My parents never gave me “The Sex Talk.”
Sex was not something we discussed in our household.
Not only did they not teach me about sex, but they always refused to allow me to take the “sex classes” at school. Man, that was embarassing. I was the only one that wasn’t allowed to watch The Pube Videos. THE ONLY ONE.
I remember one time, my neighbor thought that it was her job to teach me about The Sex. She started telling me things, and my mom overheard her and commanded her to “get out of our house!”
On the way out, she started screaming “THAT’S RIGHT, Y, YOU GET PREGNANT FROM HUMPING!”
I wasn’t too sure what “Humping” was, but I remember feeling a little sick to my stomach.
“That’s not true, mom, right? RIGHT?” You get pregnant just by standing very closely to a man, right, RIGHT.
I remember saying those exact words. Infact, I remember how scared I felt, how freaked out I was, how I just wanted my mom to reassure me that HER AND MY DAD DID NOT TOUCH NAKED PARTS.
Now, this was my mom’s chance to tell me the truth. To give me “The Talk”. Her response?
“Yes, mija. That’s how people get pregnant.”
I’m pretty sure that’s the reason I HID from my first boyfriend after every church service. Because, like, he was always trying to stand close to me. HE WAS TRYING TO HAVE MY BABY and I wasn’t trying to have JJ’s baby.
Then there was the time I started my period at church. I remember going to the bathroom and Oh my GOD! There was blood. I got out of the bathroom and asked my friend to go get my mom and tell her that I started my period.
Now, this was another chance to explain “things” to me. To tell me why this was happening to my body and to calm any fears I had about blood coming out of my twat.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT A PERIOD IS, LITTLE GIRL?” (Yeah, I got in trouble for knowing what “a period” was, which is almost as funny as the time I was “put on restriction” from talking on the phone with Tony at the age of 18 because I didn’t “properly roll my pads”)
Having children of my own, I completely appreciate how hard it is to talk to them about sex. Especially with boys. I want to run to my bed and curl up in the fetal position when subjects about sex come up with my boys. There have even been times where I just couldn’t bring myself to participate in the conversations. (And trust me, there have been MANY conversations…)
But, I know that as their parent, it is my job to teach them. I want to be honest with them, I want them to be prepared for the changes their bodies are going to go through, I want them to understand the urges they will feel. (AAAAHHHHHH) Because, I want them to be responsible and yes, I want them to wait until they are married or in a committed relationship. Sue me.
I mean, not everyone can be as sexually smart as I was and “figure it out without any education on the issue whatsoever.” Ha! Ha!
As my son gets older, I find it much more difficult to talk about these things with him. The other night, Tony and I were talking about this and I blurted out “OH MY GOD! WET DREAMS! WEETTTTTTDRRRRREEEEEAMMMMMSSSSS” How will I EVER be able to talk about that with my son?
I was like “Tony, does EVERY BOY GET THEM? Like, is it inevitable? Like, is it really going to happen?” (because, remember, I NEVER SAW THE VIDEOS)
I was hoping he’d say no! It doesn’t happen to all boys! But, that’s not what he said.
I could never be like that mother that was on the Dr.Phil show who LOVES to talk about sex (in very explicit, clinical terms) with her family.
“And in that position, the penis rubs against the clitoris, causing the woman to climax faster” She said at the dinner table, TO HER SON IN LAW.
I could never be “that lady.” Infact, what the hell is wrong with that lady? Talking about the clitoris with her son in law. NASTY WHORE.
If you’re a parent, what kind of approach do you use when it comes to discussing “The Sex” with your children? Are you honest and open about it? Are you more reserved like me and take the “just tell them what they need to know” approach? Do you use charts? Graphs? Videos? Books? Do you giggle when you talk about it? Do you make eye contact as your saying things like “The penis enters the vagina…” Do you feel like dying a little inside when your kid asks you questions?
I look forward to hearing how other parents have dealt with “The Talk.”
My parents never gave me “The Sex Talk.”