16

Sixteen years ago, on this very day, I was getting ready for the biggest day in my life. It was the day in which I would place The Biggest Veil Ever Known to Mankind upon my head and marry the man whom I loved.
(To boink.)
(But mostly just loved.)
(To boink.)

16 years ago on this very day was “My Wedding Day”. Also knows as The Day of Big“.
Big Veil, Big Cake, Big Glasses , Big Bows, Big Puffy Sleeves, Big Bangs.
(Also? Big Hickies in the Big Limo on the way to the Big, Boring Reception that had NO liquor nor any dancing but! It sure did have a Big Punch Bowl with lots of alcohol free fruit punch!)
Here’s what I wrote on our 13th anniversary.

I will never forget that day, 13 years ago. I was a hot, 19 year Germican beauty with a tight body. Tony was a thin, 25 year old mexican with a head full of hair.
And we were both madly in love.
I remember it was a beautiful day.
I remember Tony’s grandmothers lobsided boobs. I remember my dad’s 3 hour sermon and rolling my eyes every 3 minutes because I wanted him to STOP ALREADY. I remember when we sang to each other, I remember the screaming baby in the background. I remember yelling at the photographer to stop taking pictures already because we needed to get to the reception and telling everyone “DON’T LISTEN TO HIM ANYMORE, JUST LEAVE, WE NEED TO LEAVE!” I remember making out to the Righteous Brothers in the back of the limo that my long lost Godfather rented for us out of guilt for not being there for me as I was growing up. I remember showing up to the reception with hickies all over my neck. I remember our boring ass reception because we weren’t allowed to have a dance, because it was against my fathers religion and I was still too scared to stand up to him. I remember the ride home, people honking at us, while I leaned out the window screaming “WOO HOO, we’re married!!!!!”, I remember getting home and NOT having sex because I was on my period and you were sick as a dog.
I also remember making up for not having sex that night by having sex 4 times a day, everyday for the next 3 months. I remember you not being able to put on your pants for work because of “rawness” to a certain area on your body.
Tony, I remember it all.

I still remember it all. Just as if it happened yesterday. And it still makes me smile. (Well, except the part about not having a dance at our reception because of my dad. That still makes me a little mad. But I’ll get over it someday.)
I recently found a box of our invitations. I do remember when I picked them out that I truly believed they were the most romantic wedding invitations to have ever been printed, but looking at them 16 years later, I have to say, they weren’t romantic at all, they were just very “Christian Bookstore”.
Companions in laughter, friends in tears, today we shall marry and share our love forever.”
That was the saying (puke) that I had printed (puke) on the inside (puke) of our invitations (puke.) If I could have seen into our future when I had picked out our invitations, the saying would have went a little something like this:
I pee with the door open, your farts smell just like my grandpa’s farts, and yet, we love each other enough to do actually go through with this. I hope we still want to have sex with each other 16 years from now.
The good news is that we still do want to have sex with each other because we still do love each other very much, even if I do want to punch him in the neck for trying to use “big words” when we argue and even if he does have to refrain from tripping me on purpose because of the continous eye rolling.
(The romance, it’s just oozing from my fingers to the keyboard, is it NOT? One should never try writing an “anniversary post” while “pre-raggin’ it.” God.)
We don’t have any plans for “our big day” as he’s working late and I have cramps, but maybe tomorrow, we’ll finally go see “Borat” and maybe, if I’m lucky, we’ll have dinner somewhere fancy.
(Mmmmmmm buffalo chicken salad.)
I’m saving the lovey dovey stuff for the card that I shall give him later on tonight, but I did want to say “Happy Anniversary, My Sweet PigHunter. Thank you for falling in love with my underage ass, because were it not for you, I’d not have 3 of the most beautiful children to have ever walked the face of this earth. I love you.”

54 thoughts on “16

  1. Brandi

    Y, I got married in 1994 so all my gear was as big as yours. My veil had the big pearly poof in the back of it, my sleeves were poofy with “rosettes” on the top, there was a bigger than life bow on the back of that sucker and I tried to rival Princess Di with my train. Even my bouquet was massive. I had dreams of my daughter wearing my dress one day but my dress is not one of those “classic” beauties she will even want to wear. In fact, at the mere suggestion she wear it she will probably burst into hysterical laughter.
    Happy anniversary Y and Tony. May God grant you many, many years.

  2. Cheri

    Happy Anniversary Y!! It amazes me that it possible to find someone that you wish to spend forever with. 16 years – wow that is SO great. I can’t get past 16 months with one person. Just call me old made:-)
    I hope you have a great night out celebrating!!

  3. Karen Rani

    Y, you know I love ya, but I’m so happy I got married in 1998. I had a cute little babydol dress like Julianne Moore in that film with Hugh Grant. The biggest thing on me was Dylan in mah belly. :)

  4. Brandi

    You changed the post since I last commented. You guys are so in love and you are living proof that some couples do stand the test of time. I have no doubt that 25, 30 years from now you two will sit, covered in grandchildren and remember that day like it was yesterday.

  5. Cheryl in Missouri

    Also on that day, looking at your picture, was a Big Smile. You look very happy and very pretty. Happy Anniversary!

  6. DebbieS

    Who says romance is dead? Hallmark needs to be making cards like that for any anniversary over 5 years ;)
    Y and Pighunter forever!
    (Happy Anniversary!)

  7. Velma

    Y, I am totally e-mailing you a picture of my wedding dress. While you did outdo me on the veil, I believe I am still the world record holder for late 80′s/early90′s enormous sleeves. Heh.
    Congratulations, really. I know from my own experience that I am about 75% different from how I was when I got married, so how miraculous is it that I still love him and he still loves me and we still make each other giggle and have hot sex? (I assume the hot sex is starting to happen after El Grande Snip-Snip?)

  8. Type (little) a

    Dude. If you don’t go out for fish tacos I’llnever speak to you again. (trying to make a disgusting double entendre out of fish tacos, but it’s too gross even for me)
    Also. Your sidebar says you’ve been married 14 years
    AND, last but not least, Happy Anniversary! Hubby and I celebrate our third in January.

  9. nila

    Happy Anniversary. I vote you guys best couple evah.
    I’ll celebrate 15 in December, and I can’t believe that I still like him.

  10. valerie

    Happy Anniversary!! We celebrated 11 years in July and I think our dresses were VERY similar!! Poofy sleeves with the bows on them. WTF was up with all the bows back then? Did it have a gigantic one over your ass? Mine did too! anyway, congrats and i wish you many, many more!

  11. Kristie

    ***It was the day in which I would place The Biggest Veil Ever Known to Mankind upon my head ***
    Haaaaa! That is the funniest line EVER! Although I will admit, it *was* one damn big veil. :)
    I, wore the World’s Ugliest HAT at my wedding. What was I? An 80-yr old gardener????? Preparing my costume for the Preakness??
    Anyway, you were/still are/and always will be, a beautiful bride. Happy Anniversary!

  12. lena

    Happy Anniversary! I think 16 is WOOD as in CABINETS. ;)
    Although Pighunter and Chris seem alike so Tony will probably say what Chris says every year “I think this is the PENIS anniversary!”.
    Have a great dinner guys. And when you move here – we have Chilis too! Imagine! – we’re going TOGETHER. Wooo!

  13. jesseeezmom

    Happy Anniversary!
    haha! My invitations were the standard “today I marry my friend..” he still is my best friend..but I like your’s better, but I’d add-1) that we can pee in the potty (or sometimes if it’s serious stand on it to look over) and talk to each other while the other party is in the shower about the days big events. 2)That you will still find me beautiful when I wake up looking like a raccoon and you smile at me like you don’t notice it. 3)That I don’t mind that your forehead is getting taller- it just means you have more memories of us to fit in your head.
    Y, I think we need to re-write the wedding announcements- they really don’t include the important stuff when you think about it.
    Congratulations-and many more!I always quote from Pooh in our anniversary cards- If I live to be 100, I hope that you live to be 100 minus 1 day because I could not live 1 day without you.

  14. javamama

    Okay, sold! I’m a regular reader now. My sweetie and I will celebrate our 16th on the 22nd of next month (we got married when we were 18 and 21). We’ve got three kids and I got tons of HICKIES on my wedding night! (I couldn’t believe I did that. I had to go buy turtlenecks so I could visit our family the next day.) I also had huge hair, huge veil, and the uber-poofy dress!
    I like to call my wedding “The Facade of Legitimacy” wedding, because it was nearly nothing that said “us” but it was everything I thought a “real” wedding should be. And since we were so young, we wanted everything to be exactly right, but becasue we were paying for it ourselves, it was all as cheesy as you could get, right down to the invites!
    Many happy returns! I wish you all the best. (And I’m so glad I found your blog!)

  15. Mama Jen

    Happy Anniversary, Y!!!!!!! I know I already said it to you on the 17th, but I wanted to make sure I said it again!!! Hope you had an awesome day!

  16. Heather

    Sometimes love does last. Congratulations to you both! That was truly a lovely post.
    I got married in 1993. Unfortunately I had to wear a voluminous, tie-dye Lane Bryant number because I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. But if I could have had a huge head dress and the bangs to go with it, I surely would have.

  17. Chicky Sue

    Happy Anniversary to you and your hubby! Isn’t it funny, you don’t know what “for better and worse” means when you first say those words. It is a lot better than you ever thought, but the worse can be a lot worse too, and still you made it this far. Congrats!

  18. jen fromboston

    a little late, but happy anniversary!
    Also, to piggyback off Lena’s comment, 16 years being “wood”, well, now that he’s had the snip, I’d say, “hey, if it’s wood you want, well, wood it is!”
    sorry, was that inappropriate?

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