Two.

I couldn’t wait for Gabriella to wake up this morning. I wanted to take her picture first thing in the morning to capture exactly what she looked like on the morning of her second birthday.
Finally, at 8:30, I heard her sweet little voice. “Hi, mom.”
I jumped up, grabbed my camera and ran to her room.
“Goodmorning, Birthday Girl!”
She woke up and she was two.
That’s what she looked like the morning of the day that she turned two years old.
Two years.
The Birthday Girl.
And that is what she looked like as she tried so very hard to sing “Happy Birthday” along with me. You see, I started singing Happy Birthday to her a couple of weeks ago, because I wanted her to be able to sing it with everyone at her birthday party. I had high hopes that she’d learn by the time her party rolls around, but after hearing her sing it this morning, I’d say there’s still work to do. However, I have to say, not bad, G-Unit. Not bad at all.
Has it really been a year since I wrote her Happy First Birthday post? I find that hard to believe.
There are moments with her where it feels as though time freezes and the earth stops spinning as I watch her do something incredibly sweet. Like the other day, when I was leaving to go to Starbucks and as I was walking to the car, I heard her scream “MOMMY! MOMMY!” I turned around and saw her standing there wearing nothing but a diaper and a purse hanging from the same arm I carry my purse on.
“You want to go with mommy?” I asked.
She nodded her head. “Yes!”
“Ok, you can come with mommy.”
She squeeled as I lifted her into the air and as I held her close to me, I started to cry.
There in my arms, I held this beautiful little girl who looks up to me, who wants nothing more than to be just like me, and to be with me. Time stood still as I held my daughter close to me and revelled in the beauty of that moment.
But then, there are moments where it feels as though it’s all happening to fast. I wish I could stop time or at least make it slow down just a little bit.

When I found out that the unexpected third baby that was growing inside of me was a little girl, I felt overcome with fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of raising a daughter that wouldn’t hate me. I honestly believed that I could not mother a girl. I believved that with every fiber of my being.
I never would have imagined that I’d be the first one she’d call for in the morning, that I’d be the one she’d choose to be close to all day long, that I’d be the last one she’d want to kiss at night.
I never could have imagined that when I’d pick her up, she’d stroke my hair and say “Oh, mommy, I yuv you.” I never thought that she’d want to be like me, that she’d look up to me and mimic the little things I do.
You know, the girl is such a drama queen, with her tantrums and her screaming and her CLIMBING ON THE KITCHEN TABLE FIVE SECONDS AFTER I TELL HER NOT TO, but I can say in all honesty that my daughter is a beautiful, affectionate, loving, hilarious, polite little human being and whom I am extremely proud of.
Especially when she farts on command, because you’ve not lived until you’ve seen a precious little girl with pigtails grunt and turn purple from trying to push one out.
THAT’S MA’ GIRL.
I’ll never, for as long as I live, forget the very first moment I saw her. She had a head full of thick black hair, her face was scrunched up and she had the biggest mouth I had ever seen on a baby.
“She’s beautiful. When can I hold her? I want to hold her.”
It seemed like an eternity while the nurses checked her and got her ready for me. I couldn’t take it. I kept asking for my girl. “I want to hold her, please, give her to me.”
Finally, the moment they placed her in my arms, everything was right with the world. I instantly felt connected to her, I instantly loved her and didn’t understand how I had lived a day without her.

I still carry those feelings for her in my heart and soul two years later, only they are magnified a thousand times.
I love her. My God, I love her. And the greatest part about loving her? Is the way that she loves me right back.
She loves me.  She really loves me.
Happy Birthday, Gabriella Mercedes.


(If this post seems scattered or incomplete, it’s because it IS. It’s hard to write meaningful posts with kids fighting, breaking things, crying, etc. I am tempted to delete and start over again tonight after everyone is sleeping, but for now, it stays.)

55 thoughts on “Two.

  1. AmyC

    The singing. Oh that sweet little voice. I maybe teared up a little. Happy Birthday to your girlie.

  2. Stacey

    She is so gorgeous, and that was a beautiful post. My little girl just turned 2 also, so that really hit home…don’t delete it!

  3. Amy

    I think the whole Internet loves her, too. She is precious. I can’t believe she is 2!!! Happy Birthday, Gabby!

  4. Amy

    “Finally, at 8:30, I heard her sweet little voice.”
    this makes me hate you, just a little. What I would give if my two ever slept until 8:30.
    Happy Birthday Gabby, you beautiful girl!

  5. Hed

    Awwww! She is so beautiful! And I agree. It’s weird how the moment you see them you would die for them, but that feeling just grows and grows as they do. It snowballs until you can’t imagine how you ever lived without them, or what you did before!
    -H

  6. WDC

    The post is perfect as is, absolutely perfect. Happy Birthday Gabby! She’s a beautiful little girl. I love her “This is me and I’m 2!” picture. She makes my uterus hurt a little bit. Dammit.

  7. Flipp-ay

    Ha Ha! The singing made one of my dogs lamely attempt to sing along. Let’s just say she’ll never be a member of Sounds of Blackness. Nor even the winner of Rock Star.
    Happy birthday to a fellow Leo. We Leos rock…and sometimes have temper tantrums and break things.

  8. inking violet

    Oh gosh, Y– I first started reading your blog just before your daughter was born and now she’s two? Time sure flies and thank you for sharing your time with us.
    Best wishes for a very happy birthday Gabby!

  9. kat

    Y, don’t delete this and do it again. It is perfect exactly as it is.
    I could feel your joy, your love for her.
    It really is a perfect birthday entry.
    Happy birthday Gabby. :)

  10. Melody

    How precious- Happy birthday Gabby!! It’s such an amazing age, when they’re just starting to learn who they are. My daughter just turned 2 last month and even though there are so many moments I can’t believe how grown up she acts, and others I look at her and just see my baby. Congratulations on your beautiful little two year old!!!

  11. MsInterpreted

    That was a very sweet post, no need to rewrite it. I have 3 boys and 1 girl. My daughter turns 19 in a few days and your post totally brought me back to when she was two. Thanks for sharing. Taking my crybaby butt to bed now.

  12. Lisabc

    Happy Birthday Special Sauce!
    It’s been so much fun watching you and your brothers grow up.
    You’re so lucky to have such great parents!

  13. pookie

    Y, you make me cry…
    I have a one year old boy. I love him SO much. I KNOW that kinda love, the one that ONLY a mother knows. (Sorry daddy’s, you guys have a different kind!)
    I love this post.
    ~Pookie

  14. kim

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY G-UNIT! you are right in wanting to be like mommy for mommy rocks and i’m jealous of your hair and how pretty you are. big b-day smooch from germany :)

  15. kimberlee

    Happy 2nd Birthday, G. πŸ˜€
    Leave it – there’s nothing wrong with this post. It captures everything.

  16. intuitivewoman

    Such a sweet post! Loved hearing her sing. And your reminiscing made me tear up a lil bit. Happy Birthday to Gabby! I hope you all have (had?) a wonderful day together!

  17. Dee

    What a great post… This makes me realize that I’ve been reading you for some time now. Before you found out you were pregnant with Baby G, even. I’ve enjoyed every post, and thanks so much for sharing.
    By the way! Happy G’s Birthday to you! After all, your vagina made that little beautiful girl possible. :-) I hope you enjoy this special day.

  18. Heatherg

    I love her name, absolutely love it!
    She is precious, and her hair………. i love it when its down, she is beautiful!
    Happy Birthday sweet thang!

  19. Stacy

    You do have a beautiful daughter. I think she looks a bit like Natalie Merchant, whom I think is stunning.

  20. Amber

    Y, You have yet again made me cry. You are the worlds most wonderful mother I swear! You are the most compasionate,caring mother. I love this post!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY Gabby & Happy 2 Birthday to a sweet baby Girl Yvonne!

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  22. dana michelle

    2 years already! It seems impossible. She is so beautiful.
    Happy (Belated) Birthday, Gabriella!
    That was such a beautiful post, it’s got me all verklempt now. And kinda wishing I had a baby daughter to fall in love with.

  23. Amanda Jo

    Well, I have to say after a long day of my sweet two year old baby girl driving me nuts, you’ve about made me cry remebering HER birthday and HER birth. Thanks for the reminder (Although I think maybe the wine helped bring the tear to my eye! lol, …..LONG DAY!)
    Congrats to the birthday girl!
    http://www.myspace.com/amandajodivita

  24. Jenna

    I know that it has been said many times, but she is so beautiful! Both of my babies were born with black hair… but it turned blonde.
    happy birthday! (Or, as my daughter would sing “happy to you, happy to yoooou!”)

  25. Mother

    As a mother of a just turned 2 year old daughter, many congrats.
    And she farts on command? Now that is talent.
    Mensa is calling, my friend :)

  26. Jazzy

    I LOVE that last picture of you two! Happy Birthday to G-Unit. That was a beautiful post Y and summed up a lot of the feelings I have about my little one. May the many years to come be filled with blessings for you all.

  27. DebbieS

    Y, you have a beautiful voice! Keep singing, she’ll sound just like you one day =) Your post was very sweet…when she’s a big girl she’s going to really love what you wrote for her. She is SO gorgeous already..I can’t believe she’s only 2! Thanks for the idea of taking a picture first thing in the morning…my DD’s 1st birthday is on the 14th and I will have my camera at the ready!

  28. Mari

    I remember that birth picture. It was a few months after she was born and I had sent you a similar birth picture of my own. I felt a kinship with you because of the way we both looked upon our newborns. I understood that picture very well. And even though this is a little late, Happy Birthday to Gabby. Mama’s Girl indeed πŸ˜‰

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