It has arrived

Today is The Big Day.
The day when I will sit in front of a panel of 5 people and answer questions like “why do you think you’re qualified for this position?”
(Do they actually ask that question? The last time I interviewed for a job was in 1990, so it’s been a while.)
I’m not nervous at all, which makes me nervous, because, shouldn’t I be nervous?
I guess I’m not nervous because I’ve decided that if it’s meant to be, I’ll get the job. If it’s not meant to be, then I won’t get the job.
I’m surprised by how calm I feel. Normally, today would be a post filled with EXCLAMATION POINTS!! AND ALL CAPS!!!
What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not freaking out? DID SOMEONE PUT PROZAC IN MY CEREAL?
Ok, that felt better.
I’m just hoping that no one on the panel reads my blog, because that might not work in my favor.
“Whoa, I know that woman! She writes about her vagina on The Internet! PASS.”
The longer that I sit here and type, the more I find myself thinking of all of the things that could go wrong in this interview and while it doesn’t make me “nervous” it does make me think that I should take some gas-x.
*pffftatraatatatateeewffaaa*
You know, I’ve been pretty lucky as far as farting accidents go. For as gassy as I get when I’m nervous, I’ve only had two farts slip out in social situations in my entire life, and I almost got away with one of them.
The second one, well, I went ahead and claimed it as my own and moved on with my life. (Although, moving on with my life wasn’t as easy as one may think because when you fart in front of a bunch of kids that are supposed to “respect your authority” it takes a while for them to take you seriously again and to not make juicy farting noises every time you walk by.)
I almost freaked out about “having nothing to wear” but decided that if they don’t like my polka dotted skirt, then I don’t think I want to work for them anyway. (Translation: my polka dotted skirt is pretty much the only one that still fits me and I refuse to buy new clothes in this size. Flat.Out.Refuse.)
I should probably go get ready now, since I have to leave here in less than an hour.
Do you think they’ll notice if I don’t shave my legs?

41 thoughts on “It has arrived

  1. Kait

    Uh, shave your legs, hun. You’ll feel better about yourself (and more confident) if you do, because you won’t be worrying whether they can tell (unless you’re wearing tights. Then it doesn’t matter).
    Good luck, Y! You’ll do excellent!

  2. Brandi

    The fact that you’re so calm will probably work out for you. Polka-dot skirt+non-shaved legs+not nervous=confident & self assured.
    So there you go.

  3. claudia

    Buena Suerte! My hubby also has an interview today. I shall include you in my prayers as I spot clean the house (i clean when im nervous). Oh!!! Smile… works beautifully for you.

  4. Y

    I changed my mind.
    I’m wearing a black pant suit with a beige sweater. It’s too damn cold to wear a skirt.
    Also? I’m still not nervous.
    WEIRD.

  5. Em

    It’s good you’re not nervous – don’t borrow trouble!
    Be your wonderful, charming self and they will love you and hire you.
    And if they don’t, screw ‘em – I mean, if they don’t, the next ones will.

  6. mrsgryphon

    Good luck, Y!
    And you’re right – if they don’t like the pink polka dots, how much can they be?!

  7. kmom

    OMG.. You are so damn funny. Just love your sense of humor! I was just reading about your one embarressing fart incident, I was in stitches, I could totally see it happening. I once accidentally let one slipped when I was walking with my now husband when we were first dating, but I wasn’t brave enough to claim it. I just pretended like nothing happened. Oh and if you think your situation was embarressing, what about if you are being pleasured orally and you let one rip? Ha yep that’s one you’ll never froget. thanks for the laughs.

  8. mary

    Hope it went well!
    I interviewed for one job that I didn’t get and one that I did!
    I seriously can’t eat anything before I go to work for fear of the gas!
    I would be horrified!

  9. Nanc'

    I haven’t checked-in with you for about a year-and-a-half. I’m so happy to find you are doing are well!
    When in doubt, always shave your legs, give yourself a manicure and dress to kill. If nothing else, it boosts your self confidence. You only get one chance to make a first impression. Go for it!

  10. Michelle

    Hope the interview went well! I bet you knocked their socks off.
    Kmom, OMG, your last line reminded me of the other night. I about DIED when that happened to me. I blame it on the fact that I’m soooooo ready to pop out my kid here in a matter of days.

  11. Charity

    OH MY GOD!!! I loved today’s entry, and I hope your interview went well. I had one myself today but I covered my hairy legs with slacks! lol… not quite brave enough to wear a skirt! Anyways… I had to click the link and read about your fart story and then I just had to continue and read everyone else’s… now that I’ve peed my pants several times and have created a decent looking puddle under my chair I have composed myself!

    Seriously. I think farts are HILARIOUS and I’m a “sleep farter” too. Just started dating someone and one evening I had the worst gas ever… we’re talking Saddam Hussein style! And I suddenly had to leave his house and go home because I was soooooo tired! I literally grabbed my purse and ran out the door! Of course he being the gentleman he was, walked me to my car, but the second I got in and shut the door, well… let’s just say that any sinus problems I’ve EVER had, they’re pretty much CURED FOR LIFE! hahahahaha… hadn’t smelled anything that bad since I lived in front of a turkey farm!

  12. jeanie

    Delurking to say good luck – and to say if you don’t want to worry about the hairy legs go for trousers – which I see you did – so really it was just the good luck then!

  13. Christy

    I so have my fingers crossed for you-by the way thats how I always go into an interview and it works!! GOOD LUCK!!!!!

  14. Zephra

    And I thought I was the only one who liked fart humor. Best of luck to you today.
    I came here through Adventures in Parenting, my sister’s blog.

  15. Mom2One

    You’ll be great.
    Only . . . . can you move 578543367 east and work with me? Because it would be ohsomuch FUN!!! And I need more fun in my life and really, it’s ALL ABOUT ME!! :D

  16. Werbie

    Good luck, Y!
    (I hate telling people when I’m interviewing for jobs, because then they ask “how did it go?” and I’m all “uh… okay I think…” and then I don’t get the job and they’re like “HEY!! About that job!!” and I’m all “STFU you stupid jerkface.” Then the next day I’m all “Sorry for calling you a stupid jerkface, Mom.”)

  17. Laura

    I meant to post about your job interview Y but got distracted when I reached Werbies comment.
    I hope your interview was painless and I can’t wait to hear all the details.

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