Do NOT read this entry if you are easily offended by The Sex and or giant pink dongs

On Saturday, I co-hosted a Party for Vaginas. I was so excited about it because Ben Wah Balls and also Nubby G.
This was the 3rd Passion Party I had attended, but the first one that I hosted. I can tell you without any hesitation that they NEVER get boring. Infact, this one was by far the craziest one I’ve ever been to.

First of all, there were drunk men at this one. Only one of them actually had the balls (ha! ha!) to join in on the party fun and by “join in” I mean “stand in the back of the room and say things like ‘that’s hot’ and ‘I like your technique’ when we were playing ‘pass the Pink Peeny.'”
(What? You want pictures of The Pass The Peeny game? Well, of COURSE!!)

The game was just like musical chairs, only instead of walking around waiting for the music to stop so you could grab a seat, you would pass a giant pink rubber penis around with your knees and the person left with the pink rubber penis in between their legs (ha! ha!) when the music stopped was OUT. I almost bought that rubby penis just so I could play that game at every party I ever attend! Things get boring at a birthday party? “Hey! I know a game!” I start feeling insecure and uncomfortable at Blogher? “Hey, wimmins! Let’s play musical dick!”
That would be so awesome.
But seriously, folks. You’ve not lived until you’ve played musical (rubber) dick.
The second greatest moment of the night had to be when The Hostess whipped out the Numbit.
The NumbWHAT? You ask. The butthole. That’s what.
At least that’s what The Consultant said with a totally serious face, all matter of fact like as she held the bottle of Numbit up in the air. Unfortunetly, I didn’t take a picture of her actually HOLDING the bottle of Numbit, but lucky all of YOU! I did take a picture of myself holding the bottle of Numbit.

In case you’re thinking that you would NEVER buy a cream that is specifically made to numb your butt, I should inform you that it is multifunctional for The Numbit can also be used to soothe the gums of teething babies. You heard that right. “Numbit, not just for numbing buttholes.”
I was so happy that Joelle made the very long drive to be there with me. Not just because she had the pleasure of experiencing the stuff you “put down there” that sets your croch on fire. But in a good way. I wish I had video of her jumping up and down in the kitchen after having applied it to her hahaha you know hahaha in the bathroom. I’ve never felt closer to her. As she was leaving, I shouted “Thanks for coming.” And oh, how I laughed and laughed because GET IT?
HardyHar.
I walked away from The Vagina Party with new found sexual knowledge (Did you know that when you have sex, the inside of your nose swells up? Neither did I!), a new love for certain products that require batteries and most importantly, a new nickname.
That’s right, after 34 years on this earth, I finally have a nickname and it is…
Nubby G.
If you’ve never attended a Passion Party, I suggest you find a consultant near you and BOOK THEE A PARTY.

38 thoughts on “Do NOT read this entry if you are easily offended by The Sex and or giant pink dongs

  1. Tanya

    Wow, I totally misinterpreted “giant pink penis sucker.” I was thinking, that chick doesn’t look giant or pink.

  2. Bronwen

    Musical dick!!! That’s got to be the best damn party game in the world!
    God I wish I lived closer to you. No one fun here by me…

  3. Y

    Mir…. Um, yeah! I know what you mean. haha.
    Man, I must have really “crossed the line” with this post, because everyone is so quiet. Oh well, I am just reporting The Facts as they happened that night.

  4. clearlydistracted

    And WHY are you selling candles? This, THIS is your calling. You have me wanting to try some of this stuff, and after having my third kid I really don’t care if I ever have sex again, I think.

  5. Y

    And see, I would LOVE to sell this stuff, BUT! I have a teenage son who knows about sex and OMG, I would die if he stumbled upon my collection of dildos. My friend said I could buy a dildo shed to lock the stuff up in, and as awesome as I think it would be to own a dildo shed, I can’t afford a dildo shed. So, it’s candles and not rubber dicks for me!

  6. Crazedmomof4

    A dildo shed sounds so funny. Could you imagine if you really have one. You have a customer cum over & you have to say, ” I’ll have to get a key to the dildo shed.” A friend cums to visit & you say, “Check out my dildo shed, It’s very exciting! Lets just hope it’s not to wet outside!” heeheehee.
    I do agree, I think you would do great selling this stuff. It would be hard to hide from the kids though!

  7. demondoll

    That must have been the BEST party ever- musical dick? So there! Numbit? Golly! Cootchie fires? You are so my hero. And you totally need a dildo shed so you can sell Passion. Heck, I’ll help you build it!

  8. jen

    Your aud’ has been thinking you were on a break with writer’s block. at least that’s what I thought until I just found this gem.
    I ask you, serious like a tube of Numbit, how could you POSSIBLY have writer’s block when you just hosted this??
    I once went to one of these…by accident. I wasn’t given the name of the party (pre-dated evite) but I was told I was it was “like a candle party (ahem) but had stuff for guys too.” I guess they assumed I knew teh “code”. This was also held Novemeber/Dec and I was all,”great, I can get Christmas shopping done for Dan and Bri too.”
    Suffice it to say my father and brother did not get any “stuff” from the “like a candle party but with stuff for guys too.”
    (yeah, the other guests got some mileage out of my surprise as well)

  9. GFI

    FIRST OF ALL…WHERE WAS MY INVITE?…okay, that’s my only question…WHERE WAS MY INVITE???? Uhm…I’m a single gal…ya’ll are married or with bfriends….QUESTION: Where was MY invite? huh? huh? huh? Riddle me THIS?

  10. steffers

    Yeah, I went to one of those parties where they had the dick game–and I almost won too! It really gets the blood pumping, especiallyl when the hostess has lots of LIQUOR for refreshments to loosen up those uptite beeyotches who are too prudish to appreciate the finer things in life. Did you get the ‘Great Head’ flavored gels–HIGHLY recommended by my LOVAH!

  11. Tammy

    I’ve been to a number of these parties, and not once have we played pass the dick! The very next one, I swear, I’m teaching everyone this game!
    My absolute favourite time was when I convinced my friend to try the stuff you put “down there” in the privacy of the bathroom, to get that warm tingly feeling. Well. Turns out she’s a lot more….sensitive than me. She made it down the hallway to the living room before she, well….let’s just say she bought TWO jars of the stuff.

  12. buzz

    Aww crap! You girls get to have ALL the fun!!
    Maybe I’LL host a boy party! Yeah! We can, ummm, pass around a …. beer! Yeah a beer. And then we’ll talk about sports and cars and hot model chicks and … yeah, you’re right, your party sounds like a lot more fun. Damn!

  13. Mom101

    I love this! It’s like a bachelorette party without all the giggling and the stupid ribbon hats.
    (loved your suggestion on my blog btw. Genius.)

  14. Zoot

    I’ve not used that “brand” of party, so to speak, but I’ve hosted several of those. The best one was when my gay male friends showed up – I learned the most at that party!
    But other games like that I like? Bobbing for penises! You freeze ice cubes with the penis molds and put them in a huge bucket of cold water (so they dont melt too fast) and everyone has to bob for them. AWESOME.
    Or the Blind Draw the Penis on a peice of paper on your head game. I love that one.
    At the parties I hosted? The Numbit was called “Anal Ease” – hehehe.
    Okay – I’ll stop talking now.

  15. Broad

    Well, you know, candles *can* be multipurpose and shit … I’ll betcha there’s a way to tie the two together. Heh.

  16. Kimberly

    OMG Y you totally should sell the stuff, and I only know you from your blog. :) Besides that’s better than selling boring old candles!
    It’s so funny this comes up now. I was JUST talking to a girlfriend about passion parties and how we should sell that instead of the jewelry I sell. :)
    And as for the boys? It’s an early education! LOL OK I’m kidding. But the shed’s something to think about! :)

  17. hed

    “and as awesome as I think it would be to own a dildo shed, I can’t afford a dildo shed. So, it’s candles and not rubber dicks for me!”
    Ha! Hahahahahahahaha!!!! You just made green tea frapuccino come out of my nose! Ow?
    -H

  18. Finy

    Oh my God I HAVE to have one of these parties. So much more fun that just sitting around and drinking beers all night!

  19. Coralie

    I hope that is not hte only use you were told for the Numbit. As a Passion Party consultant, Executive Director, and the first consultant in Canada to achieve the Car Bonus award, I have much experience with the products, in fact my husband considers himself head of marketing and research.
    The Numbit…if your man is knocking on your back door, and you want to let him in, you put some Numbit on your butt and wait 15 minutes for it to kick in, you will be nice and relaxed and it will be easier to experiment with anal play. Now, if your man is knocking on your back door and you don’t want him to KNOCK NO MORE, you put it on your butt and have him try right away. Instead of your butt going numb, his penis goes numb, he goes limp, and will be deterred from butt sex.
    I have a funny story abotu the numbit. 2 years ago when I signed up my kit came, and my friends and I all went throught hte kit, running to the bathroom to try this potion or that potion. My husband decided to try the numbit, assuming it was for the penis. He comes running otu of the bathroom screaming I CAN’T FEEL MY DICK! I CAN’T FEEL MY DICK! He could have slapped it against the coffee table and not felt a thing.
    Glad to hear your party was a blast :)

  20. Coralie

    Oh, also numbit works great on mosquito bites, for plucking your eyebrows, etc. In fact here in Canada we can’t get it anymroe and have to smuggle the butt cream across the border because its so potent!

  21. girl

    that Numbit stuff is probably just Benzocaine, which is the same stuff in Anbesol. they market it for men and call it “Man Delay.” I can’t find the ingredients anywhere online.

  22. Charlie

    I can’t stop laughing. Dildo Shed. Hello? Home Depot…do you have Dildo Shed’s? Click.

  23. debutaunt

    No amount of numbit for moi. I just won’t go there.
    And I think I’m the only one I know who doesn’t own a vibrator. I’m sure it’s because we found my friend’s mother’s dildo whilst looking for change to go buy dairy queen. Scarred for life.
    That is why you must get a dildo shed. For the healthy sex life of your chilrrens.

  24. Mari

    I played pass the peeny at one, and I WON. Yea. I got mad peeny passing skillz, yo.
    Also, when I got my prize, it was not numbit, it was called anal eaze. And the women explained the same thing “its not just for buttholes, it can be used to baby gums as well.” I didn’t use it for my butthole, but I used it for my own gums when I was pregnant about 7 months AFTER the party, and my molar was acting up. It worked. Then one time, my husband’s friend was over, and he needed some orajel, I gave him the butthole number, and had blacked out the anal eaze from the label. He used it. Said it was the best stuff ever. Then we told him it was butt number and he almost puked. But I didn’t use it. But he didn’t care.
    I think you don’t care either, but yea. Ha ha funny.
    And also, Nubby G. Should be your myspace name. 😉

  25. Alice the Brit

    because of your twitter, I just read this blog entry AND all the comments and I am literally crying with laughter !!!
    sorry I missed the party !!
    where do you live again – I think it’s far away from me (s Florida)

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