I left out the confession in which I confess to having not yet showered today.

I am quite sure that there are a great number of people who roll their eyes when I talk about Aerobic Dance Class. “We get it, woman, you like to dance aerobically, ENOUGH ALREADY!” I know. I KNOW, and yet, I can’t stop myself from writing about it.
I don’t write about every single class, because that would be annoying, but every once in a while, something brilliant will happen (DANCE OFF!) or I’ll have a “light bulb” moment whilst doing a “Funky Chicken” type move and I must write about it.

Last week, my AD instructor busted out with The White People Dances, specifically, The Irish Dance.
As soon as Anna said “Irish Dance” I mourned for my calves and how they would feel in the morning. Have you people seen the River Dance? All of those cute little jumping movements that they do whilst holding their hands sweetly at their sides?
Crap. My calves! They ache!
Confession: I almost cried during The Irish Dance. (FUCK YOU IRISH MUSIC!) I couldn’t explain it if I tried. One minute, I’m doing this crazy ass “white people” move in which I’m jumping up and down at a very high rate of speed and the next there are tears welling up in my eyes because of the sound of those asshole bagpipes. (Fuck you, bag pipes!) I do not know what came over me, but I was THIS CLOSE to “losing it” and I have no idea why. (Although, I’m pretty sure it was the damn bagpipes.)
Confession #2: I took a short break after writing confession #1 so that I could go unload the dishwasher and you know how my shitty cabinets do not close all of the way? Well, I was coming up from putting something in the bottom cabinet and I whacked the front side of my hide head on with the corner of the cabinet and I thought I split it open and while I didn’t get all “OMG! I AM PARALYZED!” like I did when I fell off of the plastic chair, I DID run to the mirror to see if there was blood. There was NOT blood, but there was, however, a “mark” and um, I feel a little dizzy now and um, it’s freaking me out because OMG! I COULD HAVE A BRAIN BLEED AND NOT KNOW IT!
Confession #3: I’m not doing so well with “The Weight Loss” and have put on a significant amount of weight. 15 pounds, but it looks like a lot more than that, because all of the toning that happened with the weight training has turned to fat and ack, it’s not good. I took a picture that I planned on posting, but, I feel embarrassed to post it right now. Maybe tomorrow. Why did I gain weight back? I’ll tell you why. I got sick of going to the gym every night (but I did not get tired of Aerobic Dance and continue to go to that, but, 2 nights a week of AD does NOTHING for weight loss. Especially when one is eating assloads of bread.) I got sick of counting points. I got sick of worrying about every single thing that I put in my mouth. I got sick of talking about weight loss, of thinking about it every waking minute of every single day. I got tired of ALL OF IT and I gave up and gave in to my desires to eat whatever I wanted and to be lazy. I just said “screw it all.”
Of course, I regret it now. All of that hard work, down the drain. Ok, not all of it, I’m no where NEAR as fat as I was when I started this journey, but still. I should be at my goal by now and I’m not. That pisses me off.
I plan on getting back “with the program” because I felt so much better when I was eating healthy and working out. And, as pissed off as I am, I refuse to let this stop me from reaching my goal. I’ve had a major setback, but it’s not the end of the world. (It is, however, the end of wearing the really cute skirts I had bought from Old Navy for at LEAST a month. Damn it.)
Confession #4: I am in love with Arbor Mist Sangria.
Confession #5: I have no idea how to end this post, so I’m just going to go ahead and end it here.

19 thoughts on “I left out the confession in which I confess to having not yet showered today.

  1. marjorie

    I was here looking at your kitchen cabinet pictures and yes, they are butt ugly. But if I lived in SoCal I would still come to visit you. It is your landlord’s fault that your kitchen looks like that. What an asshole. I hope you and your family find another place to rent where your landlord cares about the house, and isn’t just taking your money and buying crack with it.

  2. saintseester

    Don’t beat yourself up for backsliding on the diet/health. We all do it. Two steps forward/one step back – you will still get to your destination, and enjoy it along the way.

  3. Michelle

    Coming out of lurkdom to say yes, my people’s instrument is gonna get you. Okay, so I’m of Scottish descent and not Irish, but still, we have the bagpipes.
    We also have shortbread cookies and men who wear kilts without skivvies. Mmmm.
    Don’t feel too bad about falling off the wagon, I can’t even get my arse on the wagon in the first place, so you’re already doing better than I. But now that you know how much better you feel while you’re exercising and eating right, maybe that will help deter you next time you want to say “Hell with it.” Good luck. :)

  4. Fold My Laundry Please

    I know how you feel about the weight thing. I’ve been busting my bum to lose weight, and it’s been coming off…SLOWLY! I’m talking like a half pound this week, a quarter pound this week, hey lookitthat! 1 pound this week! And so I have yet to hit the 15 pounds lost mark. Now I’ve been put on medication that has caused me to gain back 8 of those precious pounds I’ve lost in just 4 days. 4 days! So I feel your pain…all that work, lost…I think I’ll go cut off an arm or a leg so that I can report a loss for this week!

  5. demondoll

    I am married to one of the Ceerazy Irish, and he once got me the Riverdance dvd. My calves feel for your calves!
    Also, my weight is slowly climbing up, too. Got to get back on the program- the Holidaze are coming, Yoikes!

  6. Vicky

    Ugh. It’s taken me over 40 weeks to lose 20lbs on WW. Stupid points. Tonight I got so mad at my husband that I decided I would pay him back by eating myself to 400 pounds. One giant bag of chips, one Mars bar and a bucket o’slurpee later and I’m well on my way. Stupid weight loss!
    I hope your head is feeling better. And your calves. And your ears (from the bagpipes).

  7. Keri

    Oh my. :) I know for backsliding…. around here it is called – yoyo from hell is at it again sliding… backWIDENING… who me? exercise? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THOUGHT I WAS DIETING? No, you’ve mistaken me for my mother and her crazy one-diet-plan-after-another-thing again… We’ve ALL been through it as it sounds like your friends are reassuring you.
    But what I’m really here to delurk about is the dance thing. My 18-year-old freshman-in-college daughter and I are taking beginner tap dance classes together for kicks and laughter.
    Once a week we go to classes at our new friend Cheri’s house with three other women (one who is getting quite pregnant) and we tap around in her basement studio like we are cyd cherise or Judy Garland or Ginger Rogers and we laugh our asses off! My daughter gets the biggest laughs because she will look over at me and invariably I will have my arms smack down at my sides just like a River Dancer for half the class because I’m just concentrating so hard and I’m little miss stiff-as-a-board… So I wanted to tell you what smiles your comments about the stiff and sore legs and River Dancing got from me.
    (If only I could get the light-as-a-feather part down…)
    Loving your stories as always…
    K

  8. skinnier than I used to be

    I am posting anonymously because I don’t think everyone and their brother needs to know this (even tho Y will know who this is and I’m cool with that). I struggled with my weight for.ever – I wasn’t humungous (neither are you) but I just could not lose weight. I finally tried phentermine (bought online) and I lost 65 pounds over 7 months and have kept it off for 3 years now. (no more phen). I didn’t even take it every day, maybe 4 days a week, but the effects lasted well into the next day and it helped SO much. I wasn’t a freaky speed demon, it just took the edge off my appetite and gave me the energy to get stuff done and not think about food 24/7.
    I know people cover their mouths and gasp when you talk about prescription diet pills, but in my case (and several others I’ve talked to about it) it was the boost that finally did it.
    I can send you one to try if you want (I still have some sitting around) and you can see if you think it might be for you.

  9. Jeanette

    Some words of encouragement for you Y. Backsliding happens. You are only human. I know how hard it is to come to terms with ones own weight. I am clinically obese. I’ve managed to lose 18 pounds since starting WW though, so go me. I know what it’s like to get frustrated. To hate the counting points and keeping track and all that goes with it. I know what it’s like to want to say “to hell with it” and just not do it anymore.
    It helps me to know that even if I do screw up, I can always go back. It’s not the end of the world, as you know. So you backslid? Unbackslide when you know you’re ready.

  10. Kyla

    My sister in law Irish dances…competitively. She could definitely give you a brain bleed with a kick to the head…or maybe paralyzed you with a well planned leap. *lol*
    PS- I even tried reverse psychology on your comment box…last time I put “No” when it asked Remember Me?
    But alas, it still forgot me.

  11. Y

    “A well planned leap” haha.
    And I’m so sorry about the comment box not remembering you. I would fix it, if I wasn’t dumb and knew how. I will ask someone to help me try to fix it.
    *plans a leap*

  12. dana michelle

    OK. I have to share my recent klutziness stories with you so you don’t feel so bad about whacking your head on the cabinet. In my defense, I just moved to this house in September, prior to getting married last month, so I’m not totally used to this place yet.
    #1) We have a bomb shelter (yes, a real bomb shelter. This house was built in ’54) through a door off of the basement. Jeff uses it to store stuff. So he was gone last weekend and I decided to put the garden hose reels in there. Now mind you I am only 5’1″, but even I have to duck to go through the opening. I dragged the reel in and somehow forgot and straigtened up as I backed out the door. Whack!! I just stood there stunned, watching the pretty stars for a moment, and then started praying that I didn’t have a concussion because I was there all alone and would probably die in my sleep (YES! I too am a bit of a drama queen when I injure myself!!)
    #2) The next day, I was watching TV and one of the channels was fuzzy, so I reached around the back of MY entertainment center for the antenna cord and once again: Whack! You see, when the entertainment center was in my flat, there was not a fireplace mantle next to it for me to smack my head into. And I cracked it good. The corner of the mantle put a vertical slice on my forehead right below my hairline. Thankfully it was just the first layer or so of skin and it’s pretty well healed already.
    D’Oh!!
    I hear you on the weight thing. I’ve done it so many times myself. The good news is that you stopped it at 15 lbs and are getting back on track now. Go with that motivation and don’t beat yourself up about the backslide. I just re-upped my membership at the gym myself this week, so I am right there with you :)

  13. Lisa

    I so know how you feel about the weight loss. I have worked hard and lost 23 pounds. But guess what I found out thursday…I’M PREGNANT. soooooo not planned. 2 kids, i’m 37 and didn’t think i’d be doing this again. there go my 23 pounds down the drain. At least you can start loosing yours right away, I’ll have to wait a while. :-p

  14. Hed

    (I got sick of counting points. I got sick of worrying about every single thing that I put in my mouth. I got sick of talking about weight loss, of thinking about it every waking minute of every single day. I got tired of ALL OF IT and I gave up and gave in to my desires to eat whatever I wanted and to be lazy. I just said “screw it all.”)
    Y, honey! It’s totally OK for this to be happening. Allow yourself some slack, because this is just life. It’s frustrating. I totally get that, and I’ve totally been there, done that, more times than I would like to even attempt to count. Just remember this is how life goes. There’s no way to be perfect. We aren’t.
    And it’s OK to take breaks from being obsessed with things. This is how we stay sane. I think you are doing great, even if you don’t, so there!
    I’ve got 26 pounds of bebe weight to lose, once I’m totally healed up from this birth that tore me all to hell. It’ll happen. Just gotta give myself time.
    -H

  15. Annika

    My sister-in-law and her husband are cops. Their entire wedding party was cops. Most of the guests at their wedding were cops. A man playing the bagpipes preceded her down the aisle and EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE burst into tears. The biggest, manliest men I have ever seen were bawling while Sarah walked down the aisle. (Of course, cops hear bagpipes most often at funerals, so it is totally understandable, but it was also totally unexpected.)

  16. Adrienne

    I know exactly what you mean about the bagpipes. I refer to this tearing up as the marching band effect. Whenever there is a marching band or certain types of live singing, say Christmas carolers, something overcomes me and I get all choked up. I am a dork for sure!!

  17. *pixie*

    The break from the program may be all you really needed. We get complacent and tend to take on an attitude of “I can do this on my own” after awhile (I’m assuming you are talking about Weight Watchers). I did the same thing. I would go every week, but after awhile I put back on 10 of the 25 pounds I had initially lost—I hit goal, made lifetime, and then blew it off. I’m at that point now where I’m ready to go back. Of course, I have to have this baby first and it won’t be for another 20 weeks or so before I could even think about attending a meeting, but I’m ready.
    Good Luck on getting back that focus.

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