Go ahead, you can roll your eyes at me.

Last Tuesday night, I sat at a table with Jay Mohr, Nikki Cox, Ralphie May, Bert and um, my cousin.
Talk about akward.
You see, Jay had invited me to see his show at The Improv. He was all “If you want to come, I’ll put you on the Almighty List.” And I was all “let me think about it YES PUT ME ON IT NOW OK THANK YOU.”
Tony didn’t want to go. I think he said something about it being a “weeknight” and having to “get up early” for “work” but I can not be sure because I was too busy planning out which “outfit” would make my boobs look the biggest to know for sure.
I invited my cousin, partly because I wanted to spend some time with her and partly because no one in my family believes that I know him (which is so lame because there is photographic evidence!) and having her there with me would put the doubts to rest once and for all.
We arrived at The Improv a few minutes before the show started. I walked up to the window and proudly announced “Hi, I’m on Jay’s list.” The girl looked up at me and said “ID please.” She checks the list, looks puzzled and says “um, one minute.”
“Is there a problem?”
“Yeah, you’re on the list for the 10:30 show. My manager is looking into it.”
The manager comes back a few minutes later and says “Ok, you can go in.”
We walk in and the manager tells the man who was going to seat us “They’re VIP.”
I admit it. I made sweet pee pee. Just a little bit. I’ve never been VIP anything before, well, unless you count that one week in Kindergarten when I got to talk about myself all week long and everyone in the class had to write a story about me. That was pretty sweet.
As soon as we turned the corner to make our way to “VIP” seating, I saw Jay. (eeeeeee! I know, I shouldn’t love him anymore. There are so many reasons not to and yet, I do. And I probably always will.) He walked over, gave me a very awesome hug and complimented me. I introduced him to my cousin, he shook her hand (haha! I got a hug, she got a handshake! I WIN!!) and then said “You’re sitting VIP tonight.”
I was all “Where’s VIP.”
He was all “You’re sitting at my table, with all of the comedians.”
I looked over and there was a table full of comedians + one very HOT Nikki Cox.
I pissed my pants again, but this time it was not sweet pee pee, for it was THE PEE OF FEAR.
I had met Nikki once before, but I do not KNOW Nikki. I had met Bert before, but I do not KNOW Bert (Also? Bert does not answer my MYSPACE MESSAGES and so I am pretty pissed off at him. I mean, he sends me a bunch of “bulletins” in which he tells me to “watch this video” or “come see him perform here” but BOB FORBID HE ANSWER MY MESSAGES.) I had never met Ralphie (although, I watched him on Last Comic Standing and thought he was heelarious.) I felt so out of place and very much like I may have to lay down and die from the fear.
We walked up to the table and everyone looked at me like “Who in THE HELL?”
“Hi, I’m Y from Joy Unexpected!”
Ha! Ha! I’m lying. I didn’t actually say that, but I was tempted to, to try to fit in, like “Yeah, I’m an entertainer just like you! Respect me? and like me? please?!”
“Hi, uh, I’m Y, Uh, Um, yeah, I’m a friend of Jay’s. Um, hahah yeah.”
(OH MY GOD! THIS STORY IS SO BORING! WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS OTHER THAN TO BRAG THAT I WAS A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON?)
Blahblahblah, the show was hilarious, Jay is hot, Nikki has big boobs, Ralphie May made me spit my drink out, Bert made me fart (but I’m pretty sure no one heard it because the laughter was too loud.) blahblah. He invited me to go again tonight and I said yes. blahblahblahandalsohahahaha)
(That was totally one of those stories that is completely awesome to the person telling it, but totally lame to the people listening. So lame, that they’d rather stab themselves in the hand repeatedly with scissors than listen to it. Sorry about that.)
In more exciting news…
I got my electric bill today!

I just added that to the list of “Reasons That I Hate California With a Passion and Would Move Today Were it Not For the Fact That My Entire Family Lives Here.”
(But seriously, who needs a kidney?)

46 thoughts on “Go ahead, you can roll your eyes at me.

  1. ben

    Nikki Cox?
    NIKKI?
    I wouldn’t have been able to talk at all without drooling all over the place. Seriously.
    I am so damn jealous.
    (and drooling a little bit vicariously)

  2. Itchy

    That power bill makes me cry…wow!
    And you got to hang out with funny people! I’m so jealous. I’d love to hang out with my favorite funny people…that would be so great!

  3. Charlie

    I am glad you know Jay Mohr (funny dude) and not Bill Maher (POS). Glad you had a good time. The electric bill. OUCH!

  4. Beth

    That is so cool that you know famous people! And Nikki Coz DOES have some big boobs…were they as awsome as they look in pictures? So how do you know Jay,anyway?
    I love your blog!

  5. Melody

    Yes, Edison is the reason my children will never go to college. Unless it’s RCC. And even then they’re not allowed to take more than 3 credits at a time. *sigh*
    But no- your story was oh-so-exciting to me too!! I live vicariously through you, you know. And I have always loved Nikki Cox, even way back when she was engaged to Bobcat Goldthwait. Sounds like she’s smartened up. lol Have fun tonight!!

  6. The Aitch

    When you said, “I made sweet pee pee”
    That made me make sweet pee pee. You are friggin funny yo.
    Also I love that you got on the VIP list, that rocks. It’s almost as cool as when Jason Wahler from “the Hills” left me a comment on my myspace page.

  7. V

    That sounds so fun – I’m glad you had a good night! I’m also curious – how do you know Jay?

  8. Itchy

    I just wanted to add that I find it really funny that I can’t get your photographic evidence link to work! You have no proof! :D

  9. LotionBarBunny

    You know what?
    I would’ve peed too.
    Plus? Please don’t have me tag you and then you not post because then I will feel like a complete idiot who loses at tag.
    However—you are ok to answer the tag after all of this hub bub about Jay Mohr and being important and washing your underwear and soaking them in bleach from the bacteria of pee.

  10. Talina

    Well, it sounds like you had a fun time despite the akward times with the famous people… Jay is really funny… and Nikki would have intimidated me like no other… So how do you know Jay??

  11. tonya cinnamon

    i am so fuc%%king jealous Y .. you rock..
    sighhhh . did you wash your neck after he hugged you ;)
    its is cool to hang on out with the cool funny ones..:)
    showing the love from tennessee !!!

  12. Flippy

    I liked your story. You could probably tell me about taking a nap and I would be amused. I never ever thought I’d say this as I don’t ever listen to podcasts…but you should do one.
    I so thought I was gonna kick your electric bill ass, as we’ve had $500+ bills, but I checked last month’s bill and it was only $405. Strangely (very), I was almost disappointed.

  13. Y

    I shall tell you the story of how I met Jay someday soon. It’s a boring story that involves my boobs.

  14. Jennifer

    I am terrified of our gas&electric bill this month… our house leaks like…. like a 100-year old house. Which is even worse than a sieve (I don’t know how to spell sieve (seive? siv?? you should really put a spell check on the comments or something). (I blame my horrible spelling on my very, very mild dyslexia (dislexia??), nevermind that I only really have problems with numbers and ei-ie words.)
    Anway, one month this winter our bill exceeded $400. And, this month a 75% rate increase went into effect. Added to that, it’s been hotter than hell here lately (think CA heat plus Maryland humidity), so I really must go now and get back to looking for a good pimp.

  15. Nina

    Today VIP, one day, first class on a plane. haha Also, I’m not gay or bi or anything, but I think I’m obsessed with boobs. I’d totally have been staring at Nikki Cox’s chest the entire time.
    Our electric bill is always at least $150 and we live in about 600 sq.ft. I can’t imagine if I had a bigger house (although I suspect it’d have better insulation).

  16. Julie

    I am pretty certain that a story involving your boobs isn’t going to be boring. Let’s hear it.

  17. Lena

    Y – my girl love has reached a new height. I will be innappropriate with you at BlogHer. Oh, yes.
    And living in the IE makes me want to DIE. $400.25!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  18. RachelS

    Before we started running the AC 24 hours a day my electric bill was $240. I’m so dreading seeing this month’s bill. I would seriously die if I didn’t have AC. It was 116 degrees here the other day!

  19. kim

    Y, i loved the story. and i laughed. and grinned. but i didn’t pee pee (which is good cause i’m at work).
    also, that bill is ridiculous. it’s the heat and AC isn’t it? i’m so glad we don’t have those here in germany, but then again, it never really gets hotter than 95°F. so we sweat. and save… ;)

  20. girl

    I feel your pain when it comes to the electric bill. our apartment is a measly 800 sq ft and our bill last month was over $200. we never turn our a/c off. it’s been running 24/7 for the last 6 months, I think. we already hit 100 degrees once this week and it’s sure to get worse before the summer is over. I ♥ Houston!!

  21. Jezer

    OMG–I love Jay and Ralphie! Also, Lil’ Jimmy Norton–do you know him? He’s my favorite. Oh, god, I’m such a dweeb. Anyway, I am totally impressed and envious. Really.

  22. Amy

    If you think we don’t love living vicariously though you as you hobnob with the celebs, you are sorely mistaken!
    Also, I’m feeling all superior and stuff since I have been reading long enough to remember all your posts about meeting Jay. Bunch of newbies. ;-)

  23. michelle

    I would so trade electric bills with you this month!! Ours for June was $527. I’m scared to see July’s bill!!

  24. xtine

    DUDE! I live in a 1400-sq-ft apartment and my power bill is $189. Sucks like whoa.
    In high school, I had such a crush on Jay Mohr.

  25. Tosh

    Wow, that’s sad… I live in Portland, have been running my a/c all summer and my last bill was a whopping $36!

  26. beth

    wow lucky u!!!!! I CANNOT BELEIVE IT!!! hehe to kewl! it wasnt THAT boring hehe j/k
    and umm big tiem ouchies about that electric bill!

  27. wendi

    Totally awesome and I am soo very jealous. Jay and Ralphie are very funny, I don’t believe I’ve heard Burt. But still (stomping foot) its not fair, I want to go. :-)
    Power bill sucks yikes. so sorry

  28. Mari

    Gah Girl! I envy you!!!!
    Hanging with the celebrities. When you get Jay to introduce you to Dane Cook, I am so gonna faint and drool on my carpet.

  29. Mike

    Whoa, how cool! I love Nikki Cox. And from a guy’s view, if her name is pure porn I wish she’d live up to her name. ;)

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