for my response. It should be there by 2008. I promise.
DO NOT OPEN THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED LAST NIGHTS EPISODE OF THE OFFICE
P.S I cried when Dwight quit on The Office last night.