Sixteen years ago, on this very day, I was getting ready for the biggest day in my life. It was the day in which I would place The Biggest Veil Ever Known to Mankind upon my head and marry the man whom I loved.
(But mostly just loved.)
16 years ago on this very day was “My Wedding Day”. Also knows as “The Day of Big“.
Big Veil, Big Cake, Big Glasses , Big Bows, Big Puffy Sleeves, Big Bangs.
(Also? Big Hickies in the Big Limo on the way to the Big, Boring Reception that had NO liquor nor any dancing but! It sure did have a Big Punch Bowl with lots of alcohol free fruit punch!)
Here’s what I wrote on our 13th anniversary.
I will never forget that day, 13 years ago. I was a hot, 19 year Germican beauty with a tight body. Tony was a thin, 25 year old mexican with a head full of hair.
And we were both madly in love.
I remember it was a beautiful day.
I remember Tony’s grandmothers lobsided boobs. I remember my dad’s 3 hour sermon and rolling my eyes every 3 minutes because I wanted him to STOP ALREADY. I remember when we sang to each other, I remember the screaming baby in the background. I remember yelling at the photographer to stop taking pictures already because we needed to get to the reception and telling everyone “DON’T LISTEN TO HIM ANYMORE, JUST LEAVE, WE NEED TO LEAVE!” I remember making out to the Righteous Brothers in the back of the limo that my long lost Godfather rented for us out of guilt for not being there for me as I was growing up. I remember showing up to the reception with hickies all over my neck. I remember our boring ass reception because we weren’t allowed to have a dance, because it was against my fathers religion and I was still too scared to stand up to him. I remember the ride home, people honking at us, while I leaned out the window screaming “WOO HOO, we’re married!!!!!”, I remember getting home and NOT having sex because I was on my period and you were sick as a dog.
I also remember making up for not having sex that night by having sex 4 times a day, everyday for the next 3 months. I remember you not being able to put on your pants for work because of “rawness” to a certain area on your body.
Tony, I remember it all.
I still remember it all. Just as if it happened yesterday. And it still makes me smile. (Well, except the part about not having a dance at our reception because of my dad. That still makes me a little mad. But I’ll get over it someday.)
I recently found a box of our invitations. I do remember when I picked them out that I truly believed they were the most romantic wedding invitations to have ever been printed, but looking at them 16 years later, I have to say, they weren’t romantic at all, they were just very “Christian Bookstore”.
“Companions in laughter, friends in tears, today we shall marry and share our love forever.”
That was the saying (puke) that I had printed (puke) on the inside (puke) of our invitations (puke.) If I could have seen into our future when I had picked out our invitations, the saying would have went a little something like this:
I pee with the door open, your farts smell just like my grandpa’s farts, and yet, we love each other enough to do actually go through with this. I hope we still want to have sex with each other 16 years from now.
The good news is that we still do want to have sex with each other because we still do love each other very much, even if I do want to punch him in the neck for trying to use “big words” when we argue and even if he does have to refrain from tripping me on purpose because of the continous eye rolling.
(The romance, it’s just oozing from my fingers to the keyboard, is it NOT? One should never try writing an “anniversary post” while “pre-raggin’ it.” God.)
We don’t have any plans for “our big day” as he’s working late and I have cramps, but maybe tomorrow, we’ll finally go see “Borat” and maybe, if I’m lucky, we’ll have dinner somewhere fancy.
(Mmmmmmm buffalo chicken salad.)
I’m saving the lovey dovey stuff for the card that I shall give him later on tonight, but I did want to say “Happy Anniversary, My Sweet PigHunter. Thank you for falling in love with my underage ass, because were it not for you, I’d not have 3 of the most beautiful children to have ever walked the face of this earth. I love you.”