On Saturday, I co-hosted a Party for Vaginas. I was so excited about it because Ben Wah Balls and also Nubby G.
This was the 3rd Passion Party I had attended, but the first one that I hosted. I can tell you without any hesitation that they NEVER get boring. Infact, this one was by far the craziest one I’ve ever been to.
First of all, there were drunk men at this one. Only one of them actually had the balls (ha! ha!) to join in on the party fun and by “join in” I mean “stand in the back of the room and say things like ‘that’s hot’ and ‘I like your technique’ when we were playing ‘pass the Pink Peeny.'”
(What? You want pictures of The Pass The Peeny game? Well, of COURSE!!)
The game was just like musical chairs, only instead of walking around waiting for the music to stop so you could grab a seat, you would pass a giant pink rubber penis around with your knees and the person left with the pink rubber penis in between their legs (ha! ha!) when the music stopped was OUT. I almost bought that rubby penis just so I could play that game at every party I ever attend! Things get boring at a birthday party? “Hey! I know a game!” I start feeling insecure and uncomfortable at Blogher? “Hey, wimmins! Let’s play musical dick!”
That would be so awesome.
But seriously, folks. You’ve not lived until you’ve played musical (rubber) dick.
The second greatest moment of the night had to be when The Hostess whipped out the Numbit.
The NumbWHAT? You ask. The butthole. That’s what.
At least that’s what The Consultant said with a totally serious face, all matter of fact like as she held the bottle of Numbit up in the air. Unfortunetly, I didn’t take a picture of her actually HOLDING the bottle of Numbit, but lucky all of YOU! I did take a picture of myself holding the bottle of Numbit.
In case you’re thinking that you would NEVER buy a cream that is specifically made to numb your butt, I should inform you that it is multifunctional for The Numbit can also be used to soothe the gums of teething babies. You heard that right. “Numbit, not just for numbing buttholes.”
I was so happy that Joelle made the very long drive to be there with me. Not just because she had the pleasure of experiencing the stuff you “put down there” that sets your croch on fire. But in a good way. I wish I had video of her jumping up and down in the kitchen after having applied it to her hahaha you know hahaha in the bathroom. I’ve never felt closer to her. As she was leaving, I shouted “Thanks for coming.” And oh, how I laughed and laughed because GET IT?
I walked away from The Vagina Party with new found sexual knowledge (Did you know that when you have sex, the inside of your nose swells up? Neither did I!), a new love for certain products that require batteries and most importantly, a new nickname.
That’s right, after 34 years on this earth, I finally have a nickname and it is…
If you’ve never attended a Passion Party, I suggest you find a consultant near you and BOOK THEE A PARTY.