May I please have a side…of thin and healthy? (Or: Titles that make people gag a little.)

There are two bad habits that I have when it comes to food and drink that I am trying to break.
The first one is “can I have a side of (fill in the blank)”
The second is “Extra (fill in the blank) please.”
Let me give you a couple of examples.
“Hi, can I have a salad with extra croutons and an extra dressing on the side please?”
“I’ll have a venti, iced, nonfat, sugar free vanilla caramel macchiato, with LOTS of extra caramel in the cup and on top please.”
And I get pissed off if there is not 3 inches of caramel sitting at the bottom of the cup when they hand it to me. I’m like “IS THAT EXTRA. I DO NOT THINK THAT IT IS. WHAT IS THIS DRIZZLE BULLSHIT?!”
(And I’m not exaggerating, I get a serious case of Squish The Foam&trade if there are not gobs of caramel making it’s way up the straw when I suck that drink down.)
Many times when PigHunter has gone on a fast food run, I had him a list that says something like “two fish tacos with two sides of secret sauce and LOTS OF MILD SAUCE. ASK FOR AT LEAST 10.”
He’ll usually roll his eyes and say something judgmental like “Do you NEED two sides of secret sauce” to which I’ll respond “do you NEED a blowjob? Get my secret sauce, man.”
He’s right and I know it. I don’t need “sides of ranch dressing” or “extra caramel.” I’m pretty sure “thin people” don’t ask for “sides” or “assloads of caramel.” And “thinking like a thin person” is one of my many “goals for 2007.”
So, this morning, I rolled into the Starbucks drive-thru (which, whoops! NOT going to the drive-thru is another goal of 2007, because I really have to break the cycle of being ‘too lazy to get out of the damn car.”) And I ordered my non fat iced caramel macchiato and as hard as it was, as much as it hurt, the words “lots of extra caramel in the cup and on top” did not come out of my mouth.
As stupid as it sounds (and I know it sounds REALLY stupid) I wanted to raise my fist in the air and shout “Victory is mine!”
It has been my experience that the key to success in my Battle of The Fat is winning the “small battles.” (And yes, for me? Not asking for extra caramel or 2 sides of ranch dressing is a BATTLE. And YET AGAIN I realize how STUPID that sounds, but it’s the truth. That is why I am fat, people.)
The key to me having lost 70 pounds was saying “no thank you” to the second helping of mashed potatoes, even though I wanted a second helping with every fiber of my being. It was getting up and taking a walk around the block when I wanted to sit on the couch and eat a bag of Doritos. It was peeling an orange and eating that instead of grabbing the Take 5 bar that my husband bought me while he was at the grocery store. Or it was eating half of that candy bar and saving the other half for some other time instead of eating the entire thing at once.
And of course, it was making my ass go to The Gym even though I wanted nothing more than to sit on the couch and watch TV with my husband.
I know that because I stopped doing all of those things is the reason I’ve put 24 pounds back on and I realize now more than ever that the ONLY way that I’ll lose the weight and keep the weight off is to do those things for the rest of my life.
Or, at least until I’m too old to Give A Shit and I’m like “Pass Grandma the entire pie and give me a fork already.”
And something tells me that those will be the greatest days of my entire life, man.

41 thoughts on “May I please have a side…of thin and healthy? (Or: Titles that make people gag a little.)

  1. Tammy

    OMG!!! I haven’t had a fish taco and years and now my east coast ass is craving one like you couldn’t imagine! And the sauce … it’s not a secret. I made it when I came home from my trip to San Diego that introduced them to me. Let me know if you want the recipe. Ugh. I so want a fish taco and I so do not feel like going to the grocery store to buy everything for them.

  2. Cheryl

    Dude, I just rented a gym locker so I could take a shower after I go to the gym at 5 AM IN THE MORNING. I may have lost my mind. But I have to stick with it, if for no other reason than to keep my fiance from saying “I told you so.”

  3. chrissylas

    Drive Thrus are the devil. Three cheers for you for choosing to walk inside the restaurant/coffee place. You almost always get faster service when you actually walk in too.
    I am so happy for you and your goals. I have a few of those myself and hopefully by the end of the year we’ll both have achieved them :) Good luck Y!

  4. Kyla

    I typed out a long comment…then I deleted it. Basically, you have inspired me or something…and now I want to figure out a workable way to lose some weight and be healthier. But I don’t want it to be radical…I want it to be something I can live with, and maybe even enjoy. But I’m still figuring out what that is.

  5. Audrey

    I don’t think not asking for extra caramel sounds stupid at all. That’s a battle I fight daily, too, and some days it is a REALLY tough battle to win!

  6. kim

    Good for you! I’ll be right there with ya trying to take the small steps right after the baby is born (due in 2 weeks, yikes!).

  7. Stephanie

    The other night at was at my guy’s house and his roommate brought out some fudge for dessert and I sat there and stared at the fudge for three hours as it sat on the coffee table… but I did NOT eat it. I was so proud! (And also, a little sad.)

  8. Christine

    You are my HERO! I will be back lots to read your posts…you are really inspiring me! I’ve been putting off getting on my treadmill for my New Year’s Resolution for what now…today’s date? Oh, 8 days! Great start I’m having! NOT!
    I stand up and applaud you!

  9. C

    I have the same problem :0(. Actually, I should probably just get iced coffee and skip my beloved caramel machiatto or caramel frap. Stop me!!!

  10. Mom101

    I know you can do this, Y. You have the right attitude – take the ranch, just not the extra ranch. It’s the total deprivation that can kill a gal.
    Like you, I’m all about waiting for those grandma days. I’ve always said once I hit 80, I’m smoking again and I’m trying heroin.

  11. Xangelle

    Yah, I find that changing the mindset is the hardest thing. To get to the place where this is the way your going to eat and exercise the rest of your freakin’ your life, and not a quick fix…..it sucks, but I’ve got a quote posted on my fridge that says, “Nothing tastes better than being thin.”

  12. saintseester

    You cracked me up with the grandma crack at the end of your post. I’ve already decided that I am probably going to be that soft and squishy grandma that always has something baking in the oven when you visit. I even discussed it with my husband, and he is cool with that – mainly cause he loves warm cookies.

  13. Oh, The Joys

    My trick is to eat pre-peeled baby carrots until I am just so sick of eating pre-peeled baby carrots – but also bored of eating, kind of full and generally a little sick to my stomach. So healthy, right?

  14. Lisa

    Ooooo, you are inspiring!! I always use the excuse “We don’t have any money, we HAVE to buy the pre-made crap food loaded with calories and fat (and probably some unmentionable meat parts, now that I think about it!)”, which is true, but that doesn’t mean that I have to eat until I think I’m gonna explode.
    Baby steps, baby steps… *thinks of huuuuuge chocolate bar in pantry, brought allll the way from England by FIL….I HAVE to eat that, it was a GIFT!*

  15. Tracey

    Oh boy, I know exactly where you’re coming from. That craving for the extras, or seconds, and you think ‘just this once’… And that feeling of jubilation when you resist and noone is round to acknowledge this singular milestone..
    Anyway.. hope it helps to know there are others with you on this journey this year… trying to change those bad habits… (and using every excuse they can not to start.. just yet…)

  16. Y

    Wait… are you telling me you do not have a drive thru starbucks? WHAT IS WRONG WITH WHERE YOU LIVE?
    (Southern California. You must move here.)

  17. bonnie

    OK, this is how dumb I am. I’ve been reading this in Explorer since July or whenever I “met” you through SOAM and all this time, I could NOT figure out what “&Trade” meant. And now (in Firefox) I see it’s a trademark sign. Really big “D’OH” here. lol
    Also, now I need a carmel macc.. how the hell do you spell that???

  18. kellie

    Go You!
    I can live without all of the extra whatever on the side but the one that is making me cranky is when I ask for “extra ice – lots of ice, please. Just fill it full of ice to the top” with my iced tea, and every single stinking time, there are like 4 pieces of ice in the tea. That is not iced tea. That is warm tea. People do not seem to understand that pouring hot tea on top of 4 pieces of ice does not equal iced tea. That alone is making me get out of the car to get my own tea.

  19. unrepentant gallivanter

    Good job!! We don’t even have a Starbucks here (but they are opening one in Rome at the train station soon….) but they did FINALLY open the Taco Bell on base. So, today, on day 2 of my diet I will just be getting one meximelt (6 pts). Who goes to Taco Bell and only gets ONE thing? I plan on putting about 3 packs of Fire sauce on it, though.
    I’ll be rooting for you – as I am going through the same thing – and I want to lose some of this fat before I get pregnant again!

  20. Maria

    Breaking habits is so damn difficult that I think you should count “not asking for extra…” as winning one of the big battles.
    BTW, the salad dressing thing would be very difficult for me. The dressing is my favorite thing about eating a salad.

  21. Y

    We just had In N Out last night for dinner.
    But, I got the hamburger, plain (without sauce) and no fries, so it pretty much SUCKED.
    mmmmm toasted buns

  22. Kait

    The little battles that you win, will change the result of the war. You should feel awesome that you didn’t order the assloads of extra caramel. You should do a victory dance (vigorously! With enthusiasm, because that burns calories!) because every time you do not follow your regular habits, you are moving one step closer to a newer (and in this case, healthier) habit! Hurrah for Y! Go you!

  23. zorgon

    Oh, I am SO bringing my wife extra secret sauce next time I get fish tacos.
    That said, you are SO RIGHT. SO RIGHT. That first chocolate? Makes one feel happy, like, in lurve, and doesn’t land on the waistline. It’s the second, third, and tenth chocolates that do it.

  24. debutaunt

    When I was in the hospital, the rat bastards used to weigh me at 3:30am every morning (to make sure you didn’t overfluid yourself at night). I swore I would never own a scale again.
    When I met with my trainer, he immediately asked how much weight I wanted to lose. I told him I just wanted to get stronger, up my cardio, and get more flexible. If I lose weight, cool, if not, cool. I hope that one day you can remember that it’s not about your numbers. You are valuable to your family and you need to remember that you are valuable to yourself. I love you, sister.

  25. Karly

    Ok, just had to share a Squish The Foam moment with you. My aunt and mom were at Subway for lunch one day. My aunt, Kim, was already in a pissy mood when she got her sandwich. The bread was hard as a rock. So, what should she do? Bang it on the table to prove that it was, indeed, as hard as a rock. And, um, the bread didn’t break or anything, so I’m thinking that hissy fit was totally called for.

  26. Kay

    Just wanted to say I understand the constant battle of the extra helpings. It is the hardest thing ever but once the cycle is broke it gets easier, as you know.
    I was checking out your new Flickr pics and OMG little Miss G is growing up TOO fast!
    Glad you don’t have to move anytime soon and that everybody is well now!

  27. Kristina

    Y you’re absolutely fabulous. I love ya. I think you’ll do just fine. It does take a fair well to re train the mind. You remember when we met up in San Jose? You remarked about how skinny I was and what not. It was the same thing that did it for me that you’re doing now. Thinking like a thin person. I struggled with it for awhile. I’ve been way way way overweight before. 236 pounds. I’m only 5’3. Now after two years I’m still at 120. I work out on top of thinking like a thin person. It can be achieved and at any weight that you are you’ll still be the beautiful woman you’ve always been. You have striking looks along with a bright striking personality! Keep up the good work :)

  28. Brandi

    I am starting a diet. I had surgery back in May and lost 20 lbs or so. I’ve gained most of that back. I can totally relate to your struggle and admire your honesty.
    We don’t have in and out burger here.
    But, we do have STARBUCKS! I guess I’m kissing the whipped cream on my Mocha Light Fraps goodbye.

  29. DebbieS

    Y, have you ever heard the song, “Cinnamon” by Suzanne Vega? It’s on the soundtrack to “The Truth About Cats and Dogs”.
    “It won’t do…to dream of..caramel…to think of…cinnamon…and long for you..”
    I’m so proud of you! I finally got off my butt to follow your example a couple of months ago. !8 more pounds, and I will no longer be overweight, for the first time in 12 years! Woot! That stupid caramel tasts extra yummy when it hits the ice, too, so I know how you feel! But you’re acting like a thin person, and so long as you do, you will become one. You are an inspiration!
    And the new sugar-free, fat-free Cinnamon Dolce Latte is only 90 calories if you get the tall. IF you’re ever in San Diego, look me up and it’s on me!

  30. Kristin

    This is my first visit to your blog, but I feel compelled to comment. The Holiday gas stations in MN have 89 cent coffee and Krispy Kreme donuts. KRISPY KREME donuts are my nemesis. And I’m not talking about the plain old glazed, I’m talking the chocolate iced cream filled! But 89 cent coffee (with free flavor shots and yummy creamer) is what my budget requires. And for the last two weeks I have been able to walk out with only a coffee in my hand and I can’t tell you HOW HARD that has been. (well, I guess you already know…)
    Good to know I’m not the only one who rejoices in the small victories!

  31. stepmomof2

    Hi, I’m just de-lurking to say that I totally feel ya on the extra dressing/sauce on the side. Places give you such a big salad now and expect you to eat it with a tablespoon of dressing!!! Also I heart caramel and get royally ticked if there is not enough on my McD’s sundae!!

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