STEP OFF

Last night was The Return to Aerobic Dance Class.

I was told that the class started at 6:00, so in order to make sure to get my spot (yes, I have a spot), I arrived a half hour early. My cousin arrived at the same time. She also takes her Aerobic Dance very seriously.

Once we got inside, we took a look at the schedule and realized that the class was at 7:00! Not 6:00! My cousin was all “Well, we could workout while we’re waiting, lift some weights and stuff.”

I offered a completely different suggestion.

“True, true, we could do that, and we probably SHOULD do that, but, and hear me out on this, we could go get a smoothie!”

At first she looked at me like I was crazy. But then she was all “Sure, why not!”

Well, a “Smoothie” turned into a “Chicken sandwich from ChickFilA.” Because of course it did!

(I hadn’t eaten dinner was my excuse.)

When we got back, Anna was waiting by the door. I wanted to run up to her and throw myself upon her to thank her for returning from Russia because OH.MY.GOD, how I’ve missed her and her sweet buttocks moves. Instead, I just told her how happy I was to see her and how much I missed her over the summer. She told me that had been back for a month and that every time she’d come to class, she was hoping I’d be there because She missed me.

The step class FINALLY ended and my cousin and I practically knocked bitches down trying to be the first ones in so that we could get our places at the front of the room. We were greeted (but actually more like “attacked!”) by the Bitchy Women of Step Class. They were all “So, um, like we were thinking that we could do the sculpting class before the dance class because we want to do sculpting now and if you have dance first, then we’ll have to wait until AFTER the dance class to do sculpting. We don’t want to wait and we don’t want to take the dance class, so it just makes sense for us to move your class time.

Inside I was all like “OH HELL NAW.” Those women just pissed me off and I was ready to fight with them when suddenly one of the girls from step class lost her shit.

“I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO.” She shouted from the back of the room. “You can’t be changing the schedule because it’s convenient for you.”

The Bitchy Women of Step Class were NOT expecting that response. No one knew what to say. But then someone from step class “stepped up” to the plate (ha ha ha) and It. Was. On.

Representative of the Step Class Bitches: “Well, hey we don’t want to wait and it just makes sense. Don’t be getting an attitude with me, lady.”

Crazy Aerobic Dancer: “You’re not in charge here! You guys don’t have the power to change the schedule whenever it suits you. Screw that!”

Representative of the Step Class Bitches: “We didn’t think it’d be a big deal, calm down!”

Crazy Aerobic Dancer: “Why don’t you get a job?”

Representative of the Step Class Bitches: “Excuse me? GET A JOB?”

Crazy Aerobic Dancer: “Yeah, you heard me right. GET A JOB IF YOU WANT TO BE THE BOSS, BECAUSE YOU SURE AS HELL AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME.”\

OH SNAPS

Representative of the Step Class Bitches didn’t have a comeback, so she was all “Um… yeah, well… um, I bet YOU make a sucky boss!!”

At which point I lost it and started laughing hysterically because HAHHAHAHAHA WIMMINS BE FIGHTING ON THE AEROBIC DANCE FLOOR HAHAHHAHAHA.

Part of me wanted to interrupt and be like “Hey, why don’t we channel all of this anger and hatred into something more positive, something like An Aerobic Dance Off! but then, part of me was hoping it would escalate and there’d be a full on brawl because HAHAHHAHAH OLD WIMMINS IN SPANDEX FIGHTING AT THE GYM!

Sadly, there was no dance off nor were any punches thrown as Representative of the Step Class Bitches had her ass handed to her in the war of words and slowly backed out of the class.

Once the screaming match was over and everyone had composed themselves, Anna announced that we would not be doing “The Dirty Dance” until another night. What? The Dirty Dance?!
Apparently, the week before, she did The Dirty Dance! And I missed it! She said that it was like “You know, how you say, Stripper moves?” She made me a promise to teach The Dirty Dance again very soon. Oh, I can not wait!

The dance class itself was great. We did The Latin and this time? I nailed it. However, at one point during the class, I made the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror. I could see the fat jiggling on my arms and OH MY GOD, I’ve gained so much weight! My once semi toned arms and now lumpy chunks of fat. I became disgusted with what I saw and I wanted to run out of there and hide.

But! I didn’t! I kept going! As much as I wanted to quit and give into the ugly voices in my head, I didn’t. I mambo’ed and cha cha cha’ed my way through the class and at the end, I felt so proud of myself for getting back in the game, even though I’d much rather be curled up in a ball on the couch eating chocolate covered pretzels.

36 thoughts on “STEP OFF

  1. Kristina

    Hey Y! Long time no talk. Glad to see you’re still around after my year long hiatus off the net.
    Shouting matches at the gym are hilarious. When I worked for the gym down the street where I lived there were lots of those due to the very same thing. Some came to punches and blows. You see interesting things all the time working in there. ;)

  2. Amanda.

    Where do you work out at? A woman’s prison?
    I’ve belonged to a few different women’s gyms in my day and there was the the random dirty looks and gossip (in addition to the fight to be at the front of the class and hoping gain recognition by the instructor) but never verbal warfare in which someone got their ass handed to them.
    Sounds pretty cool.

  3. Heatherg

    I was all into this post, like some soap opera or somethin’ !
    Girl- I was sooooo anticipating the end!
    I wish i could go to your gym.
    and good for you, work it girl!

  4. jenfromboston

    I LOVE Amanda’s comment: “Where do you work out at? A woman’s prison?”
    also, the “GET A JOB” comeback…”yeah, if you want to be the boss”….trying to keep a straight face in that class must count for buring a few calories, no?

  5. Bev

    This week I finally decided to dive back into the routine of healthy eating and working out. I did 20 minutes of yoga last night, caught a glimpse in my “wall of mirrors”, and a first wanted to “gag”, but instead when I was done, and had nearly dislocated my fingers and toes trying to hold my fat ass up in the air during planks and downward facing hog…..instead I thought… well that’s enough of THAT!!! It motivated me, and it sounds like your workout had the same affect on you!

  6. teresa

    Yes!! Aerobics dancing drama….I love it!
    You have inspired me. Really. That whole arm jiggling thing…I hate that about myself. I am going to start with my working out tomorrow. Thanks for not giving into those little voices…stick with it….and so will I!

  7. Julie

    “As much as I wanted to quit and give into the ugly voices in my head, I didn’t. I mambo’ed and cha cha cha’ed my way through the class and at the end, I felt so proud of myself for getting back in the game, even though I’d much rather be curled up in a ball on the couch eating chocolate covered pretzels.”
    That sounds like victory to me! Good for you! And thanks for the HI-LAR-IOUS story. I can’t wait for the stripper moves.

  8. kimberlee

    LMFAO!!!
    Fight, fight!! You know, I wish we had something like that to shake it up at Shapes. It’s so BOOOORING.
    Good for you for getting back to it. Oh, and the dirty dance thing is really fun with a group of women. It’s all I could do to keep from cracking up while our group was “doing it”. ;)

  9. Nina

    As funny and entertaining as the fighting and dancing parts of the story are, I can not get past the Chick-fil-a part. That made me so hungry for a chicken sandwich (or 4) and also made me jealous that you got to eat one.

  10. Tartine

    Y, that is hilarious!
    Good for you for getting back in class and not running out of there over embarrassment from jiggly arms. LORD do I ever hate catching glimpses of myself in the gym. Hate. But I just suck in my stomach and keep going, because I’m never going to like the reflection if I don’t stick it out!

  11. Carmen

    OMG, Y, you kill me, with the “let’s go get a smoothie” and the chik fil a dinner. You are my twin. Lost at birth, obviously.
    And I would adore taking a dance class with you.

  12. isabel

    “HAHAHHAHAH OLD WIMMINS IN SPANDEX FIGHTING AT THE GYM!!”
    i am crying and howling because that was the funniest thing i have read in a long time.

  13. Krissy

    Hi, I’m a lurker! I’ve decided to step out of the lurky shadows and say hi because I adore your blog and especially this entry. I love it! The drama of Step Class Girls vs. Dance Class Girls! It’s so hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh!

    And also, thanks for inspiring me. Your entries and you in general inspire me to be a better writer and a better person. I’m sorry if that sounds weird or Hallmark-ish or anything, but it’s true! I love your site!

  14. Nila

    Throw down at the ho down.
    Not that you’re a ho Y, but those wimmins are.
    Thank goodness for “crazy ass ladies in all black”.

  15. Beth

    Oh, mirrors are BAD. I used to take tap dancing and I thought I was a freakin’ pro until I looked in the mirror and saw how geeky I was. But man, that class was Fun. I miss it. Yay for you and aerobic dancing! :-)

  16. Kymba

    I am so SO SO SO proud of you.
    I’m looking up my Y class schedule right now.
    Then again, I don’t have near that kind of dramatainment at my gym.

  17. Jax

    Good for you for going back! I hope I can find an exercise that I love as much as you love The Aerobic Dancing.
    Thanks for the inspiration! I am at least considering pondering the possibility that I might potentially get off the couch and hit the gym.

  18. mary

    I almost choked on my chocolate chip cookie I was laughing so hard!
    Second post in 5 minutes that mentioned the mirrors in exercise class.
    What devil-person came up with THAT idea?
    I NEVER look at myself while exercising.
    ugggg

  19. steen

    A smoothie would be AWESOME right now but no, I can’t because I’M AT WORK even though the rain cloud-formerly-known-as-Ernesto FAILED ME. That bitch.
    The Aerobic Dancing sounds fun. I wonder if there’s anything like that around here. Because I’d probably get a GREAT workout laughing at myself while I tried to do The Dirty Dance. Sexy? Me? HAHAHA.

  20. Tara

    OMG, that is fucking hilarious. Smackdown at aerobics class. Classic!
    Y, I have to tell you how much I love your blog. For some reason, your blog is BLOCKED by our filter at work (if you’re interested, you fall into the category “Tasteless”), even though I can get to pretty much any other blog I want to read there. So I bring my laptop home so I can read you.
    Rock on, sistah. And keep takin’ it to the Step Class wimmins, cuz they are too full of themselves fo’ SHO.

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