This weekend I had to go shopping for a dress.
It’s been years since I’ve worn a dress, and to tell you the truth, I was terrified to go shopping for one.
(Oh, how dramatic I am. “Terrified” to shop for a dress. Give me a break, I know. But, you people have obviously never seen what shopping for a dress can do to what little self esteem I have.)
My friend is getting married this Friday (which, also happens to be my first baby’s 13 birthday.) and I wanted to find The Perfect Dress.
I had created this fantasy in my head of find that Perfect Dress and of it looking fabulous on me and of that dress showing JUST the right amount of cleavage and NOT showing just the right amount of ass.
Another dream crushed.
It was a horribly frustrating experience and yes, I cried.
I’m a little too thin (STRESS: LITTLE) for The Plus Sized stores. But, yet, I’m just barely small enough to shop in The Regular Sized stores. That in itself was frustrating.
Then there’s the cleavage issue. People? I’ve got Big Ones. My boobs, while no longer a 42E, are still a whopping 38D and, well, any dress that is low cut makes me look like a tramp. I mean, I’m all about showing off a little cleavage, but, I’m going to a wedding, not a “club” and I don’t think it would be too cool to walk in and be all “SAY HELLO TO MY LADY LUMPS!”
Maybe I’m paranoid (and maybe that’s because my husband made some comment about how “all of the eyes will be on your boobs and NOT on the bride. Is that what you want?) but as proud as I am of my Big Honkin’ Ones, showing that much of them at a wedding just seems… I don’t know… trashy? (And yes, despite the fact I like to Rip ’em often, I DO HAVE CLASS.)
After 4 hours of searching for a dress, I decided to go to Robinsons May, since they’re liquidating the store and everything was 60% off of the clearance price, and can I just tell you how much easier the experience had been if I had money to blow? Because, for a mere TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, I could have purchased several beautiful dresses, but, um, I have a hard time spending $14.99 on skirts from Target, so, $200? For ONE dress? That I will only wear ONCE? HELL TO THE NO on that.
Anyway. Back to Robinsons May.
I found a dress there. A black dress, that was a size 14, which, ME? IN A SIZE 14? GET OUT OF HERE! (Because, um, I used to wear a 20/22) But, more importantly, it was only $30. I loved the bottom of the dress, but the top was, well, kind of ugly. But! Did I mention it was only $30? And a size 14? And that, my friends, was really all that mattered, so, to the dressing rooms I went.
The dress fit! A 14 fit! And it wasn’t even tight! But… remember how I didn’t want to show too much boob? Well, this dress wasn’t showing ANY boob whatsoever. I didn’t like that, because, well, I want to show a little boob.
However… THIRTY DOLLARS! AND IT FIT!
So, I bought it.
Tony loves it. (Whatever, he’s just happy that I’m not showing off My Big Ones.) My sister liked it, but she agreed that the top isn’t “her thang.” The cut is ugly. Oh, and the little rinestone thing? A LITTLE “Mexico”. NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Overall, though, I’m “happy” with it and for the fit and the price? I think I’m going to go ahead and call it. “We HAVE a dress for the Wedding on Friday!”
Oh, what? You want to SEE the dress? (Ha! Ha! I like to pretend like I know what you’re thinking and what you want.) Fine! Here’s “The Dress.”
View from the back. (OHMIGOD! I’M SHOWING YOU “MY BACK”!!)
I’m actually going to see if my sister in law, who knows how to work a needle and thread, can alter the top to make it a little more flattering and not so… ugly. But, if she can’t, I’m still ok with it because IT FITS! AND IT WAS ONLY $30!
In completely unrelated news, I lost another 4 pounds this week, but not in a week, it’s been THREE weeks since the last time I weighed in, so, 4 pounds in 3 weeks. THE EXCITING PART THOUGH? I am FINALLY in the 170’s. Ok, 179, but still… Not 180!
And not 180 is good enough for me. Because at this point? I’m holding onto every little bit of positivity that comes my way.