A letter from The Boss.


Dear Internet,
I know you’re probably mad at my mommy for not answering your emails or leaving comments on your blog, but honestly? It’s not her fault.
I like to get into her things, especially her perfume and make up. Yesterday, I found her brand new bronzing powder and OMG! I went CERAZY with it because all of the pretty people are orange.
You think it looked beautiful on me? Well, you should have seen how AWESOME the sofa looked. And the carpet? It was so sparkly and shiny!
Daddy tells mommy that she should put her stuff away so that I can’t get into it, but daddy forgets that I know how to climb and how to make steps if I can’t reach things that I want. (Word to any toddlers out there listening: Plastic storage boxes make awesome steps! You can thank me the next time you’re able to reach your mommy’s makeup bag and you are able to make your face and the carpet shiny and orange like me!)
Anyways, mommy really wants to tell you about last night (something about having so much fun last night with some dude named Jay Mohr, I don’t know, I was pooping when she was telling daddy about it.) but, you know, there is makeup she must protect from my little hands, so you’ll have to wait until I crash for the night.
Peace out.
-G Unit.

27 thoughts on “A letter from The Boss.

  1. Melody

    Oh no… It brought flashbacks from my kids (and my friends’ kids, nonetheless) getting into the gigantic tub o’ Ovaltine. Sweet heavens, kids know how to make messes like nobody’s business.

  2. demondoll

    Oh, my goodness! and it was your new make-up too?! Why must it always be the brand-new pretties?
    I just got a flashback to the Boy writing all over my bedding and the furniture with a big, fat Sharpie. “look, Mama- I make art” and me muttering over and over “your father is going to kill us both” Hope it all cleans up quickly;)

  3. Stacey

    That is the FUNNIEST picture. The EYES! And I have a girl the same age as yours…I hope they never ever cross paths because they could take over, and destroy, the world. I have orange, shiny carpet too (self tanning lotion used to give toy animals a ‘bath’).

  4. Jamie

    That is absolutely hilarious. The look on her face is priceless. My 4-year-old daughter likes to get into my makeup. In the past week she’s put on my lipstick (of course ALL around her mouth like a clown) and powder.
    p.s. I love your blog! You crack me up. AND you know Jay Mohr. Wow.

  5. Jenn

    Oh my, I just left a comment the other day about episodes reminiscent of this from one of my brothers’ toddler days. He was a very terrible two and made gigantic messes with both baby powder and noxzema, on separate occasions. The entire bathroom, him, everything he was wearing, and half the upstairs hallways in our house suffered the wrath.
    But you’ll always have great stories to tell!

  6. Jenn

    Now that looks like something my daughter did when she was that age…and now, my son’s worse! He knows how to climb everything, get out the front door, and open the fridge….the other day he came up stairs while I was in the bathroom with blood all over, he had pulled over a chair climbed up to the TOP shelf in our pantry, and pulled out a knife to “cut” an apple he wanted! *GASP* thankfully it was superficial, but OMG it’s soo scary what they can do at this age!!

  7. E :)

    That’s sooooo funny! I love the fact that your son had to restrain her to stop her from running from the camera. Guilty as charged!
    When my sisters (twins) were little they fell in love with an eyeshadow recepticle with four colours in various (hideous) shades of mid-80s style blue. They named it “the thing” and carried it everywhere until it ran out. EVERYTHING was blue for ages and ages. Ugh!

  8. julianna

    Hmmm. the only thing I did is once I crayoned the walls.. and another time I was apparantly discovered, taking all the eggs from the fridge, and one by one dropping them on the floor and just.. watching :)

  9. Jennifer

    Professional Carpet and Sofa Cleaning — $150.
    New Little Girl’s Outfit — $40.
    New Container of Bronzing Powder — $30.
    This photo and the look on Gabby’s face — Priceless.

  10. Kristin

    I love that with all the bronze chaos and the uh-oh expression, the wee skirt fly hangs open blissfully.
    (Nolan is ALWAYS flying low)

  11. Kay

    Oh little G you don’t need orange to be beautiful!
    I am still freaking out at your non-chalant entry about hanging out at the Improv and knowing someone famous. Gah.

  12. HotDrWife

    My two-year-old broke into my new lipstick and smeared it everywhere. It’s been at least five months and I am still finding smudges of his little very-nice-Bobbi-Brown lipstick fingersprints in some crazy places.

  13. RachelS

    Isn’t it the cutest when they discover your make-up? No, it’s not. Especially when they get into new expensive make-up. Oy. I hope the carpet comes clean.

  14. Mamacita

    Look at that face! She’s guilty, all right.
    Hang on to the picture, though; it’ll be priceless when she’s sixteen. Blackmail, anyone?

  15. Stepherz

    OMGoodness! Her little face is addictive! That child is Beeeautiful! Ummm, I have a feeling she may break your heart one day, Y. My daughter has one of those faces too. The kind of face that just screams B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, and all of the boys will agree in about 12 years, and then it’s downhill from there for awhile. My husband (jokingly, of course) says he wishes as a teen/adult that she’ll be kind of nerdy looking, that she’ll be unsociable, and that she end up being a lesbian. Lol…

  16. Virenda

    Your daughter is gorgeous and her eyes are just amazing.
    I have one like yours only instead of the bronzing powder it was loose matte makeup which wouldn’t you know it, is pretty freaking hard to clean. It’s all about paper towels, apparently water and make-up don’t mix.

  17. Lulu

    Unless you padlock your make up, that little girl of yours is going to be into your make up until she’s 16 and makes enough money to buy her own. Lookout! ;)

  18. Amy

    Apparently I did similar to my mom at that age. Except I oooozed tons of foundation all over her sweater drawers and lipsticked the hard wood floors :)
    Make-up. Not to be used in any form for many years!

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