That right there is my daughter.
She’s a beautiful little girl. And my GOD, she’s funny. Hilarious, even.
She’s also polite. She says “thank you” and “please” and if you sneeze or burp? She says “bless you.” She’ll also bring you a tissue if you cry, and she’ll wipe your nose for you whilst saying “Ohhhh, don’t cwry.”
All together now. Awwwwwww
As sweet and beautiful and funny and amazing as she is, I have to say that THAT little girl right there, is by far the most difficult child to have ever come out of my glorious vagina.
(Yeah. I just called It “Glorious.” At least I didn’t call it “Notorious” OMG! THE NOTORIOUS V-A-G.”)
Keeping anything on her is a challenge. Clothes. Diapers. Hair clips. Earrings. They all come off eventually. No matter how much duct tape is used, no matter how many times I say in a very calm voice (HONEST!) “We don’t take our shirts off, we leave our shirts on!”
The diaper staying on during nap/sleep time had become a horrific struggle. We would tape that shit on, but it only took her a couple of days to figure out how to take the tape off. No matter how many times we wrapped it around. Luckily, I found a pair of shorts with a string around the waist and if I quadruple knot it, she can’t get it off. So, guess what she sleeps in every time she goes to sleep? No lie, my daughter sleeps in the same shorts every nap time, every night time. I take them off in the morning, put them back on at nap time, take them off after nap time, and put them on again at night time.
She’s always been a great sleeper, from the time she was 4 weeks old. She sleeps 10-12 hours a night and still takes 2 one hour + naps a day. You’ll never hear me complain about sleep.
HOWEVER. Getting her to fall asleep the past few days/nights have been hell. You see, little Miss Thang has to have quite a few stuffed animals/plastic figurines/blankets in order to go to sleep. The last count went as follows.
1 Ernie figurine
1 cookie monster figurine
1 Elmo figurine
1 “favorite” blankie
and 1 spray of mommy’s perfume on her arm to sniff herself to sleep.
If she does not have each and everyone of those things in her crib before bed time, she will NOT go to sleep. Well, guess what little Miss Thang just figured out?
If she throws all of the things out of her crib AND strips the sheet off of the crib, mommy, daddy or the brother’s will have to come into her room to replace all of the items and if mommy, daddy or the brothers do NOT come into to replace all of the items that SHE THREW OUT, she will scream at the top of her lungs. For as long as it takes for one of the four of us to cave.
Lather, rinse, repeat, so to speak. Twenty times over.
Ah, power struggles!
(Funny TRUE story! I was writing this while my daughter was supposedly taking a nap. All of a sudden, there was a call for help coming from her room. “MOM! Pee!” I ran to the room to find her diaper tossed to the side of the crib, but her shorts were still on. She was sitting in a puddle of pee. OMG! She just now figured out how to remove her diaper without taking her shorts off. It’s like she has ESP and knew I was writing about the shorts and was all “Ha! HAA! Even the shorts can not stop me from taking my diaper off, silly mommy!” AWESOME!)
(Another funny and TRUE story. After I cleaned up the mess in her crib, washed her and changed her, I put her in her high chair to eat lunch. I made her a sandwich, and asked her brother to watch her so I could finish writing this. Just now, I heard my son scream “NO, GABBY! YOU DON’T DO THAT! THAT’S BAD!” I ran over to see what she had done. She had taken her sandwich apart and thrown it all over the kitchen! OMG. SOMEONE HELP US.)
Getting things done around here isn’t easy because not only does she love to strip, but she loves to climb on things! And take things out of drawers! And color! And did I mention CLIMB ON THINGS? Things like “the kitchen table” “her changing table” “my computer desk” and “the inside of the entertainment center.”
I can honestly say that my boys were never this difficult. Andrew was the perfect child. Never threw tantrums, always obeyed me, never screamed or yelled. He was pure joy and sunshine. Ethan was a bit more of a handful. He would throw tantrums and was extremely active, but his “activeness” doesn’t even compare to that of his little sister.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I get angry. (Like the time I was on the phone with a friend and I was trying to load the dishwasher for the 25th time and Gabby refused to stop taking the dirty dishes that I had just put in out and I YELLED AT HER and then felt like an asshole because I had just yelled at a 2 year old and um, someone heard me do it.) Other times, I use humor to get through the day. And then there are days, like today, where I have thoughts of opening the back door, gently pushing her through the door, locking it behind me and letting her have a few quality hours out there alone with dog.
But instead of doing something stupid like that, I give the housework The Fingah, take a deep breath, sit down with my darling daughter and teach her songs about how special she really is.
Because I’m a good mommy.