Are you crying? There’s no crying in the fitting rooms!

I really DO love you guys. Honestly, I do. You have no idea how much your encouragement and support means to me. I mean, HELLO? I posted pictures of my stomach yesterday and you all said nice things–REALLY nice things.
I have to admit, I was shocked (SHOCKED!) at the comments about my stomach. People used words like “Toned” and “ABS” and “muscles” to describe my stomach. What?
WHAT?!
I’ll admit, it sure felt good to hear that. I mean, who doesn’t want to hear nice things about their body? But! The longer the day went on, the more it bothered me because, well, I can not let people think that I have muscular abs when I do not. Because “Oh my God! What if someone asks to see my toned abs at BlogHer?
Everyone knows I hate my body, err, um, I used to hate my body but am working on loving it. The thing I hate the most about my body is my stomach.
It’s stretched out. It’s fat. It’s flabby. It’s lumpy. There are fat rolls (ok, one giant roll that hangs) It’s covered in stretch marks. My belly button is stretched out and deformed (but, I have to say, it makes a really good “puppet”, which is kind of awesome. I like to open and close it whilst talking in a funny voice and say things like “Can you please check me for lint?”)
I often think, “God, my life would be so much better if it weren’t for my disgusting belly.”
Before I get too sad and depressed about my belly, I should mention that my belly does have a few redeeming qualities and we do have our moments of happiness together. Like, when we’re shopping together, or when we’re making sweet belly music on the couch late at night.
I can understand the compliments and comments about my “Toned” “abs” because they did look quite nice in those pictures, but there are reasons for that.
a)I’m standing far away from the mirror.
b) I was sucking my stomach in as hard as I could. (And please, do not judge me for that, who DOESN’T hold their stomach in when people are looking at it?)
c) Bad lighting.
(Look at me! I’m trying to talk you out of thinking that I have “toned” “abs.” What the hell is wrong with me?)
I know, and I try and my GOD, I appreciate the compliments. But there are people who are irritated with me because “how dare I call myself fat when I have such toned, muscular abs.” Because, you know, I’m not really fat at all and just want people to tell me how great I look!
Um, yeah. Except, not really.


My belly button is all “You know you want to pet me and sing songs to me and, perhaps, frolic with me in the hills of fatty goodness that is Y’s belly. Admit it, you do.”
Ha! Ha! Come on. It’s funny, people. Ok, maybe you have to hear it in my belly button voice. If you’re nice and don’t scold me about being “nicer to my toned abs.” then maybe I will make a .wav file for you.
Now that we’ve cleared THAT up, let’s move on, shall we?
I’m convinced that the dressing room lighting/mirrors are designed to make you feel bad about yourself. That is why I NEVER try clothes on at the store. I will buy a butt load of clothes, come home, try them on and return the ones that don’t fit. Today, I thought I’d go ahead and try the clothes on there in the fitting room so I didn’t have to listen to PigHunter go on and on about how annoying it is that I don’t try clothes on and blahblahblah “don’t lose the reciept, woman!”
I never feel like taking a giant ax and chopping limbs off of my body when I try clothes on at home. I may say things like “Nah, this doesn’t fit.” Or “Damn, my ass is too lumpy in this skirt” But not ONCE have I cried and said things like “Oh my GOD! I HATE MYSELF AND HOW DO PEOPLE NOT PUKE WHEN THEY LOOK IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION?”
(That is what I actually said to myself whilst CRYING at a Kohl’s dressing room.)
(What am I shopping for? Oh, a little thing called AN OUTFIT FOR A WEDDING THAT IS TOMORROW that I have been avoiding for months because I was in denial that I would be a size 10 by now and ha! Ha! Ha! NOT.)
It’s not just my weight that looks bad in the dressing room mirrors either. It’s my skin, my hair, my face, my toes, my teeth, my ears, my anus.
Everything.
I swear, I feel like everyone in my life would be better off without me in their lives every time I come out of The Fitting Room.
The HELL is up with that?

37 thoughts on “Are you crying? There’s no crying in the fitting rooms!

  1. xtx

    i have total admiration for you, because our stomachs could be twins, and yet, you have the king kong sized BALLS to post yours on the innnnernet!
    love to love you baby.

  2. birdsboss

    ok…i feel like crap in fitting rooms…and yeah i used to go home depressed and want to slash my veins with a sharp cracker lol…that was before i did exactly as yourself…i usually don’t ever ever try them on at the store…i wouldn’t buy anything new if it weren’t for my normal mirror at home…and yeah i see the belly…i got it too…you still aren’t scaring me…i still see beautiful, smart and funny…you will look great at the wedding….take the darn 70+ compliments…you deserve them! was that harsh? might be pms…thats why i am eating chocolate while writing this : )

  3. Empress

    Fitting room lights are the spawn of the devil! They are designed to make you look bad and keep trying on every piece of clothing in the store until you buy something way over-priced out of exasperation! Hon, you look gorgeous! I envy your stomach – sucked in or not.

  4. anna

    Please, Heidi Klum would look like hell under a flourescent ceiling light, and a lot of those mirrors are bad (no, really). You just have to squint and get a vague sense of your general outline, like when you’ve swooped hair over your forehead to see what you’d look like with bangs. Or you could take your Kohl’s purchases to Nordstrom (an expensive department like Savvy, not Brass Plum) and try them on. They have slimming mirrors.

  5. DebbieS

    Dressing room lighting sucks…you can see zits you won’t have for another five years. I am especially fond of how it illuminates every spider vein I have, too. I think they should pump nitrous in there.
    Kudos to you for jump-starting your diet again…you actually inspired me to get back on WW, the core plan this time (all that summer fruit is why). I always thought Atkins leading into WW would be a great idea. You already look great…keep going!

  6. jen

    (you can still see definition, I’m just saying)
    speaking of talking belly buttons, I used to do that trick to, except mine would shout, “SEGA!” (remember that commerical) A friend of mine actually nicknamed her belly Sega. Sometimes I make it say “feed me”.
    Oh, and I went to teh gym tonight for the first time in weeks….becauuuuse, tomorrow I am going to the beach (rented a house for a week) with my friends and their spouses and you know, one night at the gym = looking awesome in bathing suit.
    I am smart like that.

  7. Michelle

    You are fabulous! And you know THIS!
    I have not been on the computer much, but I am still laughing at the post that you titled “It is hard out here for a MILF…”
    Seriously west coast soul sister… you know you ROCK!
    Much love,
    M

  8. Nothing But Bonfires

    Dude, what are you doing in the fitting room that allows you to see your ANUS?
    But I’ve cried there too. The Charleston TJ Maxx probably still has clumps of my hair floating about the fitting room floor, from when I tore it out in despair and anger.
    Also, how do you feel about the South Beach Diet? I did it for ages and never felt better. I go back to phase one now and again when I feel gross and fat — even doing a few days, rather than prescribed two weeks, makes me feel better.

  9. RC's Girl

    I still think you rock.
    As for dressing room lights…vomit. I hate myself when I come out of those rooms with FAT mirrors. Because the mirrors must be rigged to make my ass look 3x bigger than it is. Right? Each time my husband sees me naked I look at him and say “So, how’s that vomit taste?” because I am sure he throws up a little each time he seems my ass jiggle across the room. Sexy. Very sexy.
    You look great Y. You will make it to your goal. The good (good?!) thing about losing weight is that we get to keep trying. Could you imagine if we just had a small window for losing weight? That would suck. I would never hit my goal!!
    I hope you got something you really like to wear to the wedding. Something that will allow the perfect worm.

  10. Angela

    After 3 c-sections in 5 years and a 65 lbs. weight loss, my stomach looks like something out of a horror movie. The scars, the distorted skin.
    It may not help much, but I try to focus on the positive things like how much healthier I am this way and actually weighing less now than I did in high school. Of course my main focus is losing the 15 I put back on. lol
    Hang in there and have faith!

  11. paige

    Hi,
    Am fairly new to reading you, but love you! And, I saw your pics from yesterday, and was VERY impressed with the tummy.
    I have to say… saw your pics from today, and… STILL impressed wtih the tummy. Hold all the fat in your hands you want, but you still have tone and definition and shape in those abs. The lower abs are the hardest part, but you’ll get there. I was laughing yesterday when I read your post in the comments about sucking it in, because hello? If I sucked in my stomach it would NOT look like that. And, if you sucked yours in when you started, it would not look like that. You’ve made tons of prorgress.
    Are there people who have NOT cried in dressing rooms? Because I hate them. I avoid dressing rooms like the plague, but this just means I rarely buy new clothes.

  12. Elleana

    Those fitting rooms are cursed I tell you, CURSED! It never fails – I go in all happy about trying something on (and proud of myself for even making it into the fitting room) and I leave a pile of sobbing self hate. The vision of myself squeezed into those bathing suits I tried on last month STILL haunts me when I close my eyes. I want someone to come in there with me, hold my hand, and give me clothes that only look good on me – while I avoid looking into the mirror at all costs. Anyone game?

  13. Francesca (Stuntmother)

    I think we all cry in dressing rooms. Seriously. Dressing rooms are made to make you feel like ten types of shit warmed over in a toaster oven.
    It could be a little worse. This weekend I (a soon to be bridesmaid at my sister’s wedding) had to try on a skirt with my size 2 sister, my size 4 other sister, my mother and my aunt all in the same room to offer their opinions. Gah. I might never recover. I had that thing on and off so fast I made dust fly. Then I came home and told Ed (husband) that he could tell me how it looked since it clearly went on my body but that was all I could tell.
    I also think that you look beautiful. Really. And your courage — how hard it must have been to post photos when you feel like this — is completely inspiring to me. And makes me feel ashamed of my own lack of courage.
    You completely rock the house. I hope the wedding is/was okay.

  14. Itchy

    Don’t make me send you a picture of my belly woman! You won’t like it. OK fine…your abs aren’t “toned and muscular.” However, when you suck in (as evidenced by the earlier photos) you can see some definition. When I suck in…it looks the same. Exactly the same. So you are seeing progress. Don’t be hatin’ on the progress! :)
    And I’ve cried in a fitting room. I’m glad I’m not the only one. Those evil ass mirrors and lighting making us hate everything about ourselves…even our anuses!

  15. Stacey

    You look great…keep staring at your before and after pics. I keep taking before pics, but sadly, no afters yet. If you can suck in a 3 baby stomach and make it look like that…WOW! I just have a (giant) 2 baby stomach and it causes back pain to suck it in anymore. I’m about to start letting it all hang out and just tell people I’m due in October.

  16. demondoll

    Dontcha just HATE dressing rooms? Man, they’re just so wrong. I think the mirrors are ordered from the un-fun house.
    My belly button (who chases my husband around the house saying touchmekissmefeedme) admires your belly button. Tummy grab or no, you are fantabulous, Y!

  17. Linda Merryman

    I’m so glad you posted this about fitting rooms because, honestly, I’ve never made the connection before (I’m dim like that). I would much rather order clothes on-line, try them on at home, and then *pay* to return the ones I dislike/don’t fit. “Virtual Model” is a god-send for me to get an idea. It seems like everything I try on in the store looks horrendous. So, now, my brain is all “maybe it’s the mirrors Linda, maybe it’s not you”.
    Once again, Y, you’ve made a difference in my life. Thanks!

  18. Kristin

    The worst thing about fitting rooms is the chick who comes round to ask, “How is everything working out? Do you need any different sizes?”
    I hate that woman.

  19. Kristie

    And am I the only one who sweats like a hooker in church while trying on clothes in the fitting room??? Like I don’t feel crummy enough, seeing my lumpy hips and bulging tummy and the shelf that sits on my ass in those full-length mirrors from hell, but putting clothes on, then taking them off in a pissy frenzy because they all look like shit — seriously, I work up a sweat! Hey, maybe if I did it often enough it could count as exercise and then I could actually quit shopping in the plus size section. :)
    Thanks to you, I’ve actually gone to two local gyms looking for an aerobic dance class. Fortunately, er, I mean SADLY, neither offered any during the morning time I wanted. But encouraged by you, I’ll keep looking!

  20. Laura

    Awwwww, Yvonne.
    It’s stretched out. It’s fat. It’s flabby. It’s lumpy. It has rolls. It’s covered in stretch marks. My belly button is stretched out and deformed…
    It’s better than mine. It’s better than mine. It’s better than mine!!! It’s all relative, babe. Your freakass belly may be horrifying to you, but I would LOVE it on my body. You can’t possibly hate your stomach as much as I hate mine! I promise you, yours looks fine. It really does.
    And! Awhile back, some girlfriends and I all posted pictures of our bare stomachs on a closed bulletin board, and I was SHOCKED to see that they all pretty much looked alike. Unless you’re blessed with good genes and work out regularly (and face it, most of us don’t) having kids really does a number on ya. Nearly every one of us, even the “skinny” chicks, had flabby stretch-marked bellies. So take heart, babe. It’s not as bad as you think it is.

  21. Laura

    I don’t get dressing room mirrors either.. you would think the goal would be to MAKE MORE MONEY and therefore they should have trick mirrors that make you look like you are a model or something right? UGH I hate my body and yes, it looks similar to yours in the tummy area…. thanks SON!

  22. Beth

    The lighting in fitting rooms is notoriously bad — all that overhead fluorescent yuck. I rarely try things on, partly because of the lighting and partly because my son gets very, uh, loudly bored in clothing stores. ;^) On the looks thing, though, I gotta say I think you look great and you sound like a hoot to hang with. Be gentle with yourself. :-)

  23. Kay

    I have no idea what is up with Typekey. It is taking lots of words out of posts rendering them nonsensical. Maybe typekey is drunk. Heh.

  24. pookie

    I still say SHUSH girl…your “so-called” roll is NOT a roll. You look good! To hell with those who say, “She just wants to hear that.” Yeah, SO!! Their problem: jealousy. They wish someone thought they looked good. BITCHES!!
    Y,
    Go-on-wit-your-bad-self!!
    Keep writing about your feelings, concerns, heartaches, loves, joys….I’m listening. :)

  25. geeky

    dude, pinch the flab all you want, i can still see the abs and i’m still jealous.
    also, what are you doing looking at your anus in dressing rooms? but i agree, they are designed to make everyone look bad. which doesn’t really make sense. wouldn’t that want to make everyone look good so they buy the clothes??

  26. Jen

    I had to laugh while reading this. You are NOT fat. You’re beautiful and I enjoy reading everything you write!!
    Great post…

  27. Jenn

    Oh my God, EVERYONE IN THE WORLD looks bad in fitting room mirrors. I promise. Every single person. Even models. Really. The lighting is terrible. It does crazy things to your skin and hair color and makes it look like you’re half-dead or jaundiced or who knows what else. When I was a skinny little thing in high school it made me look terrible even in the short period of time when I was actually on the track team (if you knew me you would know why this is a very funny notion) and really fit. So. You have to somehow ignore about 60% of what the mirror is showing you. Especially things like how your skin or hair looks. That’s not what you’re there for! Do the clothes fit? Great. That’s about all you’re going for. Good luck! I’m rooting for you in your battle!

  28. fidget

    My theory on fitting rooms is that they want to break us down to sniveling sniffling shells of our former selves so that we’ll just freak out and purchase indiscriminatly and then be too ashamed to return the goods. I have several pairs of pants, tags still intact to help prove this theory
    ps I think Kohls has Extra EXTRA bad lighting in their dressing rooms, bastards

  29. Amy

    Sigh. My stomach is so similar to yours. I remember when I used to complain about it when it poufed out a bit, you know BEFORE I got the spare tire on top of it. I admire your dedication to getting RID of it. You may hate it but unlike me, you are doing something about it dammit! Good on you!

  30. Kimberlee

    It’s all the crappy lighting. The only store that whose dressing rooms have nice (i.e. flattering) lighting is Ann Taylor Loft. Bless them – that’s why I spend $$ there. :-)

Comments are closed.