There’s “sexy” and then there’s “Mariah.”

I realize that posting this outs me for the pathetic loser that I am (meaning I had NO WHERE TO GO on newyears eve because ha! This is the fourth year in a row we’ve not been invited anywhere for New Years Eve! )
Anyway.
Oh MY GOD.
Mariah Carey. Obviously, this women has no idea that there is such a thing as TRYING TOO HARD.
MARIAH. WE GET IT. You’re sexy. (but not really, but we get that you WANT us to think that.)
YOU CAN PUT YOUR BOOBS AWAY NOW.
Please. They scare me.
Also? Honey, the money you sepnd on personal assistants that help you do things like BRING THE CUP UP TO YOUR MOUTH because you’re too damn lazy to do it yourself? Could you please spend that money on some dancing lessons? You’re not fooling me with your oversized scarves or whatever the hell those things are you that you use to try to distract everyone from the fact that your dancing SUCKS BIG ONES.
You have big ones, don’t you Mariah?
I know, I’m just jealous because OMG!11! MARIAH IZ SO HOT AND SEXXXAY!1 AND i’M NOT AND I WISH I WUZ HERZ!
But seriously.
Put your boobs away, ok?
seriously

29 thoughts on “There’s “sexy” and then there’s “Mariah.”

  1. Mia

    Mariah stills scares me me…she went from Vision of love pure to Butterfly skank…the images from those videos still scare me. But dude, she lost the crack head sound and it seems that she’s made amends for her Glitter debacle…
    Nice, ramble on why don’t I.

    Reply
  2. nine

    HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y!
    but umm. if YOU’re a pathetic looser then woo. i’m double pathetic because at least you didn’t spend the evening with no one to talk to but your cat. :X and i’m STILL awake (and sober ’cause i’m sick. unless you count the NyQuil. it’s 20 proof ya know, and i’ve had two whole shots tonight. how daring!)
    and know what else? it’s about damn time you lost that “overweight woman” and brought back the “hot Latina” in your sidebar blurb. move it woman! change that right the heck now!

    Reply
  3. Mary

    Thankfully I only saw about 5 minutes of it. I said “Good Lord she looks FAKE”
    My husband said “you think they are?”
    I said “no but SHE looks like a Barbie Doll.”
    I was so saddened by Dick Clark’s voice.
    I only saw him sucking face with some woman….what did he look like?
    It was sad to hear him…I hope he looked better.
    Then we changed the channel back to “the suite life of Zac and Cody”
    because my 7 year old is a Disney Channel freak.
    Oh and we colored with our new box of 96 crayons!
    woohoo

    Reply
  4. Candy

    My husband turned Mariah Carey on for a few minutes while I was in the kitchen (what hot blooded American boy wouldn’t??) and I immediately yelled “TURN THAT SHIT OFF, I HATE HER.” So once again, we agree on that.
    But hey, Y, it sounds like, even though you had no where to go you were partying hearty at home!…if I use your disintegrating typing skills as a barometer…heh heh…

    Reply
  5. NinaKaye

    I missed that! Damn it. I miss everything. Stupid ass Paul Wall and his diamond teeth, I mean grill (haha), were on MTV and made me go crazy after one minute.
    If you think it’s pathetic to have no where to go 4 years in a row, what about me who’s only been out on New Year’s Eve like 3 times in my life? Uh huh, that’s sad. Even when I was in my prime get-drunk-every-night days, I stayed home on New Year’s.

    Reply
  6. Sarah

    dood, when i saw that, i actually choked on the pretzel stick i was eating. she was trying to be all marilyn monroe in that dress? and mostly i wanted to kick her. hard. Yeah.

    Reply
  7. Kell

    I seriously was waiting for Mariah to have another breakdown like she had on TRL several years ago. What the hell is wrong with her?

    Reply
  8. justagirli

    We to sat at home like big losers too. We were invited out but Christmas followed up by rent pretty much took care of any extra…. make that any money we would have had. I was switching between Rockin’ New Years Eve, New Years Eve with Regis, and NYE with Carson and still managed to catch Mimi my Husbands first reaction was “What a fake” I myself couldn’t get over how puffy she looked. I thought it was just us glad to see it wasn’t just us feeling the same. Happy New Year to you and your family!

    Reply
  9. CJ

    Uhhh yeah….. she’s scared me for a while.
    I thought I was the only one that got annoyed by her displaying herself all the time. I’m not jealous of her. I’m embarrassed for her.
    Happy New Year, Y!

    Reply
  10. Y

    So, I was going to delete this, but, what the heck! it was new years eve…
    But honestly, what the HELL is wrong with that women? Does she not know it is OK to STOP TRYING TO BE SEXY FOR 5 MINUTES? Obviously not. It’s annoying, man.
    I was so embarassed for her last night. I bet her boobs hate her.

    Reply
  11. stephanie

    Oh my god, and what was with that weird prancing she was doing after the ball dropped? It was like she thought she won the Miss America pageant or something.

    Reply
  12. debutaunt

    I got enough of Mariah boob on Ellen the other day. It was like she was trying to get Ellen to be turned on by her too. I just thought desperado.
    I spent NYE in the hospital online with my super sexy internet boyfriend. No alcohol. I win.

    Reply
  13. carolyn

    I was embarassed for Mariah, some one had to be embarrased for her, she sure wasn’t! Every time the camera went to her she had her hands on her cleveage! She’s gross.
    Oh, by the way, Happy New Year!

    Reply
  14. justme

    We stayed in too, went to bed at 9ish lol. The kids all stayed up to ring in the new year with there sparkling cider though. So at least someone in our house rang it in!
    I am so, so glad we missed Maria. I can not stand the sight of her, never mind when I hear her pathetic whiney voice.
    Hope 2006 is a great one for you and yours Y!

    Reply
  15. Kate

    Ugh – Mariah was such a freak. My dh didn’t mind watching her at all and my kids – I think they were scared speechless. My 9 yr old daughter even asked me why her dress was falling off! LOL.
    Happy New Year Yvonne {{{hugs}}}

    Reply
  16. Debbie

    I too turned the channel and seriously fell back from the t.v. Those monsters looked like they were in 3D! She looked like she was going to a Toga party (frat boys everywhere were probably dreaming it was theirs) but she looked horrible. And, could she not leave her hair alone for one minute??? That started getting on my nerves more than the boobs.

    Reply
  17. Lisa

    I just happened to flip the channel…I saw her and almost screamed out loud. Holy gawd, she is hideous!
    Sweetie, you ain’t 25 anymore. Put them things away!

    Reply
  18. tricialicious

    Hey there,
    I totally agree with you, she’s on the up part of her weight right now huh and maybe her shoes were too high which is why she couldn’t dance or walk for that matter. Don’t worry, you’re not a loser, though we didn’t stay home we just went to my moms house.
    Tricia

    Reply

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